“Don’t move,” he told her again, grabbing her hips and sliding his hands to her front, skimming his palms over the small patch of hair at the top of her cunt, and up over her belly. He palmed the weight of both tits before squeezing them. And while he did that, he pressed his lips again to the top of her spine. “Don’t.” He pinched both nipples, causing a breathy gasp and then he thumbed one and took his other hand back down, over that soft patch again, where he hesitated. “Move.”
He sank his teeth into her neck at the same time his middle finger slid between her folds and inside her. She swayed and he braced her against his chest.
She was so fucking wet as he slid his finger in and out of her, listening to her breathing become more and more ragged, feeling the way her body responded to his teeth, his touch.
Without warning, she surged forward, pulling away from him, spinning around, and shoving both of her palms into his chest, knocking him onto his back. Without hesitation she climbed over him, grabbed his dick and was about to impale herself when he grabbed her waist, using all his strength to keep her from doing so.
“Wrap,” was all he said with a jerk of his chin toward where he had placed it.
She blinked as if she had come back to reality and her head twisted toward the nightstand. Without a word, she leaned over, snagged it, tore it open, threw the empty wrapper over her shoulder and rolled it down his cock in record time.
Once she rolled it to the root, she held it in place, hovered over him and sank down.
It wasn’t slow. Hell no, she wasn’t fucking around.
“Fuck,” he groaned as her tight, wet heat surrounded him. When he was fully inside her and couldn’t get any deeper, she ground hard against him. “Jesus fuck.”
She planted both her palms on his chest and began to rise and fall. Not slow, but like she was in a race she was determined to win. If she kept that pace, that race would be over sooner than he wanted, and no one would be the winner.
He squeezed her hips. “Baby, slow down.”
She either didn’t hear him or was ignoring him because she continued to ride him like she was using his dick to desperately scratch an itch she couldn’t reach.
And while he was impressed by her enthusiasm, he had to grit his teeth and think other thoughts just so he wouldn’t blow his load.
Watching her face didn’t help. Neither did watching the heavy bounce of her tits. Or focusing on where they were connected as his dick disappeared inside her again and again.
For fuck’s sake. He turned his eyes to the ceiling, and inhaled long breaths through his nose. Desperate to keep his heart from escaping his chest and keep his cum in his nuts.
He just needed to let her do her thing and do his best to wait her out. Then he could do his. He folded his arms behind his head—because he couldn’t touch her either—and began to recite some of the lyrics for Guns N' Roses song Patience in his head. He didn’t know them all, but he knew the most important ones, the lines he needed to concentrate on.
He just needed a little patience.
And willpower.
He’d had women ride him like a manual handle on a well pump before, but none of those women had been Cassie. None of them could compare.
And that was the problem.
Cassie twisted shit inside him no woman had before. It wasn’t a bad twist, just one he wasn’t familiar with.
With a whimper, she slammed down on him one more time, a grunt escaping him from the impact. She threw her head back, tightened up and...
He bit his inner cheek and held his breath as she exploded around him. He almost detonated, too.
Somehow, he managed to gather his shit and hang on.
He kept himself perfectly still until her head dropped forward and her hair covered her face. Her tits rose and fell just as fast as when she was fucking him.
He wanted his face between them when he came deep inside her.
And that wasn’t going to happen in their current position.
She lifted her head, wearing a lazy, relaxed smile, her eyes unfocused and soft.
Jesus. For him, Christmas had come early.
And it was the best fucking Christmas ever.
“You done?” When she didn’t answer, he growled, “You’re done,” as he slammed his hips up, knocking her off balance. He dragged her up the bed, settled between her soft thighs and plunged inside her only stopping once he hit the end of her.
“You’re not,” she breathed, wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck and giving him her baby blues.
“Fuck no. You ain’t, either.”
She’d already had it hard, now he would give it to her soft. He would take his time and appreciate everything about her, starting with her mouth and ending with his face between her tits.
She didn’t try to take control of the kiss this time and she let him set the pace. With a tilt of her hips, she accepted him completely. And when he couldn’t concentrate on their kiss anymore, he buried his face between tits that were now his as he drove slow and steady into her slick, hot sheath.
Her pussy squeezed him, rippled around him so strongly, he could even feel it through the wrap. He wished he didn’t have to wear it, but the harsh reality was, he did.
He learned from his past, even though he hoped Cassie was his future. But there was no guarantee of that. Because of that, he wouldn’t risk it. He wasn’t going to have a misstep destroy what he wanted with her before it even really began.
Her nails scoring the skin of his back brought him back to the bed, back to being inside her, where he never should have left in the first place. He lifted his head only enough to see she had covered her own mouth with her hand, her eyes were closed, and her head tipped back in a pool of blonde hair.
When her eyes popped open, they caught his and with the way she tensed, he knew she was about to come again.
Without a wrap, he’d feel that warm gush. Without a wrap, he’d feel even the smallest of responses around his dick.
“Gonna come,” he managed to warn her before snagging her nipple into his mouth and sucking it deep as he drove inside her one more time, finally letting go. And when his mind finally unclouded and his dick stopped twitching, he stayed right there, planted inside her to the root.
