Lynx knew what she was feeling, too. Bonnie was feeding the enocks one morning while he gathered the eggs, and something in the way he moved triggered her emotions. Within moments, his head went up and his nostrils flared. There it was again, he thought; her desire. Lynx breathed in the scent and waited for a response from his body, but none came. His lips hardened into a thin line as he turned away from her.
Bonnie saw his reaction and wanted to run away and hide—which is essentially what she did. Throwing the remainder of the feed at the birds, she turned and left so quickly, she nearly tripped over Kipper on the way back to the house.
Bonnie knew there was nothing she could do to make herself more attractive to him, either; the usual feminine wiles were useless on a man who disliked women. And besides, she didn't just want him to make love to her— she wanted him to love her.
Late one night, Bonnie was up feeding Ulla. Before she went back to bed, she went out to the kitchen for a drink, not bothering to turn on a light, for the moonlight lit her way quite well. If the moon hadn't been shining so brightly, Bonnie doubted that she'd have looked out, but when she did, she saw him.
Lynx was standing by the well pump, completely nude, though Bonnie only saw him from the rear. If she'd been jealous of her daughter before, Bonnie was now jealous of the moon, for its light caressed the contours of his perfect body in the same way she would have liked to touch him with her fingertips. Her only consolation as she watched the droplets of water fall from his skin was that she could stand there and watch, secure in her home, and know that he couldn't catch the scent of her desire wafting toward him with the evening breeze.
As Lynx leaned over to wash his hair, Bonnie was sure she would climax just from the sight of him. All of it was appealing to her on the most basic, elemental level and beyond. The line of his spine as it disappeared into his sculpted buttocks. The way his neck seemed to flow so perfectly into his broad shoulders. And his legs; tapered, muscular, and strong. Bonnie took that vision back to bed, dreaming of him; of the way he would feel, the way he would taste, the way he would touch her. She tried to remember how his body felt pressed tightly against her own while she had been in labor with Shaulla. It was the only memory she had, and she clung to it in desperation. Bonnie tried to imagine more, but kept coming back to what Jack had said about Cat. Did all Zetithians possess the same attributes? Could the fluids he secreted really induce orgasms? She'd never heard of a species that could do such things—and she'd heard quite a few tall tales! Sylor certainly had no remarkable abilities in that respect; making love with him had been no different than having sex with a human male. But Bonnie wasn't asking Lynx for that. She only wanted him to hold her and purr the way he had before. She didn't need orgasms to make her love him or want him. He was what made her want him, not some chemical reaction.
Then again, perhaps it was all chemical—or hormonal—and, given a couple of long, miserable years, it would all go away. Then she could look at his naked body in the moonlight and not care. In the meantime, charging him a hug or a kiss for holding Shaulla was sounding better all the time.
"Lynx," Bonnie whispered to the darkness. "You're a torment to me. Go away and leave me just like all the others have—and, please, do it soon, before I do something stupid."
Lynx stood up tall and shook the excess water from his hair. Glancing down at his penis where it hung from its nest of curling hair, he remembered a time when even cold water couldn't douse his need to mate. He hadn't understood why Bonnie had shut him out after Ulla was born. Holding a woman again had felt so good to him, and even watching the child emerge hadn't been quite as painful as it had been with the others, because he already knew there was no chance that this child could be his own. Still, he always held his breath at that moment when it might still be possible...
Beautiful mother and beautiful child. Lynx knew a moment of jealousy and hatred toward Bonnie's old boyfriend. Sylor should never have left her; a man who would abandon his own child was no better than a common criminal.
But if he had not left, I would not be here. Lynx pondered that for a while, thinking that it might have been easier. He might have gotten a job somewhere else—or been sent offworld—perhaps even back to Paemay. He didn't want to go there—too many bad memories were associated with that planet—but he'd worked and saved to pay his passage before; he could do it again.
Still, this was a nice world to live on; the climate was favorable, the shed he lived in was spacious and quiet, and the work was hard, but simple. If only there had been no females nearby, it would have been perfect.
But was that really true? There had been a time when Lynx loved women—all women, no matter their age or form or personality. He might not have understood their minds, but he loved their smiles, their laughter, and their songs. But that had been on Zetith. Women there were so indifferent to males—until you enticed one enough to become your mate, he reminded himself. Then it was lifelong and everlasting. It saddened him to think that they were all gone and had been gone for many years now. His mother, his sisters—all of them dead; all of those beautiful females, and their wonderful planet nothing but dust.
Nothing could bring them back again. He couldn't even mate with a human female the way his old friends had done in an effort to save the Zetithian race from total extinction. He was one of the last of his kind—and there was nothing he could do to perpetuate his line. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the moonlight reflected in the windows of Bonnie's home. No, there was nothing to be done; not even with a woman who desired him.
