Please don’t try to talk to me about this as nothing you will say will get me to change my mind and stay. Frankly, I wouldn’t be able to handle the conversation. Just let me have my pride. I’ll always be grateful.
~ Jamie
****
Felix and several of the students from the dojo were signed up for their second match of the year: UNCHARTERED 45. The Mixed Martial Arts competition was going to be held in Las Vegas that Saturday, four hours away and it was Felix’s idea to take a road trip in a party bus with those that were competing and those that wanted to come show their support. Those that didn’t were invited to attend the victory party on Sunday night he planned ahead of time to celebrate everyone’s win that they all knew they would have at Felix’s house with his wife and kids whether he or anyone competing actually won or not.
Unfortunately, Jamie couldn’t go along and attend as she had to get rest before her big presentation the following week and then submit her letter of resignation. She was far too disheartened to go and enjoy herself even if she brought her friends along. She just wanted to hide under her bed covers for a couple of days and cry, but she would be at the victory party on Sunday to show her support; Professor Felix was a good mentor to her and everyone else in the dojo. He was family.
The weekend came too fast for Jamie, and before she knew it, it was the night of the party. She received texts from others that most of her peers placed in the division categories they competed in, but Professor Felix came out on top and placed 1st. She lived vicariously through them by tracking all of the photos and videos that were posted on the major social media sites. They definitely had fun, and she was proud of them and actually started to feel excited about the party. It had been a miserable few weeks, and she could use something like a party to get drunk at and forget, even if it was for one evening. None of her friends were available, so she had to go alone. Praying that Sam wasn’t there, she didn’t have the courage to run into him, and she had to go. Mustering all the courage she had, Jamie grabbed her keys and took off to the party.
By the time she arrived the party was already going with R&B music blasting, loud cheers and laughter and the street packed with parked cars. It took her several minutes to find a parking spot a half block away, but she found one. It was great to see it packed because it showed that a lot of people united for a common cause: victory. Inside Felix’s house, there were hundreds of people, many in his living room she didn’t recognize at first until she walked further inside towards the living room and the door to his backyard and started to recognize other students from the dojo. As she stood in the doorway, she reveled in the joy and bliss everyone felt. She wondered what that felt like. The feeling that everything was alright with the world. It didn’t matter how happy she thought she was, there was always this void missing. Jamie wondered if everyone had that void and just used moments like this to forget it for a couple of hours. Jamie spent the next few minutes downing a couple of tequila shots with others from the dojo hoping she would get inebriated and forget the pain and sorrow.
“I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Jamie muttered to herself as she made her way to the closest bathroom.
“Great, it’s available.” She sighed as she went inside and shut the door. A couple of minutes later as she opened the bathroom door so she could head back outside and rejoin the partygoers, she immediately slammed into a brick wall, more like a man’s body.
“Oof.” Jamie stumbled backward. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
Looking up, it was Sam. Great. Jamie did not think he would come to these sort of events due to his busy schedule, but apparently, he showed up for the same reason she did, to show his support no matter what.
“Hi, Jamie,” Sam said solemnly as he gazed at her.
“Excuse me,” Jamie said abruptly as she tried to shove past him, but before she could, he grabbed her arm.
“Jamie, we need to talk.”
“There is nothing to say. Leave me be.” Jamie pulled her arm away from his grasp and walked towards the backyard.
“Come on, Jamie. You are overreacting about all of this. I’m trying to talk to you.”
Jamie stopped walking turned around, “Overreacting? You think I’m exaggerating? You know it’s a pretty big party, looks like over a hundred people here. I don’t think there should be any reason why we need to run into each other. Now, if you don’t mind me, I’m going outside.” She needed fresh air, away from the party, the drinks and away from him.
Stepping out onto the front porch she breathed in the cold evening air and exhaled heavily. She couldn’t go one night, one party, without seeing Sam? It felt like she was stabbed in the chest repeatedly, not that she knew what that felt like, but it had to be similar. How was she going to ever get through the night with him there? She couldn’t leave, she hadn’t been there long.
“Jamie, we can talk out here or in there, the point is we need to speak, and I’m not leaving until we do,” Sam said as he followed her outside.
“Then you are going to be here a very long time.” Jamie cracked.
“Jamie…” Sam sighed before choosing his words carefully. “Jamie, I know we haven’t known each other long or spent that much time together, but whether you believe me or not, I consider you to be one of my greatest friends. You are an amazing individual and someone I can talk to. I don’t want to think that you were all of that because you were trying to win me over.”
“Trying to win you over? God, how arrogant are you? You think I was a good person because I wanted you? Wow…” Jamie scoffed at his audacity.
“Jamie, that’s not what I meant.” Sam sighed again.
“Well, you certainly are doing a great job at explaining whatever it is you have to explain.”
“Jamie, it’s rare to come across genuine people in my line of work and where I come from. For years, I’ve worked hard to take it all with a grain of salt, ignoring the intentions of others because more often than not it was someone trying to either benefit from my father’s name or from my own notoriety when all I want is to live as much of a normal life as possible. Do you realize what that’s like?” Sam tried to explain.
