I hoped I read his beseeching look wrong. What was scary was I wouldn't mind spending hours just staring into the depths of those ocean-blue eyes. What was he doing to me? And why would he want to sniff me? I rolled my eyes at that. Sniffing? Really, Anshi?
I made a move to stand when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down. I fell back with a plop, inviting some attention from people around me. I tensed immediately.
"What are you doing?" I gritted out, looking around. His hand was still on my wrist, pinning me to my place.
"I thought you wanted the shoes," he asked, a challenge in his voice.
I wanted the shoes, all right! But why did it have to be Ryan that had them? "What will it take for you to give them to me?” I asked. “I can share the money."
I didn't want to share it, but the more time I spent with Ryan, the more trouble I would be in. He made me feel things that I didn’t have time for. I had to get the shoes and get away from him as soon as possible.
"You’re offering me a bribe?" He faked a gasp.
"If it gets me the shoes, yes," I countered.
"You are ruthless. I am afraid I have no option but to resist your hostile attempt to buy my integrity."
I snorted at the drama and tried pulling my hand away again. His grip on me loosened and I slipped out of his grasp quickly. I massaged my wrist. Failure stung.
I hurried to leave, deciding to focus on the other groomsmen. If Ryan really had the shoes, it was unlikely he would keep so close to me.
I met too many people on my short walk to the food stand, half a dozen of whom were “coincidentally” single men. My dad was keeping his promise. But if he was going to choose this moment to try and arrange a marriage for me with one of his preferred grooms, I regretted moving from my cozy spot by the temple with Ryan.
I was in the midst of an intimidating lecture by a distant aunt about the fact that I was still unmarried while both my elder and younger sisters had tied the knot when I felt a presence beside me. The fact that my aunt blushed at a mere glance at him was not lost on me. She excused herself as Ryan beamed at me, obviously proud of the role he just played in saving me from my overbearing relative.
"Happens at American weddings, too. " When I raised my eyebrows, he added, "There's always a distant relative who thinks it's their duty to enlighten us on the right way to live our pathetic lives," he said, air quoting his words. I snickered despite my promise not to enjoy myself around him. It was hard to resist his smile.
"I bet American relatives are nowhere as intimidating. She almost tackled me at my sister Sara’s wedding trying to set me up with her friend's nephew," I said. It had been torture, and I had acted out in the most humilating way for my family. Drunk, I had verbally abused her and pretty much everyone who was busy sucking up to my Dad. Nisha had to drag me home. She never uttered her a single word of reproach but I saw the disappointment in her eyes.
I turned back to look at my younger sister, sitting cross-legged at the temple, glowing on her wedding day. I was no longer smiling.
A squeal drew our attention. My fifteen-year-old cousin, a shoebox in her grip, was being chased by one of the groomsmen. Some of the guests surrounding her parted to give her space, while a few others joined in the fun, casually blocking the groomsman from as he pursued her. She came right up to me with a triumphant smile on her face and pushed the box into my hands.
"Great job, Tiya!" I quickly opened it to find it filled with marigold flowers. Tiya let out a loud, unladylike groan and walked away. The groomsmen lost no time in celebrating their little win. I eyed the shoebox in Ryan's hands and seriously considered snatching it once again. I almost stuck my tongue out at him, but then I would look exactly like a fifteen-year-old. Instead, I picked up two cups of sherbet, handed them over to Ryan and the groomsman and walked away gracefully. At least, as gracefully as I could manage. Time was running out.
5
Ryan
It wasn't easy staying away from Anshi. I had looked for her for almost a year, and now that she was here, all real and close, I didn’t want to miss even a second with her. I scanned the crowd for her. Every jingle of bangles or anklet would get my heart racing.
I moved a little farther away from the temple, planting myself closer to the buffet area. People milled around with a glass of champagne or some Indian delicacy on a small plate. The food aromas were an assault that was hard to ignore, and I decided to help myself while I waited. Anshi had to be somewhere close, as both the shoe boxes were here--one with me and the other with a cousin of Arav's who was sitting a few feet away from me and enjoying a rather friendly chat with a pretty girl.
