by A. E. Wasp
“So you guys are okay with me being gay?”
Jake shrugged. “We’ve been okay with it for years. It’s you who had the problem.”
Bryce blinked in shock and then burst out laughing. This whole thing was ridiculous. And Dakota had broken him, cracked open his heart, and now Bryce had to feel everything ten times, a hundred times, more than he ever had. Damn him.
Bryce wished he could hold Dakota right now, but they had barely crossed paths all day.
“You done?” Nikki asked after a few minutes of Bryce wheezing with laughter.
He took a deep breath. “Yeah. I think so.”
“So retirement,” she said. “How much of this is wanting to be with Dakota?”
Bryce had been asking himself that same question for weeks now. “Some. I’m not going to lie. If we have any chance at making something, it won’t happen as long as I’m playing hockey.”
He ran both his hands through his hair. “I hope you won’t think less of me, but I don’t want to be the poster boy for gay hockey players.”
“I don’t blame you one bit,” Jake said. “That is gonna be a nightmare for whoever it is. My money’s on the rookie. These kids aren’t big on being in the closet.”
“Yeah, Dakota won’t do it either.”
“So if you retired, and you and the farmer don’t work out, will you regret it?” Nikki asked. She always had cut right to the chase.
“I’ve given that a lot of thought. You guys know I’m not impulsive.”
“That’s for sure. You can’t even order quickly at a restaurant you’ve been to a hundred times,” Nikki said.
“So, Dakota and I are barely a couple.” Bryce starting pacing again. Lu thumped her tail on the ground every time Bryce came near her.
“You have been doing a monumentally shitty job of hiding that, by the way. You really truly suck at being subtle,” Jake pointed out.
“I know. I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want that to be the focus of Thanksgiving, you know? But it was kind of a crappy thing to do to him. If he had been a woman, and we met under the same circumstances, I wouldn’t have hidden it.”
“You had a lot to deal with. We get it. And I’m sure Dakota understands,” Nikki said.
“Speaking of tall, blonde, and organic, where has he been all day?” Jake looked out into the yard as if Dakota might be lurking behind a bush.
Bryce shrugged. “I think he had some stuff to take care of with his friends. I’ve seen him around.” Truthfully, he was starting to worry that he’d done something wrong last night. Moved too fast, been too intense. Maybe Dakota wasn’t on the same page.
One problem at a time. “The answer to your question is no, by the way. If Dakota and I don’t work out, I still don’t think I will regret having retired. I just don’t know.”
“So what other factors are there in your decision.” Nikki settled back into the loveseat, in full problem-solving mode.
“Letting down the team.” Dakota nodded at Jake. “And taking money out of my family’s mouth.”
Jake walked over and put his arm around Bryce. “The team will survive. We’ll miss you. I’ll miss you like crazy when you leave me behind with all those youngsters. But that’s how it is, you know that. People come and go all the time. And the show still goes on.”
“Wow. Way to make me feel needed.” Bryce punched him lightly on the arm. Jake laughed and pulled him in for a side hug. “Seriously, you won’t think I’m bailing on you?”
“No, man. You gotta do what you want to do. You can’t keep living your life for other people.”
“I’m starting to realize that. So that leaves the family. It’s an awful lot of money to walk away from. Money we could all use for a bunch of things.”
Bryce remembered very well all those years of ramen noodles, garage sale clothes, and scraping up change from under the couch to pay the electric bill.
Money had been tight even when his father had been around. After he’d left, he’d found his mom crying in the kitchen more than once over a pile of pink final notice letters.
He knew his playing hockey took food directly out of the younger kids’ mouths. Every pair of skates he went through was a pair of shoes they didn’t get. Every new hockey stick was art supplies Amy couldn’t have.
He never wanted anyone in his family to have to live like that again. Not his mom, his siblings, or their children. Or their grandchildren, if Bryce had any control over that.
“Have you talked to them about this?” Nikki asked as if she already knew the answer was no. “You really should. At least talk to Julie.”
Bryce did not like thinking about managing his money. His job was making it. Julie directed the army of accountants and managers that kept his finances straight.
She also handled all the family money. All the foundation funds that went to charity, as well as all the investments and 401k, and college funds and things that Bryce didn’t even want to have to think about.
His wants were few, his luxuries almost non-existent. Money in the bank was his security. His big splurges were the yearly family vacation on the off-season, and the clothing he had to have custom made because of his size. He did that as infrequently as possible. Spending money on himself made him almost nauseous.
“I will. I promise.”
“You don’t have a clue how much money you have, do you? How much the family has?” Nikki shook her head.
“Not really.” He supposed it had to be a lot, but still, life was treacherous, expenses had a way of creeping up on you. Things went wrong every day.
Although rationally he knew his siblings were adults with their own jobs, he had been the sole supporter of his family for so long, it was impossible for him to stop believing that his money was the only thing keeping them from slipping back into poverty.
“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” Nikki stood up and stretched. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah. A lot.”
“Good.” She walked over and punched him hard on the upper arm.
“Ow!” He rubbed his arm, Nikki could hit hard when she wanted to. “What was that for?”
