***
Lanis took a deep, gasping breath as consciousness returned in a shocking burst of light and sound. The assault of cold air on her lungs sent her into a coughing fit that was only broken when she managed to suck in enough air to scream. Her every muscle seemed to be trying to contract at once as burning spasms wracked her body.
"Hold her down!!" screamed Heiko as she scrambled for her medipack.
"What did you do?" Gray yelled back at her as he attempted to grapple Lanis's flailing limbs.
"The shock of the backlash put her in cardiac arrest. I had to stabilize her heart!" Heiko yelled back as she frantically dug a small paper pouch out of the bag.
"Shards," she muttered as her shaking fingers fumbled to tear the pouch open.
"I didn't think she'd regain consciousness," she said, "She's still suffering from the backlash!"
She pulled out a small syringe and carefully removed the protective cap. "Get her collar open!"
Gray eyed the needle as he removed Lanis's EVI's and began loosening her collar. "What is that?"
"Amphedrine," Heiko said. "It'll suppress the worst of the backlash."
She shifted her gaze away, hinting that there was more to it than that.
"NO!" Lanis screamed, suddenly flying into a panic and struggling against Gray's grip with surprising strength.
Watts and Demas jumped in and grabbed her legs.
Gray looked at Heiko suspiciously. "That's all?"
Heiko stared back at him, determined not to answer but his gaze broke her resolve.
"It could destroy her ability to channel," she admitted quietly.
Lanis arched her back and screamed again.
"What?" Gray yelled as he layed down across Lanis's chest, using some of his weight to hold her down. He didn't know much about channeling but he knew that sounded really bad, and even though Lanis might be delusional, her reaction didn't make him feel any better about it. "There's no other way?"
"I wish there was!" Heiko insisted, "It might already be too late."
Gray couldn't argue. Heiko was the medic and a channeler, so he had to assume that she knew what she was doing. But he'd never seen Lanis in this state and, honestly, it scared him. She was the toughest person he'd ever met. He'd seen her face down netherdragons, for heaven's sake--watched her blast apart their magic with her channeling. Seeing her laid out by the side effects of that same channeling was almost pitiful.
Exhausted, Lanis finally ceased struggling. She looked up at Heiko with a mixture of fear and desperation.
"Don't… Please…" she begged, practically on the verge of tears.
"You'll die," the young medimancer whispered, clearly agonized.
Lanis knew that it was true; she could feel it as she fought to control the shivering in her limbs that indicated another impending seizure. But, despite the pain, she could imagine nothing worse than losing her Gift. It was her most powerful asset. She'd spent so many cycles honing it, turning it into a weapon. The notion of living without it seemed worse than death.
Thoughts of dying brought back the vision of Shaeffer and his men. They'd died because she ordered them to fight that Stalker, knowing that they weren't trained to handle it. Even her own Shiv Team couldn't have brought down that monster. Of course, she had no way of knowing that he was amped, but that was just an excuse. She never had to hunt that Ned in the first place. Gray had even tried to warn her against it and she'd ignored him.
The Stalker didn't kill those men, her arrogance did.
Part of her wanted to just let herself go, if only to spare her the guilt. But that was the cowardly way, and she wasn't raised to be like that. She had to fight, if only to make some attempt to give their deaths a purpose. If that meant losing her channeling ability, then maybe that was the price she had to pay.
She tensed up as another wave of pain shot through her body. She couldn't go down like this. This Stalker had beaten her, but there would be others. She'd find a way to make them pay, even if she had to do it without magic.
She stared up at Heiko and put on her best stolid face.
Heiko smiled weakly. "There's a chance that your gift won't be affected," she explained, trying to sound reassuring.
Lanis nodded, then looked away and swallowed hard.
"Do it," she whispered.
She felt the prick in her neck and closed her eyes as coldness began to spread up the side of her face and down her chest. Calmness fell over her, and as the cold sensation reached her temple the world faded out again.
This time there were no dreams.
***
The first thing Lanis noticed as she awoke was the painful high-pitched ringing. Her head was throbbing intensely and she wanted nothing more than for the grating sound to stop. As she gradually came to her senses, it dawned on her that the annoying whine was actually the keening of a siphon reactor. And she wasn't hearing it. It was in her head.
She was still Vimsensitive. The revelation hit her like a spellshock and, for the next few moments, she just lay there marveling at the discordant harmonics of the magical engines, almost forgetting the pain. Almost.
She ached all over, although the burning and trembling in her limbs had diminished significantly. The amphedrine had done its job, and to her relief, it seemed that was all. She was still in for a rough couple of days, but that was nothing she couldn't handle. Considering all that had happened, she was lucky to be alive, let alone intact. A major channeling hangover was a small price to pay--a very small price.
She gradually took in her surroundings. She was lying on the floor of a hopper and, judging by the jostling motion and the loud droning of its magines, the craft had to be in flight. The bay doors were closed and a mixture of red and white lights along the ceiling dimly lit the interior. She could hear what sounded like several overlapping conversations nearby but she couldn’t make out any of the words over the noise.