I tucked the box next to me and settled at the edge of the soft rug.
"I think you have the shoes," Anshi declared. I memorized how her skin glowed in the sunlight.. She tried to stare me down but I knew a smile was just underneath all that toughness.
"What makes you think that?” I said. “He could have them." I pointed at Arav's cousin. Anshi shook her head.
"Arav wants me to think you are the weak link. But I know he would trust his best friend the most. Especially when he has to pay up twenty thousand dollars. Who better than his CFO to safeguard the cash?"
My mouth fell open. Arav said he had to pay up but I never knew how much. "Are you kidding? I should just quit my job and start a joota chuppai consultancy. That’s a lot of money for a pair of shoes."
She snickered and shook her head again. Strands of hair hung loose, gracing her face. She tucked them behind her ear. "It's not this big a payout all the time. He only promised ten thousand, and Nisha threw in another ten. Good for me. I need - " She stopped mid-sentence and looked away. I could sense her discomfort. She didn't want me to know more.
"Since when does a Jain need money?." I gave her a casual smile. She looked away, taking small sips from her glass.
After a few moments, she turned to me and was about to respond when something behind me distracted her. I could sense her panic when she looked at me again. If she was trying to tell me something, I was at a loss. The sound of footsteps made me turn back to see a tall, good-looking guy who seemed very comfortable in the traditional kurta walking up to us. Anshi quickly adjusted her long scarf, muttering something in Hindi.
“Hey, Anshi.” The guy bent over to eye-level with Anshi. Anshi looked up, pretending to be startled. I pursed my lips to keep from laughing out loud. She was such a bad actress. “Remember me? We used to be neighbors. Lalit Kumar. Your father said we should speak.” He extended his hand for a handshake.
Anshi hesitantly put her hand in his, her face scrunched up in mock confusion.
“L-a-l-i-t. Um…so sorry,” she giggled, her white teeth on full display, “I don’t really remember. You know - me and my mental issues.” My eyes bugged out. Mental issues? What the -
“M-Mental issues?” Lalit stumbled over his words. I am glad one of us still had our voice.
“Well...most of the time, it’s okay. Nothing to worry about. Just, once a week or so there are hallucinations and all. It could get worse. But for now, the medications are definitely helping,” she nodded her head sagely. She patted the space next to her and continued, “Come, sit here. Are you married?” Before Lalit could reply, she batted her eyelashes at him. “Hope you’re not.”
Lalit laughed nervously, eyeing the spot next to her. He looked at me then, a silent bro help signal that I had to ignore. I did give him a look of pity, though. Anshi patted the space again for good measure. Lalit shook his head, his eyes lighting up.
“Eh...oh no! I forgot my mother was looking for me. I will be back, Anshi. See you around!” He retreated hastily, almost tripping on people sitting behind him.
Anshi watched Lalit with a smirk on her face. I moved in front of her, blocking Lalit from her view. When she turned to me, she simply crossed her eyes, startling the heck out of me.
“What the -. Are you crazy?”
Her musical laughter rose at my obvious confusion. Lalit turn
ed back at the noise and shook his head, pitying me.
“Mental issues, remember?”
Anshi crossed her legs and began picking at the grass next to the rug.
“What was that all about?” I asked, pointing my thumb back at Lalit.
“You heard him. He was my neighbor.” She continued uprooting the perfectly manicured lawn.
I bent my legs and rested my hands on my knees.
“Want to talk about your mental issues?” I air-quoted the last two words.. She didn’t look up, even though her fingers paused to just caress the green.
"I...I am sure it's not news to you that my dad and I really are not on speaking terms." She looked up at me, shielding her eyes from bright lights behind me. I didn't know anything about her relationship with her father, but I wasn’t going to tell her that now. "I just moved back home from Chicago and I have a six-month deadline to move out of the house."
