There are bikers in the waiting room, all of whom I recognise, and more in the corridor outside the department with the title Neurology over the door. As we pass, I’m given chin lifts, just like how Mace had greeted me outside. A couple give reassuring pats to Cas’s shoulders.
Mace presses a button, the door opens, and we’re ushered in.
When we reach Lizard’s room, I’m taken back in time, and I feel a wave of dizziness pass over me. For weeks I’d sat by his bed. I’d been there when he’d coded and had to be revived. There when it had happened again.
Last time he recovered, I remind myself. But he’d woken a different man. A man who’s first words had been, Who the fuck are you?
Has he been living on borrowed time all these years? Had his time really been then? Had he escaped death’s clutches, only to have it come for him again?
As I stand back, Cas steps forward. He takes hold of his dad’s hand, and while tears roll down his cheeks, he squeezes it. “I don’t care if you don’t know who I am,” he tells the man lying motionless on the bed. “I just want you to live, Dad. I promise I won’t shout at you again. I’m sorry if I upset you…”
“Kid.” Mace is there. “It wasn’t anything you did, okay? Your dad wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”
“He’s going to be alright, isn’t he, Mace?” Cas turns his wet eyes onto the enforcer, seeking an assurance that no one can give.
Mace tries his best. “One thing’s for certain, Lizard isn’t going to give up. If there’s a way to come back to you, he’s going to take it. He’s not done riding through life, okay, Cas? Have faith in him. Might not look like it, but I know he’ll be fighting.”
“I’ve been here before,” I tell them. “I’ve sat by the bed of a man the doctors warned me might not live. But he did. He pulled through.” My life might have become a living hell when he’d lost all his memory, but I couldn’t resent Liz for carrying on and living his.
When the nurses usher us out to prepare him for his operation, I meet his neurosurgeon, who tries to put the complicated medical procedure into words I can understand.
“I’ll be performing a craniotomy. That involves removing a small section of his skull to take out as much of the tumour as we can. I might not be able to get all of it, but enough to ease his symptoms at least.”
“And he’ll come out of the coma?” I ask, my voice breaking with the anxiety I’m feeling.
“That’s what we hope,” the surgeon says, but he offers no odds or promises.
“Will he have a hole in his head?” Cas asks.
“No. We’ll glue back the piece of bone we take out.” He looks from me to Cas. “I know it’s worrying and scary, but I assure you, I, and my team, are very experienced in these operations. It’s a common enough procedure for us. The unknown is whether the tumour is benign or malignant, and whether we’ll be able to remove it all. Until I get inside his head, we won’t know precisely what we’re dealing with.”
“How long will the operation take?” I ask.
“At least four, maybe six hours. I’ll make sure you’re updated as soon as we’re done.”
“Thank you.”
Mace ushers us away.
The waiting room is crowded with bikers. Two, I recall as Paladin and Wills, get up and offer us seats. Cas and I sit down. My head drops into my hands as if worry makes it too heavy to hold up. How can I go through this again?
“He’s fuckin’ strong.” Buzzard hunkers down in front of me and takes my hands. “He’ll pull through.” He squeezes my fingers, then stands back up.
I give him a wan smile. “I’ve been here before. Sat by his side willing him to wake up. In the end, he did.” It was just that he wasn’t my Lizard any longer.
“He didn’t recognise you at all?” Thunder asks, as if I’d spoken aloud.
“No,” I shake my head. “He had no idea who the stranger was crying in his room.”
“Do you remember your dad before, Cas?” Jayden comes over. She glares at Judge sitting next to Cas, and the biker gets up and offers her his seat with an exaggerated flourish.
Cas looks at Jayden. “Not really. Mom’s told me a lot about how he used to play with me, but I don’t remember much. He didn’t want anything to do with me when he came out of the hospital.”
“At first he was away for months at a time on tours,” I tell them. “He wasn’t able to spend much time with Cas. He wasn’t even there for the birth as this one decided to come early.”
“You’ve had it hard, haven’t you, darlin’?” The older biker with ginger hair states.
