"You are leaving, Miss Bennet?" Clara asked as soon as she was close enough.
"Betty arrived a few minutes ago and is with Miss de Bourgh now," Lizzy told her.
Clara sighed with relief. "Thank you for staying. I must get this to Miss de Bourgh quickly." She indicated the bottle.
Lizzy nodded understanding and the two women parted. Taking the direction from which Clara had just come, Lizzy headed to the stairs. Lady Catherine would know about this visit soon enough. Lizzy saw no point in doing anything else that might curtail her freedom to walk.
Chapter 6: Visits and Consequences
"You are not to enter the family wing again unless my daughter or I specifically request your presence. Is that clear, Miss Bennet?" Lady Catherine declared the next morning as Lizzy completed her entry curtsy.
Lizzy had actually expected to be summoned the evening before to discuss the issue, although she was not at all surprised this summons would make her miss her breakfast. Much as she disliked her current position, she knew she had few options and hoped not to make things more difficult for herself.
"Yes, Lady Catherine," Lizzy responded, willing her words to sound both humble and decisive.
"Sit then."
Following another curtsy Lizzy obeyed. She arranged herself in the approved posture and waited. The continuation of her scolding was not long in coming.
"I find it difficult to believe you made a mistake causing you to accidentally wander into the family wing, Miss Bennet. What do you mean by claiming such a thing?"
"As I returned from this room yesterday, I failed to pay attention as I came up the stairs and entered the corridor. I was deep in thought regarding a conversation I had with one of my uncles just after my father's death and did not at first notice my surroundings as I left the landing. When I did realize my location, I thought I might continue walking in order to stretch my legs and would proceed to my room by way of the servant stairs in the central wing instead of returning the way I had come."
Lady Catherine gave a slight harrumph of displeasure. "Do not think the excuse of inattention will serve you again, Miss Bennet. It is well you provided a service to my daughter, but I am still displeased."
Lizzy lowered her eyes to the floor and deliberately allowed herself enough anger at the woman's attitude to draw the shadows to feed ever so slightly. She hoped Lady Catherine would interpret the emotion as fear.
"My daughter has requested your company on occasion," Lady Catherine continued. "If you are at liberty you may answer her summons, but if I send for you then you will come to me at once. Is that clear?'
"Yes, Lady Catherine," Lizzy answered in her most humble voice.
"Hmm." Lady Catherine said nothing further, so Lizzy sat in silence and waited for her eventual release.
~o~
All in all, Lady Catherine's reaction had not been as bad as Lizzy expected. Apparently, Lady Catherine was also careful with her expressions of displeasure. Or perhaps she was not as displeased as she indicated. Lizzy wondered if the shadows fed off the Mistress of Rosings Park as they did off others. Something told her they did not. She at least had some feeling for her daughter if the permission for Lizzy to visit with Miss de Bourgh was any indication.
In her room later Lizzy almost laughed out loud when it struck her how poorly her own mother would fare in this household. Mrs. Bennet had never practiced restraint in anything. Her complaints and frustrations poured from her like a rushing river cascading over a cliff edge to form a violent waterfall. She would be unable to check or calm herself once started and the shadows would drain her to nothing. No doubt Lydia would fare the same. Briefly Lizzy wondered how the other members of her family were doing. It had been nearly a month since she had seen any of them and almost four months since she had last seen Jane. She quickly turned her mind from thoughts of Jane. She was still too unsettled at the loss of the relationship she once shared with her eldest sister to consider her further while in this house.
Instead Lizzy turned her thoughts to Miss de Bourgh. The hungry shadows had gathered so closely about the bed of the sweet young woman. Lizzy thought they must be feeding on her pain. If only there was some way to give her relief. Lizzy had enjoyed their brief discussion and hoped there would be another opportunity to speak with her. Although Lizzy's confidence in her judgment had suffered from the criticism of her family members, she did not doubt that Miss de Bourgh was already a friend worthy of trust.