“Yeah, you are whining because you’re famous and rich and women throw themselves at you. No, Sam, I don’t know what it’s like because I’m not rich and just a nobody. Poor you.”
“When I met you, you were genuine. You didn’t treat me like I had something you could benefit from. You treated me as I am. For the first time, I didn’t feel like Jerry Ellis’ son or that guy that toured briefly around the world. I felt like Sam the surfing martial artist that runs a non-profit and likes to sail on his boat with his dog Owen. Look, I am sorry that I came across as anything more than that and if I could take it all back, I would.”
Hearing his words, she was still angry. Not at him, it was never meant for him but took it out on him anyway. Instead, she should have been angrier at herself. She spent so many years feeling lonely, in self-pity and the next guy that came along she took an interest in and read too much into his actions. Who would be attracted to someone like that?
“Jamie?” Sam asked when she failed to respond. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he said “I truly am sorry. I did not mean to lead you on, but I really did enjoy your company. I still do.”
If it wasn’t going to be him, then who was it going to be? She was already 36, and most of her peers were married with children, and she was one of the few that wasn’t. She didn’t know what was wrong with her.
“I read your letter and know your intention was to resign from the organization, but I don’t want you to. I need you.”
“For what, Sam? I am not looking for a friend, as you can see that’s the one thing that I do have. New ones too and they are at this party that I’d like to spend more time enjoying. I am still going to resign, Sam.” Jamie finally answered. “Although, I know you think kindly of me and value my presence, it still hurts. It still hurts to not… you know I’
ve spent my whole life trying to be hopeful despite adversity. Each time I had hope when it looked like something great was going to happen and then it doesn’t, and it fails, like someone up there is saying ‘Sorry, Jamie. Not for you, can’t have it.’ and its failure after failure. Being kicked when I was already down. When is my win, Sam? When is it my turn to win?”
“Jamie, don’t you realize how lucky you are? You’ve got a lot going for you that I wish I sometimes had. You’re one of the best in our dojo and maybe even bigger than that, and if you would compete like Felix wants you to, I’m sure you’d succeed there. You’re in a band that you love and perform all over the state, you’ve got a lot of good close friends, and you live on the coast. How are those not wins?”
“I’m not discounting those things, but there’s still a void and every time I’m around you now it’s a reminder, and it sucks.”
“What kind of void?”
“You know, that feeling in the back of your mind, always nagging at you that something is missing. You know, when I met you, I didn’t know what it was. Your presence or what but when I met you, I remembered that it had been a long time since I was genuinely interested in someone. I purposely haven’t dated for a long time because whenever I dated someone, it felt like a chore like I was forcing myself to go through the motions because dating was a part of life but they never really meant anything because there was that void that they never filled. Ever since I met you, I haven’t felt that void. That accounted for something and now because it’s not possible. That means only one thing.”
“What?”
“I either choose to live an empty life with someone that will never be enough or I decide to live alone.”
“Jamie…”
“It’s true. I’m not going to force you to feel something for me that you can’t, Sam. Besides even if you did, you have Amy.”
“I’m not seeing her anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, I wasn’t actually seeing her as so much-”
“I don’t need to hear it,” Jamie said covering her ears in annoyance.
“Well, you know what I mean. We weren’t together, it was just a convenient situation. Anyway, I put a stop to it. I can’t do it anymore, it was never the right thing, to begin with.”
“When did you end it?”
“Friday. I don’t really know what I feel about anything, Jamie. All I wanted was to live in peace, and I have been, and it’s always been enough. As far as dating, yes there had been women, like Amy. There had been one in particular that I married. It was a long time ago, and it failed miserably and quite quickly. It was a painful period and at a time where my father’s health was declining, and she couldn’t even empathize. I mean I was there when he died. It was a rough period, and it defined who I am was, and I chose to avoid loss by keeping people at a distance.”
“I’m so sorry, Sam. I didn’t know.”
“Don’t be, it was a long time ago, and I’ve moved on from it. I’ve got, to be honest, I don’t have the time to dedicate to someone else even if I wanted to. If this was another time or place, then maybe. I might have been a different person. All I know is that I don’t know and I’m not sure if I will ever know. I know that it isn’t what you want to hear but please don’t be angry.”
****
Jamie did well on her presentation with Sam and Amy in front of NSK Distributors in hopes that they build a partnership to get their spirits and liquor products on retail shelves all over the country. She felt excited for them despite making the decision to leave resign anyway.
In the final two weeks she submitted her resignation letter, Sam kept his distance and gave Jamie space. She knew Sam did it because it was what she wanted and maybe it helped him deal with the situation. It hurt her heart to hurt his, but it had to be done. They were both going to be better for it. The ironic thing was she knew that she was supposed to feel better the more time she spent away from him but it only made her feel sadder. She missed his presence, and she could deny it all she wanted, despite everything she loved getting to know him. She tried shaking off the thought, but it was of no use. This wasn’t going to end happily ever after, this wasn’t a love story.
