But sitting there alone, he’d gone through every fucking emotion a person could have.
From disbelief, to rage, to disappointment.
He never told anyone, but he sat on that porch and fucking cried like a goddamn baby.
He wanted to know his son and he wanted his son to know him. And he was denied that all because the woman who bore him that son was on an evil power trip.
He had sat there until he got his shit together and, once he did, he went knocking on doors.
“Neighbor said she’d flown to Orlando to take her son on vacation. Her fuckin’ son. She took the son I hardly knew on vacation to avoid me. Damn sure Ry had no idea his father was standin’ on the porch of an empty house dyin’ to see him. Rode all that fuckin’ way. The whole trip, kept in touch with that bitch, too. Told her when I’d get there, so it wasn’t a surprise. She had the whole thing planned. Now that was a damn cunt move.” He drew his hand over his eyes, tamping down that anger. “Never answered one goddamn text or call. She even went so far as to block my number when I blew up her damn phone. Guess she figured eventually I’d give up.”
“You didn’t.”
“Fuck no. Not then, at least. Scared as fuck to fly. But the second time I went out there, got on a plane. Had Deke go with me. Don’t mind two or four wheels, but no wheels ain’t for me. Wasn’t born a bird, was never meant to fly.”
“Fear of flying is a real phobia,” she said softly.
“Know it. But did it anyway. Only puked twice when I flew the fuck out to California. That time I didn’t let her know I was comin’. Kept it a fuckin’ secret. Waited ‘til summer, for the month I was supposed to have him accordin’ to the visitation agreement. Got out there, thought I was finally gettin’ a shot at seein’ my boy and that cunt had us arrested for trespassin’ when we showed up at the door. Told the pigs we tried to hurt her and force our way into the house. Luckily, the charges didn’t stick but by then, the damage was done. By the time we got released, she had time to split town with Ry and I never got to see him.”
“I don’t understand it.”
“Yeah, me neither. It’s just her bein’ a petty bitch.”
“Petty? Oh no, it’s more than that. She trapped you into marriage by getting pregnant. You do the right thing, then realize it’s the wrong thing. That drives you to do the wrong thing and she blames you for everything.”
“Basically. Not blameless in all that shit, though.”
“No, you’re not.”
Judge grimaced. “Like I said, the marriage was bad but that’s still no excuse for what I did. Even so, would let her kick me in the fuckin’ nuts every fuckin’ day just to see my kid, raise him, watch him grow. Got fucked outta all of that.” He closed his eyes because they got that sting in them when he thought about what he missed out on with Ry.
Cassie cupped his cheek and waited. As if she knew he was struggling.
He kept them closed when she traced the tattoo of Henry’s name on his side. She took her time and ran her fingertip around the outline of each letter. She outlined the last two letters of his name twice. Ry.
It wasn’t his choice to name him Henry. It was Jen’s because it was her father’s name. So, Judge never called him that. He made the name his own.
When she was done, she asked, “You don’t talk to Ry at all?”
“She shut me out for the longest time. When he was eight, I mailed out a prepaid cell phone for his birthday so I could talk to him. Know Jen got it ‘cause she signed for the package but no one ever answered it. Now he’s older, I call him for his birthday and Christmas and leave a message. I send a text once a month. I tell him he can call me anytime. He can reach out if he needs anything or just needs to talk. I let him know my address every time I move. I ask him to call me back, to just respond so I know he’s gettin’ the messages.”
“And he doesn’t?”
“Not once.” Jen wanted to fuck up Judge’s relationship with his son out of spite. She succeeded.
“I’m sorry.”
“My fault, too. Should’ve pushed harder. But I let her win. She wanted me out of her life because I wanted her out of mine. The problem was, Ry got caught in the middle.”
“How old is he now?”
This was when the knife always twisted the most painfully. “Seventeen.” Jen had taken off to California before he’d turned one. He was now at an age where he could think for himself. And that was what hurt the most.