Others might not be so trustworthy, however. From the way Lady Catherine had worded her reprimand Lizzy was certain it had been Betty who informed either Lady Catherine, or more likely Mrs. Porter, of the visit to the family wing. Caution would be needed if she and Miss de Bourgh were to talk freely.
~o~
Miss de Bourgh seemed equally aware of the need for caution when she called Lizzy to visit her the following day. The visit came after another irksome missed lunch for Lizzy, but she hoped that meant her time with Miss de Bourgh would not be interrupted.
"I know you spent time with my mother earlier," Miss de Bourgh said as Lizzy took the seat by the bed. "I hope you and I can have a good visit."
"I share that hope," Lizzy assured her.
"Betty, would you go down to the still room and make sure we have a good supply of my tonic on hand. I would hate to run out again like we did a few days ago."
Betty curtsied and went off to complete the errand. Once she was gone Miss de Bourgh asked Clara to keep herself occupied in the sitting room for a time.
"I would like to talk without any additional listeners," Miss de Bourgh explained. "Even the simplest things said in this house can be taken out of context and come back to haunt one unexpectedly."
"I understand completely," Lizzy said. And she did understand. It was a valuable warning.
"Would you tell me about your life? I like to think about what my life could have been if I had been healthy. I speak with the maids, but they are not gentlewomen and you are. You can tell me of the life of a gentlewoman outside these walls."
"I came from a much smaller estate than this and my family may not be the best examples of gentlefolk, but I will tell you whatever you wish to know." Lizzy answered.
The young ladies spoke about growing up on an estate. By the time Lizzy was fifteen she had taken over visiting the tenants and had often worked with the steward to see that problems were fixed, since her father would take no notice. Miss de Bourgh appeared fascinated by Lizzy's assertion that the tenants were allowed to live their lives in whatever way they saw fit so long as they paid the rents on time. That was not the case for the tenants of Rosings Park.
Their discourse was lively and enjoyed by both young ladies. Miss de Bourgh even seemed to forget her illness and pain. Lizzy noticed the shadows retreat a bit and was glad to be of aid even if it was for just a little while. All too soon they shifted back as Betty entered the room again. The conversation was effectively at an end.
Lizzy soon excused herself and returned to her room to await dinner time. In the course of the conversation with Miss de Bourgh she had even forgotten her hunger from the missed luncheon. As she went, Lizzy wondered what errand Betty would be sent on the next time Miss de Bourgh felt like chatting.
~o~
Betty was not in Miss de Bourgh's chambers when Lizzy arrived the next time. Apparently, she had already been sent on whatever errand was needed. Clara was once again dismissed to the sitting room. She did not appear to mind, but quietly took up some sewing and occupied herself with that.
This time Lizzy and Miss de Bourgh discussed Lizzy's trips to London to visit her aunt and uncle. As long as she only recalled the past as it gave her pleasure Lizzy could ignore the feelings of betrayal and hurt from the time after her father's death. She described excursions to museums and art galleries. Miss de Bourgh took great delight in Lizzy's tale of attending plays at the theater. Even more thrilling was the idea of a concert.
"I do so love music, Miss Bennet," she said. "I rarely get
to hear anyone play. My cousin, Georgiana Darcy, is supposed to be very talented, but she does not come to visit. I would love to play the harp or pianoforte myself, but I do not have the strength to practice. My mother insists I would have been a great proficient if ever I had learnt," she finished with a smile.
"I briefly studied the harp," said Lizzy, "but the family who owned the instrument and allowed me to practice on it moved away and I have had no chance to play or practice it since then. I am tolerably proficient on the pianoforte. If there is an instrument in the house perhaps, we can arrange a way for me to play for you. I am certainly not up to concert standards, but the tune will be recognizable."
"I would love that. There is a music room on this floor. If I try very hard, I could walk that far and then you could play for me."
