by CJ Lyons
Lydia thought she might finally be ready to share her final secret with Trey. She’d been selfish to wait, she knew, but she needed time to think everything through to be certain that she knew exactly what she wanted—which had been silly, because everything she wanted was right in front of her.
She changed for bed and stood in the open bathroom door as Trey washed his face and brushed his teeth.
“I have two questions for you.”
He kept brushing, spit, then said, “Sure.”
Tugging in her breath as if it were a lifeline, Lydia plunged right to the heart of the matter. “Knowing who I really am, where I came from, do you want to marry me?”
He gagged and spun around to her, toothbrush hanging in the air, toothpaste drool slipping down his chin. “Don’t kid about that.”
“I’m not kidding.”
Trey’s whoop filled the air as he grabbed her and spun her around, not even jarring her cast. “Yes! Of course, God yes!”
Finally he set her back on her feet, then frowned, scrutinizing her. “We can do it now, tonight, today, right here!”
She laughed. “Guess that depends on the answer to the second question. Do you want a boy or girl?”
He stumbled, off balance, knocking his elbow into the counter top, toppling his shaving kit into the sink and not noticing. “For real? You’re pregnant?”
He crumbled to his knees, cradling her belly, laying his head against it, listening for the heartbeat. Tears shone in his eyes, stained her shirt, rolled freely without embarrassment down his cheeks.
Lydia ran her fingers through his hair, clutching him, loving his warmth against her body. She wasn’t crying. For the first time in her life she had no reason to: She felt safe, secure, stable. She had a family, friends, a man who loved her, a home.
And no one could ever take it away from her. This was Maria’s legacy.
“Thank you,” she mouthed into the air, not knowing who was listening but for the first time in her life confident that someone, somewhere was.
“Amanda, what are you doing here so early?” the dermatology nurse practitioner asked as she joined Amanda in the otherwise empty clinic. “We don’t start until nine. Then we’ll do consults on the ward, have lunch here—don’t worry about bringing your own, there’s always some drug company sending food—and then clinic in the afternoon. Really, you need to relax. This is dermatology, we don’t believe in emergencies.”
Amanda stared. She’d thought that she wasn’t cut out for the life of an ER doc, but after her month in the PICU she’d discovered that she liked being able to change the course of events when the worst thing possible was happening. A nine-to-five life in a clinic suddenly seemed boring in comparison.
The nurse turned to hold the door as a caterer wheeled in a steaming tray of food. “Yum, pancakes from Pamela’s. Oh Amanda, you’re going to love this rotation.”
I don’t think so, Amanda thought as her phone chimed with an e-mail message. Lucas with an update on their research project, as well as pictures from her mother of bridesmaid dresses. Amanda forwarded the photos on to Lydia, Nora, and Gina.
A few moments later there was another chime. An e-mail from Lydia. With a picture of her and Trey holding a bouquet of roses under a canopy that read Just Married. What?! Wow!
The text read: Sorry you couldn’t have the first wedding. Dresses look great, but make mine maternity. Having fun, Lydia
“I couldn’t believe it,” Gina told Jerry as she gathered all his stuff, ready to take him home with her once Lucas finished the paperwork. “LaRose actually told him to shut up, and he did. My father, the great Moses Freeman, speechless. Can you imagine?”
“Wish I could’ve been there,” he said, but his voice was distant as he watched her from the bed. She tried to ignore his discomfort, but she couldn’t deny that she felt it as well.
“It was a miracle, that’s what it was,” she continued, emptying the contents of his closet into a tote bag. “And she’s going to establish a scholarship in Jim and Ken’s—” She couldn’t finish, had to stop and gulp down sudden tears.
Dropping the bag, she backed away from the closet, one hand covering her face. Jerry snagged her arm and pulled her onto the bed, sitting with her back to him.
“It’s not easy,” he said, one hand clumsily stroking her arm. “People died for us. Living with that—”
He faltered but it was easy to fill in the blanks. “That sacrifice?”
He nodded. “Never easy.”
“You’ve been through it before?” How had she never asked him this before? She’d always avoided asking the tough questions—afraid of the answers, she guessed. Wanting to protect their perfect fairy-tale romance, with herself at the heart of it, the poor little rich girl who desperately needed to be loved.
Pathetic. Gina swiped her tears away with her fist.
Jerry didn’t nod, but she knew his answer was yes by the pain that filled his eyes as he looked past her, staring into the dark recesses of his memory.
“There was a hostage taker,” he finally said. “Had his ex’s kid.”
