Her words were a painful punch to his gut. “You have children?”
“No,” she admitted. “My husband and I were not so fortunate.”
His tension eased somewhat. When Kitty had left him, he’d spent weeks agonizing over the horror of her sharing another man’s bed. Making love to him. Laughing with him. Her having another man’s children had been a nebulous idea he could not picture, but it was the one outcome of her marriage that he had expected. It had caused so much pain.
He leaned forward. “Why did you not return home when Forbes died?”
“Kinsale is my home,” she assured him, lifting her chin.
“Is that where you live? Susanna would never say where exactly you had gone, and I feared to insist on an answer would reveal too much about my interest in you.”
Her expression tightened. “I was happy there.”
“Then I shall have to visit Kinsale one day, since it is so dear to you,” he decided.
She appeared so startled that he might follow her home that she gaped. After Teddy was settled with a wife, Sinclair would travel beyond his usual haunts. He did not like the idea that Kitty might slip away a second time. It might seem presumptuous again, but one day he hoped to be at liberty to please himself, and that included seeing her whenever he wished. “What about the place holds you there, if you have no children to return to?”
“My husband’s family is dear to me.”
He nodded slowly. Kitty had always had a welcoming smile for anyone she met. It had been one of the things that had drawn him to her. She had fitted in at Grafton Park very well. She had been so easy to fall for. “I am sure you are to them, too. Might I inquire how long you will remain in London?”
“I am not certain, but once I have dealt with Percy to my satisfaction, I will likely stay long enough to help my niece prepare for marriage. A few weeks, perhaps a month or two should do, though I cannot know for certain.”
“Then perhaps you would be good enough to inform me when you leave this time.”
She blinked. “Why?”
“I should not like to be disappointed when I call on you and find you gone again.”
Kitty shook her head suddenly and drew a breath. Her expression now was more guarded than ever, but her cheeks were becoming flushed with hot color. She quickly wet her lips, and Sinclair’s whole body reacted. He was aroused just by being in the same room with her. How could this be?
Kitty must have felt the air fairly sizzling between them, too, because she would not meet his eye and her breathing accelerated. He knew the signs of her arousal very well. She gulped and studied her hands. “Did you by chance happen to meet my niece when you visited my brother?”
He saw through her attempt to distract him, and he allowed it for now. She was using the conversation to avoid giving him the delight of her full attention. Was she as confused as he was about what to do?
He decided he would like to sit beside her on the settee.
“Unfortunately I was not so lucky on that particular visit. However, given Percy’s threats to shoot me, perhaps I should only meet her in a more formal setting.”
He got up, and she fairly jumped when he settled close beside her. “Now my brother has threatened to shoot you?”
“Bachelor,” he said, pointing to his chest. “He has no idea how inappropriate it would be for me to form an attachment to your niece.”
He turned toward her on the settee, inching as close as he dared without assuming too much. She swallowed again and looked down at her fingers once more. They were soon twisted up in the folds of her pretty gown.
“I will speak to him about that too,” she promised.
“And what will you say to him? Why should he really not worry? Will you tell him what we were to each other once?” He desperately wished to stretch out to capture her fingers. To feel the jolt of Kitty’s first touch on his senses as he twined their fingers together. He wanted to hold her hand again but feared being rebuffed. “The truth will really put my life in jeopardy.”
She put a greater distance between them suddenly, shuffling to the end of the settee. “Of course, I will not tell Percy that. I will, however, reassure him you could not be thinking of marrying.”
Sinclair smiled at her behavior. He was not about to launch himself on top of her, even if she had laughed the only time he had ever done it. Their bed had given an alarming groan that night. “Your niece, no.”
Silence reigned at his statement, and even he was surprised by his admission. Marriage for himself had been the last thing on his mind until now. He would have liked to marry her once, and he was incredibly attracted to her still. Attraction did not mean love or even a future together at their ages. “Will you really stay only so long as the girl needs your help to prepare for marriage?”
