by Kelly Long
He opened the carriage door and offered a hand as she stepped inside. She gasped as she looked at his hand on her coat sleeve. It wasn’t proper for a single Amish man to touch a single girl. But she knew he’d only meant to help her. Still, her heart skipped an uncertain beat at what had just happened.
He joined her and closed the door. As the horse pulled the carriage forward, Emma rubbed the palms of her hands together before crossing them over her chest.
She turned to him and grinned.
“Thanks for the lift.”
“As always, my pleasure.”
For long moments, she couldn’t think of what to say. She was even more embarrassed now that she’d listened in on a private conversation. The decision had been made in a split second. She hoped he’d understand.
If it wasn’t for that, she’d enjoy the ride. She eyed him from her peripheral vision and drew in a sigh. She admitted that after his talk with Amos, she knew him better than she’d ever dreamed she would.
Her heart had actually softened to him. She gave a frustrated roll of her eyes, unsure whether she liked this or not. She had gotten used to their friendly sparring. Could she adapt to the Jonathan who wanted to be as good as the father he still loved more than life itself?
“You’re awfully quiet over there.”
She pulled in a breath and darted him a glance.
“Jonathan, I have to tell you something.” She cleared her throat. “I think I shouldn’t have done it, but I was caught and I wasn’t sure what to do.”
He pressed his lips together in uncertainty and raised an inquisitive brow. “What?”
“I hope you won’t be angry with me.” She paused before continuing. “Yesterday, I overheard your conversation with Amos.”
Without offering him an opportunity to respond, she explained what happened. Afterward, they sat in tense silence. Emma’s heart pumped to a nervous, uncertain, fearful beat. How she wished she hadn’t happened upon that discussion. What if Jonathan resented her actions? Her throat was dry. Despite the cold, moisture made her dress cling to her torso.
Outside, the cloudy, dismal-looking sky mimicked her sentiment. Right now, she just wanted to talk to Mamma. Was I wrong? I’m not sure, but right now, I just wish Jonathan would say something. Please.
When he finally spoke, amusement edged his voice. “So you were behind the kitchen door when I had my talk with little Amos.”
She offered a nervous nod. “I’d left my hand mixer in your kitchen. I needed it that evening. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come back for it.”
“Emma, you must have frozen to death.”
“Yeah!”
He chuckled. “It’s okay. In fact, I respect you for what you did. For some time, I’ve tried to sit down and talk with my little brother. Finally the opportunity presented itself, and I’m actually grateful you didn’t interrupt it.”
She exhaled relief. “I was so worried.”
He gave an understanding nod of his head and reached over to nudge her elbow. “You were caught between a rock and a hard place.” He lowered the pitch of his voice to a more emotional tone. “Besides, how could I ever be mad at you?”
Suddenly, the sun came out from behind the clouds. Emma blinked to adjust to the unexpected brightness. His question left her surprised and comforted. Relief swept up her arms and landed on her shoulders. She sighed.
“So you forgive me?”
He offered a strong nod. “I’m convinced that you would do anything in your power to protect Amos. At the same time, you were looking out for me. I had my say. To be honest, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”
“Jonathan, I wasn’t sure I did the right thing. At the same time, I didn’t want to eavesdrop.”
“When you think about it, you were in a no-win situation. But now it’s out in the open . . . You were honest with me, and I appreciate that, Emma. You didn’t have to tell me.”
“I did.” She lifted her palms in the air and shrugged uncertainty. “I was going crazy. It bothered me that I listened in on something so private. Yet now it’s over, and I can’t undo what happened.”
“And I’m glad you didn’t.” He rubbed the back of his neck. When he continued, he looked straight ahead. She was happy that he had the horse to focus on; it made their discussion feel less intimate. And less personal was definitely easier for her. Jonathan was slowly carving a place in her heart.
She hadn’t figured out what kind of spot it was, but for some strange reason, warming up to him made her a bit uncomfortable. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap.