Jerry squeezed his eyes shut. His lips clamped tight and his jaw muscles were working so hard that she knew he was swallowing tears. When he opened his eyes, they spilled down his cheeks. “Sorry. Big baby. Big blubber-baby.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” She’d known something awful had happened to make him leave the SWAT team and his position of hostage negotiator, but she’d had no idea it was this painful.
“Want to.” He heaved in a breath. “I was cocky. Stupid. Thought I had the guy talked down.”
She intertwined her fingers in his, not wanting to break the spell. The distant memory was obviously—if painfully—easier for him to remember clearly than new memories. This was the most lucid she’d seen him since the shooting.
“Went to meet the guy. Promised to give me the kid. Had my team behind me. Guy came out and—” He swallowed hard. “And he threw the kid. Off the porch. Onto cement.”
Gina gasped, working hard to blink back her own tears. “What happened?”
“I dove for the kid. But that cleared his line of fire. My team—my guys . . .” He swiped his face along his sleeve. “Sandy got hit, it’s why he left SWAT. And Brody, my part—my partner, he didn’t—he didn’t make it.”
“The kid?”
“Was fine. I messed up my shoulder. That’s okay. I didn’t think I could go back to SWAT, not after that. Sandy maybe could have. I dunno. I just couldn’t get, stop seeing—” He cleared his throat and wet his lips. “That’s when I started—” His forehead furrowed as he searched for the word. He held his fingers up, mimed clicking a picture.
“When you began your photography?” she supplied.
“Yeah. Trying to—” He wiped his palm across the air like cleaning a slate.
“You wanted to erase the memories. Replace them with something new.”
He nodded. Squeezed her hand. Nodded again, wanting her to understand this was important. Did he really think taking up a new hobby would make her forget what Ken had done for her? For them?
“Did it work?” she asked, her voice tiny and tentative.
He shook his head. That wasn’t the lesson, she realized. He pulled her against his chest, held her tight, his tears warming her cheek. “No. Found something better. You.”
Gina nodded, too overwhelmed to attempt words. Finally she understood what he meant. Life was the answer. Living and loving and never forgetting what was really important.
Ken would have approved.
Gina’s tears mingled with Jerry’s and she never wanted to release him. But she realized that she needed to let him know that she totally understood; she needed to tell him not just in words but in actions.
She removed the ring from the chain around her neck, placed it in his palm, and squeezed his fingers tight around it. “Do you remember this?”
He fingered it like a blind man, shaking his head. For the fi
rst time that she could remember she saw true fear in his eyes. “No.”
“Ask me, Jerry.”
“No.”
“Then I’ll ask you.” She closed both her hands over his, the ring caught between. “Jerry Boyle, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
His face tightened and he turned his head away. “I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” She stood before him, hands on her hips. Old Gina would have pouted, but instead she now waited for his response.
“Gina. How could I? You’re so—” His voice was choked. “So smart, so beautiful. You could have any man you wanted. I can’t let you, I can’t find, can’t promise . . .” Pain mixed with frustration as he fought for the elusive words. He ended by simply hanging his head and shaking it.
She sat beside him on the bed, then reached for his hand again. “Jerry, I know there are no guarantees, and yes, that scares me. But I’m more afraid of a life without you. Because if I can have any man I want, then I choose you, Jerry. I choose you.” Gina drew in her breath and did the bravest thing she’d ever done in her life. She said the words. “I love you.”
Jerry stared into her eyes for a long time, longer than she could hold her breath. Then he smiled—a real smile, just like the old Jerry. His hand trembled, and she had to help him guide the ring onto her finger where it belonged. By the time it was in place they were both crying and giggling and fumbling for words.
They sat together, staring at her outstretched hand. Gina felt like she could do anything with this man at her side, like she could be anyone she wanted to be, and most of all, she felt she’d earned the one thing she’d been searching for all her life: someone to love, cherish, protect, and care for.
“This is forever, you know,” Gina said. “I don’t believe in divorce. You’re not getting out of this until one of us is dead and gone.”
Jerry jerked his head up at her words—she didn’t mean for them to sound frivolous, not like Old Gina. She was dead serious. After what they’d been through, she needed a guarantee.
Even better, she wanted him to know that she was giving him one. New Gina kept her promises. And her vows.
“Forever is a long, long time. That okay with you?” she asked him.
He laughed again and let out a crazy bellow of a whoop that brought the nurses running. “Forever isn’t even a start. Not for me and you.”