I shrug. “At least I knew Lizard was alive. So many people have it worse. I was grieving, but at least it wasn’t for a dead body. I always had hope.”
“Heard about you getting into trouble, Cas,” a stern voice says. “You’ve got to knock that shit on the head.”
Cas looks sheepish and looks down at his feet as Demon’s father talks to him.
“When’s the court case?” asks Demon.
“I don’t know yet. He’s had the preliminary one, but he hasn’t had a court date as yet.”
“I, er, I spoke to my dad.” Mel nods at Ink sitting to my left. He nudges Beth, shifts along a seat, then repositions her on his lap. Mel takes the place he vacated, looking tiny sitting next to the two compared-to-her giants. “He’ll represent you if you want. He’s really good, Vanna. Has your current lawyer gone into character references for you?”
I shake my head. “No, she’s been focusing on Cas.”
“In Dad’s view, proving you’re a good mother might help keep Cas out of a custodial sentence.”
But I’m not a good mother, am I? Else Cas wouldn’t have gone off the rails.
“I had no dad growing up.” Judge comes over and crouches in front of us. “Know how that makes you feel kid. But now your relationship with Lizard is out in the open, we’ll step up.” He waves his hand around him. “See all these men, Cas? We’re your dad’s brothers, which means we’re your uncles.”
“You know what Judge is saying?” Ink’s eyes narrow as he peers around Beth. “You fuck up and you’ll have a whole club of angry bikers making sure you learn a lesson you’ll never forget.” Cas goes still. When I go to speak, Ink holds up his hand. “You know why?” As my son shakes his head, Ink goes on to explain, “Because we care. You’re one of ours now, we’ve adopted you. We care that you do the best with your life and don’t fuck it up.”
Cas looks from one to the other of the new ‘uncles’ he’s found. Each give him chin lifts as his eyes fall on them.
I wanted a man to show Cas how he should behave. Now he’s not got just one, he’s got a whole club.
“Hey, Vanna,” Vi calls out. “You’ve got sisters as well, you hear?”
That’s the first thing I’ve heard today that melts a little of the ice inside.
“What happens when Dad wakes?” Cas asks Judge, who’s remained crouched in front of him. “He still won’t recognise me and Mom and will wonder what the hell you’re doing.”
Judge glances at Mace and then Demon. It’s the prez who replies, “Can’t promise Liz will play happy family, or even want to. But if he’s half the man I know, then once he knows he has them, he’ll step up to his responsibilities. If he’s not well enough to have the truth dropped on him, well, we’ll work it out. Whatever happens, you’ve got us now, and we’ll be there for you whenever you need us.”
Almost six hours has passed before the door opens, and a nurse steps in. “Mr Black and Mrs James?”
I stand, and so does Demon, who signals to Mace and has a quiet word in his ear. Mace signals something to Judge who stands and takes the seat by my son.
“Mom…?”
“Stay with us, Cas,” Ink commands from his other side.
I’m shaking. When Mace puts his arm around me, I realise why Demon invited him along. He’s here as my support should I be about to hear the news I don’t want. That something’s gone wrong.
T
he nurse takes us to see the neurosurgeon who doesn’t delay telling us how Lizard is.
“I’m pleased to tell you Mr James is out of surgery now. He’s still under anaesthesia and being closely monitored, but I was able to remove the entire tumour. There was a slight bleed behind it as I suspected, but that’s tied off now.”
Ignoring the good news, I ask for the worst. “Was it cancer?” If it is, that’s not going to be the end of Lizard’s problems. I don’t dare breathe as I wait for the response and feel Mace tense beside me.
“The pathologist examined it. The shape, chromosomes and DNA of the cells all appear to be normal and are not secreting hormones. The tumour was self-contained without fingers spreading into other tissue.”
“Which means?” The words are going right over my head.
“It was a benign tumour. Nothing to suggest any chemo or radiation therapy is required.”
If Mace’s arms weren’t holding me up, I’d have fallen to the floor.