Chapter 11
Despite Bonnie's wish, Lynx not only didn't leave, he didn't even mention the possibility. Bonnie didn't suggest it, either, just in case he might want to take Ulla with him when he left. He loved Ulla. It was evident every time he looked at her or touched her.
Bonnie resumed the rhythm of her life, taking back some of the chores that Lynx had assumed over the past few weeks in a futile attempt to get him out of her mind. Salan came by a few times and tried flirting with Lynx again—though after what he'd said to her when they first met, Bonnie was surprised she would even want speak to him—and received no more encouragement than she had before, though he was a bit more tactful. There weren't very many eligible bachelors in that locale, and though Lynx was an attractive creature, Bonnie wondered how anyone could be masochistic enough for another try once they'd been so flatly rejected, though it hadn't stopped Bonnie from wanting him, either. In an effort to cheer Salan up after a particularly disappointing visit, Bonnie confided to her that Lynx didn't like women in general, but doubted that it helped very much. Even though Bonnie knew how she felt, it was amusing and somehow comforting to sit back and watch Salan's thwarted attempts at seduction.
Another bright spot was a visit from Zuannis. She didn't get out that way very often, and when she called ahead, Bonnie knew she was in for some much needed entertainment.
After properly praising Shaulla to the skies, Zuannis had plenty of news to relay.
"And now," she began, with the air of one about to tell a tale of epic proportions, "the story of last week's market day—which you missed."
"Salan hinted at something when she was here last," Bonnie said, eager to hear more. "Something about Hatul?"
"Ah, yes," Zuannis said, laughing. "He went too far."
"Gerna left him?" Bonnie gasped.
"In a manner of speaking," Zuannis replied, her smile brimming with mischief. "She won't speak to him."
This didn't sound like much of a punishment to Bonnie, but then, she'd been getting the cold shoulder from Lynx for so long, perhaps she was becoming immune.
"So?"
"Oh, I was forgetting you didn't know. When a Norludian female won't open her mouth to speak, it's a sign that she is refusing sexual relations."
Bonnie sat for a moment, and Zuannis watched her anxiously, waiting for the implications to sink in. "They don't... really... do they?"
Zuannis smiled. "I shoul
d have told you before—but if you'll recall, you didn't want to hear any more."
"True," Bonnie admitted. "So, tell me all of it."
"Ever hear how a Norludian gives birth?"
"No," Bonnie replied. "But I would assume it's the same as for other species."
Zuannis shook her large bald head, making her earrings jingle merrily. "It's more like they regurgitate their young."
It didn't take long for Bonnie to figure out the rest. "So when they have sex, it's always... oral?"
Zuannis smiled. "That's right."
"So if the female won't talk... it's like saying 'You're not getting any'?"
"Exactly," Zuannis replied.
Having heard this, Bonnie thought she should stop talking to Hatul altogether, just so he wouldn't get the wrong idea—but it was fascinating that conversation of any kind constituted flirtation. She just wished it could have been as easy with Lynx. "So, who did he, um, do it with?"
"Do you mean to say you can't guess?"
Bonnie's laugh began with a small chuckle and then progressed to a full-blown bout of hysterical laughter. Eyes streaming with tears, she said, "Oh, my God! Not Salan!"
"The very same," Zuannis assured her. "You must understand; Norludians are not opposed to sex with other partners, provided the other mate approves."
"But Gerna has never liked Salan, has she?" Bonnie observed.
"Not one bit."
This made Bonnie laugh even harder. "That poor girl! She must really be getting desperate to say yes to Hatul! She still comes around and flirts with Lynx, even though he was openly insulting the first time they met."
"Poor girl," Zuannis echoed. "We should try to find someone for her."
"Who?" Bonnie said. "Wilisan's always been the best-looking man around here, but he's never seemed interested in her either, otherwise she wouldn't be so desperate. Know any miners?"
"None that are enough like her to be compatible," Zuannis said frankly. "You've seen them, haven't you? They're perfectly hideous!"
Bonnie had seen them, and the fact that most of them were Udeelans was a point she considered mentioning to Lynx, if for no other reason than to let him see what he was missing. Udeelans were slimy, smelly, albino hulks, nearly blind from living in darkness, and had hands the size of platters. Even the Norludians thought they were ugly, and they weren't terribly friendly, either. Bonnie couldn't imagine anyone—Salan included—who would want an Udeelan boyfriend, but then, Bonnie would never have encouraged Hatul, either.
"Not much hope, is there? Unless Gerna really does kick Hatul out."
"I don't think Salan truly enjoyed the event," Zuannis said dryly, "and I think that was part of Gerna's problem with the whole thing: she seemed to think that Salan should have appreciated it more and blamed Hatul for not choosing his lovers more wisely."
This insight had Bonnie laughing merrily once more, which did wonders for her morale. "That sounds so... Norludian, don't you think?"
Zuannis nodded, wondering just what it was about a particular Zetithian that made him so choosy about his lovers—Bonnie, specifically. Zuannis didn't think Lynx could have seen anything objectionable in her friend, but since she had an idea it might be a sore spot with Bonnie, she broached the subject very carefully.