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Lucy Guardino FBI Thrillers
Everything a great thriller should be—action packed, authentic, and intense.” ~Lee Child
SNAKE SKIN, a USA Today Bestseller
BLOOD STAINED, a USA Today Bestseller
KILL ZONE, a Suspense Magazine Book of the Year
AFTER SHOCK, a novella
HARD FALL, Winner of the 2015 Thriller Award
BAD BREAK, a novella
Beacon Falls Mysteries, Featuring Lucy Guardino
If you enjoy captivating suspense and intelligent storytelling, with strong and vulnerable characters and a freight-train pace, then you'll love the rush of this heart-pounding thriller.” ~Fantastic Fiction
LAST LIGHT
DEVIL SMOKE
OPEN GRAVE
GONE DARK
BITTER TRUTH
Renegade Justice Thrillers, featuring Morgan Ames: Meet Everyone’s Favorite Teenage Psychopath…
FIGHT DIRTY, Renegade Justice #1
RAW EDGES, Renegade Justice #2
ANGELS WEEP, Renegade Justice #3
LOOK AWAY, Renegade Justice #4
TRIP WIRE, Renegade Justice #5
Compelling…I love how the characters come alive on every page.” ~Jeffery Deaver
Angels of Mercy Medical Suspense
Fall in love with the women of Pittsburgh’s Angels of Mercy’s ER as they save lives, break hearts, and prove that four strong women have the power to change the world!
LIFELINES, Angels of Mercy Book #1
CATALYST, Angels of Mercy Book #2
TRAUMA, Angels of Mercy Book #3
ISOLATION, Angels of Mercy Book #4
“A pulse-pounding adrenaline rush.” ~Lisa Gardner
HART and DRAKE Medical Suspense
NERVES OF STEEL, Hart & Drake Book #1
SLEIGHT OF HAND, Hart & Drake Book #2
FACE TO FACE, Hart and Drake Book #3
EYE OF THE STORM, Hart and Drake Book #4
Fatal Insomnia Medical Thrillers: What Keeps You Awake at Night?
FAREWELL TO DREAMS, Fatal Insomnia Book #1
A RAGING DAWN, Fatal Insomnia Book #2
THE SLEEPLESS STARS, Fatal Insomnia Book #3
CJ Lyons scores a major triumph. Totally absorbing and impossible to put down.” ~Douglas Preston
Shadow Ops, Romantic Thrillers
CHASING SHADOWS, Shadow Ops Book #1
LOST IN SHADOWS, Shadow Ops Book #2
EDGE OF SHADOWS, Shadow Ops Book #3
A high-stakes adventure with dire consequences.” ~Steve Berry
About CJ:
New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of over forty novels, former pediatric ER doctor CJ Lyons has lived the life she writes about in her cutting edge Thrillers with Heart.
CJ has been called a “master within the genre" (Pittsburgh Magazine) and her work has been praised as “breathtakingly fast-paced” and “riveting” (Publishers Weekly) with “characters with beating hearts and three dimensions” (Newsday).
Her novels have twice won the International Thriller Writers’ prestigious Thriller Award, the RT Reviewers’ Choice Award, the Readers’ Choice Award, the RT Seal of Excellence, and the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery and Suspense.
Learn more about CJ’s Thrillers with Heart at www.CJLyons.net
Want more of CJ Lyons’ Thrillers with Heart? Download the complete booklist at CJLyons.net
LUCY GUARDINO THRILLERS:
SNAKE SKIN
BLOOD STAINED
KILL ZONE
AFTER SHOCK
HARD FALL
BAD BREAK
LAST LIGHT
DEVIL SMOKE
OPEN GRAVE
GONE DARK
BITTER TRUTH
RENEGADE JUSTICE THRILLERS, featuring Morgan Ames:
FIGHT DIRTY
RAW EDGES
ANGELS WEEP
LOOK AWAY
TRIP WIRE
ANGELS OF MERCY MEDICAL SUSPENSE:
LIFELINES, Angels of Mercy Book #1
CATALYST, Angels of Mercy Book #2
TRAUMA, Angels of Mercy Book #3
ISOLATION, Angels of Mercy Book #4
FATAL
INSOMNIA MEDICAL THRILLERS:
FAREWELL TO DREAMS
A RAGING DAWN
THE SLEEPLESS STARS
HART AND DRAKE MEDICAL SUSPENSE:
NERVES OF STEEL
SLEIGHT OF HAND
FACE TO FACE
EYE OF THE STORM
SHADOW OPS, ROMANTIC THRILLERS:
CHASING SHADOWS
LOST IN SHADOWS
EDGE OF SHADOWS
CAITLYN TIERNEY FBI THRILLERS:
BLIND FAITH
BLACK SHEEP
HOLLOW BONES
YOUNG ADULT THRILLERS:
BROKEN
WATCHED
CO-WRITTEN WITH ERIN BROCKOVICH:
ROCK BOTTOM
HOT WATER
SINGLE TITLE STANDALONES:
LUCIDITY, a Ghost of a Love Story
BORROWED TIME
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