When he pursued the subject, her jaw dropped in surprise at his uneasy tone. “Emma, I have something to ask you.”
She looked at him to continue.
“I’m not a good communicator. Never have been. But it’s important that Amos understands why I opposed the surgery. Now that I think about it, I can’t believe I ever tried to stop something that would change my little brother’s life for the better.”
Emma’s voice was soft and unsure. “I understand why you did it, Jonathan. You felt you should be able to be the sole provider for your family. And I respect you for that.”
“You do?”
“Uh-huh.”
As she considered their conversation, the clomp-clomp of the horse’s hooves serenaded the thoughtful silence that floated through the small carriage. The knit blanket over Emma’s thighs slid to the right, so Emma moved to adjust it.
Finally, she knew what to say to Jonathan. “Ya know, all the while, Jonathan, you’ve been trying to take responsibility for everything. Amos’s heart defect, how to get money to pay for the surgery without accepting help, but at the same time, you’ve been taking care of your mamma and brother.” Emma pushed out a sigh and turned toward him. “Don’t misunderstand. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She lowered the pitch of her voice for emphasis. “I admire you.”
“You do?” Doubt edged his voice. She realized how very vulnerable Amos’s older brother really was.
“Jah. You work so hard.” Emma contemplated how to word her thoughts to best help him understand where she was coming from. “What a wonderful world we would have if everyone cared about their families the way you do.” She hesitated. “But you’ve got to realize that Amos’s situation is different from most.”
He gave a firm nod. “That it is.”
“It was as if God placed the hardest conflict at your doorstep. He knows you have a lot of self-respect, yet He handed you a situation too big for you to handle by yourself. I think He was testing you, Jonathan. And in the end, you came through with flying colors.”
His voice held a combination of doubt and acceptance. “Ya don’t know what it means to hear you say that, Emma. But since you overheard our conversation, I can ask you something else.”
She allowed him to continue.
“I wonder if Amos actually understood why I opposed the auction. I love my little brother.”
“I know you do, Jon.”
“And it’s important to me that he get why I opposed the fund-raiser. The last thing in the world I want is for him to think that I didn’t want his heart fixed.” Jonathan harrumphed. “And I admit that, looking back, I didn’t make it clear why I felt the way I did. All the while, Amos thought I didn’t want him to have the procedure. That wasn’t it at all.”
He cleared his throat. “I guess I was naïve to believe that funding the procedure was something I could do alone. Or even with the help of the community. But now my eyes are wide open, and I’m not going to argue that paying for this surgery took every donation we got.”
He hesitated as the horse slowed its trot to enter Emma’s long drive. As he tightened his grip on the reins, he turned to her and smiled. “I suppose you’ll be cookin’ a big dinner for Christmas.”
Emma grinned. “You’re welcome to come, Jon. All three of you.”
She hesitated, realizing what she’d just said. She softened her voice. “Do you mind if I call you
that?”
He grinned. “I suppose we don’t have to keep things so formal.”
Excitement bubbled in Emma’s voice as she thought of her neighbors joining them in celebration. “There will be lots of food—that you can be sure of.”
Emma considered her new relationship with Amos’s brother. She sat up straighter and lifted her chin a notch. Jonathan had actually confided in her again. And for the first time, she’d called him Jon.
For several moments, she allowed that very realization to sink in. This hardworking man whom she had once believed had no heart, actually had one. And it was the size of the good ol’ U.S. of A.
As he helped her out of the carriage, she held on to his arm for support. Inside, they said good-bye. But while she waved to him from the window, her thoughts lingered on Jon Troyer. As she breathed in the enticing aroma of homemade sponge cakes, she strummed nervous fingers against her thigh.
Emma hung her coat on a hook and removed her sturdy black shoes. Mamma’s voice made her turn. “Time to get ready for dinner, honey.”
“I’ll be right there, Mamma.”
As Emma washed her hands, her recent talk with Jonathan replayed in her thoughts. She’d called him Jon. She wasn’t sure why. For some reason, it had felt right. And he had approved.
