Fault Lines

by D. J. McCune

  ‘It’s very beautiful. Muy bonito. My home is a happy one. My husband is a good man and my children are healthy. I am a lucky woman.’

  Adam almost pointed out that she hadn’t actually answered the question, then decided not to. What would be the point? If she hadn’t been here she would have been somewhere else far from home. He bit his lip. ‘What’s going to happen to my father?’

  ‘That is not for me to decide, Adam.’ Rita gathered up the tray, leaving him the rest of the water. He thought she was angry at him but then she bent her head and kissed him gently on the cheek. She kept her mouth close to his ear and whispered urgently, ‘I don’t know what you did today, Adam. And if you did intervene as Darian says … then you broke our laws. But in my heart, I am happy that you did it. I pray that your own life will not be forfeited for the lives you saved today.’ She squeezed his shoulder and carried the tray from the room without another word. The thud of the lock turning was horribly loud.

  Adam walked around a bit, then refolded the futon into a seat. He sat, staring at the walls, wondering what was going on back in Hachimana. Would the waters have receded yet? If so, people would be going outside. They would be starting to gather together again and someone would notice that he was missing. He wondered who it would be. If it was Spike … what would he tell them? It wasn’t like anyone would believe his story, plus he could hardly confess to hacking into the warning system.

  Footsteps rang on the stone floor outside and the lock rattled. When the door opened he saw Rashid, the young, Indian Curator, standing in the doorway. He looked at Adam with something between sternness and pity then turned to the people still in the corridor. ‘A few minutes.’

  When he stepped back his place was filled by his mother – and his father. Elise rushed into the room and he wondered for a moment what she was going to do. Slap his face? Launch into a tirade?

  Instead she flung her arms around him and squeezed him tightly, crushing him against her. ‘Oh, my darling,’ she whispered and stepped back, taking his face in both hands and studying him. ‘He did not hurt you?’

  Adam didn’t have to ask who she meant. He shook his head mutely.

  She was still holding his face, her eyes bright with tears. ‘What have you done, Adam? T’as fait quoi?’

  ‘He’s safe, Elise,’ Nathanial said. He stood in front of Adam, looking at him with a curious expression on his face. It took Adam a moment to realise that it was the look you gave someone when you thought you knew them, then realised that you didn’t really know them at all. He led his wife gently to the chair and waited for her to sit. There was a silence.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Adam knew he had to say something but as soon as he said the words he knew they weren’t the whole truth. ‘I’m sorry that you’re here like this. I didn’t want that to happen.’

  Nathanial was waiting, wary and expectant. When Adam didn’t say any more he frowned. ‘What Darian is saying … The man is insane.’ He was lying and Adam knew it. His father hated Darian but he knew that there was truth in his accusations. He was waiting for Adam to deny it, hoping he would deny it – but he knew. He knew it was all true.

  Somehow that made it easier. All it would take now was for Adam to confess. But if he did … It was so final. There was no going back from it. Everything was changed forever and he wasn’t quite ready. ‘Is Auntie Jo here?’

  ‘No.’ Elise was very still but two tears had overflowed and were running down her cheeks. Her voice was steady. ‘She wanted to be here but she had to look after your sister.’

  Adam nodded. He hadn’t thought about Chloe in all of this. Would she be this generation’s Auntie Jo? Would Ciaron abandon her now that the Mortsons were tainted by scandal? He hadn’t wanted that at all but what was the alternative? A wedding but thousands of funerals. It was worth it, he told himself, pushing away the sick feeling inside.

  ‘We need to know what happened.’ It was Nathanial speaking this time. He took a deep breath. ‘If we are going to help you, we need to know exactly what you did.’

  ‘You know what I did,’ Adam said. He felt tired again. It was quite sudden. He sat down on the futon and stared at the floor.

  ‘But it’s not possible,’ Nathanial said, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘You … We thought you had lost the ability … You never told us.’

  ‘Why would I tell you?’ Adam felt flat inside. ‘You would only have made me go on more jobs. And I would have had to stand there and wait for them to die and not do anything. Who could do that? Who could do that without going completely mad?’

