by Adams, Lucy
This, however, did not seem to please Dinah. Instead, she closed her eyes, put her head back against the chair, and sighed painfully. Grayson, not knowing what else to say, merely watched her and put a guard over his own lips so that he would not blurt out the truth of his affections. He would not influence her. He would wait for her to decide about Lord Irving and then support her in whatever decision was made.
“I do not know what is right,” Dinah murmured, opening her eyes but remaining looking up at the ceiling rather than towards him. “I have struggled to know what is best to do—for I do not want to act in a wrong manner. I do not care for Lord Irving, but yet it is all too clear to me that Lady Whitehaven wishes for me to accept his court.” Sighing again, she lifted her head and looked at him again. “I wish to show my aunt the respect she deserves without behaving in a selfish manner.”
“It is not selfish to refuse Lord Irving,” Grayson found himself saying, before he could prevent it. “Not in the least. If you allow Lord Irving to court you, then soon you would find yourself with a husband, Dinah. A husband that you have no consideration for, not even the smallest amount of feelings–and all because you did not wish to show disfavor to your aunt.” Leaning forward in his chair, he reached out and grasped her hand with both of his own, aware of how swiftly she caught her breath and feeling the same reaction plunge deep into his heart. “Listen to me, Dinah. Do not accept Lord Irving if you have no willingness to consider becoming his wife. It will bring you no happiness, and my mother would find herself miserable to see you so sorrowful in a marriage you did not want. You have to forge your own path, my dear.”
Dinah swallowed hard, tears suddenly forming in her eyes. A little afraid that he had been the cause of it, Grayson made to let go of her hand, his mouth opening ready with apologies, but Dinah instead placed her other hand over his and held it there.
“My mother said the very same thing,” she replied hoarsely, her words clearly struggling to be formed against the waves of emotion that were crashing over her soul. “You are right, Whitehaven. I must continue to pray and to seek out the path that God has laid out for me.” A tiny smile caught the corner of her mouth, her expression soft. “And I do not believe that includes Lord Irving.”
The relief that crashed into Grayson’s heart was almost overwhelming, to the point that he wanted to lean forward and pull her into his arms and confess everything. The look in her eyes made his heart quicken all the more as he licked his lips, feeling his mind pushing him to tell her all that he felt, even though he knew he should remain silent. Dinah was not the sort of young lady that deserved a selfish, arrogant gentleman such as he! And yet, despite the warring of his mind, the urge to tell her everything continued to mount a great pressure in his heart.
“Then you will come to the ball this evening, will you not?”
He nodded before his mind had fully formed an answer.
“I know you are not inclined to dancing, but to know that you are present will give me enough of an encouragement to refuse Lord Irving when he seeks me out,” Dinah continued, a little breathlessly. “You may have to sit with me in the shadows thereafter, so that I might hide from Lady Whitehaven’s wrath!”
He laughed softly, feeling the tension that had been swarming over him beginning to ebb away. “I should be glad to sit with you.”
“You still do not believe you can dance, Whitehaven?”
Dinah’s voice was gentle yet curious, her eyes no longer filled with tears but rather with a wondering that Grayson knew he had to answer.
“My dratted leg will not permit me to even walk at a smooth pace, so I dare not even attempt dancing,” he told her honestly, aware now of how her thumb was running back and forward over the back of his hand, sending shivers running up his arm. “I fear I would make a cake of myself and give the ton some fresh gossip with which they might keep their rumor mills running!”
Her eyes rounded just a little. “You mean to say then, that you have not even attempted to dance?” she asked him, suddenly pulling her hands from his and rising to her feet. “That will not do at all, Whitehaven!”
For a moment, Grayson thought that she was truly upset with him and was about to leave the room entirely, only to see her outstretched hand and the smile on her face.
“We shall have to change that,” she told him firmly. “Come now, we shall try the waltz. The room is large enough for us to have a small turn or two about the floor, I think, and you shall prove to yourself, Whitehaven, that you can very easily dance, should you so wish it!”
Not quite certain what she meant by such a thing, Grayson found his hand reaching out for hers, pushing himself to his feet and feeling his heart slam furiously into his chest as he did so. He had never permitted himself to try to dance, believing that his leg would let him down, but now with Dinah’s insistence that he at least attempt it, he found himself almost eager to do so. The way she stepped into his arms, the closeness of her body to his, had Grayson’s whole frame tingling with the awareness of her, and he had to force himself to look away, looking past her shoulder so that he would not look down into her face. What would happen if he did such a thing, Grayson did not even want to imagine.
“There we go,” Dinah murmured, her breath whispering across his cheek. “Now, imagine there is music. I shall hum some, if you wish it?” She laughed. “Although I cannot promise to be in tune!”
“I am certain you will be better than I,” he told her, his voice a little gruff as he tried to reign in his emotions. “And might I apologize for being so poor a partner, Dinah.”
She laughed again, her hand tightening in his. “We have not even begun yet, Whitehaven,” she teased. “You cannot apologize for something you have not done! Come now, let us begin.” So saying, she began to hum a waltz and then, giving him a small nod, took a small step to one side, encouraging him to follow suit.