“Will he come around once the anaesthetic wears off?” Demon asks.
“I’d say it’s very likely. I suspect, having gotten it all, that chances are good that in time, he’ll make a good recovery barring any unforeseen complications. But I do warn you, this is a serious operation, and recovery won’t happen overnight. His brain will be swollen which can have various consequences. He may not be able to talk, and it may affect his movement.”
“But he will recover?” I should have expected poking around in someone’s head would affect them, but stupidly, I hadn’t.
“How far and how fast is impossible to predict.”
“Can I sit with him?” I’m prepared to take up my vigil again.
The neurologist smiles. “We’ll monitor him a little longer in recovery. You can wait for him in his room if you want. The nurse will show you where to go.”
“You two go,” says Demon. “When he’s awake, come and get me. I’ll go back to the waiting room and let everyone know.” He pauses and looks down at me. “This is good news, Vanna. He’s alive, he came through.”
Once Lizard is wheeled into the room where Mace and I have been waiting, it’s so similar to twelve years ago when Lizard was recovering from his initial head injury. Me sitting beside his bed waiting, hoping, praying that he’d open his eyes. Of course, back then, no one was waiting with me. My mother—at that time we were still talking—would take Cas and look after him for me, for that month I’d barely left Lizard alone.
Just as then, I stare at the machine that’s recording his heart rate, my mind going back to those times the beep had become a continuous sound. Twice it had happened, twice they’d had to intervene to get his heart pumping blood around his body again. I’d all but died with him each time. Only the thought of Cas sustained me.
“He’ll be fine, Vanna.” Mace is staring at me, an intense expression on his face.
“Once he wakes, I’ll go,” I tell him, knowing I have to. “He won’t recognise me, and it will confuse him as to why I’m here. We’ll tell him I was keeping you company.”
“No lies, Vanna. If Liz hears that, then finds out who you are to him, he’ll murder me if in his head he’s linked you and me.”
There’s truth in that I suppose.
It’s a waiting game just like I remember from before. I like it no better.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The incessant noise would drive me crazy if it weren’t that it shows my man is alive. I eye the large white dressing on his head, and then my eyes drop to the features of the face. I still love as much as the day I said my vows. His hair is longer now, down past his shoulders, when then it was military short. Idly, I think he’s probably had a patch shaved for his surgery, and wonder whether he’ll have to shave off the rest to match it. I hope he grows it again, as it suits him long.
All these thoughts go through my head as Mace and I sit in silence as hour after hour goes past, the only interruptions being the nurse coming in to check on the man lying so still in the bed.
“Did you see that?” Mace asks sharply but quietly. “His eyelid twitched. Liz? Lizard, Brother? Can you hear me?”
“Lizard?” I prompt him myself.
The man in the bed groans. Then his eyes start to flutter, then they open. They scan the room and land on me.
He groans again, then his lips slowly curve, and he breathes out a word that’s difficult to understand but sounds like my name. I draw in breath sharply as his eyes close, willing him to wake up and say it again. I hardly dare breathe, certain I imagined it.
Mace smiles at me, he’d heard it too.
Lizard sleeps on, I sit, hoping beyond hope I’d seen recognition in his face.
Next time he wakes, he seems more alert. He says something, but it’s unintelligible. He makes an effort and tries again. “Vanna.”
I’m still. He knows me. He. Knows. Me.
“You look different,” he mumbles. His head must pain him, as he reaches up his left hand to touch it. As he encounters strands of his hair, his brow furrows in confusion. He tugs at his dirty blond locks, then grimaces. “What the fuck is this?”
“It’s your hair, Brother,” Mace tells him, his tone light, almost playful with the relief Lizard is talking again.
“It’s not my fucking hair,” Lizard growls. Then his eyes sharpen, and he blinks rapidly as if trying to bring Mace into focus. “Who the fuck are you?” he asks. “I ain’t your brother. Haven’t got one.”
He recognises me, but not Mace? I see Mace’s eyes widen in shock, but I’ve been here before. At least this time, he knows me, and selfishly, for me, that’s enough.
