She ignored the throbbing pain in her head and bent over to pick up her purse, emptying the contents onto the bed. Wallet…check. Keys…check. Phone…check. She slid her finger across the touch screen and punched in her password, unlocking it. Two notifications appeared, both text messages. The first was from Ivan and the second from Adam. She could not yet begin to deal with the pain of thinking about Ivan, so she opened Adam’s first. It was not just one message, but a string of messages sent one after the other. Jaden cringed as she began reading.
Ms. Thorne, I’m outside waiting for you.
Most of the guests have left.
Please text me and let me know
if you need assistance getting to the car.
Ms. Thorne, I’ve searched the building twice.
Security has not seen you, nor do they know
your whereabouts. Please message me back
as soon as you get this.
Jaden, I’ve been driving around looking for you for hours. Please let me know you’re safe.
I’ll come get you wherever you may be.
God, I love that man, she thought, and her fingers snapped into action.
Adam, I’m so sorry. I’m at Damian’s house.
Can you please pick me up as soon as possible.
Do you know where he lives?
I hope he replies soon, it’s only…Jaden scanned the room for an alarm clock. 10:30? My God, how long did I sleep?
Within seconds, her phone beeped with Adam’s response.
I’ll be there in five minutes.
She texted back immediately.
I’ll meet you out front.
A wave of relief washed over her. At lightning speed, she slid on her dress and gathered the contents of her purse from the bed. Now, where are my shoes? Scanning the floor, she spotted two silver heels next to the closet. She walked over to the double doors and bent down to pick them up. What she saw next to them took her breath away. A crumpled condom wrapper taunted her and murdered her last shred of self worth. Anger grew like poison inside her, and it focused not on Damian, but on herself. It wasn’t Damian’s fault she’d ended up in his bed. Well, maybe a bit, but she’d known from day one that he was a womanizer and wanted to get in her pants. By the looks of it, he’d now succeeded. She was furious at her weakness, her insecurity, her stupid drunken self with no judgment whatsoever. With a single reckless act—which she’d been too wasted to remember—she’d risked losing Ivan forever.
Thoroughly disgusted, she hung her head and opened the bedroom door. She turned the corner to find Damian at the granite kitchen island wearing a white shirt and soccer shorts. He munched a bowl of cereal while watching Sports Center. He turned to look at her, and satisfied smile that screamed “I Win” spread across his face.
“Sleep well, Jade?” he asked, but his eyes returned to the replay of last night’s hockey game.
“What happened last night?” she demanded.
Nearly spitting out his mouthful of Cheerios, he scoffed, “You’re kidding, right? Please don’t tell me you can’t remember. I never would’ve thought…” He managed to look at her for a moment. “You’re quite the sexual kitten. I thought having some bigwig doctor boyfriend from South Beach would make you a stuck-up bitch. But, man, was I ever wrong.”
Jaden felt horrified as his eyes bore down on her. She was lost, with no idea how to react to his words, how to function, how to work. She swallowed hard to prevent herself from vomiting all over the floor and then just got the hell out of there. “I gotta go!” she yelled over her shoulder.
All she heard as she scurried down the hall in her high heels, pink dress, and smudged makeup was Damian’s riotous laughter.
“What?” he called. “Was it something I said?”
She slammed the door behind her, but not before Damian left her with one more thought: “I’ll see you at work on Monday, sweets!”
Once outside, all she could think to do was run—run as far and as fast from this house as possible. But just then a black sedan rounded the corner and pulled to a stop in front her. Adam sprang from the driver’s side and rushed to her side.
“Ms. Thorne, are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she replied, horribly embarrassed. “Let’s just get out of here.” She made a beeline for the passenger door, but Adam stepped in front of her and got his hand on the handle first.
He looked her over before opening it. “You’re sure there’s nothing I need to…take care of?” he asked, glancing back toward the house.
“Adam, I’m fine. Honestly. Thank you for coming to pick me up on such short notice. Can we please just go home now?”
He nodded and closed her door.
When the network had assigned him as her personal driver, she’d gained a friend. What had she done to deserve so many honorable men in her life? The answer to that question came easily: nothing. She didn’t deserve their love or respect. Jaden curled into a ball on the backseat.
As the car began to move, she began to process. Guilt evolved into panic, which hit like a wrecking ball to her stomach. What had she done? Would she ever know? How could she explain this to Ivan without breaking his heart? In a few weeks they were supposed to visit her family in Colorado. What lie would explain his absence?
“Adam?” she called. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone. It’s just that—” Before she could finish her sentence, Adam had pulled the car to the side of the road and stopped. He turned so he could look at her.
“Of course, Ms. Thorne,” he said. “But may I also say I’ve been a driver for almost twenty-five years, and I’ve met a lot of people. Some are not nearly as genuine as you seem to me, but all have made mistakes. You are not alone. You just have to decide what happens next. No matter what, remember that your destiny is yours to create, not anyone else’s. When the time is right, I know you’ll know what to do.”
She burst into tears. “But what about Ivan? What kind of person does that to someone they love? He’s going to hate me. I hate me. I wish I’d never gone to that stupid gala in the first place.”