  ‘But you must have felt them!’ Elise said suddenly. Her face was pale and ghastly. ‘You were so sick as a child when they were going to die! How could you hide such a thing?’

  Adam shrugged. ‘I sort of blocked them out for a while. And then I thought if I saved people you wouldn’t need me to be a Luman and I could stay at school. But then it all got out of control.’ He thought of Morta and her revenge; the light, lethal flick of the Mortal Knife, severing threads. He would never forget the way they had fluttered to the ground, the Light ebbing out of them. It still made him feel like crying.

  ‘You have lied to us,’ Nathanial said. He looked more bewildered than angry.

  ‘You didn’t give me any choice!’ Adam’s temper ignited, out of nowhere. ‘I told you before, I hate this! All of it. I don’t want to be a Luman. I never wanted to be a Luman.’

  ‘Do you think this is the life I wanted?’ Nathanial shouted. ‘We don’t choose to be what we are, Adam!’

  Adam blinked at him. It gave him a strange satisfaction when his father lost control. ‘Uncle Lucian chose.’

  Elise made a choking, gasping sound. ‘What … What are you talking about?’

  Nathanial was deadly calm again. ‘That was not a choice. It was an act of desperation that had consequences for us all!’

  It was true. In a way, they were all here because of Lucian. Darian had probably thought Elise was his again when the Mortsons had been plunged into scandal. For her to elope rather than marry him must have been the final, crushing blow to his pride. It was a pain he had never recovered from; a pain warped into a new purpose.

  There were more sounds in the corridor outside. Elise and Nathanial exchanged alarmed glances and Elise rushed back to Adam’s side, taking his arm and pulling him in close to her. He almost smiled. He was taller than her now but she was still ready to go into battle for him. All these years he had felt like nothing but a disappointment to her. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe her disappointment had come from her love; knowing how difficult the road ahead would be unless he could become the man they wanted him to be.

  The door opened again. This time it was Heinrich who came into the room. Adam stared at him, appalled. He hadn’t seen the Chief Curator for several weeks and the change in him was terrible. There had always been a lightness and joy around Heinrich, in spite of the job he had. Now he looked old and exhausted, very much like a man who would soon be stepping through his Light – and would be happy to do so.

  Elise spoke first. ‘They cannot have him. I will go in his place. There is a rule in our law for that. There must be such a rule.’

  Heinrich smiled tiredly. ‘There is no need for such a gesture, my dear.’ He was looking at Adam, really studying him, as though it was their first meeting. ‘The charges against you are very serious.’

  Adam said nothing. What was there to say? He liked Heinrich. He didn’t want to insult him by lying to him. They all knew he was guilty.

  ‘There is no evidence against him. No direct evidence.’ Nathanial was talking quietly but fervently. ‘I made some provisional enquiries into the boy Sebastian. It’s clear that he has a history of this kind of interference. I don’t pretend to understand the technology he uses but he has some experience of this kind of thing.’

  Adam glared at him. ‘It’s not Spike’s fault. You can’t do anything to him. He’s not a Luman!’

  Heinrich held up a hand. ‘I have n
o intention of pursuing your friend. Whatever laws he has broken, they are not our laws. And as your father has said there is no direct evidence against you. It is therefore better that you say nothing of what you might have done when you address the Concilium.’

  Here it comes, Adam thought. Until now, it had all felt unreal but hearing those words brought it home to him. He would have to stand before them all and listen to Darian’s accusations and then he had two choices: to lie or to tell the truth.

  ‘What saves you, Adam, is that you are not yet of age. You have not been Marked. You have taken no oath and therefore broken no oath. Thus in our eyes and the eyes of the law you are a child. Because of this you are not truly accountable.’

  ‘Who is, then?’ The sharpness in his voice was an echo of the anxiety he was feeling.

  Heinrich wouldn’t meet his eye. ‘Your father is still your guardian and in that sense is responsible. However, because you were in another Kingdom during this time, technically the High Luman here is accountable for your actions. It is a rather unusual point of law and is still under discussion. However, if you protest your innocence and insist that this is all just a coincidence …’ Heinrich tailed off and shrugged. ‘No one Luman is responsible. It is just one of those things.’