Quite how Grayson managed to place his feet into the correct positions, he did not know, but for some reason, he found himself able to waltz without his leg paining him overly much. He did not step on Dinah’s toes, did not fall or stumble, and yet his brow furrowed so heavily with concentration that Dinah’s humming was interrupted by her giggles.
Surprised, he looked up from where he had been looking down at his feet, coming to a sudden stop.
“You need only look at me,” she told him, laughing. “Your brow is quite creased with concentration, and your eyes are such that they fix themselves between us, so that you can watch your feet instead of watching your partner.” Stepping a little closer, Grayson saw the smile on her face fade away, only to be replaced with a sudden, sharp look of awareness. “Look at me only,” she said again, softer this time. “And try again.”
The humming began again and Grayson began to move around the room, looking down into Dinah’s eyes and becoming more aware of her than ever before. The beauty of her gentle features crashed into his heart, his hand tightening in hers as he held her gaze. There was a gentle smile on her face that sent warmth spiraling into his heart until he did not even think about what he was doing. His leg did not seem to pain him in the least and the worries about his debts continued to fade away.
All there was at the present was Dinah. Dinah, who was his everything and yet whom he had to keep pushing from his mind and heart. She was so wonderful, so beautiful, and so pure in her urge to do what was right. He did not deserve her and yet the desire to be close to her, to be everything to her, would not leave him.
“Whitehaven?”
Grayson jerked his attention back to Dinah, realizing that they had come to a stop and that Dinah was now looking at him with a peculiar expression on her face. She was no longer humming, and they were no longer dancing. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her eyes bright and fixed upon his own, making Grayson swallow hard.
“Thank you, Dinah,” he said, clearing his throat, letting go of her hands and stepping back. Bowing low, as though they were at a dance, he reached forward and waited for her to plac
e her hand in his. Lifting it as he might do at a ball, he pressed his lips to the back of her hand and felt his heart roar in both delight and frustration. Frustration that he was not kissing her lips, as he so desperately wanted to, but delight that he had behaved with such gentlemanly manners.
“Thank you,” she replied, her lips curving into a gentle smile now. “I hope I have proved to you that you can dance, Whitehaven.”
He nodded and let go of her hand. “Indeed you have, Dinah,” he told her. “And I will have one of your waltzes this evening, if you will permit it?” The look of astonished delight on her face made him smile, taking pleasure in her happiness.
“Thank you, Whitehaven. That would be quite wonderful,” she replied, her hands clasped together at her heart.
Chapter Ten
“I thank you, Dinah.”
“As I thank you,” Dinah replied, her heart seeming to swirl with nothing other than sheer delight at the look on Lord Whitehaven’s face. “You dance quite wonderfully, Whitehaven, truly.”
This was the first dance of the evening and to have stepped out onto the floor with Lord Whitehaven had brought Dinah so much happiness that she was quite certain that her heart would burst. There were now a good few whispers going about the ballroom, but Dinah ignored them all with ease. Lord Whitehaven had not been seen to have danced before, and so the ton had taken great notice of him. Most likely, now, Lord Whitehaven would have a good deal of interest from other young ladies – or their preying mothers – who would have spotted Lord Whitehaven’s waltz and wondered if this meant that he was now willing to court a young lady of his own choosing.
“They will all come after you now, you know,” she told him, accepting the offer of his arm and walking from the dance floor with him. “They will all be seeking you out.” This was said with a lighthearted smile, which Dinah did not really feel. She did not like the idea of Lord Whitehaven being pursued so, although she could not bring herself to admit as to why that might be.
“I do not think I should care for any of them, however,” Lord Whitehaven told her, sending a spiral of relief through her. “They only see my title rather than the gentleman I truly am.” A wry smile was sent in her direction. “In that, Dinah, I believe you are the only lady who has seen into the very depths of my heart and, no doubt, finds me greatly wanting.”
Dinah shook her head firmly. “You know very well that I do not wish to behave in such a manner any longer,” she replied, with as much fervor as she could. “I do not criticize you, Whitehaven. I do not have a disparaging eye which I shall cast over you before turning away in judgement.” Wincing at the memory of how she had behaved in the past, Dinah sighed and shook her head. “I regret my past behavior, truly. I would be glad not to behave so again.”
Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some moments, making Dinah wonder if she had said something he disapproved of or if she had spoken out of turn. Her heart seemed to tremble within her as the tension she felt only grew, her lips pressing together as she waited for him to speak.
“You are quite extraordinary, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven told her eventually, as they continued to meander slowly at the edge of the crowd. “You are willing to bare your soul, to show me your wrongdoing, and to state quite clearly that you were wrong to behave in such a manner, whereas I want to do nothing other than hide my shame from you.”
“But you have not done so,” Dinah reminded him, seeing the wretched expression on his face and wondering at it. “Do you not recall? You told me everything.”
Again, Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some time, his gaze fixed straight ahead but his jaw firm. Waiting for him to speak and glad for the distraction of the music that swirled about them, Dinah pressed her free hand lightly against her stomach as though it would stop the swirling nervousness that remained within her.