Sinclair selfishly hoped Percy’s daughter was a hopeless case and would need her aunt for a long time to come. That might give him time to get to know Kitty again and see what happened between them.
“I think that is all the time I can give,” Kitty said, looking down at her hands still. “I have offered to address the deficiencies in her education and plan to introduce her to my acquaintances very soon. I expect to be in London for only a short time.”
“An excellent idea to help her now,” he murmured, hoping for the latter or longer. “Percy tends to disdain society, so I expect he’ll be no great help in the year to come.”
Kitty would have to bully her brother into doing what she wanted for the girl, and Sinclair applauded her attempts already. Percy Hunter was a man and stubborn. Men tended not to consider the needs of female relatives until it was absolutely necessary.
Feeling more at ease and assured that Kitty was not in danger of disappearing anytime soon, he looked her over boldly. She had always been fashionably dressed but not in a way that flaunted her hidden charms. He’d liked her natural beauty much more than that of the painted society ladies who had sought his attention once upon a time.
Kitty had been a young woman of humble origins, skilled at needlework, dancing, and lacemaking. She’d had a fine voice for singing but had been shy of performing before strangers, and him particularly. Obviously, judging by her attire tonight, her late husband had provided well for her. He was glad she’d been looked after in her marriage, and now, too. He hoped nothing else about her had changed very much.
He’d always been at ease in her company. Although he’d certainly compromised her, acting on mutual desires that would not quiet for either of them, she’d never given any sign of planning to trap him into a marriage they were both too young to enter into at that time. He had not had the time to devote to a wife then. His ducal responsibilities had taken him away from Grafton Park so often. “I am sure Felicity will do very well with your guidance.”
“You are very kind, your grace.”
“And you are being much too polite with me.” Her eyes widened slightly at his rebuke, and she finally met his gaze. “I trust such behavior does not last long between us. It is very lowering that you will not look me in the eye anymore. You were the one who abandoned me, my lady. Does my aging form disgust you when you look at me now?”
Her face lifted to his quickly. “No!”
He studied her face, noting the slight changes their years apart had wrought with great interest. He had once known the beauty, every lush curve of her being. She was no longer young, but neither was he. He refused to pretend they had not been intimate. He sat still when her gaze flickered over his features now, too.
She wet her lips. “You hardly seem to have aged a day since I last saw you, while I am as you see now.”
“Younger than I still.” He had already adjusted to the differences in her. His shock had gone, and in its place, he felt only anticipation. “I would like to be direct, the way we once were with each other. I want you still.”
A flush of color flooded her cheeks, and she looked down at her hands once more. “Sinclair, those days are best forgotten.”
“Not for me. Those days with you were some of the best of my life. I should like to know you again. Talk about the past, too.” He glanced at the mantel and saw the hour was nearly up. “May I call on you again tomorrow night and continue our discussions?”
He’d have to slip away from Teddy again to meet with Kitty in secret, but he felt it would be worth the effort. He worried that if his heir got wind of his interest in Kitty, he might promptly decamp the city entirely, imagining he might not be needed for the duchy after all. But Sinclair was well aware that he and Kitty were older, perhaps too old for anything besides pleasure to come of any bedding.
That could be enough for him. The past could not be changed for either of them, even if he wished it might yet turn out altogether differently. The sacrifice of sneaking around would be worth the boon of being with Kitty while he could.
“I do not think you calling here again is a good idea,” she murmured, her brow furrowing. “Or warranted.”
“Why not? Are you afraid?”
Her gaze snapped to his. “I am too old for what you are suggesting.”
He smiled slowly. “No one is too old to be made love to thoroughly. It is not as if we have not shared a bed before. We have thirty years of catching up to do.”
She gaped again, and Sinclair winked.
It might seem a bold suggestion, but it was what he really wanted in the end. He wanted Kitty not to dismiss his pursuit out of hand. Their age was irrelevant.
