“Lie down.” Dr. Wells planted a hand in the center of her chest and pushed her down. “Stop being a damned warrior for one second. Do you think I’ve never seen a patient who hid her symptoms? Or her pain? You’re not the first patient to try to fool me, not by any stretch. You’re just the first who succeeded this well.” Her anger eased slightly, lightened by a wry amusement that Rahel could not fathom. “And believe me, that’s going in my article when I write it. You’ve ruined it for every Alsean coming after you.”
Rahel’s baffled frown seemed to increase her amusement.
“Let me tell you what’s going to happen now.” Dr. Wells ran gentle fingers through Rahel’s hair, her touch at odds with the fierceness of her emotions. “You’re going to repeat every test you’ve ever taken here. Every single one. And this time, you’re going to give me honest answers. Because this time, you know two things. One, you don’t have to lie to protect your position. And two, if you do lie, you’ll be endangering every Alsean who serves in Fleet after this. Because we’ll be treating them with corrupt data that you gave us by lying. I think you’re too honorable to commit a crime like that.”
A crime?
Rahel chewed on that thought until Dr. Wells finally spoke again.
“The analgesic should have kicked in by now. How do you feel?”
As if she’d taken a hard blow to the head from a stave, but that was just her mental state. “It still hurts, but much less. Dr. Wells, I don’t need to retake all the tests. It wasn’t a problem until I started working here. I swear.”
“Did you feel any emotional pressure at all? Did you feel tense, anxious, tired? Have any trouble sleeping?”
“Shek,” Rahel grumbled. “Yes.”
“You’re retaking every. Single. One.” She smiled at Rahel’s heartfelt groan. “Glad you understand. Now, I have an idea for how to reduce your emotional exposure, but I’ll need to run some tests. Let’s get you to your quarters first.”
“My quarters?”
“Well, I’m certainly not going to keep you here. You said it’s harder here than anywhere else.”
Rahel stared, speechless again.
“For the love of flight, it’s called medical care. It’s what I do.” Dr. Wells slid an arm beneath Rahel’s shoulders and helped her sit upright. Leaning back enough to meet her eyes, she added, “Telling me how you feel is not showing weakness. It’s helping me help you, and every Alsean who comes after you. All right?”
As Rahel slid off the bed, that supporting arm never leaving her shoulders, she thought of a tiny child who had not lived long enough to truly know his mother. He was only a spark of memory now, guarded and kept separate from everyone else on the crew—but Dr. Wells had shared him with her, despite her deception.
She’s really a kind person, Lhyn had said, and why in Fahla’s name had Rahel not believed her? Lhyn never lied, and her insight into others was unerring.
Rahel reached up to touch Dr. Wells’s hand where it wrapped around her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me about your son. I’ll keep him safe.”
Dr. Wells did not answer. But her arm tightened, and even though the emotions were uncomfortably strong, Rahel refused to show it.
6
Team
Rahel did not have to finish the final day of her sentence. Captain Serrado apologized, saying that punishments were never supposed to cause physical distress, and then handed her a special duty assignment. While with Lhyn, she was to pay attention to the emotional reactions of people around them and determine possible threats.
Lhyn had provided the testimony that convicted both the man who had tortured her and the politician who hired him. She had done further damage by granting numerous interviews after the trial, speaking candidly and with devastating precision of her experience. As a result, she had almost single-handedly destroyed the political ambitions of the Defenders of the Protectorate and swung public opinion regarding the dangers of Alsean empaths.
“There’s nothing like torture and attempted murder to make the other side look good,” Serrado said wryly. “When Alsea gave Lhyn citizenship in recognition of her sacrifice, it swung the scales even more. But the DOP isn’t dead. The true believers just crawled under rocks. I want to know if there are any on my ship.” She paused. “Any that are a threat to Lhyn, that is. And only if you can do this without compromising your health.”
“What are my orders if I find a threat?”