“Fuck,” he panted after releasing her puckered, swollen nipple. He drew his tongue across the very tip, then tilted his face up to hers.
She wore a smile again.
And that smile twisted everything inside him even tighter. So tight, he’d never be able to loosen it. Never be able to be free of it.
But she’d never be his completely until she herself was free.
He was determined to help her before this, but now?
Now, he couldn’t fail.
Not again.
Chapter Sixteen
He might have slightly purred as she combed her fingers through the long wiry hairs of his beard. She was doing it mindlessly with her cheek pressed to his shoulder and a small curve to her lips.
The urge to take her mouth was strong, but he liked what she was doing and didn’t want her to stop. If she wanted to pet him the way he petted Jury, he wouldn’t do anything to disrupt that.
Until she asked, “How long have you been growing your beard?”
That simple question pulled him out of his euphoria, and the deep satisfaction that had seeped into his bones quickly evaporated.
It wasn’t her fault.
She didn’t know.
Almost no one did.
Seeing and feeling the length of his beard was simply a reminder for him. “Since I lost my son.”
With a sharp intake of breath, her fingers stilled. “I’m so sorry.”
He squeezed them gently. “He didn’t die, if that’s what you think.”
She lifted her head. “Then I don’t understand. How did you lose him and what does one have to do with the other?”
He normally didn’t talk about it because every time he did, he got angry. Every time he did
, he was overwhelmed with regret and frustration.
And of goddamn helplessness.
She went to sit up and he pulled her back down, pressing her head back to his shoulder. He combed his fingers through her hair. Unlike his beard, her long hair was soft and silky against his skin.
“Decided not to cut it ‘til I saw him again. Just a reminder of what I lost. Think of him every time I look in the mirror and see it. Reminds me of just how long it’s been.”
His long beard wasn’t the only reminder of what had been his and who he had lost. His son’s name, Henry, was tattooed down his right side. If he couldn’t be with Ry in person, Ry could be with him always. And he didn’t want one day to go by where he didn’t think about him.
Not one fucking day.
Because that would make him feel like a failure more than he already did.
One day he also hoped his son realized how much Judge loved him and wanted to be his father. How it wasn’t his choice to be separated. One day Judge hoped Ry gave him a chance to get to know him.
One day.
Once that damn evil bitch was no longer controlling his son’s life.
He just hoped by then it wasn’t too late.
She tugged gently on his beard, pulling his face and his attention toward her. “Why don’t you see him?”
His jaw shifted and he beat back his anger, so it didn’t spill onto the woman in his arms. “His mother won’t let me.”
Her blue eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, let you? Did you fight for visitation?”
“Sure as fuck did. Got it, too. Then she fuckin’ bolted.”
Because he didn’t love Jen, she felt the need to hurt him by stealing his son. She was too stupid to admit, by taking Ry from him, she was hurting their son, too.
She didn’t care because she was petty. She hated Judge and wanted to do anything and everything she could to make his ass suffer.
But separating a man from his child for no good reason should be inexcusable. If she wanted to hurt him, she should’ve found another way.
“Why?”
“To fuck with me.”
“Why?”
“She was pissed, so she used my son to get back at me.”
“For what?”
He blew out a breath. “It’s a long fuckin’ story, Cass.” One he didn’t really want to tell. He had been relaxed, had a hot as fuck woman in his arms, had empty balls and was now tired.
He also needed to get up and get on the road early.
What he didn’t need to do was relive his personal hell.
The only people who knew the whole story was his aunt and Deke because they lived through the bullshit with him. Everybody else who asked, he told to fuck off.
“I want to know.”
And here was this woman he was thinking about making a future with—even if she didn’t know it yet—asking him to rip off that fucking scab and bleed once more.
Yeah, she had no fucking clue what she was demanding, so he couldn’t be pissed at her about it. He also couldn’t tell her to fuck off. Not if he didn’t want her to crumple up that possible future into a ball and toss it in the trash can.
So, yeah, he needed to decide how much he would tell her, if anything.
But if whatever was between them was more than a casual thing, if this went somewhere more than just a few orgasms, she would have to know anyway.
She would also need to know why it all happened. How he fucked up and how he failed his marriage and his son. Because maybe that shit wouldn’t sit right with her.
Maybe what he revealed would make her look at him differently.
Maybe she wouldn’t want him around her daughter.
Maybe she wouldn’t even want to stick in Manning Grove.
Worse, maybe she only wanted him for his dick and nothing more. Just like men, not every woman wanted something other than sex.
He was one of those men. Not once had he been with someone where he wanted anything more.
Not even Ry’s mother.
Which was why every time he had hooked up with Jen, he wore a wrap. Every fucking time. So, when she came up pregnant, he doubted the kid was his.
She insisted it was.
Turned out she was right.
Judge also figured out Jen had trapped him because he didn’t want to commit to her. She had poked holes in the fucking wraps she kept in her bedroom.
Goddamn holes.
That was why he now always used his own. That was why he still used wraps even when a woman insisted she had birth control “covered.”
Never fucking again.
