by Stacy Gail
“Yeah. The touchy-feely shit you see on talk shows and cheesy greeting card commercials.”
“Those things are hardly factors in the Fairfax household.”
“I’m getting that, and I’m also getting that we’re in alien territory for you. I’m not big on blabbing about feelings and shit, but at least I know the difference between how I feel and what I feel. Kinda worries me that you don’t.”
“I’m getting it.” Sort of, anyway. “Right now I’m feeling vaguely pressured to come up with something to get that look off your face, and I’m also feeling I should get out of here before I fall asleep.”
He moved almost completely on top of her, tangling their legs together. “You’re not going anywhere, and I’m not pressuring you to do any damn thing except to live without hiding and without secrets. A person can bottle themselves up so hard they wind up suffocating who they could have been, and all that’s left is an empty shell with a broken soul. That’s pretty damn tragic, Sunny, but that’s not going to happen to you. Do you know why it’s not going to happen to you?”
She was afraid to ask. “Why?”
“Because I’m going to dig at you until you’re spewing whatever it is you’ve got bottled up. One way or another, I’m going to set you free.”
Don’t live in a self-imposed prison made up of secrets…
“I-I don’t want to live bottled up, the way my parents have.” The words came out no louder than a breath, because to speak of anything even slightly intimate felt like she was committing a cardinal sin. “I don’t want to live in fear. I don’t want be afraid that each and every word I say could potentially reveal…something that shouldn’t be revealed. I don’t want to keep everyone at arm’s length, especially you. But I do. I do all of that. That’s how I live every single day of my life.”
“So stop.”
“How? How do you stop water from being wet? This is my nature, Ice. I’ve always lived this way. Even in California this is how I was, who I was. It was how I was able to put what I felt for you on a backburner and focus all my energy on Skull and Bones Ink—”
“There. Right there.” He leaned in so that they were almost nose to nose, and his eyes were so intense it was a wonder they didn’t drill a hole right through her. “You just let something slip about what you feel, and the world didn’t end, did it? Try it again and see what happens. You put what you felt for me on a backburner. What did you feel for me, Sunny?”
All at once she was wide-awake and ready to bolt for the door. “I really need to go—”
“Not yet. I haven’t found a way to get you to break free, but I will.”
“What about you?” Pressured, she went on the defensive while trying to figure out what she could say without revealing anything. “You’re not exactly an open book yourself.”
“About why I do the things I do? You’re right—I’m not. But when it comes to you, I wear it all on my sleeve. If you can count my shoulder as being a part of my sleeve, that is.”
She frowned. “What?”
“You still haven’t noticed. Maybe I need to work on my art skills. You noticed I have a new tat, and you tagged it as my artwork, but you missed the details, Sunny.” He smoothed a hand over his shoulder, then dipped it so she could have a better look at it. “I told you it was my Sunny day tattoo, but you didn’t look too closely. That alone makes me wonder why. What the fuck are you so afraid of seeing?”
“Your new tattoo.” With her heart beginning to pound, she angled her head to study the beautiful sunset over the ocean tattoo, this time focusing on the faint, wispy clouds that subtly hinted at the features of a face. Her breath trickled to a near-stop when she realized what she was looking at. “That’s me.”
“Wouldn’t be anyone else.” Shaking his head as if her dumbfounded response amused him, he kissed her before retreating just enough to look into her eyes. “That’s why I can’t have my woman all locked up inside without doing everything I can to save her, so that’s what I’m going to do. If I have to sit on you all night, I’ll tear down every damn barrier that’s been keeping you from being free. So tell me this one thing. Tell me what you once felt for me, and help me set you free.”
“I loved you.” So deeply moved that he’d cared enough to create such a beautiful portrait of her, she couldn’t stop the words from flowing out. That was how much this man got to her. One touching gesture from him, and she blurted out emotions she’d kept locked up, even from herself. “I loved you, even when I didn’t want to. That’s the real reason why I stayed at Skull and Bones Ink. Not because I was ambitious and I saw a challenge where I could put my shiny new degree to good use. I told everyone that was the reason why I stayed. That’s what I told myself. I even believed it. But I stayed because deep down, I… I loved you.”