But rather than push the point any future, he slapped his thigh and stood. He knew nothing was settled between them, but it was a start. “Well, I should take my leave and allow Lady Darrow to return to you for a good gossip about my visit. It has been an absolute pleasure, as always, to speak with you alone, Kitty. I will call again tomorrow night, and perhaps then you might have time to put into words why you left me.”
“You know I had to go.” Kitty’s cheeks slowly turned red as she gained her feet. “And it doesn’t matter anymore. Farewell, your grace.”
“It matters to me very much still.” When he took a step closer to Kitty, she held out her hand, but Sinclair had other plans. He would always behave like a gentleman in public around Kitty, polite, and disinterested enough to fool others. But in private, Sinclair would be open in his dealings with this woman. Affectionate, the way he’d been with her before her marriage. He captured her fingers in his and held them tightly. The yearning for her sent his senses spinning.
He leaned forward as if to press a kiss to her soft cheek but stopped just short of her skin. He inhaled her scent deeply before kissing her cheek lightly. Her breath caught as he softly kissed her other cheek, and then did it again. He’d always loved being close to her.
He poised there a moment longer, their faces so close, painfully aware of each other. He selfishly savored the anticipation for more to come between them. “I missed you,” he whispered to her.
It was true. Without even realizing it, Sinclair had been missing Kitty for so very long. He fairly trembled to hold her against him even now, when he knew he must not.
He drew back to look down on her flushed face and saw confusion.
No lady was too old for loving, and he would prove that to Kitty soon enough. The urge to kiss her lips grew, but he’d done what he’d set out to do.
He had begun the delicate dance to woo Kitty back into his arms.
Drawing away from her nearly hurt. Sinclair smiled slowly once again as he took in her flushed cheeks, and his heart swelled with anticipation for the future they might yet have. He was looking forward to enjoying many more stolen moments with Kitty, and hoped to make her blush again.
He took another step back and bowed deeply. “Until tomorrow, Kitty.”
She swallowed and let out a shuddering breath and seemed to compose herself. “Good night, Sinclair.”
The next time she said that, he hoped she was in his arms, in bed, after a long and enjoyable night of loving.
Chapter 10
“I do not like it here,” Percy’s daughter whispered, crowding closer and clutching Kitty’s arm tightly as if she were terrified.
Lady Wilmot’s luncheon invitation had been too good an opportunity to pass up when it had arrived so unexpectedly early this morning. Even if Felicity was not quite ready, they’d had to come and be seen together. Lady Wilmot was a kind woman she’d met at Grafton Park when she’d been Lady Susanna Berringer’s companion. The invitation was very considerate, given how much time had passed since they’d spoke. Lady Wilmot seemed to share Kitty’s excitement over Felicity’s first outing in society, too.
Felicity might not feel entirely ready for her entrée to society, but how else might she meet the right people?
Always aware that others were watching for flaws, they strolled Lady Wilmot’s perfectly clipped lawn, complimenting everything they saw as if entirely accustomed to doing so.
“My face hurts,” Felicity whispered in a worried tone.
There was no one nearby, so Kitty stopped to admire a dahlia in bloom. “You do not have to smile all the time. Just think of something pleasant that exists somewhere else if nothing here appeals to you. For instance, think of the happy times you spent with your mother,” Kitty urged. “That always worked for me.”
A genuine smile crossed Felicity’s face at last. “She always loved gardens like this. We once went to Hyde Park together and stood on the edge of it, watching the horses and carriages, and pretty ladies strolling by. She would have loved this garden, especially. It is so peaceful here.”
“It is,” Lady Wilmot agreed as she joined them. “How are you both? I trust you are enjoying my little summer gathering.”
“Everything is so beautifully done, my lady,” Felicity promised, earning her a delighted smile from their hostess.
“She is just like you used to be, Lady Forbes. So open and yet shy,” Lady Wilmot told Kitty. “With your expert tutelage, I am sure she’ll be quite a success.”