She slowly turned her head and looked up to see Gray seated next to her. He must have noticed the movement, because he looked down and a broad smile crossed his rough features.
“I was starting to wonder when you’d wake up,” he said.
It took Lanis a moment to find her voice.
“What’s going on?” she croaked.
Gray leaned forward.
“We’re headed back to the Landry. ARCH issued a full evac order about thirty minutes ago. The Absolution already gated out, presumably with a nice, full set of reactor ‘stones aboard. Mission accomplished.
“We should be landing pretty soon and once the Landry is loaded up, she’ll be gating out as well."
He sat back.
“It looks like the Imps get Montrey, for what it’s worth," he said. "We certainly didn’t leave them much.”
Lanis laid her head back and stared up at the ceiling, wondering just how much she’d missed. She had a lot of questions, but her mind lingered on just one.
“How many did we lose?” she asked.
He appeared a bit surprised by the question, and took a few seconds to consider his answer before responding.
“Casualties were pretty heavy, especially in the garrison units,” he finally said. “If I had to guess...”
“No,” she cut him off, her expression turning hard, “How many did WE lose?”
Gray sighed, compressing his lips into a tight frown.
“Eleven," he said.
Lanis closed her eyes.
“Eleven?” she whispered. “Who?”
Gray twisted his mouth. He hadn’t really wanted to go here so soon. He couldn’t really explain it, but the discussion gave him the feeling that he was throwing gas on a flame. But she’d find out soon enough anyway.
“Carter and Lander,” he said with some resignation, “The rest were Rangers."
"Shaeffer," Lanis whispered, staring back at the ceiling.
“Damn Stalker,” Gray grumbled and shook his head. He glanced back down at her.
“We were sure that we lost you too, Ch
ief. It was kinda touch and go there.”
He dug a cigar from one of his pockets and began trying to find his lighter.
"Apparently, the DZ finally cleared up enough for squad two to get an EComm to the evac hoppers. They're the ones who called in those air cav boys, when they found out about a Ned being in the area. They managed to drive him off so we could get a pickup. Lucky for us."
"I suppose so," Lanis said.
"Of course, I made sure they knew that we softened him up a bit for 'em," Gray added with a wink, attempting to lighten the mood just a little.
He wasn't really surprised when she didn't react.
Lanis winced as she slowly sat up, pausing to wait out a slight wave of dizziness before making her way to the empty seat beside Gray. He watched her with concern but he didn’t move to help her. She wasn't the sort to appreciate such a gesture.
She settled gingerly into the seat, which was only marginally more comfortable than the floor, and watched Gray rifle through his pockets, the unlit cigar hanging loosely in his mouth.
“Shards,” he muttered, then looked at her sheepishly.
“You wouldn’t have a light, would you?” he asked, holding the cigar toward her.
Lanis took the cigar and eyed it contemplatively as she gently turned it in her fingers.
Hesitantly, she cupped her fingers around the tip and attempted to channel a small fire techniq. The effort made her a bit dizzy and she had to stop once, take a breath, and try again. Finally, after several seconds the cigar tip began to smolder, gradually increasing until it finally burst into flame.
Lanis let out a small sigh of relief, then handed the cigar back to Gray.
“That’s a bad habit, you know,” she said.
Gray quickly blew out the expanding flames.
“No,” he said, “Following you around is a bad habit. THIS is a luxury.”
He took several careful puffs, testing the flavor. He let out a long exhale, then gave the cigar a perplexed look.
“Hmm,” he said, “The darned things never taste right when you light ‘em like that.”
Lanis smiled weakly. The difficulty of channeling such a minor techniq reminded her of just how close she'd come to losing her gift altogether. There was still no way of knowing how much damage the backlash and amphedrine might have done. Only time would tell.
Heiko stopped short at the doorway to the main bay, staring at Lanis with a mix of confusion and concern. "I thought I just felt…"
"A spellshock?" Lanis said.
"Yeah," Heiko said, her concern quickly fading to relief.
"Looks like I dodged another bullet," Lanis said, "thanks to you."
Heiko smiled slightly at the rare compliment before shooting Lanis a firm stare. "You shouldn't be pushing your luck, Chief. You're not out of the null zone yet."
Lanis simply nodded back, and, marginally content, the young medimancer headed back to tending the other wounded.
Heiko was right, of course. Lanis had taken a hell of a jolt and there was every chance that it could happen again if she wasn't careful.
She tried not to think about it and pulled out her EP rifle instead. She recalled tossing it away during the battle and was surprised, and more than a little grateful, that someone had thought to retrieve it for her.
She gently ran her fingers along the stock, pausing as she reached the three gouges in the wood. Her intention had been to add another mark today, but it seemed that fate had decided otherwise.
She brushed some loose strands of hair from her face as she gently laid rifle across her knees. It was scuffed and dirty but didn't appear to be damaged. Its cold surface had begun to form a layer of condensation in the humid air of the cargo bay, producing a thin layer of patchy mud as it mixed with the grime.