“Lizard?” I ask slowly, bringing his attention back to me.
“What’s happened to me, Vanna?” He frowns. “How did I get here? I was on tour… then… I can’t remember. Am I stateside?”
This is everything I’ve wanted for twelve years. For my husband to recognise me. But something’s wrong, it’s as though the clock’s been wound back again. I reach for his right hand and grasp it, noticing he doesn’t squeeze back. “You had a brain tumour, Liz, but they’ve gotten it all out. It was benign, so nothing to worry about. Turns out that’s why you were having headaches.”
But my explanation isn’t accepted. “What are you talking about? Headaches? Can’t remember having any. Don’t know how I got here.” His eyes close in pain. “Where am I?”
I’m not sure what to answer, so settle for, “Home.”
“Good,” he breathes out. “Home until I ship out again. Where’s our baby, Vanna? Where’s little Cas? Has he grown since I’ve been gone?”
My eyes lock with Mace’s.
The nurse Mace had summoned enters. “Oh, you’re awake. Glad to have you back with us Mr James. How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts.”
“It will, I’m afraid, you’ve had brain surgery. The doctor has prescribed painkillers, there’s a morphine pump beside you.”
She places it by his right hand, but Lizard makes no move to use it. “Don’t want to feel sleepy.”
I’m about to tell Lizard he doesn’t need to stay conscious, rest is probably the best thing to help his recovery. Selfishly, I want to stay talking to him in case this memory recall is only temporary, but I stay quiet.
The nurse checks his eyes, then asks if he can move his fingers and toes.
After a moment, Lizard begins to get agitated when he realises he can’t move his right arm or leg.
“Lizard, the doctor warned the swelling on your brain might cause temporary lack of movement.” I try to calm him down.
“Temporary?”
“I’ll get the doctor to come and explain,” the nurse says calmly. “But you’re talking, and that’s a good sign Mr James. A lot of patients can’t when they first awake.” Then, she asks. “Do you know where you are?”
“I presume I was flown stateside after some incident or other. I’m in the hospital.”
She purses her lips but doesn’t contradict him. “And do you
remember your name and personal details?”
He gives a slight grin. “I’m Norton James, otherwise known as Lizard. I’m twenty-six years old, I’m married to a wonderful woman called Vanna, and I’ve a two-year-old son named Castiel. And you,” he turns to Mace, his expression hardening. “Don’t know who the fuck you are and don’t like you sniffing around my wife. You can get gone.”
At that moment I know I’m going to lose it. I stand and run to the door and out into the hallway leaving Lizard with Mace and the nurse. My face is in my hands and my shoulders are shaking.
Mace has followed me out. “It’s okay, Vanna. It’s okay. Liz is going to be fine.”
I raise my head so he can see I’m half crying and half laughing hysterically. “He remembers me, but not you. He’s lost twelve years, Mace.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Vanna
“I’m sorry, Mace.” I make an effort to pull myself together, knowing I do have a habit of laughing at inappropriate moments. My relief at Lizard coming around and then recognising me had morphed into morbid laughter when it had really sunk in what his brain had done. Wiped the last twelve years, while allowing him to remember he was married with a child. A child who’s still two years old in his mind.
“Are you going back in?”
“Of course I am. That’s my husband in there.” I just needed to get myself back in control.
Mace stares at me, his gaze settling on me for a moment, and seconds tick by before he speaks. “This is a fuckin’ mess, Vanna. What do you want to do about Cas?”
I have no idea. Borrow a two-year-old so I don’t upset him?
“He needs to know, Vanna.”
But I’ve been here before. Telling him facts when he didn’t want to hear them.
“It’s different this time,” Mace insists, clearly reading my expression.
But what’s changed? He didn’t accept the truth back then. How can I explain to a dad that this teenager is his and he’s no longer two years old? Would he be able to cope with the truth? That the reason I look different is that I’m twelve years older, and his hair is long as he now chooses to wear it that way.
Devil's Spawn: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #6 Page 22
