“Habeebtee, let’s just leave Antarah right now.”
“He will find us. Fouad has too many resources. When he finds us, he’ll kill us. I won’t jeopardize your life, and I will not live in fear for the rest of my life.”
“So, what are you saying? You want to end this?”
“I’m terrified. Maybe we didn’t think this through. Maybe we should end this. I don’t know how much longer I can live this lie. We can never be together, and I should have known that this was a mistake before dragging you into this mess.”
“I knew what I was doing. I knew there would be consequences. I’m not willing to give up on our love, and I never thought that you would. I understand your fears, but I’ve told you that you’re not alone. I’m here to protect you.”
“Who’s going to protect you? And, how can you protect me when Fouad gets back? What if I never see you again? I need to think. I need some…”
“Space? I’m not going anywhere. I know you’re afraid. I hear what you’re saying and I’m willing to risk it all for our future, but I can’t do it alone. You have to take a stance and not look back. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.”
That afternoon, without Brahim knowing, I requested a week off to visit the clinics and make sure everything was running smoothly. I needed some distance between Brahim and myself. I missed him so much it hurt, but I didn’t know what else to do. I met with the community and made sure that they were bringing their children to get immunized and handed out leaflets explaining the importance of preventing illnesses. I felt useful. The people would invite me for coffee or tea at their homes, and I would keep emphasizing the importance of preventive medicine and good eating habits. I spent many hours teaching children how to brush their teeth, how to clean their ears, and how to stay healthy. I kept myself busy trying to forget my pain.
After my last clinic visit, I said my goodbyes and was ready to head home when Brahim pulled up.
“Get in the car,” Brahim said.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I came to pick you up to go to the chalet.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Give me one more sunset. If after our night together you want to call it quits, I’ll respect your decision.”
On our way to the chalet, I was very quiet. I knew this was a mistake. I needed to be strong, but I couldn’t. I loved him too much.
It was early afternoon when we arrived at the chalet.
“So, what do you want to do?” he asked.
“Let’s just walk on the beach,” I said.
“I heard you did a great job at the clinics this week.”
“It was quite rewarding seeing how well the clinics are running and how the community is responding to the services.”
We took our shoes off and walked towards the ocean.
“I missed you,” he said as he held my hands.
“Brahim, this is a mistake.”
“The mistake was for us to think we could live without one another,” he said caressing my face.
Slowly, he moved his hands to hold my chin and pulled my face gently towards his lips. After our lips touched, all the passion that flowed through our bodies just erupted. It was unavoidable. We fell to the sand and kept kissing. After a few minutes we walked back to the chalet and into the bedroom where we made love until we were exhausted. We didn’t talk much. We just wanted to be in each others’ arms. When the time approached, we headed out to see our Mediterranean sunset. It was more beautiful than I remembered. The bright tones of pink, orange, and yellow blending over a deep blue sky were a reminder of God’s creation.
I had never felt so moved and blessed in my life. As that big, fiery orange sun disappeared, all my troubles seemed to melt away and I was truly happy if just for one last time.
The next morning, I took a taxi and left before Brahim woke up. I couldn’t say goodbye. I wanted to stay, but I had to go. I didn’t want to end it, but I didn’t know how to keep it alive. On the way home, all I could think was of Brahim and what had probably been our last night together. I also remembered the legend of Antarah and Ablah and wondered how they were able to endure so many obstacles yet beat the odds and in the end, make their love triumph over all.
When I got home, I took a nap. I was so tired of thinking. I woke up a few hours later and decided to take a shower. As I soaped my body, tears rolled down my cheeks and were swept away by the water. I thought of all the things I had always hoped for, and how twisted it had turned out. Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands roaming over my back. I jumped in fear.
“Afraid? It’s just me darling. Your loving husband,” Fouad said.
“Don’t ever do that again,” I said, irritated. “You could have at least called my name and let me know you were here.”
“And spoil the surprise? Why are you so agitated anyway? I thought you’d be thrilled to see me after being apart for over four months.”
“I’m sorry. You scared me and I overreacted.”
He proceeded to take my sponge and soap my body.
“I missed every inch of your perfect body. Can you tell?”
“I missed you too.”
“Come on baby, I want to make love to you.”
“Now? Here?” I stuttered.
“You don’t expect me to wait another four months, do you? Don’t you want me as much as I want you?”
“Yes, of course.”
There was no turning back. I was pinned against the marble. No way out. He made love to me roughly, the way he liked it. He performed with the desperation of a man who hadn’t had sex in months, although I knew this wasn’t the case. He had Esmaa.
Afterwards, he insisted on taking me to dinner.
“I want you to wear this,” he said as he showed me a stunning dress he had bought for me.
“It’s lovely, thank you.”
As I was getting dressed, he came from behind and placed a necklace on my neck.
“Do you like it?” he asked
“Very much. You didn’t have to bring me all of this.”