“I told you such a thing in order to push you away from me, Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven came to a sudden stop, leaving them standing at the very edge of the ballroom with shadows reaching to pull them into their darkness. “I told you everything in the hope that you would reject me entirely. I, who had been so unwelcoming and inconsiderate, had yet more sins to be laid upon my shoulders.” He shook his head, although his eyes remained steady. “And yet, you did not do as I had expected.”
Dinah’s breathing quickened at the look in his eyes. She did not know what to say, feeling as though, yet again, they had reached the very edge of a precipice and did not dare take another step.
“I do not deserve to–”
“Ah, Miss Shepherd! You are hiding here, I see!”
Lord Irving’s loud voice shattered the moment that was growing steadily between Dinah and Lord Whitehaven, making her want to grind her teeth with frustration. There was a good deal to be said, she was certain of it, and yet again, they had been pulled away from the cusp of what might be a new and extraordinary situation.
Always look to God. He will show you the path your life is to take.
Looking up at Lord Irving and all too aware of Lord Whitehaven beside her, Dinah’s heart began to pick up speed. Her mother’s words had come back to her right at the very moment Lord Irving had bowed in her direction, making her realize that she was standing at a crossroads and needed to decide what it was she had to do. God had, in His own way, made her path clear – and Lord Whitehaven had been the one to show it to her. Her choices would guide her future. The path was there waiting for her, but she herself was the one who had to decide which road she had to take. God would be with her no matter what she chose.
And the decision was already clear to her.
“Lord Irving,” she said, curtsying quickly. “As you can see, I am in conversation with Lord Whitehaven and–”
“You must let me see your dance card,” Lord Irving interrupted, reaching for her wrist and making Dinah take a small step back. “I must have at least two dances with you.”
She shook her head, putting a small but determined smile on her face. “Alas, I am not inclined to dancing this evening.”
Lord Irving’s smile grew fixed, his eyes narrowing just a little. “And yet did I not see you dancing with Lord Whitehaven only some minutes before?”
She nodded. “Indeed, but I have decided that one dance is quite enough for me this evening, Lord Irving,” she told him firmly. “I am sorry to disappoint you.”
Lord Irving said nothing for a moment or two, his eyes twisting towards Lord Whitehaven before returning to Dinah.
“I see,” he said slowly, his voice a little grave. “I confess that I have been led to understand by Lady Whitehaven that you would be glad of my attentions, Miss Shepherd.”
Again came a small stab of guilt that Dinah had battled only earlier that day. When Lord Irving had called, Dinah had been forced to sit and take tea with him—although Titania and—soon after—Lady Whitehaven had had also been present. Lady Whitehaven had appeared quite animated, clearly considering Lord Irving as a potential suitor for Dinah and apparently quite delighted with his eagerness to court Dinah. Dinah, however, had no particular interest. The gentleman did not reveal his true character to anyone, she suspected, for there was a falseness to his smile and a shutter to his eyes. She did not know why he appeared so eager to court her, for he had made such a desire quite obvious in seeking Lady Whitehaven’s attention to court her when they had barely even met! He did not seek out her considerations on the matter but had gone directly to Lady Whitehaven who, thankfully, had been a good deal more reserved.
“I am quite certain, Miss Shepherd, that your aunt would be greatly pleased with your willingness to accept me,” Lord Irving said, his voice dropping low and, much to Dinah’s surprise, a small warning in his voice. “Do consider carefully what your decision is to be, Miss Shepherd. You cannot go back on any choice you make at the present.”
“I think Miss Shepherd is more than capable of making her own choices, Irving.” Lord Whitehaven’s voice held just a touch of mockery, although Dinah was grateful for his support. “Do a
llow her that consideration, at the very least.”
Dinah lifted her chin a notch, buoyed by Lord Whitehaven’s support. “I do not think we would suit, Lord Irving,” she told the gentleman, seeing how his frown grew. “I am sorry that my aunt has permitted you to believe that I might be willing to consider you, for that is not the case. Therefore, I must bid you good evening.” So saying, she dipped a curtsy and, ignoring the dark, angry look on Lord Irving’s face, turned to Lord Whitehaven and accepted his arm before walking away.
Her heart was pounding furiously and yet a smile of delight crossed Dinah’s face as she walked away from Lord Irving. Her decision to turn away from his offer of companionship and perhaps matrimony had been the right thing to do. She felt nothing for Lord Irving and did not ever think they would have the intimacy and the friendship that she was currently enjoying with Lord Whitehaven.
An intimacy that you do not want to end.
The revelation of her heart washed through her at such speed that Dinah was forced to catch her breath. Yes, there it was, standing out starkly before her. She did not care for Lord Irving because her heart was entangled with Lord Whitehaven. The man who had been so unwelcoming to her, the man who had mocked and teased her for so long, but who, for whatever reason, had slowly changed before her until they now shared a deepening friendship that she did not want to end. Her hand tightened on his arm, causing him to look at her, but she did not return his gaze. The awareness of what it was she wanted, of what she needed from Lord Whitehaven was capturing every single part of her. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to have his kisses, to have his affection, to have his love. There was no question over such a desire, for it was there within her, plain for her to see.