Well, that and missing out on all those years. No pictures, no phone calls.
Nothing.
Cassie whispered, “Holy shit.”
“Yeah, it’s his senior year. Told him I’d pay for his college if he wanted to go.”
“Can you afford it?”
“I’d find a way, even if I had to borrow the scratch. Want his future to be a good one, even if I’m not in it.” But he hoped to fuck he’d be in it.
He was just waiting for his kid to turn eighteen and graduate high school. Then he was inviting him to come back to Manning Grove. Even if it was for a short trip. Just to open that door toward some sort of relationship. He missed watching his boy grow up, he didn’t want to miss out on the rest of Ry’s life.
He just needed to get his son out from under Jen’s thumb. Let him make his own decisions. Let him form his own opinions about his father, too.
Judge only wanted a fair shot at him.
“I can’t imagine having Daisy stolen from me. And here I am crying about Dennis stealing all our money and gambling it away. At least I still have her. What happened to you makes me realize that every minute I have with her is precious.” She rolled back into his side and planted her chin on his chest, staring up at him. Her face twisted. “Except when she’s being a bossy little monster. I don’t know where she gets that from.”
Judge shot her a look. “Right. Got no clue, huh?”
Her expression became a mask of innocence. “Nope. My mother is very opinionated. Maybe it skips a generation.”
“Yeah, sure it does. Just didn’t skip yours.”
She pretended to be insulted. “Are you saying I’m bossy?”
“Sayin’ you try to be bossy. But I ain’t lettin’ you boss me around. You wanna be bossy in bed, might allow it. To a point. Beyond the bed? We might have a serious discussion about it.”
“Will we?”
“Fuckin-A-right.”
Her sassiness disappeared when she stretched up and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Sorry about your son. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. I never understood how a parent could use their children as pawns to hurt the other one. Nobody wins in those types of situations. I only hope he’ll give you a shot. He needs to know you’re a good man, Judge.”
“Glad you think it, but you don’t know me enough to say that.”
Her eyebrows rose. “I know you enough to be naked in bed with you. You’re one of a select few who has had that privilege.”
Judge snorted and he fisted her hair so he could stare into her blue eyes. “A privilege, huh?”
“Well, of course!” She waved a hand over her naked body. “Not everyone gets to experience all this goodness. You should feel lucky.”
He barely managed to keep a straight face. “You’re right, baby, consider myself lucky to have you lying here next to me.”
She grinned. “See?”
“Even luckier you didn’t kick my ass out after hearin’ all that.”
She frowned. “Why? We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Should that define the rest of our lives? The whole time you told it, I watched your face, I felt your body react, I heard your voice. There’s no doubt you love your son. I only wish he had the opportunity to see that and to get the chance to give you some of that love in return. The only thing you can do is keep reaching out like you are, so he knows you haven’t forgotten about him. One day he’ll see it and realize what it meant. You never know, one day he might just return the call or text. Never give up hope.”
Ch
rist, this woman.
That was a pep talk he needed. He kept that shit buried deep and sometimes it ate at him to the point he felt like giving up. That the whole situation was hopeless. That he should just move on and accept the fact he lost his son and would never get him back.
But he’d always had that thin thread of hope.
And Cassie just turned that thin thread into a rope he could grab onto.
If she believed it, maybe he needed to keep believing it, too.
“Baby?”
“Hmm?”
“Think I gotta fuck you again.”
“I thought you needed sleep for the drive in the morning?”
“Will get Deke to drive. Right now, you’re more important than sleep. And I’m feelin’ pretty lucky. Lemme show you just how lucky...”
Cassie groaned as she rolled over, pushed the hair out of her face and glanced at the digital clock.
How could she be so sore from sex?
A smile spread across her face as she stretched.
Because it was super awesome sex and loads of it. After years of not having it, she couldn’t get enough.
It helped that Judge was game to make sure she got everything she needed.