“It’s the least I could do for my beautiful wife.”
“When you left, we weren’t even on good terms.”
“Time heals all wounds,” he said. “I see you bought yourself some new bracelets. I’m a bit surprised considering I showered you with bracelets on our wedding day and you hardly ever wear them.”
“The bracelets belonged to my mother. I brought them back with me from D.C.” I nervously responded and held them as I remembered the day Brahim gave them to me at the chalet.
“Where’s your mom’s bracelet with the heart locket?”
“Well, you are very observant today. It’s at the jewelers, the clasp broke.”
“I see.” He paused. “How was it? Being back in your father’s house?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“I regret not being with you during that time. Did you get everything settled with the attorney?”
“Yes.”
“Ready to go? You look gorgeous.”
I was surprised he didn’t push for more information regarding my father’s will.
We arrived to a very exclusive military V.I.P. restaurant.
“Our next house will be in this area,” he said.
“I didn’t know you were dissatisfied with your house,” I said.
“Our house, dear, and I’m not. I just think my queen deserves the best and that’s what I want to give her.”
I wondered if he was referring to Esmaa.
“Can we afford this neighborhood?” I asked, trying to bait him into mentioning my inheritance.
He didn’t answer.
The host walked us to our table and Fouad excused himself to make a phone call. I knew he was calling his lover, but I had to be certain. I followed him but I coul
d not make out any part of the conversation, so I returned to the table while he spoke on the phone.
“So, what did you find out my beautiful spy?” Fouad asked.
“I know for a fact that your wife is sleeping with a Dr. Al-Kateb,” Esmaa said. “I guess your perfect Fatima is no angel. I followed them to their love nest, a chalet on the beach. Isn’t that romantic? They were there last night.”
“That slut is going to pay dearly for her betrayal.”
“Now that’s the Fouad I know and love. Stay focused. You have twenty million reasons to smile. That should be enough to finance our operation.”
“Meet me in my office in an hour. You’ve done a wonderful job and it calls for a celebration.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Fouad returned to the table.
“Sorry, Fatima. Duty calls. I have to get back to the office. Stay and have dinner. I’ll see you later tonight at home,” he said, kissing my cheek.
Right after he left, I had a taxi follow him to his office and confirmed his meeting with Esmaa. Maybe I wanted to justify my own affair. But what I had with Brahim was more than sex; I had deep feelings for him. I was in love.
I wanted to go see Brahim so badly, but I couldn’t face him. I felt that I had let him down because I couldn’t avoid having sex with Fouad. So I went home to think over my future. A future that held two things certain: a loveless marriage and the loss of the only happiness I had ever known.
Fouad got home very late that night. The next morning, I woke up before him, got ready and went to work. I was hoping not to run into Brahim. I was going to try to avoid him.
Later that morning I had an unpleasant visitor.
“Good morning,” Fouad said as he stepped into my office and closed the door. “No kiss for your loving husband?”
I gave him a quick peck on the lips.
“I wanted to apologize for last night. I thought you would wake me up to shower with you and have a repeat of yesterday’s performance.”
“I didn’t want to wake you. I assumed you were very tired after traveling most of the day and then working late.”
“You’re so considerate.”
Suddenly, the door opened.
“What happened to you yesterday?” Brahim raised his voice as he walked toward me.
I panicked.
Within seconds, he realized we weren’t alone.
“Excuse the interruption. I should have knocked,” Brahim apologized.
“That’s quite alright, doctor,” Fouad replied. “I take full responsibility if my wife missed a scheduled meeting yesterday, but we were making up for lost time.”
“Fouad,” I interrupted. “You remember Dr. Al-Kateb?”
They shook hands.
“Of course,” he said. “I never forget my wife’s associates.”
“I truly forgot our appointment yesterday,” I said. “I hope we can reschedule for later this week.”
“That will be fine,” Brahim said. “I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do.”
I could read the anger and disappointment in his eyes.
“Alone at last,” Fouad said as he locked the door behind Brahim.
“What was that all about?” I said.
“What?”
“Making up for lost time…”
“Did I embarrass you?” he asked turning my body toward him.
“He’s no stranger to you. Besides, I’m sure he knows I’ve been out for several months,” he said as he attempted to kiss me and press against me. “He understands a man has needs.”
“Fouad, this is a place of business not a bedroom,” I said as I walked toward my chair wondering what was on Brahim’s mind.
“I love it when you get serious. It’s such a turn on,” he said as he tried to sit me on the chair pushing his body over me.
“Stop it,” I said, shoving him off.
He came close and kissed me, passionately biting my lips.
“I’ll see you tonight at home. I expect you to finish what we started, or rather, didn’t start here,” he said.
I was relieved when he left. All I could think about was Brahim and what he was going through. I stared into the mirror for a few minutes. I tried to pull myself together before heading over to his office but he beat me to it.