“And, that’s not….fair?”
She turned to me, sorrow creeping in to her smile. “I don’t have a job. I am a -”, she averted her eyes from me when she continued, “high school dropout.” She went back to mowing the patch of grass with her hand.
“So, what’s your plan?”
She sat up straight and sipped from her forgotten glass of juice. “I’m freelancing right now,” she said. “I’ve taught myself some graphic design. Not much yet, but I’m building my portfolio. And…”, she whispered so softly that I almost missed it, “I could use the money from joota chupai as my backup while I build my design agency.”
That sparked my interest.
“A design agency? Very cool.”
“Well, it will be. Hopefully soon.”
We sat in silence.
“What kinds of clients do you have?” I asked.
“Startups. Logos and facebook ads...small stuff. But I am slowly moving to websites, too. I will set up my LLC soon enough.” She fished her phone from her sling bag. “Here. This is my website with my portfolio.”
Like a proud parent, she handed me her phone. I puffed up with pride as I noted the list of clients on her portfolio. She really was talented.
"That's wonderful. Congratulations!"
A real spark appeared in her eyes. My heart soared at the tentative smile she gave me. She didn't smile enough, and even a small one like that lifted my heart.
"It's still only a plan. I hope it works out, because Chicago is plan B, and I don’t want to go back there.” She breathed out nervously.
She took another sip of her juice, seeming lost in thought. As we settled into the shared silence, a feeling of deja vu dominated my thoughts. I had always imagined it would be like this between Anshi and I - that words will give way to emptiness in the air and we’d still be okay. just listening to the silence, to the rhythmic breathing between us.
How could I walk away from this woman? I met her once before and it took me a year to find her again. And now I realized this wedding might be my only chance to be around her. And the shoes hidden in the box in my lap were my last excuse to talk to her.
Panic fluttered in my chest. She was still distracted as she gazed at the wedding couple at the temple. My thoughts turned to a similar moment at the engagement party. She told me she had always wished for a love like theirs but somehow, she thought it was an impossibility for her. I always wondered why she thought so. I wanted to find out. There was so much I didn’t know about her.
"I really need the twenty thousand," she said, breaking the silence.
"So that you can move out from your dad’s place?" She nodded hesitantly.
“What are you not telling me?”
“Lalit was the sixth guy today to approach me.” I stared at her. She stared back.
“I am not surprised. You look hot.”
She seemed taken aback, and then she laughed softly. “My Dad also thinks an easier way to get me out of the house is by marrying me off to one of his chosen eligible single men.”
No way. I moved closer, claiming her for myself in case anybody was noticing.
“You can’t get married! I’m just getting to know you.” ”.”
“Excuse me?” She looked confused, and maybe a little nervous about me hovering so close to her.
“I mean, what’s the hurry? You just came back. You’re still getting settled. You need time to process this change. Right?” She scooted back a little and nodded. “Good. Yes. A wedding right now would be ridiculous. Right?” When she nodded again, I sagged a little and settled next to her again.
“You okay? You got a little worked up about the idea of me getting married.” Her eyes were tight with mirth.
I rubbed my neck and hoped I could stop imagining her with another man. She smiled, eying the shoe box that I was using as my arm rest. An idea began to form in my mind. “You really want to win this, don’t you?” I asked, pointing to the shoebox.
She stilled.
“I have a proposal. If you accept it, the shoes are yours." She turned to me, eyes narrowed. I had to admit, it was a bit unnerving to be under her scrutiny.
"Go on."
"I invest in a few early-stage startups every year. The industries are varied. I don’t choose specific types--if I see potential in their numbers, I invest in them. A lot of them could use some design help. I could hire you as a design consultant for my start-ups. That way you can expand your clientele and build your portfolio."
A look of mistrust was bare on her face. Again, I felt slightly insulted, but it seemed like that was the only way she knew how to treat me--like she was sure I would let her down any minute.