  Elise took his arm in her hand and squeezed it, beaming at him. Adam tried to smile back but none of it was making any sense. They knew he was guilty and they were letting him off. They were letting everyone off. Luman Law was civilised but ruthless when it had to be. ‘So what will happen?’

  ‘What will happen is that you will come of age. You will be Marked and take the oath. You will be an adult in our eyes and responsible for your actions. And then …’ Heinrich paused and looked him in the eye. There was a steeliness there and in his voice when he spoke again. ‘Then you will become a full Luman. You will be observed by the Concilium. You will work alongside your father and you will prove every day that we have not made a mistake. You will be the best man and the best Luman that you can be. You will, in time, prove yourself enough to marry and to have children who will become Lumen in their turn. You will do all of this and the past will be the past. How you live your future will wipe the slate clean. You will step through your Light with peace in your heart, knowing that you have devoted your life to our ways.’

  ‘So nothing will happen to Father? Or Spike or Hikaru?’ As Heinrich shook his head, Adam slumped down onto the futon. He watched his father smiling and shaking the Chief Curator’s hand; watched his mother embracing Heinrich and thanking him. None of it was making any sense. He listened to them talking. ‘A quiet ceremony, no ball … We will see how soon the Crone is available, perhaps tomorrow … Luc will understand … Shouldn’t harm the betrothal, Patrick is a friend … Marianne, his cousin twice removed, a very suitable match … No need for anyone beyond these walls to hear of what has happened.’ His head was spinning. They were writing his life like a script from now until the moment he died and he was supposed to be grateful.

  ‘Adam.’

  He looked up and realised they were all waiting for him. Nathanial was smiling but he looked impatient. ‘Did you hear what Heinrich said?’

  ‘Erm … no. Sorry. What was it?’

  Heinrich was frowning slightly. ‘When you stand before the Concilium you explain that you are innocent of all charges, that your friend Sebastian has a history of this behaviour and that you will be leaving school and dissociating entirely from him. You will thank the Curators and Hikaru for their understanding and remain here until your Marking can be completed. You will then return home and work with your father, through a period of house arrest, until the Curators are satisfied that you can be trusted to obey our laws.’

  Bizarrely Adam thought of Dan and Archie and Spike. He wondered what they were doing right now. They would think he was dead. It was an odd thought. As far as they were concerned, he might as well be dead. He would never see them again. He would never set foot in his school again. Even if he was eventually pardoned, he would spend the rest of his life living down the shame of his actions. He would be forced to spend every hour guiding souls and pretending to be someone else; pretending to be the Luman he’d been born to be. He thought about the photo he had discovered and the uncle he had never known but who had shared his hatred of the Luman world. Now, staring into the future, he could feel the same sensation that Lucian must have had – a sense of being trapped into a life you didn’t want, barely able to breathe.

  For the first time since Darian had found him, Adam felt a pang of misery for himself. He had saved so many people today. They would have a period of adjustment, while they tried to make sense of what had happened and what they had lost. But after this, they would be free to carry on with their lives, making choices for themselves, striving to be who they wanted to be. Why didn’t he get the same chance?

  His mother kissed both his cheeks. She was walking towards the door and Nathanial was smiling cautiously and they were almost out of the room when Adam spoke. They turned, all three of them, and looked at him questioningly. ‘What did you say, son?’ It was Nathanial speaking.

  And Adam, looking from one face to the other, cleared his throat.

  ‘I said no.’

  Chapter 26

  nder other circumstances, the silence that followed this pronouncement would have been comical. Today, in this cell, seeing their confusion, it was anything but. Adam bit his lip and stared between them, at the door behind. ‘No. I won’t take the deal. I don’t want it.’

  ‘What do you mean, Adam?’ Elise had a half-smile, as if she was waiting for some kind of punchline.

  ‘I don’t want it. What you’re offering. It’s not what I want.’

  Nathanial was staring at him, incredulous and angry. ‘Heinrich is offering you your life!’