“Brahim, I was just coming to see you,” I said.
“Did you leave yesterday morning because you knew Fouad was coming home?”
“No, it was a total surprise. I didn’t expect him for at least another month.”
“So, are you okay? Did he hurt you in any way?” Brahim asked.
“No. I’m alright.”
“I want to protect you from him, but how can I compete? I want you to be with me but he’s your husband. I torture myself with the image of another man wanting every part of you; stroking your breasts, kissing your lips and every inch of your flawless body, caressing your hair, losing himself in your gorgeous, big, brown eyes,” he said.
“I’m so sorry, but you have to know that I despise him and that my heart belongs only to you. I wish things were different. I wish I could have stopped this before it began to spare you the pain. I hope you believe me when I tell you that he means nothing to me and that you are the only man that I’ll ever love.”
“I believe you, habeebtee. But, it doesn’t change the facts. Our hands are tied and there is no light at the end of this tunnel. I stand by my word; when you are ready to leave Fouad, I’ll be here. I’ll always protect you and will die for you,” he said giving me a strong embrace. “I just want you to be safe. I don’t want to lose you, but I’ll sacrifice our love for your well-being.”
I was speechless. Paralyzed. I knew all along my relationship with Brahim was doomed, but I had prayed for a miracle. Now, the man I loved was trying to hang on to any glimmer of hope and the man I loathed had come back to haunt me and destroy my happiness.
Rumors & Revelations
Weeks passed. Brahim and I ran into each other sporadically. Mostly, we just avoided each other. It hurt too much. I still looked at our picture, which I managed to keep well hidden, and fantasized about what could have been. When I had the house all to myself, I played my Sinatra tapes and remembered our getaways at the chalet and our sunsets. I often went to Jamila’s just to sit on the balcony and catch a glimpse of that magical sunset. I hoped Brahim was somewhere looking at it too and thinking of me.
Fouad was spending more time at home and demanding more from me sexually. I wondered if his affair with Esmaa had fizzled. Unfortunately, I didn’t love him anymore. He had my body, but my heart and soul were Brahim’s, the man that changed my life forever.
Once a week, Fouad invited Rauf and some of his co-workers to play cards, smoke the bubble pipe, and drink coffee. He had become a bit of a homebody, making my life a little more unbearable.
My job had become very routine. Sometimes, I felt I had to drag myself out of bed. I had lost some of my enthusiasm. My biggest motivation for going to work these days was to avoid being around Fouad.
“There’s a rumor circulating in the hospital,” Dalal said.
“What is it?” I asked with curiosity.
“Dr. Brahim has been spotted several times with a woman,” she paused when she saw my troubled expression. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just surprised. Who is she? Does she work here?”
“All I know is that supposedly she’s a knockout. I wouldn’t expect anything less. He’s a catch and he is so handsome.”
“Well, good for him. He deserves to be happy. Keep me posted.“ I chuckled even though I was eaten up with jealousy.
When she left, I pounded my hands on the desk so hard that I thought I had broken a few fingers. I wanted to scream, confront him. But how could I.
My heart had just been torn to pieces. It was hard for me to believe that Brahim had moved on so quickly. Where was all that love he claimed to have for me? Then again, what could I expect? He knew he had no future with me. I had shattered his dreams. Why should I be shocked? He was probably doing the right thing. Still, I was emotionally devastated. His involvement with someone else made it so final. I wondered if he would take her to the chalet and share all our special places. Who was this lucky woman who was taking my place in Brahim’s heart? Whoever she was, I was envious of her. Now I knew how he felt when he found out Fouad had returned to claim his place as my husband; empty, disgusted, frustrated, and defeated. I was sick to my stomach. I rushed to the bathroom and started throwing up.
The next two days I was off. I was still feeling sick. It was probably psychological. I laid in bed most of the first day. On the second day, I called the hospital disguising my voice. I asked to speak to Brahim. I had to find out if he was off. He was. I couldn’t resist the crazy idea of going to the chalet to torment myself with the possibility that he might be there with his new love. I took a taxi to our getaway and it confirmed my darkest fear. There were two cars parked by the house. I nearly fainted. I rushed back home and threw myself in bed till the next morning. Fortunately, Fouad had been too busy to notice my strange behavior. He was probably working on his next conquest.
As I was getting ready to go to work the following morning, Fouad started getting frisky. I was definitely not in the mood.
“Why haven’t you given me a son?” Fouad asked out of the blue.
“You should ask God that question.”
“Why don’t we start working on it right now?”
“I have to be at work in less than an hour.”
“It shouldn’t take long,” he said as he tried to unzip my dress.
“I said not now.”
“You’ve been rejecting me quite frequently. Work is starting to affect our home life.”
“Please, Fouad. We’ve been together almost every night this week. Isn’t that enough?”
“I could never get enough of you. Are you on any kind of birth control?”
Mediteranean Sunset Page 17