“Thank you,” Kitty said, beaming as if Felicity were her own daughter. “She is delightful, isn’t she?”
“Indeed.” Lady Wilmot drew close. “I feel compelled to warn you to have a care in your dealings with Lady Finch today. She has a niece, Miss Susan Hargrave is the girl’s name, in want of a husband, and she dotes on her. As you might remember, the sting of her tongue could be devastating when anyone got in the way of her ambitions before. She has not changed for the better over the years, I am afraid. For now, you have the advantage of not being recognized by her as yet.”
“Understood,” Kitty said quietly, discreetly looking for the lady mentioned. Lady Finch had once been Miss Becky Falcon, a sharp-tongued heiress who’d been a plague upon other debutants. Lady Susanna had found her remarks amusing. Becky had not liked Kitty at all, and had made fun of her whenever her actions proved herself of more humble birth.
Looking at her now made Kitty’s stomach clench anew. Lady Finch was paying particular attention to a dark-haired girl about the same age as Felicity, and she was glad for the stretch of lawn between them.
In Kitty’s completely biased opinion, Felicity was the prettier of the pair. Felicity had a sweet temper and would make any man a good wife one day, she was sure, but not if Lady Finch took a set against her and ruined this chance. Unfortunately, Felicity’s dowry would likely fall far short of what Finch’s niece would bring to any marriage, and she would have the first pick of the bachelors most likely, too.
No matter.
The girl resembled Lady Finch a little bit too much, which was unfortunate for the girl but in Felicity’s favor. For Felicity’s sake, Kitty would be vigilant and not allow a friendship to spring up between the young women.
“There will be an unexpected musical performance soon from Lady Finch’s niece today, too,” Lady Wilmot announced, with a slight frown. “I do hope you will enjoy it and clap for her. Miss Hargrave seems quite terrified of her first public performance.”
“We are looking forward to hearing her play very
much,” Felicity promised, looking with unabashed interest at Miss Hargrave now.
Kitty spared the niece a second glance. Lady Finch had thought well of her own many accomplishments as a girl, too. Would the niece be cut from the same cloth and push herself forward like Becky always had? “Yes, we are indeed looking forward to it,” Kitty promised.
Lady Wilmot left them, answering the call to duty to amuse other guests with grace and good humor born of years of practice.
“She seemed very nice,” Felicity enthused.
“You could learn a lot from someone like Lady Wilmot,” Kitty promised. “She always knew just the right things to say for every occasion.”
Kitty noted several familiar faces from her time as a companion of Lady Susanna Berringer were also in attendance at Lady Wilmot’s garden party today. They seemed to have swelled since she’d last seen them. The raw light of day did not soften appearances as candlelight often could. Some had portly bellies, others ample breasts and saggy jowls. The best she could say of any of them was that their natures were probably the only thing about them unchanged.
She knew what they all wanted still—to be talked about by influential people, and to be considered one, too. “Smile and remember everyone here wants to belong as much as we do.”
“Yes, Aunt,” Felicity agreed. “I think I could eat something now.”
Kitty smiled, glad the girl’s nerves had finally settled enough to have recovered her appetite. There were delights to be sampled here that Felicity had likely never tasted before, or imagined. She gestured to a footman holding a silver tray to approach them. But then she looked beyond the servant—and found the Duke of Exeter looking back at her. The sun shone a little brighter on his pale head, and his lips quirked into the briefest greeting, a sign of his pleasure at seeing her again.
Her cheeks warmed, and she looked away. She was still not sleeping soundly because of Sinclair.
She glanced at her niece quickly, hoping Felicity had not noticed her reaction to the duke yet. Even silly old women could be captivated by a handsome face and a wicked proposition they sorely wanted to accept. She let out a tiny sigh of frustration, though. Why could he not be like everyone else here and have grown pudgy? He seemed almost the same as before. Too handsome. Too distinguished to mistake for an ordinary being. Especially so when he brought his own servant everywhere with him. Same fellow this time as the last, too, by the look of it.
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