"Why are you doing this for me?" There was an odd wariness in her words. As if she both hated the offer and hoped it was real. Her reaction bothered me, but I couldn't put my finger on why.
"I’m giving you a chance because you’re looking for one. You're talented, but if it doesn’t work out, trust me, I’ll fire you." She relaxed a little, maybe grateful that my offer wasn’t charity, or something worse.
She nodded thoughtfully, and I waited for her answer nervously. I was the one offering her a job, but I was nervous, too. I wanted to help, but I also had selfish motives. I wanted to be close to her; to know what made her tick, and how I could bring a smile to her face that would stay.
She was quiet, her eyes assessing me. I watched her cold stare thaw, and I knew she had warmed up to the idea.
"So, you will give me the shoes and a job?" Her eyebrows perked up in challenge. She was beginning to sound like her usual self, and my heart felt lighter already. I was happy about anything that removed the darkness that seemed to hang over her eyes.
"Of course, I do hope you'll eventually realize how awesome I am and ask me out,” I said, with a straight face.
She laughed out loud, her hair spilling behind her as she tossed her head back. Once again, I wanted to bottle this moment up. But I had to stop thinking in terms of temporary contact with Anshi. Hopefully, there would be many more moments like this to come.
"So, you’ll accept my offer?"
A small smile lifted her luscious lips. She took the shoebox from me and patted it gently.
"What's not to accept?" She stood up. Her lehenga brushed my legs as she moved away from me with the box. She turned around. "Thank you, Ryan," her words floated through the air softly, like a whispered kiss meant only for me. I convinced myself her eyes were shining before she walked away.
My heart hammered in my chest, the possibility of seeing her every day leaving me breathless. When I heard the raucous noise of bridesmaid celebrating and groomsmen moaning in disappointment, I couldn't hold back my smile anymore. I turned toward the commotion and met Anshi’s gaze. A smile broke on her face and she looked away quickly, biting her lower lip. The smile was a small win, but a win all the same. I promised myself I would earn a lot more of them every day she came to work for me.
6
Anshi
I needed a moment away from the crowd. As I walked away from the celebration and into
the hotel, I fished my headphones from my sling bag and slipped them on.
"Take the leap either way," said the audiobook narrator. I smiled once again. I knew I must look like a fool, smiling at no one in particular. But every word uttered by Ryan kept playing like a broken record in my head. It was hard to ignore the playfulness of his words or the sincerity in his eyes. Despite all that I heard about his dating past, he acted more like a gentleman than any of the men I had dated before.
I sighed. I had no business comparing him to my dates, especially when he would be my boss soon. But how could I ignore the obvious attraction between us?
I doubted he would be interested once he realized what baggage I come with. And yet, I couldn't ignore his offer.
It wasn’t just money he was offering - he was offering me a job. A sense of pride swelled within me. Hope filled me with happiness. This would be my first real job in my adult life. It was my chance at redemption. My chance to prove that I could be responsible.
I retreated to a window in a quiet area, overlooking the wedding.
Restless energy snaked through me and I felt the beginnings of tremors in my hands. It had been almost a year since I gave up alcohol completely. Right after Nisha’s engagement. It hadn’t been easy but I was getting better every day. It wasn’t as difficult as it was before.
I clasped my hands together and pressed my back to the wall. Fear suddenly gripped my heart. Fear of failure. Fear of not knowing how to expend this excitement alone. How should I celebrate this moment? I had no one to share it with. I feared tripping into mindless ways to numb this fever. Relapsing. I had to stop thinking of failure. No. Not at the threshold of a new life. I steeled myself, tamping down my fear harshly.
I needed to be in control. That was the whole point of moving to New York City. To be with people, to deal with my problems while I had some accountability. To begin a life of accomplishment.
I wiped my sweaty hands on my lehenga and walked back in the crowd. I took a deep breath, exhaling the remnants of the happiness I felt a few moments back. I would celebrate when I was ready to be happy.
Love by Surprise Page 4