“I’m not really sure. A whole bunch of things. You’re lucky I still love you.” She wrapped her arm around his waist.
He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too. You know that, right? I always have.”
“I know.”
“I love you, too,” Jake said to both of them. “I hate to interrupt this love-fest, but if we’re going to go to this game, I want to get there in time to watch the warm-up. Check these guys out.”
“Good idea,” Bryce agreed. “I’ll try to find Dakota and see if he wants to go. He’s never seen a hockey game. Can you believe it? I’m dying to take him to one.”
Nikki gave him a push. “Go find your man.”
He stopped at that and turned to his two best friends in the entire world. “Um. About that. I promise to tell everybody about me. Soon. But could you just…”
“Our lips are sealed,” Jake promised. “But you’d better make it really soon because like I said, you suck at hiding it.
“I promise.” He pulled out his phone and dialed Dakota. He listened to it ringing as he watched Jake and Nikki walk away. Their heads were close together, and they laughed at something Bryce couldn’t hear.”
“Hey,” Dakota said.
“Hey. Want to go to a hockey game with me and the guys tonight?” He held his breath as he waited for an answer.
Chapter Thirty-Five
DAKOTA
Why had Dakota agreed to go to a hockey game? Part of it had been how adorably excited Bryce had looked when he asked. Guilt had been the other part. Dakota felt bad for hiding from him all day.
Stalking him was a more appropriate description. Trying to stay out of sight, he’d watched Bryce with his friends and his family; how he was with his siblings, and his mom, and his nieces and nephews.
Dakota had had to turn
away from the look on Bryce’s face when he held his infant niece. At one point, Bryce had fallen asleep on the couch with the baby also sleeping on his chest.
Connie had walked over and carded her fingers through Bryce’s hair before covering them with a blanket. The soft smile on her face brought tears to Dakota’s eyes, and he had to leave. His hands trembled with the force of his emotions.
God, he missed his mother, missed the unconditional love and support she’d always had for him. He wished with all his heart she had lived long enough to see whatever grandchildren fate might have brought her.
Having Bryce and his family around was too much. It ripped through all of Dakota’s carefully erected walls. It hammered home how truly solitary he had let himself become since his parents’ death.
At least he had firm plans with several of his friends. He’d had time today to talk to several of them, including Dustin and Matt. He’d apologized for abandoning him. The love and understanding he got from them had brought him to tears.
“I can never replace your momma,” Rainbow had said. “But I’d love to be your favorite auntie if you’ll let me.” That of course had brought more tears from him and Lori.
Pretty much everything about yesterday had Dakota an emotional wreck.
And then he’d spent the night in the van with Bryce. Talk about emotional overload.
Though he’d never said it out loud, Bryce had pressed I love you into Dakota’s skin. He could still feel it there, humming in his veins.
Bryce had to have seen the same in Dakota’s eyes.
What he felt for Bryce and what Bryce seem to feel for him terrified him. It would be so easy to give into it. To let Bryce take care of everything and follow him down whatever path he imagined for the two of them.
As long as it didn’t include Bryce going back into the closet and keeping Dakota his dirty little secret on the side. That was non-negotiable.
If Bryce decided to stay in hockey, they’d figure out a way to make long-distance work. If he retired, well, then everything would be fine, right?
But this past month had forced Dakota to take a hard look at his life and realize that he had to make some changes.
He had some decisions to make.
To that end, he was wedged into Bryce’s 4runner with Bryce’s teammates, ex-wife, niece, and nephew. If he wanted to understand Bryce, he needed to at least try and understand hockey.
He felt out of place and underdressed. Bryce, Jake, and Robbie had all changed into suits. When Dakota had seen them, he’d asked, “Why are you all dressed up?”
They had laughed. “Habit?” Jake said.
“I guess we’re just so used to wearing suits to and from the rink. Didn’t even occur to me to wear something else.” Bryce said. “Do you think it’s too much?”
“I think I’ve only ever seen people in suits in court and at funerals,” Dakota said.
“It’s a rule,” Bryce explained. “It’s actually in our contracts that we wear suits to and from the stadium.”
“That seems like a strange rule.”
“I think the league is afraid of what a bunch of hockey hooligans would dress like without it,” Robbie added. “I’ve seen us at home. It's not pretty.”
“Aw, you’re always pretty,” Nikki said, pinching his cheek.
“Should we change?” Bryce held his jacket open as if he would slip it off.
“There’s no time,” Nikki said. “Not if you want to catch warm-up.”
Jake jogged down the porch steps, ending the discussion. “Just ditch the jackets, guys. We’re fine. Let’s go.”
During the entire half hour ride to the Event Center, Bryce tried to give Dakota a condensed version of Hockey 101.
“The rules can be kind of complicated at first,” Bryce apologized when he saw the complete lack of understanding in Dakota’s eyes.
Dakota’s confusion wasn’t helped by everyone else in the car chiming in with details they thought Bryce had left out or explanations that he had done poorly.
Ultimately, it didn’t matter because Dakota wasn’t really paying attention to what Bryce was saying. He’d gotten the gist. Get the puck in the net. Pretty much like every other sport.
