“How can I understand anything when you won’t tell me what’s going on?”
Elizabeth sighed and put a hand to her aching forehead. She supposed it was time to revisit old memories again, to expose her own foolishness, twice over, and finally explain the situation to Anne.
*****
Having explained it all to Anne, Elizabeth found herself explaining the situation, again, multiple times that week during tea with various members of the ton. It was highly embarrassing, but as Anne had counselled her, there was little else she could do but explain, explain, explain away any doubts cast on her character as a result of the Duke’s inconvenient kiss.
They had decided to cast the story in the best possible light, making out that Blackstone’s actions had been driven by honour at every step, by his love for her, and his sense of duty to his estates, both of which demanded that he become the best possible man before presenting himself before her again.
The kiss was passed off as a moment of intense expression of their regained love.
“And so that’s why he left London abruptly when his father died.”
The latest batch of keenly interested ladies, at an afternoon tea held by Lady Winters, regarded her with rapt attention as she spoke.
“So for your coming out, he flattered you just as much as a suitor could?” an older woman indignantly verified. “Notes, attentions, flowers, and drives in the Park?” Elizabeth nodded uncomfortably. “And yet he could leave you without a word, just because he did badly at university, and by that recognised his own shortcomings. My dear, he sounds like an eccentric,” the grand lady finished, setting down her spectacles with an air of finality.
“So what has the young man been doing since that time?” a thin woman gently asked.
“Mourning, as was proper, to start with. And learning all he could of the English estates while he did. Then travelling,” Elizabeth answered promptly. “Settling matters relating to his estates – for his father had acquired properties on the continent, as well as here.”
She had heard this last bit from Anne, who had conveniently dug up some extra information on the Duke to use as ammunition against prying questions.
After all, Elizabeth didn’t want to be excluded from society because of one perceived impropriety, and Gavin was apparently already a favourite gossip item with the ton since his return to London.
“I’ve never heard much about the late Duke of Blackstone, or his Duchess,” a third voice broke out from the murmuring group of ladies. “They didn’t hold many Balls or soirees, did they?”
“None,” another answered. “And neither does their son.”
“I’ve heard that Blackstone is richer than the King,” one younger, very fashionably dressed Lady said, leaning forward with an air of delivering something juicy. “But you’ll never guess how he made his loads of money – oh, I could never utter it! That’s why he and his mother keep their house shut up.”
Elizabeth knew quite well how the family had made their money, for Anne’s detective skills were excellent. And there was nothing scandalous about it at all.
The previous Duke, and his father before him, had been a very astute investor. Perhaps some of the ventures he had invested in were unusual – but certainly not horrific or scandalous.
For a moment, anger rose in her and she was tempted to snap at the girl, to defend Gavin, and she knew that everyone was watching her out of the corner of their eyes, wondering if she would do it.
She took a deep breath, smiled sweetly, and stayed silent as she heard Anne’s advice in her head. ‘Stay cool, calm and collected. Don’t deny anything, but don’t exactly confirm anything, either, as far as the timing of a wedding. Any small thing could yet start a scandal.’
It was difficult smoothing over all of the impacts which had flowed from Gavin’s surprise announcement, but Elizabeth rather thought that she had handled it well. Gavin was going to answer for his rash misstep, though, to her, at least.
*****
“Well Gavin, you’ve really set off the gossips now. Far more so than you ever managed before, even when you were being a rake and a fool. Poor Lady Elizabeth, to have to be the subject of so much chatter – what were you thinking?”
Gavin met his mother’s eyes and gave a weak smile.
“What was I thinking? That I had just foolishly kissed her, albeit just the veriest gentle brush of the lips, and that others had seen it. That, to preserve her reputation, there was nothing else I could do, but declare a betrothal.”
“And did you ask her? Did you at least put a veneer of civility on it? Or did you simply rush in hot-headedly, as you so often have in your life?”
He felt his cheeks heat. When his mother was like this, he felt like a small child again, especially when she was right in her assumptions.
“I… I rushed in. You are correct, much though I am chagrined to admit it. But I will make it right. I will spend the time now, courting her properly, making her happy, ensuring that she knows that I truly love her, before we rush into the actual marriage.”
“You had best do that well, Gavin – I would not see either of you in a marriage which made you unhappy. Have you called on her since that night?”
“I… ah… I have not. Truth to tell, I am not sure how to approach that moment.”
“With humility, I would suggest. But – have you paid any attention to the gossip over the last few days?”
“I have not – you know that I long ago stopped paying it much heed.”
“You should pay attention. You might actually learn something.”
“What might I learn, Mother?”
Curiosity stirred within him – his mother was not one for gossip either, although she had her ways of keeping track of what went on amongst the ton. If she thought it worth him paying attention, then it must be something unusual.
“That your betrothed is a very clever woman, and one who cares enough for you to save you from yourself.”
“What on earth do you mean?”
“Everyone has been inviting her to tea since the night of your announcement, so that they can attempt to get juicy details about your sudden betrothal direct from the source. She has been gracious, and used those occasions to cast you in a far better light than you deserve.”