He pushed a thumb under her chin to make sure her gaze stayed locked with his. “Say it again.”
“I loved you.”
“Loved.” His nose brushed hers while his lips hung a breath away from her mouth. “What’s with the past tense?”
“Well…you fired me,” she said, not quite believing she had to point out the obvious. “So that was pretty much the end of that.”
“She says while lying naked under me.” The arrogant curl of his mouth made her want o smack him. “Hard to believe we’re in the realm of past tense when you’re lying naked under me, Sunny day.”
Jerk. “That’s a perfect exit line if I’ve ever heard one.” Huffing a little, she pushed at his shoulders. “Move. I’m going home. And don’t follow me to see if I make it home in one piece. I’ll text you when I get there to let you know I’m safe.”
“Have you already forgotten what you learned just now?”
She stopped pushing at his shoulders long enough to frown up at him. “What are you talking about?”
“You just learned the world didn’t to come to an end because you let a piece of your personal truth out. And it still won’t come to an end when you open up and let me see all your hidden truths.” Without warning he dropped a hard kiss onto her lips before he rolled away. “Let’s get you home to your family. And don’t even think about telling me not to follow you,” he added darkly while she opened her mouth to do just that. “Since you shared some truth with me, I’m going to share some truth with you—you’re mine now. I take that pretty damn seriously, so I don’t rest easy until my woman is safe. Now stop staring at me and get dressed before I change my mind and fuck you until you’re incapable of leaving this bed.”
If he thought that was any way to get her butt going, he didn’t know her very well, she thought as she dragged herself out from under the bedclothes. Then she caught herself up short. Ironically, that was exactly what he was talking about—he didn’t know the hidden parts of who she really was. So much of her was locked up where no one could get to it. It was no surprise he didn’t know that much about her, even after all these years.
But she wanted him to.
Scary as it was, she wanted him to know everything about her.
Everything.
Like the ins and outs of her complicated family life.
Like how she hadn’t completely told the truth about having once loved him. She had once loved him, of course.
But…
The fact was, she still did.
She loved him, with everything she had.
Now she just had to find the courage to admit it.
Chapter Eighteen
“My goodness, Ice. Don’t you clean up well.” Sunny’s mother looked Ice up and down, taking in the tux beneath his snow-dusted topcoat before inviting him in out of the snowstorm with a graceful wave of her hand. “Sunny’s in the kitchen regaling Matt and Hannah with her opinions on eggnog. Apparently it’s the devil’s drink, and it should have died along with steam engines, dirigibles and various other Victorian values. What are your thoughts?”
“Sunny and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this one.” He found himself smiling as she shut the fr
ont door, before he shrugged out of his coat to loop it over his arm. “Eggnog rocks.”
“There we go. I knew that if we searched long enough, we could find common ground.”
“We both care about Sunny.” As he spoke, the memory of Sunny admitting she didn’t want to live in fear surfaced. The remembered rage at that admission brought his attention to Claire’s irritatingly calm expression. “That’s better than eggnog, wouldn’t you say?”
“Very much so. Speaking of, I wanted to thank you for squiring Sunny to the gala tonight,” she added, leading the way down a hall toward sounds of life. “To say that she wasn’t thrilled to go and represent the family in any sort of political arena is putting it mildly. I’m sure having you there will ease some of the agony of attending to this little bit of family business.”
“Her parents’ business, you mean.” Ice corrected, his voice flat. Maybe he wasn’t on the best footing when it came to Sunny’s mother, but that wasn’t going to stop him from making sure Claire didn’t massage the truth. Sunny might be able to get away with that with him, but not Claire. “Sunny’s blazed her own trail, and she’s a legit mover and shaker in the international world of ink. Yeah, she could’ve done that in politics, and she would have been great at it. But she didn’t want that world. She’s found her own path, and she did it by following her heart.”