“Report directly to me. Unless it’s active and imminent, in which case, neutralize it by any means necessary.”
Rahel wasn’t familiar with the Gaian version of what Lhyn called “speaking between words,” but judging by the furiously sharp emotions saturating the office, Captain Serrado wouldn’t mind a firm takedown if it came to that.
When the captain dismissed her, she found another officer waiting for her on the bridge.
“I’ve come to take you to your new quarters,” Dr. Wells announced.
They were in base space, moving at what Captain Serrado said was a sedate pace toward the Setis Prime relay station. The dual bridge displays, which took up the entire floor and the hemispherical ceiling, were filled with the glowing red and orange mists of base space and the lumbering cruise ship whose sick passengers were clogging up the medbay. Dr. Wells appeared to be floating amid the ghostly streamers, the bow of the cruise ship just behind her left ear.
Rahel bit back a smile at the image of her as a Seeder god, smacking down an irritating ship that buzzed too near. “I didn’t know I had new quarters,” she said.
“You do now.” Dr. Wells turned away.
Rahel fell into step beside her, marveling again at the disconnect between the solid floor beneath her feet and the vacuum of space her eyes insisted she was walking through. She loved coming here.
“Did you know that almost everyone gets nauseous the first time they see these bridge displays active?” Dr. Wells asked. “Especially when the ship is moving. Even more so in base space. It takes most bridge crew at least a week to get accustomed to the sensory dissonance. Some never do. They can’t work here.”
Rahel felt sorry for those unknown crew members. “I think it’s spectacular.”
“You thought exiting base space was fun, too. Ninety-eight percent of Gaians need foramine to get through an exit transition without vomiting, but not you.”
They walked past the crew at the work stations lining the circular walls and entered the lift. After the limitless sight lines of the displays, the lift felt like a tiny box.
“What are you trying to say?” Rahel asked.
“Deck six, section two. I’m trying to remind you that while you consider your empathic sensitivity a weakness, you’re remarkably resilient in ways that most crew members would pay for. Captain Serrado would probably give a year’s wages for the ability to skip her foramine doses.”
“You said foramine reduces reaction time. No warrior would do that willingly.”
“I never said she took it willingly.” Dr. Wells kept her gaze fixed on the doors, a small smile visible at the corner of her mouth. Rahel would bet a bottle of Whitesun Rise that Captain Serrado had been flattened by the intractable doctor at least once.
The lift came to a stop, its slightly blue lighting returning to normal. It was one of the tiny miracles that everyone on the ship took for granted, but Rahel was still amazed that she could drop five decks, shift to a rapid horizontal movement, then come to a complete halt, all without feeling a thing.
They emerged into a hushed, plush corridor and turned left.
“Um. These are the VIP quarters,” Rahel said.
“I’m aware.”
“My new quarters are here?”
In lieu of a verbal answer, Dr. Wells stopped in front of the last door and gestured at the pad beside it. “Go ahead, you’re programmed in.”
The scanner pad responded instantly to Rahel’s touch. The door slid open and recessed lighting came to life, revealing luxurious quarters at least three ti
mes larger than her current ones.
Directly across from the entry was an L-shaped couch set in a corner, its short end punctuated with an elegant triangular table whose diagonal edge flowed to the doorway of what must be the sleeping quarters. Rahel trotted over and peeked in, confirming her guess and exhaling in amazement at the size of the bed. VIP quarters were made for guests who either came in triplets or entertained all night.
The bed’s pedestal had the usual drawers, but that much width gave her more storage space than she could possibly fill. That wasn’t counting the closet or the additional drawers built into the bulkhead beside it.
She turned in place and looked into the living area, spacious enough for stave practice. At its far end was a small kitchen, and making a visual break between the two was a dining table set beneath the wall display. A desk sat on the other side of the room, arranged so that a person working there could look up and see the display.