She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and sat up. She was supposed to make breakfast this morning, but Judge was already gone from the bed and she couldn’t hear any kind of racket. Maybe he left and couldn’t wait for breakfast.
Once again, he hadn’t woken her up.
She thought again about his son and that satisfied smile she wore disappeared. While her daughter was a handful, she couldn’t imagine not having Daisy in her life. Daisy was a piece of her. Just like Ry was a piece of Judge.
He was heading up to Rochester this morning to help her. She only wished she could help him heal that wound in return. But not only was it not for her to fix, she wouldn’t even know how or where to begin.
The frustration she felt from that probably wasn’t even a fraction of the frustration Judge dealt with and had dealt with for years.
Years.
Years of not seeing his son. Of no communication. Of being totally cut from Ry’s life out of pure spite.
Jen was evil but also smart to leave Pennsylvania and move across the country. It made it easier to fuck Judge over. Because if she had stayed, he could’ve forced his rights as a father.
Seeing the way he was with Daisy made her believe he would’ve been a great father. Ry lost out on all of that. That was sad and shameful. She could only hope his ex-wife was hit with the karma bus.
Cassie would be glad to be behind the wheel.
She normally didn’t wish ill on anyone, but right now, she had two people on her shit list.
She needed to get up and check on her own child. Because if Judge had left, she wouldn’t put it past Daisy to have her butt planted in front of the TV, watching cartoons and on her way to a sugar high by eating Heather’s stash of Hershey Kisses for breakfast.
Cassie groaned at the thought of having to tie Daisy to a chair so she didn’t bounce off the walls like a ping pong ball.
Plus, she had no idea where the dogs were and if they’d even been outside yet.
After pulling on the stuff she had worn last night, she peeked into Daisy’s room, finding it empty—as she expected—and headed downstairs, listening for any kind of activity.
She heard it coming from the kitchen. Her daughter was either chatting a million miles a minute and having an in-depth conversation about her Barbie dolls to the dogs or to Judge. She hoped it was the latter so she could say goodbye before he left.
And maybe a little selfishly, she wanted one more kiss from the man. While she disliked the shaggy beard, she had a lot of appreciation for his lips amidst all that wiry hair.
With a smile, she stopped in the entryway to the kitchen where Judge and Daisy were sitting at the table. His back was to her since his chair was turned toward the kitchen window where he could monitor the dogs outside. Her daughter was in his lap and he sat patiently while she did something to his face.
Whatever she was doing, he was allowing her to do without complaint. And that right there, squeezed her heart.
“Momma sometimes braids my hair just like this,” she was saying, with her blue eyes lit up and face animated as she spoke. “I tryyyyyyy to do it with my dolls, but their hair isn’t long enough. But I don’t need my dolls anymore since I have you, Judge. Your beard isn’t as soft as the dogs. It’s scratchy. It tickles my hands. Does it tickle your face? I don’t like bein’ tickled because sometimes it makes me pee. Do you pee when you’re tickled? No! Don’t move. I’m not done yet! I neeeeeeed to make you pretty for your trip. I’m gonna miss you. Are you gonna be gone long? When are you gettin’ back? When you come back are you stayin’ with us? Can you make me pancakes next time? Are you movin’ in with us? Can Jury be my dog if you dooooo?”
She wasn’t sure if she should continue to stand there and be entertained, or to save Judge from the hands of her chatty little stylist. The poor man was being more than patient.
Suddenly Daisy sat back, cocked her head and studied Judge with a critical eye. Her little girl smiled at the big man. Then she caught Cassie standing in the doorway. “Momma! Come see how I braided Judge’s hair!”
The chair scraped back, and Judge put Daisy on her feet as he rose to his own. Cassie held her breath as he turned around. Then she held it some more so she wouldn’t burst out in laughter.
“How do I look?” he asked her, his green eyes wrinkled at the corners.
“Gorgeous,” she managed to get out without choking.