On the outside, he offered a tough façade. There was no doubt that he was difficult to read. But now that she knew him, she was keen to what he was feeling. She still had a strong calling to be with Amos and help him recover physically and emotionally from his upcoming surgery.
But Amos wasn’t the only one who needed her attention. It was obvious to her that Jon also needed her. And she was committed to being there for him, too.
* * *
Emma proudly displayed the cream-colored platter of iced Christmas cookies in the middle of the Troyer kitchen table. As Jon thanked her, Amos removed the end of the plastic covering and grabbed a morsel, grinning from ear to ear as he skipped out of the room, treat in hand.
He briefly turned back to address Emma. “Thanks, Emmie.”
Emma smiled at Jon. “I’ll be on my way.”
With one swift motion, Jon grabbed his coat from a hook and motioned to the door. His voice was firm. “Not so fast, there. I’m not letting you walk home in this cold weather. It’s too dangerous. I can’t believe you came all the way over here by foot.”
Emma sighed in relief. “A lift home would be appreciated. I’ll take you up on the ride.”
Inside of the buggy, the warmth from the gas heater caressed her hands and she rubbed them together in delight.
“I hope your mamma feels well for Christmas, Jon.”
“Me, too. And I believe she will. She’s overjoyed about the surgery. The news definitely lifted her spirits. And good news definitely won’t hurt her recovery. At least, with Mom, she doesn’t stay sick forever. I’m grateful for that. The virus comes in spurts.”
He cleared his throat. “There’s something I need to say, Emma.”
As the wind rocked the buggy, she waited for him to continue. The air coming in through the door made a light whistling sound.
“The last thing I want to do is to burden you with my problems.”
“You’re never a burden, Jon.”
“I’ve talked to you a little bit about my relationship with my dad. Since I lost him . . .” He cleared an emotional knot from his throat. “Getting through Christmas hasn’t been easy. I try to stay upbeat for Amos. He’s just a kid. And I want to make him as happy as I can.” He hesitated. “I miss my dad so much, it hurts. He was my best friend in the world. The person I most admired and respected.”
He breathed in and gave a shake of his head. “There’s no one to talk with about it. Except you.”
Emma caught the raw emotion in his voice. Her chest ached for the man next to her. How she wished his daddy were alive. She imagined what a different world it would be for the Troyer family.
“You’ve helped make this holiday season bearable, Emma.”
She breathed in and drew her hand over her chest in surprise. “Oh, Jon, l know how hard it must be. And I’m grateful I can help in a small way. But I know talking about your dad doesn’t bring him back. I wish it did. I can’t imagine life without my daddy.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she wiped away the moisture. “God must have a reason for taking your father when He did.”
Jon shrugged. “I sure wonder what it is. But I know that only our Lord knows the end result of our lives. There’s so much we aren’t aware of, we just have to continue to trust Him to guide and protect us. But, Emma . . .” She eyed him with curiosity as he went on. “Sometimes that’s not easy. Especially when you hurt inside.”
Emma’s heartstrings pulled at her with such strong ferocity, her chest ached. “Jon, I’m going to pray every night that that God will continue to give you strength.”
He smiled a little. “That’s one thing I like about you, Emma.”
Her voice was edged with a combination of uncertainty and happiness when she responded. “What’s that?”
“You never give up. And your determined spirit helps me to keep my faith. You inspire me, Emma. I understand why Amos likes having you around.”
The thought of the cookie lover prompted a giggle.
“You’ve brightened his life in a way that only you can do. You’ve been his sounding board. You’ve nurtured him in every way imaginable.” From her peripheral vision, she caught the roll of his eyes. “And there’s no doubt in my mind, Emma, that the kid’s been privy to more treats than anyone around, I’m sure.”
He laughed, and she joined him.
“Emma, Mom wants to do something special for you once she starts feeling better.”
Emma waved a hand and shook her head. “That’s not necessary.”