Gavin stared at her, truly startled.
“What… how…?”
“Very simply, she has told a tale mostly composed of truth, which casts you as a foolish young man who came to his senses, and acted, from that moment on, in a manner driven only by honour and duty. A man who, having achieved what duty required, returned to throw himself at the feet of the woman he had left behind, now that he was worthy to do so. A man who, in a moment of excessive excitement at love regained, forgot himself enough to kiss the woman who had just accepted his proposal.”
“Oh, my. I… I am honoured, I think – although having my youthful foolishness so baldly declared is a little uncomfortable!”
“Be grateful – having your current foolishness revealed would have been a far worse thing.”
“Indeed, it would.”
Chapter Six
“Well?”
Elizabeth greeted Blackstone with some acerbity in her tone when he presented himself at Anne’s townhouse, later that week. He had sent daily notes of apology for his unpredictable announcement ever since the Ball; but knowing Gavin, Elizabeth had no doubt that he had enjoyed this convenient, though dramatic, entrance into Elizabeth’s confidence again. He had always been a man who succeeded, more often than not, when he set out to get something he wanted.
From the moment that Gavin stepped through the door, it was apparent to her that the barrier which had arisen between them during their three-year separation was gone.
Despite the hurt which their sudden separation and Gavin’s subsequent distance had caused her, somehow their relationship, dusted off and re-examined, seemed to still be just as comfortable and friendly as it had ever been.
Their eyes met, an
d a surge of feeling filled her.
For a short while, they simply stood there, and despite her rather sharp utterance, the unspoken communication which passed between them was full of warmth and hope for the future. Of course, she was angry, furious, in fact. But that changed nothing of the underlying link between them – the link which had been buried, but never truly broken, despite their time apart.
She broke eye contact, and glanced down at the plain gown she was wearing, aware that she looked quite severe, with her hair pinned up tighter than usual as well. He did not seem to care – did not seem in any way put off by that sharp greeting. Which fact made her smile, quite ruining that severity she had worked so hard to achieve.
She was excited, she discovered, because that warmth of connection between them was something she had dreamed of, but never thought to experience again. Neither of them knew what this development would result in, but she was willing to find out, to cautiously see if it was, indeed, possible for dreams to come true.
Gavin was the only one who had ever brought out the part of her which enjoyed teasing, and doing far more daring things than she had ever otherwise considered. He had made her forget to be proper, had made her happy. It seemed that he still did. Still, she firmly resolved not to acknowledge the gentle sprouts of hope, unbidden but growing – before she could consider nurturing them, she needed to understand why Gavin had announced their betrothal the way that he had.
Could he possibly love her? Could he possibly – actually – wish to marry her? Once she had told her sister the whole story, Anne had promptly bidden Elizabeth to consider the possibility that Gavin’s words had not been meant seriously.
Although, Anne also warned, it was best that his words were, indeed, meant seriously, for a betrothal announced and then cried off from would ruin her reputation regardless. Elizabeth hadn’t needed to be told, even though she most certainly hoped he was serious – because, indeed, a declared and announced betrothal, which was then abandoned, would do her reputation just as much damage as the kiss might have done, without the betrothal.
She appreciated her sister’s advice, even when the implications were a little frightening. Truly, Elizabeth suspected that Anne hoped Gavin was sincere, not just for the sake of her reputation, but for her heart. Anne had remarked that, even when Elizabeth ranted about Gavin, she seemed more alive and invigorated than she had in years, just from seeing him again.
“Well? What do you have to say for yourself?” Elizabeth demanded of Gavin with her arms folded.
She never spoke that familiarly with anyone else; but somehow with Gavin, she felt at ease doing so. Especially since he had earned a stern rebuking. He stood there, still looking at her, seeming just a little dazed if truth be told.
“Elizabeth!” Anne called from the parlour. “Invite His Grace in.” Elizabeth gave him a dour look and reluctantly opened the door before turning and walking into the parlour. “Your Grace,” Anne said graciously as Gavin followed Elizabeth, grinning, into the room. “What a pleasure to see you again.”
“Lady Carsteade,” Gavin said with a deep bow. “I came to ask your permission to take your sister on a drive in the country.”
“Unchaperoned, Your Grace?”
“Yes, my Lady.”
Elizabeth gasped at his audacity, while Anne, surprisingly, smiled.
“You are betrothed, so that would be acceptable. As long as Elizabeth wishes to accept, of course,” she added, with a teasing glance at her sister.
Elizabeth gaped silently for a second, before recomposing herself. She hadn’t expected Anne’s response, but decided that perhaps it was convenient to be betrothed, after all, if it resulted in time alone with Gavin.
“Yes, in fact,” Elizabeth said haughtily, turning her upturned nose towards Gavin, who was looking rather smugly pleased. “I have something of infinite importance to discuss with His Grace. I will just go to get my pelisse and bonnet.”