Daisy had attempted to braid his beard into about a half dozen braids. However, her little fingers weren’t dexterous enough to do so. Instead, she had twisted the wiry length of facial hair into what almost looked like loose dreadlocks. Actually, it made the lower half of his face look like Medusa.
“Wow. I—” She slapped a hand over her mouth just as a giggle escaped.
“Judge said Jury could be my dog when he moves in.”
That sobered her up quickly. Cassie hadn’t heard him answer Daisy during her ramble, so she knew that wasn’t true. “I doubt that. And what did I say about lying?”
She huffed and planted her hands on her narrow hips. “It’s not a lie, Momma. Maybe I’m just mistaken.”
Oh boy. She was in trouble. If she was like this at five, she couldn’t wait until Daisy was fifteen. Fiveteen. That was what she was right now.
“Jury is Judge’s dog and he’s not moving in. We don’t even live here, Daze. We’re only staying with Aunt Heather and Uncle Tyler until we find our own place.”
“When we find it, we can all move in together so Jury can be my dog.”
Out of the mouth of babes...
Her gaze hit Judge’s and he wore a slight smirk. She rolled her eyes and decided it was best to end that conversation before it became too uncomfortable. Instead, she made her way into the kitchen and asked loudly, “Who’s ready for the best French toast in the whole wide world?”
She smiled when a loud “Me!” came from both of them at the same time.
Chapter Seventeen
It should be a goddamn happy occasion, but Judge wasn’t feeling it. Not one fucking bit.
He and Deke kicked the bushes in Rochester for almost three days—three long fucking days—and they came home with nothing but a pile of steaming dog shit to show for it.
Deke was almost as frustrated as him. Even though Judge didn’t want to stop searching for Lange until he found him, he had no choice. They had run out of time. He had a fucking business to run and their search up in New York kept running into dead ends.
The man had simply fucking disappeared.
Usually a trace was left. Something. But even Deke—as good as a skip tracer as he was—wanted to give up.
The man had left no paper trail at all. The Langes’ credit cards and bank accounts had been frozen. Their vehicles had been repossessed.
Dennis Lange
couldn’t have gotten far unless he had someone financing him in cash. The local bondsman said he’d already talked to all his friends and his sister, plus a few cousins, and he couldn’t find shit, either.
The only thing him and Deke could guess was Lange had stashed some scratch somewhere, just in case he needed to make a quick getaway. Even so, they both had a tough time believing a gambling addict could save enough money before spending it. Gamblers usually chased the high of the next bet, thinking they would hit big enough to cover their previous losses. They never did, because on the slim chance they won big, they doubled down on the next bet.
Only one more bet.
Just one more.
And one more.
Until there was nothing left, and they hit the bottom of the empty barrel.
But Judge wasn’t giving up. It would just take longer than expected to find Cassie’s husband and make him an ex.
He also hated seeing the disappointment in her eyes when he came back to town late Friday night and went immediately to Crazy Pete’s to let her know. By the time he got there, the Friday night crowd had thinned, the local band had packed up and left and she had time to talk to him as he sat at the bar, having a few beers and watching her work.
He couldn’t keep his eyes off her ass, tits and her smile as she moved around the bar, working on making some big tips.
He had been impatient to give her his tip after her shift.
As soon as she’d closed up, he followed her home, they both checked on a sleeping Daisy and when she wasn’t looking, he slipped cash out of his own wallet to pay the babysitter. Then he fucked her once, and only once, before they both fell asleep exhausted.
The next morning, they woke up with Daisy and Jury between them because they, in their impatience to get naked, had forgotten to lock the door. Luckily, Cassie’s daughter hadn’t slipped under the sheet because neither of them had thought to pull on any clothes after they collapsed. Which could have been more uncomfortable than the hand Daisy had fisted tightly in his beard as she slept.
Saturday night, both of them double-checked the lock. And both a dog whining and a child bellowing outside the bedroom door the next morning not only woke them up but gave them time to cover the important shit.
Blood & Bones: Judge (Blood Fury MC Book 3) Page 23