Mostly he focused on the excitement, passion, and enthusiasm in Bryce’s voice and the sparkle in his eyes.
Bryce loved hockey, that much was obvious. Dakota had rarely seen him this animated. He could tell Bryce like being the expert for once after deferring to Dakota on everything from tire changing to sex.
Bryce and his friends were definitely overdressed for the event. They certainly turned heads as they walked through the Event Center. Most of the crowd wore some sort of team-related shirt and jeans.
Three handsome men in suits drew attention to them above and beyond what Bryce’s size alone would normally garner. In her classically tailor sweater and pants, Nikki drew her own share of admiring glances. It didn’t hurt that she was almost as tall as Dakota and taller than Robbie.
Dakota trailed unnoticed behind them. He thought he heard a few murmurs of recognition, but Bryce and Jake and Robbie remained oblivious to them they talked and joked about all the arenas and stadiums they had been in over their lives; how similar they were and how hard it was to tell where you were sometimes.
After loading up on beers and soda, they ended up standing behind the glass watching the two teams’ warm-up.
The swirl of players and pucks on the ice mesmerized Dakota. Bryce and the guys kept a running commentary on the players of both teams, quietly assessing their strengths and weaknesses.
Not quietly enough in Dakota’s opinion. A few of the more rabid fans around them were giving the guys some serious side eye, but nobody had actually said anything yet.
Once practice ended, and some of the Eagles skaters came up to the glass to throw pucks at the younger fans, Dakota saw one or two of them look at Bryce and Jake, elbow a teammate, and give a subtle head nod in their direction.
Or not so subtle. One guy skated up to the glass and gave them two gloved thumbs up before leaving the ice.
Practice ended, and they made their way to the seats right behind the Eagles’ box. Somehow Nikki had been able to get them prime seats. Jake, Robbie, and the kids took the upper row. Dakota, Bryce, and Nikki filed in to the row beneath them.
From his seat at the far end of the row, Dakota could look right down into the corridor leading to the locker room. Bryce sat next to him, with Nikki on his far side.
He picked up the yellow cardboard sign draped over his chair and looked it.
“Oh, sweet!” Joshua said, picking up his sign and folding it back and forth into a fan. “I love these things.” When he had it folded up completely, he slapped it against his thigh. It made a surprisingly loud sound.
The lights dimmed, and then there were cheerleaders and tiny kids in hockey uniforms. The Eagles’ starting lineup was announced to cheers from the crowd. The boos as the Toledo Walleyes were introduced made Dakota feel bad for them.
He’d never thought about how hard it would be to be the visiting team. There was definitely an energy building in the stadium, and none of it was on the Walleyes’ side.
The crowd quieted for the National Anthem, sung with surprising skill by a barbershop quartet. Then, with the official drop of the puck, the game was on.
The crowd roared.
One thing Bryce had neglected to mention was the noise of a live hockey game. The blaring of the crowd from the television had nothing on hearing it live. It was a constant aural assault.
Loud music blared from the speakers every time there was a pause in the action. Announcers called for the crowd to scream louder, as if that was possible.
Apparently it was. Dakota watched the red decibel meter climb.
If Dakota had thought one cardboard clapper was loud, it was nothing compared to thousands of them going on at the same time. And don’t even get him started on the asshole behind him with the cowbell.
The game moved s
o much faster than Dakota had expected. Players rushed on and off the ice at some invisible signal for what Bryce had said were line changes, hopping over the wall and skating into the middle of a play.
Dakota flinched every time a player got checked into the boards close them, and the entire structure shook.
Since he could barely keep track of the puck, and goalie was mostly stationary, as well as the only position he could really grasp, he watched them most of the time.
A scrimmage in front of the Eagles’ goal moved quickly into the corner. Most of the players headed in that direction.
“Over!” Robbie yelled. “Just do it!”
One of the Walleyes broke from the pack with the puck and with a flick of the wrist, sent it flying into the net right through the goalie’s legs.
Jake and the entire stadium groaned as the period ended with their team down by a goal.
Bryce stood up and stretched as the teams left the ice. “Think these chairs are getting smaller.”
“I think your ass is getting bigger since you’ve been slacking on the workouts,” Jake joked.
“I am injured,” Bryce replied seriously. “I have to take it easy. Doctor’s orders.”
Jake scoffed. “Whatever. Just don’t come crying to me for a massage after your first real workout.”
“Their goalie is pretty good,” Robbie said. “And they got a lot of potential on their offense. They just need to work on being in position better.”
The guy with the cowbell sitting behind Dakota grunted his disagreement.
“Yeah,” Jake agreed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if their Captain got called up next opening.”
“Too bad their defense isn’t at the same level,” Bryce added.
The grumbling behind Dakota grew, and the guy leaned forward. “Shut the fuck up about the team,” he said. “I suppose you think you could do better?”
“I should fucking hope so,” Robbie scowled. “Or Coach would bust me back down to the fourth line.
“Jake, watch your language. There are small children present,” Nikki said, putting a hand on Ofelia and Josh’s shoulders.