"Not if it would harm you. You must be sure you are well enough. Is there anything that can help you to feel better and stronger?"
Miss de Bourgh looked a little sheepish as she replied, "I need to remember to eat regularly, or so the doctor tells me. So many times when food is brought to me, I simply do not feel like eating it. I am too tired to recognize hunger. I have the meal set aside but then I forget to eat. Or I may take a few bites but not enough really to make a difference. There has been so little to interest me that I have not felt the need to change my ways."
"You say you want to leave. You must be strong enough to walk out of here if you do. Begin by eating enough to regain your health. Let that be your motive rather than hunger. I will encourage you as much as I can."
"I will do my best," she said with a look of excitement at the thought of walking out of Rosings.
The visit ended soon after when Betty once again returned. Lizzy thought it was a shame Miss de Bourgh could not completely trust the women who tended to her.
~o~
Lizzy had heard the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt" but in the case of the shadows it bred both wariness and acceptance of the unusual. In the case of Lady Catherine, the wariness was even stronger and tinged with fear. Most might find it strange, Lizzy knew, that she did not fear the shadows. They were frightful things to be sure, but now that she knew what drew them and fed them, she also knew controlling her reactions would protect her. That knowledge gave her power. She could live with the shadows although she did not like them.
Lady Catherine, on the other hand, could not be controlled or managed. One never knew for sure what she would do or how she would react. Her motives were not clear aside from that warning she had given Lizzy the first day. "I win," she had said. Lizzy might not know the game or the rules, but she knew winning was always Lady Catherine's goal.
This became more clear to her the day after her third visit with Miss de Bourgh. Lizzy had been walking for exercise in the servant's area when the summons came, and it took some time for the messenger to find her. Knowing she needed to be quick to respond Lizzy hurried to the stairs but paid less attention than she should have. As she neared the bottom, she placed her foot wrong and overbalanced, twisting her ankle painfully.
Injury would not excuse her from Lady Catherine's requirements, so Lizzy made her way to the drawing room as quickly as she could. She knocked and entered, trying to walk normally although she was sure the slight limp she could not will away would be noticed. Doing her best to ignore the pain and the flitting movements of the hungry shadows, Lizzy made her curtsy. As she started to move to the chair Lady Catherine held up a hand to stop her. Lizzy saw a hint of a smile on the woman's lips and her blood ran cold at the sight.
"That was sloppy, Miss Bennet. Curtsy again."
Lizzy obeyed, trying to make her curtsy as smooth as possible. She could not disguise the slight wobble as the motion caused the pain in her ankle to flare. She hoped it would be enough.
It was not.
"Still sloppy. You need practice, Miss Bennet," Lady Catherine said with almost a purr to her voice. "You will practice now. Curtsy before me 50 times and count each one aloud as you complete it."
Lizzy looked at her with fire in her eyes. She knew she was not to speak, and she did not, but it was a near thing. Clearly the woman knew she was injured, and she meant to cause pain. Lizzy could see the shadows flitting across the floor to surround her. It was feeding time.
"You are thinking of being rebellious. I can see it in your eyes. You do not like taking orders, being told what to do," Lady Catherine interrupted Lizzy's thoughts.
Lizzy said nothing as she had not been invited to answer.
"If you disobey you are ruined. I will make sure of it. You may leave, be independent, but there is nothing for you outside these walls. You have no family who will want you after they sent you here to be rid of you. You think you can work, but what work can you find without connections and references? You have nothing but your body. If you are lucky you could make it to London and find some street corner on which to sell yourself for food. Think on that. Perhaps taking orders from me is not so very bad. You have a roof, a bed to yourself and food to eat. Be grateful."
Lizzy still said nothing. The more she thought on it, the more she realized Lady Catherine was right. She had no one and nothing. The quarterly interest on her dowry of fifty pounds would not keep her in food, let alone provide safe lodging. Without her father's protection she was nothing more than a leaf blown from a tree. The only question now was how far she would float before she hit the ground and was trampled into dust. Then she remembered the shadows and what it took to come through them unscathed. She must control her self-doubt and her pain as she controlled her anger and fear.