In her current quarters, the wall display made an excellent substitute for a window, showing astonishingly realistic scenes from a menu that she was still working through. She had thought it an ingenious solution for the lack of actual windows and hadn’t given much consideration to its size.
This display made hers look like a kerchief. Its bottom edge was at hip level, the top was flush with the ceiling, and it took up the entire length of the bulkhead from the entry to the kitchen.
“Phoenix, set display to Alsea One,” Dr. Wells said.
Startled by the request, Rahel glanced at her but was distracted by the enormous display coming to life with the last view she had expected to see on this ship.
It was as if she were standing on the east bank of the Fahlinor River, looking across its wide expanse to the verdant lawns and colorful landscaping of Blacksun’s State Park. Behind that was dense forest dotted with the domed tops of the six great caste houses, the grand, glassed dome of Blacksun Temple, and the imposing height of the State House. The Fahlinor’s soothing burble filled the room, accompanied by a light breeze rustling through leaves and instantly recognizable birdsong. It brought a rush of familiarity and an equal dose of homesickness.
“I never saw this in the menu.” She stopped and cleared the hoarseness from her voice, hoping Dr. Wells hadn’t noticed.
“It’s not in the menu. It’s a private program. Lhyn recorded it while she and Captain Serrado were on Alsea. Captain Serrado gave me permission to download it to your system.”
Reeling from that casual bomb, Rahel managed, “The captain gave me her personal program?”
“Actually, I think Lhyn did.” Dr. Wells put her hands on her hips, surveying the quarters with visible satisfaction. “Nice place, don’t you think? These are the same size as the senior officer quarters. Although we were able to decorate ours any way we wanted. You can change things around, but I think you’re stuck with the furniture.” She motioned toward the bulkhead opposite the entry, which featured tile art and several alcoves filled with an assortment of flowering and foliage plants. “Normally, the botanists take care of those. Now that you’re living here, you’ll either have to care for them yourself or else give the botany section entry rights.”
“But I don’t understand. Why am I living here?”
“Remember I said I had an idea for reducing your emotional exposure? This is it. Our tests yesterday established the range where you’re most affected. I put in a medical transfer and told the chief of personnel that the quarters next to you and across the corridor are the last ones to be assigned. Unless the Phoenix is packed to the brim, you won’t have any neighbors.” She pointed toward the bedroom. “Your bathroom shares a bulkhead with a chase, and on the other side of that is storage.” Sweeping her hand across the length of the rear bulkhead, she added, “Nothing but storage there, too. All of the VIP quarters are backed by storage. This should be an emotional dead zone, where you can retreat and recover from your daily exposure.”
Rahel didn’t know what to say. “I—Fahla’s farts and fantasies,” she blurted, reverting to High Alsean in her surprise. “I never thought—”
“Fahla’s farts and fantasies?” Dr. Wells repeated, then roared with laughter. “Has Lhyn heard that?”
“Um, yes, I think so. Possibly?”
“Possibly? You need to find out for sure, because if she hasn’t, she should.”
The interruption had given Rahel time to find her words. “Dr. Wells, thank you. I didn’t expect anything like this. This is . . .” She looked around, a smile growing as she realized what she couldn’t sense. “Fantastic. There’s no one here. I don’t feel anyone but you.”
“Good. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize that you needed more consideration than we were giving you.” Dr. Wells gave her an arch look. “Of course, if you hadn’t lied to me since the day you walked on board . . .”
“I didn’t want to be—”
“Weak, I know. Perhaps you could accept that you’re different, and that’s not the same thing as being weak.”
She could hardly grasp the magnitude of what Dr. Wells had done for her. And none of it would have been possible without Captain Serrado’s support. VIP quarters and no one near her? They were treating her like someone special, someone they truly wanted to accommodate.
Like a valued member of the crew.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing for the storm she was about to unleash. But if she didn’t do it now, it would surely cause more harm later on. Hadn’t she just learned that lesson?
“I need to tell you something,” she said.
“Hm. Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?”