“She did it by following you.”
The knowledge that Sunny had loved him back in the day glowed like a flame in his chest. “Sunny doesn’t know how to follow. What she made out of Skull and Bones Ink was basically all her own doing. I didn’t lift a finger to help. That’s how good she is.”
“Of course she’s good. Like you said, she’s a trailblazer. A visionary.”
“And a secret-keeper. Don’t get excited,” he drawled when Claire slowed and sent him a meticulously blank look. God, how he hated that damn mask. “Your daughter doesn’t talk about personal things, not even with me. She doesn’t talk about family, or friends, or relationships, or even how she’s feeling. Hell, Sunny’s mastered the art of talking about anything and everything, except herself. She keeps the entire world at arm’s length. If you think about it, that’s pretty damn sad.”
“If she doesn’t talk about such things, then maybe there’s nothing to say.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Claire. You know that’s not the case.” It was a shot in the dark, but when her gaze dropped from his, he knew he’d hit a bull’s eye. “The worst of it is, I don’t think she even realizes how she’s been crippled by keeping so much inside. She hides that particular secret even from herself.”
“Crippled?” Her attention slid to the open doorway leading to the kitchen. “Strong word, that.”
“It is, but I stand by it. To be fair, I’m guessing that locking Sunny up inside herself wasn’t what you were going for when you taught your kid to keep a tight lid on things, but that’s the result you got. I’m working on undoing that damage, but you should know that when she tells me she lives in fear—her word, not mine—of saying something she shouldn’t, it’s damn hard to not lay all that shit directly at your feet.”
Her eyes flinched, surprising him. That was the first time he’d ever seen a crack in the mask of the great Claire Dubois-Fairfax, and it was a sight to behold. “Be very careful with your words, Atticus. I would never hurt Sunny. I love her more than anything in this world.”
“Glad to hear it, because she loves you just as much. And because it’s obvious there’s so much love there, and because I hadn’t planned on laying all this on you tonight, I’ll leave it at this—any time you see an opportunity to help undo that sense of fear you’ve instilled in her, you take it and you run with it. Because a visionary trailblazer who has a world of love to give doesn’t deserve to be a prisoner of her own upbringing.”
A sudden spate of laughter came from the kitchen, bringing their attention toward the open door. Then Sunny appeared, smiling over her shoulder at a shorter, dark-haired woman behind her. In that moment, Ice’s brain blocked out everyone who wasn’t Sunny.
They weren’t important.
Sunny was.
The cranberry-colored dress he’d bought her somehow looked even hotter than before, clinging to her in a way that redefined the term “dangerous curves.” Her eyes were done up, dark and dramatic, and her lips were a deep red, begging for him to fuck up all that lush perfection. Just looking at that mouth was like looking at the embodiment of everything sexy. How the hell was he supposed to share her with the rest of the world when she insisted on looking like a living goddess?
“Oh, Ice. Sorry, I didn’t hear the bell.” With the glow of laughter still lighting her face, Sunny came in for a quick kiss. He drew it out, snaking an arm around her back to hold her close despite their audience. Who gave a fuck about other people when he had that mouth under his?
When he finally raised his head, he looked down into her soft brown eyes. Men had launched wars over eyes like hers. “Hey, Sunny day.”
“Hey, Ice.” It was no more than a fluttery breath.
“It just occurred to me how totally destructive your names are,” the dark-haired woman announced, loud enough to echo in the confines of the hall. “Ice melts in the sun.”
“Guilty as charged,” he said without batting an eye. He didn’t want to get too personal with Sunny’s mother right there, but if this woman wanted to chat about how he melted when he was inside Sunny, he’d give it to her chapter and verse. “A man’s not worth that label if he can’t admit there are some women in the world who are worth melting for. Sunny Fairfax is one of those women.”
