God, Josh. I will remember and cherish you for the rest of my life.
The sound of footsteps heading towards me stops my rambling. Wiping the tears with the back of my hand, I pivot to see who’s there.
“Isabelle, what are you doing here?” Mrs Anderson inquires.
“I needed to visit Josh. I miss him.”
“I know, dear. I do, as well. Why don’t we have dinner on Friday? I have a few things that Josh would want you to have."
“Okay.”
I stalk in the direction of Nikki's car, needing to get away from here as quick as I can. I'm on the verge of losing it, showing my weakness to all that can see. We arrive at Nikki’s apartment shortly after. What’s better than treating yourself to your favorite ice cream. When you've got a broken heart.
Once we're settled Nikki dives into the nitty gritty, “So …. How are you feeling?”
"I'm feeling somewhat better."
“Awesome, chick. How about we overlook the discouraging talk," claims Nikki. I abruptly turn away, envious how carefree and happy everyone around me is. Don't they understand I'm in my own personal hellfire?
“You okay, Izzy? All I implied is you merit a break.” Taking a deep breath, I offer her a frail grin.
“I’m alright, yet once in awhile, I require somebody to talk. You know?" looking at me sympathetically.
“I know, I’m sorry babe. You know I’m here for you, right?!” I swallow trying to hold back the flow of tears, that are trying their hardest to escape.
“I know. In any case, where were you the yesterday evening?"
“Well, I kinda hooked up with Caleb. He stirs feelings inside me, that no one has before,” Nikki says with a dreamy look.
“I gathered that this morning considering he followed you into the kitchen, looking sheepish. Is it safe to say that it was a one-night thing or would you say you’re going to give him a shot?"
"I'm not certain. I get butterflies when I'm close to him. It's far too early for me to be falling for him plus you know I don't date."
I know how she’s feeling. I seem to have an intense attraction to Xavier. Not that anything can happen especially while I’m carrying another person's child.
“I’ve seen the way Xavier looks at you. What do you think? Are you interested?”
“He’s gorgeous, but we haven’t really had a conversation except for him telling me I’m hot.”
“Really? You have been holding out on me girl. Why the hell haven’t you said anything?”
“I just did.”
“Haha, you’re bloody funny.”
A phone beeping pulls our attention from the movie. Nikki grabs her phone and starts messaging someone.
“That was Caleb, wanting to know if we would like to join them tonight. They’re ordering pizza. What do you say?”
Pizza does sound good. How can I possibly still be hungry after eating half a tub of ice cream is another story.
“Okay, sounds good.”
The minute I pull to a stop outside the house. My hands begin sweating in anticipation of seeing Xavier again. Inside, all four boys are taking part in an intense session of Call of Duty. And yelling obscenities at the telly. Not realizing we're stood in the doorway watching them. Nikki makes a sound as if to speak, gaining their attention.
“Oh, hey girls,” the third boy greets us. "I'm James. I didn't get the opportunity to talk to you properly yesterday."
James is cute in a boy next door kind of way. He's alright if you like that type of look. I prefer the more rugged, bad boy appearance. Swinging my gaze to where Kyle and Xavier are sat, I see Xavier glowering toward James. What's his issue? Taking a seat across the room, I motion for the boys to let me have a game.
This is the most fun I've had, in quite a while. We're all lounging around laughing and having a generally good time. I kicked the boy's butts, which they're not pleased about to say the least.
I discover myself clinging to each word that leaves Xavier's mouth. Needing to be near him. Pondering what his lips will feel like pressed against mine. He must feel my gaze, his lips transform into a little smile. Crap, did I get caught gazing at his lips? Disregarding my humiliation once more, I return his smile with one of my own.
At that point, the guilt reminds me I have no privilege being happy and having a ton of fun. Excusing myself, I head towards the stairs yet can't help looking over my shoulder. Nikki's grimacing at me and Xavier has a concerned expression. Shrugging my shoulders is my method for telling Nikki I'm alright. I advance toward my room.
Sleep is hard to come by. I’ve been tossing and turning for the last couple of hours. The house has at last gone calm. Everybody has probably resigned to their rooms. Shutting my eyes once more, I hope sleep will finally come.