She had to have a long talk with herself and understand that some people just won’t see the value for who she was and if men didn’t, it wasn’t necessarily their fault either. Some people are just not meant to be together. It sounded logical, but she sure would miss Sam. She felt comfortable around him enough to be herself. For the first time in a long time, the way he looked at her sometimes made her feel like she was actually beautiful to someone. A feeling she rarely felt, but it was good when it happened. She was really going to miss him.
She stopped by the office with a cardboard box in tow to collect her belongings from her cubicle. She noticed Sam’s office door was closed, it made her heart drop. After packing her things, answering questions and saying goodbye to the staff she carried the box outside, and Owen who had been roaming around followed her to her car.
“Well boy, this is as far as you can go, I need to take you back inside,” Jamie said as she loaded the box into the trunk and petted him one last time. She was going to have to walk him back into the office to make sure he stayed put.
Just then a critter running down the sidewalk a distance away caught Owen’s attention, and he started to bark and tried to talk off to hunt it but luckily Jamie had him by the collar, but he was too strong and pulled out of her grasp and took off running.
“Owen! Come back here!” Jamie yelled running after him. Owen had never ventured far from the office when he was there let alone took off down the street unless Sam was with him. She worried for Owen, and if she didn’t catch up to him, he might get lost and not find his way back to the office.
“Owen! Damn dog.” Jamie called as she ran after him. Owen chased the little squirrel in circles and sometimes zig-zagging in and out of the street. Fortunately, it was during a slow period in the morning when cars weren’t frequent.
Jamie finally caught up to Owen when stopped to bark at the squirrel when it ran up a tiny tree planted on the center island in the street.
“Owen, come on. You aren’t supposed to be this far from the office.” Jamie said tugging him by the collar until Owen noticed what must be another “shiny object” and escaped from her grasp and started running in the direction of the office.
That’s when it happened. All Jamie heard was a loud screech, pain and then everything went black.
Chapter Six
Jamie had been in the ICU in a coma after being hit by a van several days prior. Sam and the rest of the staff heard the loud screech and went outside to see what it was. That was when he saw Owen running towards him joyfully, not noticing the commotion.
It wasn’t until Sam rushed to the scene did he realize it had been Jamie lying on the ground, bleeding and on conscious. The ICU doctor had notified her family that she not only had severe lacerations, several fractures and internal bleeding and a slight hemorrhage in the brain. They also had her on a ventilator and showed no signs that she would wake up or was responsive to anything they said to her. They stated that Jamie had a small chance of survival, and it was best to prepare for that, but everyone that knew her refused to give up on the fact that Jamie was a fighter.
It was the first time he had met her parents and family members, and they were kind enough to update Sam. He met her band mates with Felix and students from the dojo there. Sam also met friends she had that he didn’t recognize and the rest of the staff when they came to visit as soon as they heard about what had happened to her. She had a lot of people that cared about her, and he didn’t think Jamie ever realized how important she was to a lot of loved ones in her life. The hospital staff did not let anyone visit with her as she was in such a critical condition and asked everyone including her family to return home. They also stated if anything changed, good or bad, they would alert her family and them, in turn, can update everyone else.
Sam stayed for hours every day that she had been in the hospital, wanting to be there when she finally woke up and it took an enormous amount of convincing by the hospital staff that he couldn’t stay 24/7 but he eventually agreed to go home. He couldn’t help but feel to blame for this happening to her and wanted to fix things, but there was nothing he could do. Before he went home, he had run into one of her best friend, Lisa and they had gotten into a long conversation in the hospital cafeteria about Jamie and how much she had cared about him.
Sam found out that Jamie had gotten hit by the van that was probably meant for Owen when she had chased him down the street. He also learned from Lisa that Jamie adored him more than he could have ever realized despite their many arguments about the subject. Jamie had put her heart and soul into everything she pursued, and he had just expected her to understand where he was coming from and as much as Sam cared about her, he didn’t try and understand where she was coming from.
Sam made sure he remained busy the months following her accident, but he made sure he kept tabs on her condition whenever they were provided to him. Through Felix and the grapevine, he heard Jamie had woken up from her coma a month into being admitted to the hospital and was regaining more of her memory every day. She was even starting to talk more coherently. He chose to not visit her when Jamie was in the hospital or even when they allowed her to go home all this time because he did not want his presence to cause her any more pain. He worried about her, but Sam knew that she was getting better by the minute and would be back to her old self in no time as long as she took it easy and went to her scheduled physical therapy.
As a result of their presentation to NSK Distributors, they had agreed to the partnership and therefore was finalizing the process of placing their branded bottles of liquor on retail shelves and restaurants throughout the country. One of the reasons they had agreed to partner with the Ellis Enterprises was because of Jamie’s idea of branded bbq and seasonings, an idea that Amy and Sam were unaware of that Jamie through in the last minute when NSK seemed hesitant throughout the presentation and her idea clinched it at the last minute. Because of her, they formed a significant partnership that will increasingly improve Jerry Ellis brand. Not only was he a music legend but he was well known for being a food and beverage (grilling especially) connoisseur.
One Little Letter_A Bad Boy, Second Chance Romance Page 21