When she’d cried herself silent, Adam spoke again. “Do you love him?”
She wiped away tears with the back of her hand. “More than anything.”
“Does he love you?”
“Yes.”
“Then, Ms. Thorne, I think you have your answer. If you love him, you’ll tell him what happened, and if he loves you, he’ll respect your honesty. What happens from there, I can’t guess. You may lose your relationship, or it may grow, but you’ll have acted with integrity.”
Lose the relationship? She felt another wave of nausea.
“If you don’t tell him, I fear you’ll suffer for it, and you’ll lose him for sure should he ever find out. Whatever you decide, you’ll have to live with your choices, Ms. Thorne. And I want you to be able to live.”
“Thank you, Adam. Thank you for everything.”
“Of course, Ms. Thorne.”
He turned and eased the town car back into the flow of traffic. Jaden sat in silence for the remainder of the ride, twiddling the cross that hung from the rosary she wore. She reminisced about sea turtles and torn clothes and the scents tattooed into the depths of her mind. No matter what Damian had said, or what she’d convinced herself to worry about in the moment, she knew Ivan would never do what it appeared she’d just done to him. What was she going to do? Could she ever gather the courage to tell him?
The car pulled up at her house, and Adam stepped out into the bright LA sunlight. When her door opened, she stepped out and joined him on the curb. “Thank you,” she said again, and forced a smile to her face.
“Of course, Ms. Thorne. I am happy to be of service. You’re sure there’s nothing you need?”
She shook her head again, and feeling him watch her like a hawk, she made her way to the front door. He pulled away once she’d unlocked and opened the door, and she immediately felt alone—alone with her thoughts and her co
nscience. There was no Damian to taunt her or Adam to offer her words of wisdom. There was simply Jaden, someone she had no desire to be around at the moment. The silence was deafening.
Wanting to wash away all traces of the previous night, she slid out of her dress and pulled off her bra and panties, tossing them into the clothes hamper. She set the water to scalding and stepped into the steamy stream, hoping to wash away the biggest regret of her life, which ironically, she could remember nothing about. Fuck, Jaden. How could you let yourself get so goddamn drunk? What were you thinking? How could you be so stupid?
Tears pressed against the back of her eyes again and soon mixed with the flowing water. After showering, her body felt clean, but her mind was still stained with regret. With a towel cinched around her, Jaden stood facing the mirror, but she couldn’t recognize the woman staring back. She studied her, trying to grasp what the hell she’d done and why, but found no answers. She slid to the tile floor, not because she wanted to, but because her legs could no longer support her. She cried and cried until her throat grew sore. And only when she’d cried herself dry did she stand and look into the mirror once more, finding a broken girl.
She shut off the bathroom light and stumbled over to her bed. Her purse sat open on her night table, and the corner of her phone stuck out, taunting her just as clearly as Damian’s words had when she left his house. Using the last of her energy, she retrieved it. She couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer. Ivan had been texting her, and the least she could do was return his messages. She opened the first of two unread texts that had arrived in the wee hours of the morning.
I heard from a little birdie that you looked stunning.
I hope you had a blast. Love is beautiful, and so are you.
I love you with all my heart.
She lay back on the bed and clutched her side, trying to catch a breath that would not come. Remorse and utter disgust washed over her. She had to choose, and she had to choose now. Did she want to save their relationship? Her mind and soul struggled with the answer while her conscience screamed. The voices had returned.
She’ll never
do it again.
It was an accident.
And she doesn’t even
know what she did.
Now she knows
she loves him.
She always knew that.
Can she
bury this mistake?
She won’t be able to.
It happens to everyone.
He doesn’t need to know.
Love is about trust.
He needs to know.
She will lose
him if she tells him.
She will lose
him if she doesn’t.
Tell him.
She’ll hurt
him if she does.
She’ll hurt
him if she doesn’t.
She’ll lose
him if she does.
Jaden inhaled and exhaled slowly. Her fingers quivered and lingered over the keyboard. With a heavy heart, she typed her response.
Hey! Sorry but my phone died.
Party was fine. I’ll call you tonight
when I finish running errands. Miss you lots. Xoxoxo
Then she pushed send, officially burying her mistake. She’d learned from it. It would never again be repeated.
She tried to take comfort in her decision, but solace would not come, only regret. Physically and mentally exhausted, Jaden shut her eyes and clung to the bear made of beautiful moments from a happy time in her life. She imagined a Miami Beach sunset decorating the sky with red and purple. Sitting hand in hand with her on the balcony was Ivan, his hair flowing over his neck and a cigar hanging from the corner of his mouth. They shared a glass of wine as their favorite music played.
Ivan was right. Love is beautiful—when it’s not tainted with infidelity.
Chapter 17
“Outside”
THE AIR SEEMED STAGNANT as the worker bees scurried about setting up cameras and the prep team warmed the burners and prepared the vegetables. Jaden stood with as much confidence as she could muster, which was little to none. She knew any moment now he would tromp in and take his place beside her. What on earth was he going to say? Her stomach rolled, a soup of fear, remorse, and regret. She shivered.