“Because you’re not.” Rahel moved over to the couch and sat near the corner.
“What is it?” Dr. Wells asked, taking the seat at right angles to her. “Something else you’ve been hiding?”
“No. Well, yes, but not in a medical sense.” There were no words to make this easy. “I used Commander Zeppy’s access code to get into a chase.”
The disadvantage of being able to sense only one person, she realized, was that she really sensed that person. Though Dr. Wells was physically still, a symphony of emotions washed outward until her expression set into something hard.
“Why would—? You weren’t even done serving your first sentence! Are you so eager for another one?”
“You haven’t misjudged me!” Rahel could not bear the unspoken doubt, so strong that it hammered against her. “I swear you haven’t, if you’ll just let me explain.”
“Please do.” Dr. Wells crossed her arms and leaned back with a sharp, expectant stare.
“When Commander Zeppy took me into a chase, I felt better than I had since the first day. I could still feel the emotions, but they weren’t . . .” She rapped her knuckles against her head. “They didn’t beat on me. Suddenly I had a choice whether to acknowledge them or not, instead of spending every waking moment trying to keep them out. It was such a relief.”
Dr. Wells said nothing, but she uncrossed her arms and was watching with a concern that erased the sharpness.
“Then he took me into a brace shaft. Fahla, it was beautiful. And I had fun. I enjoyed myself for the first time—” She stopped. “I’m sorry. I knew it was wrong, but after my next punishment shift, I couldn’t go another minute without that relief. Commander Zeppy had to use his code when a scanner didn’t work. I memorized it and used it to get into the nearest chase to the medbay. The brace shaft was easy to find and it—it was a little bit like home. Like sanctuary. I would have slept there if I could. Yesterday in the medbay, the pressure was so much worse and the thought of getting back to that brace shaft was the only thing—but I didn’t make it.” She was embarrassed by her babbling, but the need to redeem herself was so strong that she couldn’t think properly.
“My sainted Shippers.” Dr. Wells leaned forward, planting her elbows on her knees and resting her face in her hands. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t
know that you would—” Realizing that was better left unsaid, she closed her mouth and looked miserably around the luxurious quarters. It was Fahla’s own joke that she would lose them before moving in.
“You didn’t know I’d take care of you?” Dr. Wells raised her head. “No, you wouldn’t have. Between my temper and your self-reliance, we’ve gotten ourselves into the deep end of the sewage, haven’t we?”
Startled by the we, Rahel could only look at her.
“Did you know that security tracks all access logs? When you used his code, Commander Zeppy was recorded in two places at once. An event like that gets flagged by the system. Then someone starts looking at the security cam footage. I’m guessing the only reason you haven’t been questioned is that whoever is in charge of reports hasn’t seen that one yet. There’s still time for us to head it off.” Her eyebrows rose. “That’s shocked you. Good. Maybe it will start to sink into that thick skull of yours that you are on a team. And team members look out for each other.” She frowned in thought. “I wonder if Alsean skull density really is greater. Need to measure that.” With a quick head shake, she refocused on Rahel. “There’s only one way to fix this, and we need to move on it now. Phoenix, location of Commander Przepyszny?”
Rahel was impressed by what sounded like perfect pronunciation. Then she realized what was coming next.
“Come on,” Dr. Wells said, leading the way to the door. “You have another apology to make.”
The lift ride to operations wasn’t nearly long enough, and Rahel felt fifteen cycles old as she stood in front of Commander Zeppy’s untidy desk and apologized for using his access code. Then she listened in amazement when Dr. Wells smoothly cut in, explaining that Rahel had engaged in self-medication due to a failure in treatment and a case of poor communication that she hoped was being resolved this very moment.
“I don’t want my name and section being splashed all over the report Captain Serrado would have to send back to Gov Dome,” she added. “You know Protectorate Security is watching this pilot program just as closely as Command Dome. I’d like to keep your name out of it, too.”
Resilience Page 6