Lanis wiped the gritty moisture from the stock with her hand, carefully cleaning the area around the three kill marks. She stared at them for what seemed like several minutes, then placed the rifle between her knees and rested her head on the stock.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Carter, Lander.., Shaeffer,” she whispered reverently, and made a vow never to forget.
FIVE
Skycruiser CAS Landry
Thirty Kilomets Southwest of Montrey
02:20 hours
4 Ii’Laan, 1394
Lanis hopped out of the LAV and landed heavily on the metal plating of the Landry's flight deck. Banks of lights mounted along the raised sides of the ship's armored hull bathed the deck in cool, monochromatic glow. The light reflected up to illuminate the densely falling snow that seemed to surround the vessel in a globe of swirling stars against a vast black nothingness.
A chill wind cut across the deck, biting into her cheek. As she snugged her collar, her fingers brushed against the lacquered lightning bolt insignia of the 33rd AC pinned at her neck. Beneath it was the silver bar bearing four tiny vimstones, indicating that she was Fourth Tier, the second highest rating based on channeling talent and skill. She'd always been so proud of that achievement, one of only a handful in the entire Corps. But, as she watched the chaotic scene around her, pride was about as distant an emotion as she could imagine.
Across the Landry's large, flat deck perched over a dozen LAV's, their siphoning magines thrumming rhythmically as they waited impatiently to be unloaded before taking off to make room for others that were still arriving. Medical teams scurried amongst the vehicles, tending the wounded and moving them to hastily setup infirmaries below decks.
Meanwhile, able-bodied soldiers and deckhands unloaded body bags, carefully laying them in rows along the sides of the deck where they would remain until there was time to tally them and give them proper burial. There were so many, representing only the fraction of dead that could be retrieved by the retreating troops. Lanis wondered how many more had been left behind. Nor did it escape her that she bore responsibility for more than a few of those bags.
Coalition strategists back home would label the mission a success, but, as always, these sorts of rear-guard actions were terribly hard on the morale of the troops. Perhaps it was the sense of defeat that came from ceding ground to the enemy or the unavailing loss of one's brothers and sisters in a battle that was essentially lost before it began. Not even battle-hardened troops like the 33rd Arcane could come away from such a mission unscathed.
Lanis' body felt leaden from both physical and mental exhaustion. It was a miracle that she was even alive, let alone on her feet, after such a severe attack of backlash. Were it not for the cold, she imagined that she could lie down and sleep right here on the open deck. Instead, putting on her best image of composure, she stepped back and watched the battered remainder of her team slowly disembark from the aircraft--two of them in bags that were gently handed to medical personnel who carried them off to the ever growing line of snow covered remains.
Lanis lingered for a few moments longer, lost in thought, until finally she had to step aside as the LAV crew hastily made their post-flight inspections and prepped for another run. There would be little rest for the flight crews tonight as they did their best save everyone they could before the Landry would finally be forced to gate away to safety.
Lanis slowly followed her team down a flight of stairs on the ship's port side to the hangar deck where the vessel's aircraft complement was stowed. Even inside the massive bay, it was still cold enough to see her breath, but at least it was sheltered from the wind. The cavernous deck was largely empty now, as all airworthy craft were involved in the recovery effort. However, off to one side, a dozen or so technicians worked feverishly to get a pair of damaged hoppers functional enough to join the operation.
The aft half of the deck was filled with throngs of soldiers, patiently standing in several slowly moving queues. At the front, a group of overworked bosun's mates did their best to gather weapons and unspent munitions so the troops could move on to make room for the steady but dwindling stream of soldiers joining the end of the line.
She unstrapped the leather belts and removed her EP rifle holster. She paused for a moment and ran her fingers over the gouges on the rifle's wooden stock. She looked at the weapon thoughtfully for a moment, then thrust it into the locker and shut the door.
She stripped out of her battered runic armor and set it on a bench near the back of the room next to several similar suits that lay waiting for maintenance. Later, skilled magitechs would repair both the armors' physical damage and complex enhancement schemata.
Lanis largely ignored the handful of other officers that came and went while she undressed and headed to the showers. Most were either too busy discussing mission results or were lost in dark thoughts similar to those that haunted her.
A few of them attempted to make small talk with her, mostly inquiring about her mission or the rumors regarding her unit's Stalker encounter. Some even invited her to join them in the officer's mess later, eager to hear the details. Lanis wasn't really up to reliving the experience and, thankfully, they weren't particularly insistent when she declined the offer.
Eventually, everyone else had moved on, leaving her alone in the steam-filled room. She leaned her head and forearms against the side of the shower stall. It felt cold compared to the steaming cascade that rained down over her head and body, plastering her long, black hair to her shoulders and back.
She closed her eyes and focused on the gentle waves of water running down her bruised and aching body, watching it wash away the sweat and grime of battle and spiral down the drain at her feet. If only it could take the memories with it.
Her mind played repeatedly through the chaotic details of the day’s events, forcing her to relive each decision, and torturing her with recurring doubts. She watched those men die over and over, wondering each time if she might have done anything different, knowing full-well that she couldn’t have.
Big Girls Don't Cry: Shadowdragon War Diaries Vol. 1 Page 6