"So, what does Lynx think of Shaulla?" Zuannis said casually—knowing that Lynx must have helped deliver the child. "Or does he think of her at all?"
"He likes her," Bonnie replied woodenly. "Even made her some toys and a crib."
Zuannis didn't miss Bonnie's abrupt change of mood. "Cat seems to be a very devoted father," she remarked, "and so is Leo."
Shaulla began to get fretful, and Zuannis handed her back to her mother. Kissing her daughter on the top of her head, Bonnie said, "Yes, I'm sure they all are, and Lynx is better at taking care of a baby than most women. Better than me, anyway. You should see him change a diaper."
Bonnie sighed—and the regret it contained wasn't lost on Zuannis. Apparently, it was a sore spot, and Salan wasn't the only one taken with Lynx.
Zuannis gazed at her friend, realizing that nothing had changed between Bonnie and Lynx—which was most unfortunate. With Cat and Leo as examples, Zuannis knew that Lynx could make Bonnie one of the happiest of women—unfortunately, it wasn't in her power to encourage that.
At this point, Bonnie wasn't looking for Lynx to be her lover; she'd have settled for a whole lot less than that. She was sitting in the shade of the peach tree one afternoon while Lynx held Ulla, clearly smitten with her, ignoring Bonnie completely. "Tell me something, Lynx. Is there a reason why we can't be friends?" she asked thoughtfully. "I know you work for me, but—"
"Women do not want men as friends," he said, not even bothering to look up from Ulla's face. "They want only lovers."
"That's not true!" Bonnie exclaimed. "I'm friends with lots of guys! Drummond, Mobray, Cat, Leo—I even like Hatul up to a point, and Wilisan is, well, gorgeous, even if he is a little too macho for my taste— what makes you so different?"
"I have no mate," he replied.
"Well, neither does Vladen," Bonnie said reasonably, "and I like him just fine—when he's not telling me things like forehead ridges might have caused trouble with Ulla's birth, that is—but I don't want him for my lover!"
Lynx turned his yellow eyes on Bonnie at last and inhaled deeply; the scent was still there. "But you want me," he said. "You say you want only a friend, but you lie. Your body tells the truth."
Bonnie knew he was right; she might not have been asking for it with words, but he knew differently. Pausing for a moment in an effort to regroup, Bonnie decided that if he knew the truth, there was no point in denying it. "Well, then, what's so wrong with wanting a man as a lover? Most guys like the idea."
"I do not," he said firmly. For a moment, she thought that might be all he had to say, but, surprisingly, he went on to add: "Women have only used me. I cannot love them."
Bonnie had been used plenty of times herself, but she could still feel something for Lynx, which led her to believe that he must have come through much worse times than she ever had. Still, his choice of words had her puzzled. "Can't or won't?"
The look he shot her almost drew blood, but he did answer her question. "Both."
With two couples as her example—as well as their respective children to show as proof—Bonnie knew there was no reason that your typical Zetithian couldn't mate with a Terran, therefore, there had to be some other sort of... problem. "I've got a pretty good idea as to why you won % but is the reason you can't physical or mental?"
"Both," he said again.
His tone of voice was sharp enough to make Bonnie wish she hadn't asked, but it explained quite a bit. It was her rotten luck with men coming back to haunt her. She'd found a Zetithian dud, all right; one who not only didn't like women but was impotent to boot! Then she remembered that he'd been the slave of other slaves— many of them female—and Bonnie had an idea that if a man were to own a bunch of slave women, he would prefer that they have his own offspring rather than that of another slave. There were plenty of old tales about eunuchs who guarded the harems of sultans. Bonnie had only seen Lynx naked from the rear—was it possible that he'd been castrated? Worse things had been done to slaves throughout Earth's history alone. Who knew what might happen on other alien worlds? It made her blood run cold to think of it, but the possibility was there.
Bonnie tried to put it as delicately as possible. "They didn't... do anything to you to make you that way, did they?"
"They used me," he repeated.
"Used you?" she echoed. "How?"
"As a slave is used," he replied, biting off his words.
Bonnie knew she'd gotten him pretty well riled, and was surprised he was still talking to her. Then she realized that the fact that he was sitting on the ground holding Ulla would have made stalking away rather difficult, so she decided to press her advantage. "For sex?" she asked, probing further. "How could they do that if you weren'
t capable?"
"I was at one time!" he spat at her. "As capable as any man, but they would not leave me alone—ever!"
"They?" she echoed. "You mean there was more than one?"
At his nod, Bonnie exclaimed, "Good God, Lynx! Most guys would kill to have a problem like that!" However, having said that, it occurred to her that every man has his limits. "Just how many were there?"
"I do not know," he said. "Perhaps fifty or more at any given time. They came and went. I stayed."
Cat Star 04 - Outcast Page 15