“Why are you so self-centered? Three years! We’ve been together three years and you're simply going to end things between us. Don't I mean anything to you?” Josh shouts, his face carved with torment. His eyes are glistening with tears, threatening my emotions to spill. "You do mean something to me. You know you do. I'm in love with you. My parents are pressuring me live a little before I settle down.”
“What about us, Izzy? Are you not going to fight for us? We can't simply abandon three years." He cups my face within his hands. “You're my life. The person I want to spend the rest of my existence with.”
“They're not going to support me if we stay together. I have to get my degree.” As soon as the word's leave my mouth, regret pummels into me. A lapse of judgment on my part. Josh is my life, we've spent every day for three years together. Can I let him go because of what my parents want? An expression of remorse is on the tip of my tongue before I voice my statement of regret. Josh roared “you’re giving up on us?” He's furious. "I thought I was the one for you, however, I'm clearly not." Shaking his head, he sets out toward the door without saying anything else.
I wake in a panic, It was a dream, you're fine Izzy. My body is shaking wildly, a shadow appears in the doorway. An American accent greets me. “you alright, Isabelle?” Not knowing what I’m supposed to say to him, I look down at my lap. And feel a calm arise as he takes a stride closer to me. “Do you have nightmares?”
"Once in awhile."
The bed plunges as Xavier sits alongside me. "Would you like to discuss it?" I shrug. Humiliated, terrified of what he will think of me if I tell him the truth; who I truly am.
"Alright, however if you need to talk, you know where I am." The only response I give him is a nod of my head. He stands and crosses the room. Grabbing the chair from the corner of the room, he places it beside the bed. "I'm going to stay here until you nod off." Opening my mouth to let him know it isn't necessary, he raises his hand to stop the flow of words tumbling past my lips. “For my piece of mind. Alright?” Reluctantly laying my head against the pillow. Xavier grabs hold of my hand and begins humming, which drives me into a restful sleep.
~#~
Waking the following morning, my hand feels unbelievably warm. What the heck! Opening my eyes, my gaze zoomed in on my hand still encased in Xavier's. He looks incredibly uncomfortable, sat the chair and his legs extended before him. I can't resist the urge to study his features. His cheekbones are sharp, his chin covered in days’ worth of stubble. Giving him a rugged appearance, making him considerably more gorgeous. He's grinning at me, Oh my god, is that a dimple? Cheeks blazing, I drop my eyes to the floor.
“Hey look at me,” his hand goes underneath my jaw, forcing me to meet his piercing gaze, "don't be shy. Are you feeling better today?" Still feeling emotional. If only I could erase the dreams. Not really interested in reliving the nightmare, I playfully nudge Xavier. "Thank you for staying with me last night. That was sweet of you. But right now you need to leave. I really have to pee.” Xavier blasts out a laugh, raising his hands in mock surrender. "I'm leaving. There's no messing around when a lady needs to pee." As he departs and closes the door behind him, I can hear his chuckles from across the hall.
Raci
ng to the restroom, I'm all of a sudden hit with a bout of nausea. I'm not certain to how long I've been sat here when Nikki discovers me. “Are you okay, girl? Why are you sat on the floor? It's extremely unhygienic you know." Not amused with her trying to lighten the mood, I send her a fierce glare. “If I move I’m likely to be sick.” Pulling a funny face, Nikki steps back. Where the hell is she going? Aggravation hits me with an extreme force. Irritated, I yell "Where are you going? You can't leave me on the freaking floor."
"I'll be back." after several minutes, she arrives stacked with saltines and a glass of soda. "Here you go. Eat something a beverage may ease the nausea.” Opposed to bringing the saltines into the restroom, she leaves them on the bedside table. Reaching down to assist me to stand up. "How about we get you back to bed," with a giant pull, I stand on unsteady feet. Wrapping her hand around my waist, she leads me toward the bed. Climbing onto the bed, I snack on the saltines until the nausea vanishes.
"I saw Xavier leaving your room toward this morning. Anything you might want to tell me?"