“Really.” The woman’s brows went up, and a flash of grudging respect curled the corners of her mouth. “Could you do me a favor and give my husband Matt a line like that? I’d do some melting myself if he ever said something like that. I’m Hannah, by the way. I’ve known Sunny since grade school, so you can be sure I know all about you.”
That explained the whiff of hostility he’d sensed, but that was cool. Sunny had someone besides him who cared enough to fight for her. In his book, that was everything. “You’ve been friends that long?” he asked and looked back to Sunny without waiting for an answer. “Are you able to talk to your girl Hannah, baby?”
“Uh, she talks to me all the time,” Hannah said, clearly baffled, but the understanding blooming in Sunny’s eyes was all he cared about.
“Yes,” she said simply, and some weight he hadn’t known was there lifted from him. “Hannah’s like my sister from another mister. She’s very important to me.”
“Then she’s important to me, too.” With that, he nodded to the dark-haired woman. “Glad to meet you, Hannah. I mean that.”
Hannah nodded, still confused. “Likewise.”
He looked back to Sunny. “You ready?”
“I just need my coat.”
“Okay, here’s the plan.” With her arm in Ice’s, Sunny cast about the Omni’s main ballroom, taking in the panels of twinkle lights suspended from the high ceiling, the crowded dance floor ringed with poinsettias, and the ornament-filled centerpieces adorning every round table set around the ballroom. “I’m giving us one hour to find our hosts, Mimi and Delano Vance, do lots of schmoozing with whatever mover and shaker we can find—from aldermen to judges to city dog catcher, whatever. Then we book it for home. Fifty bucks says I can talk to more politicians than you. Ready to start the clock?”
She thought she heard him snort. “You want to make a game of this?”
“Playing games is the only way to get through evenings like this without screaming. Trust me on this.”
“I’ll do it as long as I can squeeze in a dance or two with you. And maybe an opportunity to get my hand through that slit in your skirt. You’re not wearing anything underneath that dress, are you?”
“Yes and no.”
“What does that even mean? Either you’re wearing something or you’re not.”
“Unless,” she drawled, leaning close so that only he woul
d be able to hear her, “you’re wearing crotchless panties. Which I am. Thanks for the fashion tip, by the way. They’re surprisingly comfortable.”
“Fuck me,” he muttered, and suddenly his expression hardened until he looked borderline dangerous. “Half an hour, we’re outta here.”
“That wasn’t the deal.”
“We’re renegotiating.” He dropped a hard, almost punishing kiss on her lips before he backed up a step and cast a dangerous look around the room. “Okay, let’s get rolling. What’s our hostess look like? I want her found and talked to in under five minutes. Then we’re on to the next target on your list. As of now, we’re speed-schmoozing.”
Oh, this was going to be fun.
Thankfully it took less than the allotted time to find their host for the evening, Mimi Vance. This was the one meeting Sunny had been dreading; The Vance family had been locked in a not-quite-bitter rivalry with the Fairfaxes ever since Sunny could remember. No party or fundraiser ever went by without seeing who could get the biggest names in Chicago to show up, from singers and musicians, authors and playwrights, to anyone in the political arena who was even remotely noteworthy. This was the first year that a major social event hadn’t been hosted by her family, so at long last it seemed as though Mimi and Delano Vance had the victory they’d always wanted.
If they were smug about it, there were no guarantees she wouldn’t get a little Hulk-smashy.
“Sunny! Oh, it’s so good to see you, darling.” The moment Mimi saw her rolling her way, she threw her arms open, her scarily preserved, Botox-injected face frozen in a perpetually surprised, semi-smiling expression that would have made the Joker proud. “It’s been an age since I saw you last. How are your parents, dear? Should we be expecting them any time soon this evening?”
Knowing full well that Claire had already told Mimi they wouldn’t be attending, Sunny clamped on her game face and moved in for the expected air-kiss. “You look lovely as always, Mimi. Is that Dior?”
“Excellent eye. Your mother taught you well.”