“We’re both grateful for everything you’ve done. And there’s one thing that we both agree on.” He paused. As the horse trotted into her drive, Emma waited for him to go on.
Long moments later, he turned to her and lowered the pitch of his voice. “You’ll make a great mother.”
CHAPTER 8
Christmas dinner was delicious. The extended family had left. As Emma washed the last dish and ran a towel over the glass, a knock on the door made her stop.
“Mamma, are you expectin’ anyone?”
“Not today.” The expression on Mamma’s face was a combination of amusement and secretiveness.
Emma stepped to the door. As she opened it, a rush of cold air swept in, lifting the arm of her coat on the hook. She locked gazes with Jon.
As she turned to glance at her family, the room had mysteriously emptied.
Emma pressed her lips together thoughtfully.
Jon eyed her. “Aren’t you going to ask me in?” He lifted an amused brow. “You did extend an invite.”
“I didn’t think you were coming. How nice!” Emma put her palms over her mouth and drew in an embarrassed breath. “I’m sorry.” An excited giggle escaped her. “It’s just that you took me by surprise.”
She waved a hand toward the dining room table. As she glanced back, the room was empty. Where had everyone gone?
“Here.” He pulled a beautifully wrapped gift from his oversized pocket. “This is for you.”
After she closed the door, he handed her the present. Deep blue ribbon circled bright red foil wrapping and fell apart in circles to form a bow.
He sat down next to her and turned to face her.
For an awkward moment, she glimpsed the gorgeous box. “I . . . I didn’t get anything for you.”
The corners of his lips seemed to be turned up in a permanent smile.
“Aren’t you going to unwrap it?”
* * *
She was still happily stunned by Jon’s changed disposition. Curious, she lowered her chin to look at the small gift box. The color of the oversized bow took her breath away. She’d never seen such a gorgeous deep shade of blue. It was the hue of pictures she’d seen of
the Caribbean.
The pitch of his voice was unusually hesitant. “I hope you like it.”
“This is so thoughtful of you, Jonathan. I wonder what it is!”
Heartened by her enthusiasm, he said, “You can guess all day, but you’ll never know unless you open it.”
She grinned. But her hands stopped as she began to undo the bow. Breathlessness edged her voice as she rolled her eyes with uncertainty. “It’s too pretty to touch!”
“Ah, but then you won’t know what I made just for you. Aren’t you curious?”
Her jaw dropped, and she leaned forward. “You made this?”
He offered a proud nod. “I wanted to show my appreciation for everything you’ve done for my little brother. So I came up with something I knew you would appreciate.”
She slid her fingers under the top of the package to take in the deep wood grain of the beautiful cherrywood recipe box. On the very top was a hand-carved letter E.
She drew in a surprised breath and eyed the man who obviously waited for a response.
“Emma, you’ve worked so hard. And I’m thankful.”
When their gazes locked, she was quick to note the brisk, nervous tapping of the toe of his black shoe against the shiny oak floor that shone with polish.
She turned the gift and looked it over. “Jonathan, this is absolutely precious. I can’t believe you did this especially for me.”
He pointed a shaky finger to the hand-engraved E in the middle. I wanted to personalize it.” He smiled a little. “And I have no doubt that your famous Christmas cookie recipe will be on the very first card.”
When she opened the lid, her jaw dropped in pleasant surprise as she glimpsed the star he’d carved into the wood. “Since the stars with blue icing were my little brother’s favorites, I thought it only fitting to replicate one.”
She laid a gentle hand on the gift and lowered the pitch of her voice to emphasize her gratefulness. “Thank you so much, Jon. I will treasure this and every time I use it, I will think of you, Amos, and the auction. It represents a dream come true.”
“Emma, you’ve helped Amos. And my family.” He gave a quick roll of his eyes while he shook his head and grinned mischievously. “I admit I’ve been a pain throughout the entire process, and I regret it. Now that the fund-raiser’s over, I’m grateful Amos will have his procedure.”