"Not by any means. No."
"Really, Izzy? Are you not going to tell me anything? Can you at least let me know whether he's a decent kisser?"
“Sorry, to disappoint, honey, but nothing happened. Anyway, where did you stay last night because I'm almost certain you didn't go home?" Pink ascends onto Nikki's cheeks. Well, blow me down. I'm speechless. In all the years I’ve known her, I've never seen her become flushed. "Are you blushing?" I can't resist the urge to play with her for a bit.
"Quiet down. I like him, Izzy. When I'm close to him, I feel complete. Happy. I know I've known him for a brief while however I can't help how I feel. I’m not sure I want to.”
"Be cautious, Nik. He's here for six weeks. What will happen when he leaves?" Emphasizing they're here for a short amount of time, for my own purpose. Especially regarding my fascination in Xavier. "I know," is the only reply I received. Pounding sounds on the door, I call to whoever's behind it to come in. The door opens, revealing Caleb. Seeing me, he wavers. "I was wondering whether you might want to show me around."
A grin illuminates Nikki's face, she hops up off the bed. "My pleasure."
I need to go and get the results from the doctor. Despite the fact that I know what the result will be. Grabbing the telephone. I call to check whether I can get the test results as opposed to gallivanting to the surgery. To my disappointment, they want to see me. Pulling on my most loved jeans and a tank top, I quickly freshen up and make my way out the door.
Chapter Five
Isabelle
“Miss Taylor, the doctor will see you now. Please go to room three.” Anxiety crashes over me, my body overwhelmed by stress. Will they look down at me for the father not being present?
Taking a deep breath to quiet my nerves, I raise my hand and tap on the door. On the request to enter, I delicately push it open.
"Hello, Miss Taylor. Might I call you Isabelle?"
"Isabelle is fine," I react, gesturing with my head.
"Try not to look so anxious, Isabelle. Everything will be fine. We got your test results back. I'm happy to say, you're pregnant. Congratulations." Shock pummels into me. It feels more genuine, having a medical professional let you know. I'm not certain how long I'm sat gazing into space, but the doctor pulls my attention to him. “Are you okay, Isabelle? I know it can be a shock to the system, but there is no reason to worry," he rehashes. "We have to discover how far along you are. I'm going to send you to the hospital for a routine scan and book you in to see a birthing specialist. Is that alright?" Everything appears to be a blur. By one means or another, I end up in the car, making a beeline for the clinic. Shock has grabbed hold of my body, my life feels as if it's on quick forward while I'm still amidst to it all.
"There's your baby, Isabelle." Bewildered by the photo on the screen, I try to pull my eyes away but it’s impossible. There's just a little blob to be seen yet listening to the heartbeat is amazing. That is my child. Our baby. Josh, if you're looking down on us, meet our child. Can you hear the heartbeat? God, Josh, I wish you here, with me. "It can be overwhelming." Understatement of the century. In a trance, I attempt and take in the relevant information yet my mind can't grasp what is being said. "I would say you're sixteen weeks pregnant. We will require you to return at twenty weeks for a checkup. You can also find out the sex of your child if you wish at that time." Expressing gratitude toward the medical caretaker. I make my way out to the car yet I don't feel like going home.
Not certain where I’m headed too, I drive aimlessly for a few hours. Pulling to a stop, I look out at the endless of mountains before me. Will my child be alright? What am I going to do for cash? Despite everything, I must tell mom and father.
Deciding now's the best time as any, I pick up the phone and search Dad's number. He will be easier to deal with.
“Hey, baby girl, you okay? How are you coping? How’s everything with the house?” I can't resist the urge to grin. Listening to Dad's profound, quiet voice has me relaxing.
"Hello, daddy. I need to tell you something."
"Why are you so anxious? You know you can tell me anything, spit it out." Alright, here it goes. "Daddy, I'm pregnant."
There's a long delay, Please say something. My mother begins hollering in the background. Crap, I must be on loud speaker. "Did she say she was pregnant?" In contrast to that loud question, Dad has gone quiet.