Slowly and carefully, making each movement as graceful as possible, Lizzy began to curtsy and to count. It was difficult and painful, but she made it through. Despite the increasing ache and the gradual draining of her energy as the shadows fed from her, Lizzy completed her task and moved gratefully to her seat. Let Lady Catherine think fear of the consequences kept Lizzy here. Let her believe she was winning. This game was not over yet.
As Lizzy sat demurely in her seat, still shaking slightly from the pain of her exertions she began to formulate a plan. She would escape Rosings Park and the Lady of Shadows. Not only that, she would take Miss de Bourgh with her. Together they had a chance and perhaps without the ever-present shadows, Miss de Bourgh could regain her health.
Determination carried Lizzy through to her exit curtsy. Standing again had been agony, but Lizzy concentrated on her breathing and managed a creditable curtsy despite the pain and exhaustion. She walked out with only the slightest of limps although she felt as if she was making her way through an incoming tide of dark waters. As she closed the drawing room door behind her Lizzy feared she might collapse right there in the corridor.
That was when she saw the ghost.
Chapter 7: Ghosts and Voices
On the rare occasions Lizzy considered the subject of ghosts, her reaction was mainly scorn at their use as a plot device in the foolish novels that constituted the only reading material of her youngest two sisters. The idea that the spirits of the dead would take form to warn or punish the living seemed ridiculous to her.
Despite that belief, she could not deny the appearance of what could only be some kind of ghost there in front of her. The shape, that of a woman in court dress of the last century, floated before her.
The stories pictured ghosts as confections of glowing mist, faint enough that walls or furniture could be seen through them. They would raise hands in warning or gasp out their messages in tortured moans or sighing wails. Terrified maidens would scream and swoon at the sight and hardened villains would repent their wickedness, turning to lives of virtue or would expire of guilt with their perfidy exposed by the lamenting spirit.
This ghost was nothing of the sort. No glowing mist hung in the air or surrounded the form. In fact Lizzy was not sure she saw the figure so much as sensed it. The impression was like the visions one sees on the inside of the eyelids after looking at bright light for a time before closing the eyes. Lizzy knew the
woman was somehow present, there was an impression of her looks and clothing, but there were no moans or messages, no warning gestures. She was simply there.
After a few moments of contemplation Lizzy decided the apparition could be no worse than the shadows. Gathering what energy she had left; she limped her way back up to her room to rest herself and wrap the ankle as she had done so many times before after minor injuries on her walks. It would not heal as quickly after the forced activity in Lady Catherine's drawing room, but with proper attention she would be able to walk while it healed. More importantly, with it wrapped she could curtsy properly as well.
The figure made no move to stop her and did not seem to even notice Lizzy as she passed by it. The three others she saw on the way were similarly unaware of her attention. The shades of the two men and another woman were simply there, present in much the same way a statue or picture on the wall might be. If they had a purpose, Lizzy could not fathom it. By the time she reached her room and the comfort of her bed Lizzy nearly convinced herself she had imagined them through her pain and exhaustion.
Nonetheless, when she visited Miss de Bourgh the next day Lizzy knew she had to ask about the ghosts and the shadows. Her curiosity would simply not let her be. She quietly brought it up after Betty and Clara retired to the sitting room to work on a sewing project Miss de Bourgh assigned them.
"I am a little concerned what I am about to say may sound unbalanced, but I wanted to ask you about some things I have experienced since I have come to Rosings Park," Lizzy began hesitantly.
"You have seen them, then?" Miss de Bourgh asked. "Not everyone can, although we can all feel the effects."
"The hungry shadows?" Lizzy asked. "You know of them?"
"Yes, that is what I call them as well," Miss de Bourgh confirmed. "They do drain one so terribly. Have you never encountered them before?"
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