He didn’t want a kid with Jen. Hell, he didn’t even want anything long term with her. He had always been up front about that and never let her believe anything different.
“Even though it wasn’t what I wanted, I was determined to do a better job at it than my parents. There was no way I was gonna desert my kid, there was no way I wanted him to think he wasn’t wanted.”
“When did you find out?”
“When it was too late. She waited to tell me on purpose.”
“Damn. She had a plan,” Cassie whispered.
“Yeah, she had a fuckin’ plan. But you can’t force someone to love you. And that’s where her plan failed. But I also failed when I fucked up, pissed her off and ended up not bein’ a better parent than Ox or Trixie.”
“You still haven’t said how you fucked up, Judge.”
“Never shoulda married her. Another mistake after the wrap shit. Don’t like bein’ forced to do shit. Was forced, was pissed, and besides that piece of paper legally bindin’ us, really wanted nothin’ to do with her. Marriage was rotten from the start. No fuckin’ sex ‘cause I hated her for doin’ what she did. No relationship existed at all.”
Cassie remained silent, so he continued.
“Waited a year or so after Ry was born, hopin’ maybe I could feel somethin’ for her. That maybe somethin’ would grow. It didn’t and I couldn’t. Began lookin’ elsewhere to get my needs met because I wasn’t gettin’ them at home.”
Cassie tensed against him. “You cheated.”
“Technically, yeah. Was young, not dead, so yeah, found it elsewhere, but came home every night to my kid. He was the only thing good that came out of fuckin’ that scheming bitch. Ry was the only reason to stay. Shoulda left before that, then maybe I’d still have my son. But I didn’t. Figured stickin’ around and just fuckin’ around was better for him than leavin’ his mother. I was really fuckin’ wrong.”
“How did she find out?”
He stared up at the ceiling. “When I wasn’t home, the woman I was fuckin’ on the side decided to come knockin’ on our door to introduce herself.”
“Guess that didn’t go well.”
“Bingo. Jen fuckin’ clocked the woman in the face and knocked her out. When I got home, unaware of what I was walkin’ into, got kicked in the fuckin’ nuts, found all my shit burned in the backyard and their bags packed. If she couldn’t have me, she thought nobody else should, either. She stayed with her parents ‘til the divorce, ‘til custody was set.”
So far, Cassie hadn’t kicked him out of her bed, so until she did, he was going to keep talking, lay it all out. Let her form her own opinion about him.
He wouldn’t make excuses.
Jen fucked up. He fucked up.
His kid suffered because of it.
“Funny how my cheatin’ was the final straw for her, not the loveless, sexless marriage we were sufferin’ through.”
“Maybe she loved you. Why else would she trap you?”
“Truth? Think she’s got mental issues. Didn’t know it when I was fuckin’ her ‘cause I never stuck around long enough to notice. But after Ry was born, and we were livin’ together, started to see signs. She was never diagnosed so I ain’t sure. Never was violent or did anythin’ too crazy where I could force her to see someone but had my suspicions. Somethin’ was off, just couldn’t put a finger on it. My priority was Ry. Problem was, s
he used my cheatin’ against me in the divorce and custody case. ‘Cause of that, got visitation but not any kinda custody, which was bullshit. Have a feelin’ I got fucked there, too. Thinkin’ her father, or someone she knew, had some sorta connection with the judge. ‘Cause not only did I not get custody, that fuckin’ judge allowed her to take him outta state. She went to the west coast and took my son with her. So, there went the fuckin’ visitation I fought for. She claimed she had family out there and Ry would be raised around cousins and shit. Fuck bein’ raised by his father, though, right? Cousins were more important?” His jaw tightened. “Fuck her. She didn’t even think twice about rippin’ my heart right out of my fuckin’ chest and crushin’ it under her goddamn heel. Hated her so fuckin’ bad, had to force myself not to fuckin’ kill her. Because, believe me, it was close. Me endin’ up in prison wasn’t gonna help my son and I swore to never follow in my father’s footsteps like that.”
Though, in some ways he had. With the club and his spot within the club. But he would do everything he could to stay out of prison. He didn’t want Ry to lose his father the same way Judge lost his.
“But you could still see him, right? You were awarded visitation whether he was in PA or not. Am I wrong about that?”
“Never flew on a goddamn plane in my fuckin’ life. Never wanted to. And for me to drive across the country a couple times a year...” He sucked air in through his nostrils. “Did it once. Took almost a week on my sled. She knew I was comin’ ‘cause it was planned and when I finally got out there... She left. Just fuckin’ left.” He could feel his blood pressure rising as he remembered that day. It might have been years ago, but it still felt like yesterday.
“Please tell me it was for an emergency of some sort and not on purpose.”
It had taken everything he had not to fall to his knees on that porch and just lose his mind. He sat there for hours, hoping it had been a misunderstanding.
Deep down he knew it wasn’t. That she’d done it on purpose.
If his son hadn’t lived in that house, he would’ve burned it to the ground. But he refused to lower himself to her level. He had to convince himself to be the better person.
Blood & Bones: Judge (Blood Fury MC Book 3) Page 22