  ‘No he’s not.’ Adam laughed, surprising everyone, himself included. He looked at Heinrich, wishing he could just say thank you but he couldn’t. ‘You’re offering me someone else’s life, not mine.’

  Heinrich seemed puzzled. ‘I am afraid I do not understand.’

  ‘I don’t want to be a Luman. I don’t want to come of age and be Marked. I don’t want to guide souls. I hate it. All of it. Have you any idea what it’s like, knowing what I know? Knowing people are going to die and that I’m not allowed to do anything about it? I hate our laws and I hate being a Luman. I won’t do it.’

  ‘This isn’t a multiple choice test, Adam.’ Nathanial was wrestling to keep himself under control. ‘If anyone can prove what you did you could be executed. Do you understand that? Even though you aren’t of age!’

  ‘I want my own life.’ He was speaking quietly but forcefully, trying to make them understand. ‘All those people today who could have died, will get to live their own lives. So will my friends and my teachers and … the people who sit on the bus with me every morning. All the people we guide. Until they die they get to choose what to do and who to be. And that’s what I want.’

  ‘You are being ridiculous,’ Nathanial said. He was angry now; more angry than Adam had ever seen him. ‘How can you say this? You know better than anyone that most people have very little freedom. Their lives are dictated by their race and nationality and their poverty or wealth. Their choices are taken from them by war and famine and hardship. By an earthquake. There is no freedom.’

  ‘Yes there is!’ Adam shouted. He was on his feet now, clenching his fists, his anger flowing through him like electricity. ‘People can’t control where they’re born or everything that happens to them but they can choose what to do with the cards they get dealt! What’s the point of having a life if you can’t use it? There’s a reason why people don’t know about us and what we do. Life is for the living! I want my own life. If I can’t have that then I may as well not be here!’

  They were staring at him like he was mad. Heinrich was looking helplessly from Nathanial to Elise and back to Adam. ‘But what is it that you want to do, Adam? If not be a Luman?’

  Wh
at didn’t he want to do? Even thinking about it was like firecrackers going off in his head. It turned his brain into tentacles. ‘I want to go to school. Go to university. Travel all over the world. Live wherever I choose. Be a doctor or whatever I want. Not what you want me to be.’

  ‘This is not your path, Adam.’ His mother was looking at him, pleading.

  ‘I want to choose my own path. I’ll walk the Unknown Roads when the time comes but until then, the path I choose should be mine.’

  ‘But you have a good life! Non?’ Elise was close to tears.

  ‘But it’s not my life!’ How could he make them understand? ‘And if it’s not my life it’s no life at all. I may as well go up there and tell them what I did and let them kill me. Because I can’t be who you want me to be and sooner or later I’m going to mess up again. School helped me block the premonitions. Being happy helps me block them. Sooner or later I’m going to do something major and destroy you all. Maybe it’s better getting it over with now, while I’m here. At least this way no one can blame Father.’

  Adam looked at Elise. She was pale and trembling. He was hurting her. He was always hurting them and disappointing them, just by being who he was. ‘I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be. I’ve really tried. But I can’t do it any more.’

  ‘You would rather die and leave your family? To go to a school?’ She was crying now. Her hands were covering her mouth and her shoulders were heaving.

  ‘No. I don’t want to die.’ The anger was gone. It was futile trying to make them understand but some stubborn part of him wouldn’t let him quit trying. ‘But if I do … then it’s done. I won’t have to worry any more that I’m letting you all down or shaming you or ruining Chloe’s life. And I can walk the Unknown Roads freely. I can follow the directions or I can ignore them. I’ll be free to choose. Like Lucian did.’

  The silence that followed this stretched on for a long time. Adam hung his head in his hands. He was exhausted. It was finished. He was under no illusions about what would happen next. He would confess and he would have to do it in such a way that his father and Hikaru didn’t suffer the consequences. He would make the Concilium angry. Give them no choice but to make an example of him. And then, someone would send a message to the Fates. The Mortal Knife would flash and his life would be over. It wouldn’t hurt. There were worse ways to go.