"You better be joking, young lady," Mom proceeds, "what about your degree? How are you going to manage the cost of an infant? You can't depend on us." I don't react. She's right. What am I going to do? "Well, how are you going to do any of the things you planned? Anyway, who is the father?” Did she really ask that? My hand clenches in my lap, my knuckles turning white. How can she possibly not know who the father is? I've only had one boyfriend and it's not Like I sleep around. Mother knows this but, does she think so little me? She's furious on the grounds that I've disappointed her. Subsequent to leaving Josh to make them happy, I’ve still managed to anger them.
"Who do you think the father is, Mother?!" I manage to choke, hurt and insulted. "Huh? Go ahead! Tell me."
“Come on, dear. Izzy has only had one boyfriend. We know who the father is," Dad soothes, attempting to quiet her yet it's impossible. When she's raving like this, the best thing to do is sit back and wait until she's finished.
"Josh is dead, Izzy. He's not here to support you or the baby. Have you contemplated what you are going to do?" Dad asks in the same quiet voice he utilized with Mom. Ending the call. How dare they ask what I’m going to do! My body is physically shaking from anger. My blood is bubbling. I let every one of my feelings and displeasures out and my screams transformed into wails.
Taking a deep breath to calm the smoldering in my throat. I begin counting in reverse from twenty until I'm totally relaxed. I’ve never taken such an abrasive action towards my parents before. I've generally done what they've inquired. No questions asked, like a decent young lady. I ponder where the boldness to talk up appeared from. If only I had the same amount of willpower when Josh was alive. If I hadn't listened to what they expected of me, Josh would be alive. What hurt above all is how they can insinuate getting rid of the baby.
The sky's turning dark, I'm not certain of the time. I find my phone, from where I launched it after the call with the parents. I discovered ten new messages. Six off Nikki, three are Kyle's and one from an unknown number. Opening Nikki's messages to begin with, I observe that they all essentially say the same. Where are you? Are you alright?
Kyle's messages are instructing me to get my butt home. He knows I'm pregnant. I figure he's spoken with our delightful parents. I shoot Nikki a message telling her I'm fine and will be home in a while. Kyle can wait. I’m not interested in dealing with his fury yet instead, I open the message from the unknown number.
"Hey Isabelle, it's Xavier. I’m just checking in to see if you’re you're okay. Kyle and Nikki are going insane with worry. If it's not too much tro
uble let one of us know you're alright."
How did he get my number and why does he care? He doesn't know anything about me. The heaviness of everything going on has a significance of me. Not having any desire to deal with Xavier or anybody else. I head in the direction of home.
Chapter Six
Xavier
Raised voices originate from Isabelle's room making wonder what's going on. Do I intervene or mind my own business? Sitting on the edge of the bed, doing whatever it takes not to listen, it's pointless. I've only caught bits and pieces. “How can I look after a child?” Isabelle screams. Pacing the room, willing the temptation of comforting her reside. Oh, shit. Is she pregnant? My brain spins with unanswered questions. Where is the father? She deserves to be treated like a princess. Someone who worships the ground she walks on. At the thought about her circumstances, my body goes rigid. My jaw clenches and unclenches, my knuckles are white from gripping the chest of drawers hard.
The fury boiling through me isn’t good. It lets me know I'm getting in way too deep with her. Her pregnancy gives me the perfect reason to stay away. I rub my hand roughly down my face, aggravated with the way she makes me feel. She doesn't need me causing her more pain. Which will be inevitable, with me leaving soon.
The yelling halts. Only the sound of her delicate sobs can be heard. Trying to restrain myself is almost unimaginable. My legs tingling to cross the hall. Balling my hands into clenched fists, the need to comfort her is too much. I need to reach out and pull her into my arms. Tell her she can believe in me, and I can be trusted. But in reality, I will only be with her for a short amount of time. Everything's calming down. Choosing she will be better off without me. I hesitate outside her bedroom door before making my way downstairs. "You okay, bro?" Caleb asks while sitting next to me on the couch. "I'm cool." Snickering under his breath, Caleb says, "You're not tricking anybody, man. You have it bad."
A Summer To Remember: Novella (Lost Love Book 1) Page 3