She went upstairs, and did indeed obtain her pelisse and bonnet, but she also stood in front of her dresser mirror to wash her face, pinch her cheeks, and rearrange her hair. When she finally came down again, the parlour door was closed. As she knocked and walked in, she found Gavin heartily thanking Anne and David, who had joined them. All three looked around as she came in and smiled. Elizabeth longed to know what they had been talking about. She had a sneaking suspicion it was her, but she was not going to give them the satisfaction of asking. Instead, she held her head high and arched an eyebrow at Gavin.
“Shall we go?” she asked before turning and walking to the door.
Behind her, Gavin quickly bowed to Anne and David, then hurried past her to open the front door. He helped her into his phaeton and set off at a reasonably sedate pace through the London streets. They progressed for some time with Gavin attempting to make light conversation, and Elizabeth promptly dampening it.
He then wisely gave up, and they continued in silence until they reached the outskirts of London, at which point Elizabeth took a deep breath, planning to broach the matter which she wished to discuss. Gavin apparently saw the look in her eye and clearly sensed a lecture coming, so attempted to defuse the moment.
“I apologise for what happened at the Ball, although I cannot say that I regret it, in any way,” he said, striving mightily to look sombre, but Elizabeth knew better. His next words were said in a lighter tone. “But since I did it, are you amenable to the idea?”
Elizabeth wanted to flirt and joke with him, to let his easy manner charm her out of her annoyance with him, but Anne’s warning rang in her ears – she didn’t want her heart to be broken again. She couldn’t allow that to happen.
“Gavin, please be serious. What choice do I have, really? If I deny the betrothal, my reputation will be ruined, regardless,” she said sternly, making him look at her. “Do you really want to marry me? Unfortunately, I must ask, I must know the truth of it. Don’t toy with my affections this time. If this is just you being noble, because we were seen to kiss…”
She could see that he was hurt by her last words, but she didn’t care, could not allow herself to care – she had to know the truth, to hear him say it. This was no time to have any ambiguity between them.
“Elizabeth,” Gavin said, matching her tone and suddenly drawing the horses to a stop.
“What–”
He took her hands in his, and she didn’t resist, truthfully, did not wish to resist, for his touch sent a thrill running through her.
Still, she wanted to know where they stood, once and for all.
She couldn’t stand having to stifle the newly grown hope in her heart for much longer.
“Elizabeth, I have put this off for far too long,” Gavin sighed. “Three years ago, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. I left without you.”
She looked at him with confused hurt in her eyes, unable to hide any longer the terrible loneliness she had dealt with in the years since he’d left.
“Did you really leave because you were disappointed by your lack of success at University and in managing your father’s estate?” she asked faintly. “And if so, truly, why did you not simply tell me?”
Gavin looked ashamed.
“Elizabeth, I was immature. When my father died – everything changed. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I am still not what I should be, not what you deserve, but at least I am better, and still working to improve myself, to be worthy of you. I felt so far away from you in the street that day, and at the first Ball, and then at the second Ball. I became desperate, I admit it. I wanted to earn your confidence again, and yet I knew that it was not unreasonable to expect that you would never forgive me – which I could not bear, not when your eyes said something so different from your words. So I did something even more unforgiveable and made that announcement – we had been seen kissing, after all, and without the announcement, your reputation would have been in tatters – but just the brush of your lips had made me deeply aware that I could not live without you. I was hoping… I supp
ose I was just hoping that we could forget those three years. Pretend that they never happened, that we could get married, as we both wished to do, so long ago.”
Elizabeth’s heart had leapt at his words, barely hoping to believe that he could truly mean it… he looked sincere, and there was nothing of the casual joking ruffian in his manner at this moment. Still, she reined in her heart and controlled her expression. There would be time to rejoice when she was alone and had time to think, to be certain that rejoicing was warranted. After all, could she really trust him? He would have to regain her trust, and he had not achieved that yet. She spoke carefully, holding her emotions in check
“Let’s wait and see. If such a thing as choosing to forget those three years is possible, I think that I would like that… but… I need time. I will not cry off at this point – as we have discussed, that would ruin me – but it will still remain as a last resort possibility. I will not agree to rushing into this either.”
Gavin nodded, and the two continued along in a more comfortable silence. Then Elizabeth relented and spoke again, teasingly.
“So just where are you taking me?”
They had left London behind, and were now passing small properties interspersed with stretches of forest. She thought that they were not far from Blackstone Hall.
“I thought we’d have a working outing today,” Gavin responded mysteriously. “And you can meet my friends.”
He refused to say any more, and she allowed that silence, wondering what it hid. They continued to banter back and forth on other topics, a cautious familiarity replacing their awkwardness, until they drew to a stop in front of a neat but worn looking house. Elizabeth looked at Gavin, startled, but he only grinned at her and helped her down from the phaeton before opening the storage compartment and pulling out a covered basket.
“John!”
He was addressing the elderly man who had come out of the house. When the man saw Gavin, he held onto the side of the door for support.
“Oh, Blackstone! How welcome you are!”
Her Determined Duke: Clean Regency Romance Page 5