“So, how’d it go? I want all the juicy details,” a voice called from behind her.
Jaden turned to face Kat, who stood with an eager smile. Of course she’d be dying to know what happened, but this was one conversation Jaden couldn’t quite manage just now. It had taken everything she had to relive a version of the evening on the phone with Ivan last night. He’d seemed bewildered by her lack of enthusiasm about the event.
“Really? Just okay, huh? I’d have thought the network would go all out.”
“Well, maybe I just wasn’t feeling it. Would have been better with you,” she’d managed.
“Aw, baby girl, I know you can hold your own,” he’d said with a laugh.
Oh, how wrong he was…
“Damn, girl!” Kat exclaimed, drawing her back to the present. “Have you been crying all night or something? Your eyes are all puffy and red.” She reached into her oversized makeup bag and fished out a silver tin of loose powder. “You must’ve been a party animal this weekend. No worries. Just sit here. I’ll have you fixed up in a jiffy!”
Jaden sighed and closed her eyes, taking a seat and tilting her head back to let Kat work her magic. “I guess I’m just overtired.”
“So? How was the party? Did you have fun? Any gossip, hook-ups? Oh, how did Damian look? Was he a prick or tolerable for once?” Kat lowered her voice and continued. “Was Queen Cougar on the prowl?”
Jaden squeezed her eyes shut and fought back a rush of uneasiness. “Damian was, well, Damian. It was mostly a bunch of drunken businessmen and actors.”
“Including you?” Kat asked.
“I had a few but…” Jaden trailed off, sensing someone approaching. She opened her eyes to find Damian wearing a hideous smirk.
“A few?” he laughed. “You were a regular sorority sister, Jade. You polished off every drop of alcohol in sight.” His look grew even more smug. “Seems to me you were running away from something—or maybe to someone?”
“Looks like we have a comedian in the crowd, folks,” she scoffed, sitting up straight. She turned to face him, her fear now morphing into rage. Oh yes, she was going to enjoy laying into this asshole. “Kat, would you please excuse us for a minute?”
“Actually, you’re all done, boss,” Kat said, not seeming to notice the vehemence in Jaden’s voice. In an instant she disappeared.
She spoke so only Damian could hear. “Listen here, you fucking asshole. I’ve had just about enough of your shit. The other night was a mistake, and I’m disgusted with myself for—”
“Disgusted? Do you really think your Prince Charming isn’t sticking his dick in every wannabe model in South Beach? You should be thanking me.”
“Thank you? For what? For taking advantage of me when I was drunk?”
“Oh, come on! You wanted to get laid. Don’t lie. You kissed me! You should consider yourself lucky. Women would kill to be in your situation.” He grinned with his eyebrows, and Jaden felt her blood boil.
“One minute to go. Are you guys ready?” the segment producer called.
“Yes!” Damian barked while Jaden screamed, “No!”
The producer just grunted. “You have one minute,” he said again.
Leaning over, Damian lowered his voice to match Jaden’s. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone what happened or how freaky you are in bed. I’m gonna keep that juicy little piece of gossip to myself. Or maybe I won’t.”
She felt sick. She’d risked everything she had with Ivan over someone who thought of her as nothing more than a sexual conquest. Everything was a game to Damian, including her, and she’d allowed him to win. “I can promise you this,” she hissed. “If you breathe
one word of this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I’ll make sure every woman here knows you’re hung like a light switch.”
“Good luck with that,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve fucked half the staff, including my co-host.” He turned on his heel and stalked toward the set, leaving her to hurry after him.
“Three…two…one…Action!”
“Hello, I’m Damian Gris, and this is my co-host Jaden Thorne,” he began smoothly before she could get to her place. “I hope you’re ready for One Hot Kitchen because we’ve got one hot show for you!”
Wait, did she just hear that right? Did he just take charge of the intro and call her his co-host? It was bad enough that he’d ruined her personal life. Now, to make her despair complete, he was making a play to steal the show. Jaden went numb. With movements merely mechanical, she could think of nothing to do but go with the flow.
As they continued to film, Damian interrupted her, joking loudly, and stepped all over her demonstrations. She knew what he was doing. He was displaying his dominance, a dominance she had forfeited to him when she’d succumbed to his touch. She hated herself.
Hours later, which seemed like days, the cameraman called, “That’s a wrap for today.”
“Yes, yes it is.” Damian shot her a cocky look, solidifying his victory.
Jaden left him to review the take alone. She was tired of fighting. She hung her head as she headed for her dressing room, but not low enough to avoid Stacey.
“Hey!” she demanded. “You okay? What happened to you on Friday? Adam was a wreck trying to find you. How on earth did you get home?”
Jaden broke into a cold sweat. What did Stacey know about Damian? She prayed the woman wouldn’t catch her in a lie. “I had a bit too much to drink, and I couldn’t find Adam. I took a cab home.”
“Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right.”
Relief washed over her. “Yeah, it is.” Jaden forced a smile. “Thanks for your concern.” She stood frozen for a moment as Stacey strolled off.
The Winemaker's Dinner: Entrée Page 11
