by Tara Sim
“Are you cracked or something? I told you I’m not that desperate.”
“Keep your skirt down, I prefer blokes.”
With her bill settled, he walked her outside. She stopped at a chrome-plated motorbike, and Danny had to look twice. Even the sight of it made his stomach squirm. He preferred his father’s jalopy compared to this vehicle of certain death.
“I know more about you than you think,” she said suddenly. “And what people say about you. They feel sorry for you. Maybe I do, too, a bit.”
Danny didn’t say anything. Daphne unstrapped her helmet and sat astride the hulking machine.
“I understand, a little, what it’s like.” She paused, her breath hanging before her in the cold. “People knowing something about you that’s invisible. The way they look at you, as if they can see it if they stare hard enough.”
He felt his heartbeat in his stomach. He wanted to ask her if anyone ever did see it. If she wanted them to see it.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t agree to do this. It’s too risky, and I can’t afford to lose my job. It’s all I have.”
Danny fumbled to pull a fiver from his pocket he’d been saving for his next auto repair installment. “Look, I can pay—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but no.” Daphne hesitated, perhaps debating whether to say more, but she just sighed and strapped on her helmet. With a kick and a rev of the engine, she was speeding down the street, taking his last hope with him.
Well, not quite his last hope.
“Danny Hart, you are a fool,” he mumbled as he hid in a stairwell of the Mechanics Affairs building the next morning. Biting his lower lip, he peeked down the hallway. All along the back wall were folders, and in those folders mechanics received mail, quarterly reviews, turned in case reports …
… and received assignments.
A mechanic lingered in front of her folder, then walked away with her attention fixed on a sheaf of papers. Danny swallowed hard and snuck into the hall. His boots squeaked against the freshly polished floors.
A bead of sweat was already rolling down his temple when he reached his folder. There would be no assignment because of his suspension, though he checked anyway out of habit. But there, toward the end: Daphne’s.
And inside, an Enfield assignment waited.
He wavered, visions of consequences teasing his mind as his fingers brushed the edges of the paper.
The sound of footsteps decided things for him. Danny grabbed the assignment and hurried away, crushing the paper to his chest.
So Danny, not Daphne, set out for Enfield the following week. Any shame he felt for what he’d done was shoved to one side, overshadowed by excitement. He was returning to Enfield. To Colton.
Despite the rain, the drive was uneventful, except for a swerve to avoid the usual bump in the road. The sight of Colton’s tower melted away the dread that had settled on Danny like frost, a window bright with hearth fire, a welcome beacon urging him to hurry up—you’re almost home.
Stepping inside, he relaxed as time wrapped him in its comforting embrace. Want purled through him as the fibers wound around his body, hugging him, greeting him.
At last, he could draw a full breath.
Brandon looked unsurprised to see him. Danny smiled and turned to the clockwork, which was already quite clean thanks to his earlier efforts, but a thin film of dust had once again settled. They brought out ladders and wiped down the highest gears. At one point Danny looked down, unsettled by the height, and saw Colton jokingly hand him the micrometer. Danny laughed, startled out of his fear, and Brandon gave him an odd glance.
“Not as dirty as all that,” Brandon said when their task was complete, with a sense of pride that Danny thought highly undeserved. “Guess that leaves us a bit of time to relax.”
“You can if you want to,” Danny said. “I’ll go check on everything else.” Brandon shrugged and headed down the stairs.
There was a ripple through the time fibers. Danny felt the pull of him through the air, a gentle tug on his limbs like he was a moon being drawn into orbit.
He turned and saw Colton standing there. Golden and beautiful, ancient and new. The shining apex of the world. And when Colton smiled the light burst stronger, filling the cold cavities of Danny’s chest where no sunlight had touched for so long. It ached. And it was sweet. And it was ancient and new.
They stared at each other for minutes that were wordless, but not silent. Their eyes were having a discussion of their own, a simple hello, a tangible relief. But Colton couldn’t stay ignorant for long. As they walked through the tower, under the patter of the rain, Danny told him what had happened. Colton’s lips dropped from his usual smile into a grim line.
“Won’t you be in trouble?”
“Only if I’m caught. Besides, I doubt they’d want to get rid of me.”
“They can do that?” Colton took a worried step back. “Maybe you shouldn’t be here.”
“It’ll be fine.” Danny took Colton’s hand, and the space shifted around them. The air flowed over Danny’s skin and time fibers wrapped around his body like rope, as if to keep him there forever. “I want to be here.”
“Are you sure?”
“I wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t sure.”
Colton’s smile returned slowly. Danny watched in subdued wonder as strands of golden time threaded across Colton’s body, weaving under and around his arms, around his neck, hugging his torso, looping curlicues between his fingers. Danny had a sudden and irrational jealousy, then. He wanted to be that golden and that close. He wanted to wrap himself around Colton’s body, to be everywhere, all at once, and feel the strength and power of him.
Danny looked into the spirit’s eyes instead. He realized it was the closest he would ever get to that feeling.
Colton broke their gaze when he lightly touched the bruises on Danny’s knuckles. “I can’t believe you hit someone. I’m sure he deserved it.”
“He did.” Danny didn’t repeat what Lucas had said. He was sure Colton wouldn’t understand half of it, anyway. “They’ve suspended me for a couple of weeks, though. And I got a talking-to from the Lead Mechanic.”
Remembering that conversation caused a hard lump to form Danny’s stomach. Lucas working in the new Maldon tower, responsible for freeing his father—it was unbearable.
“Won’t the other mechanics be angry that you hit someone?”
“Half of them would probably applaud me. Lucas is an idiot. It doesn’t matter, anyway. None of them like me to begin with, except Matthias.” When Colton frowned, Danny bit back a curse. He shouldn’t have said anything.
“They don’t like you? Why not? You’re smart, and funny, and kind. And your eyes are so green. Why wouldn’t they like you?”
“It’s just how it is.” Danny turned to the window. Though the jagged edges of a bad mood pressed into him, he couldn’t quite get past Colton’s comment about his eyes. “Since Dad left, I haven’t wanted to be around them.”
“Why not?”
“How should I know?” Colton’s silence made Danny sigh. “My life’s pretty pitiful at the moment. I don’t want others to see that.”
Colton joined him at the window. “You let me see.”
Danny caught Colton’s eye, then looked away. “You’re different.”
Colton leaned his shoulder into Danny’s. They stared out at the rain, listening to each drop echo through the wooden hollow of the tower.
“It’s sad and happy at the same time,” the spirit said. “Rain.” When Danny nodded, Colton asked, “Why do you talk that way about yourself? You don’t deserve it.”
“Maybe I do.” He thought about stealing Daphne’s assignment. “Maybe I’m a villain and don’t deserve a happy ending.” Danny chipped his thumbnail against a splinter in the window frame. “I’m no prince, that’s for sure. I’m not handsome or special or any of that. I’m hopeless.”
“That’s not true,” Colton said. “You’re everything. You’re …
You’re chaos and order and everything in between. Like sunshine kept back by clouds. Like the entire world’s imploded inside you, but all I see are the stars are sewn into your skin. You’re filled with soft, dark music.” His smile was gentle. “I hear it all the time. Your music.”
A timid heat rose inside him. Danny’s thumb kept chipping at that splinter, eyes fixed on its point. “What does it sound like?”
Colton’s eyes drifted back out the window. “It sounds like rain.”
Danny wrote up Daphne’s Enfield report and turned it in the next day. The protesters outside threw rubbish at him as he was leaving, like they knew exactly what he’d been doing and decided to add their own commentary.
Every week the group seemed to grow more violent. It didn’t help that a rival group was starting to form as well, protesters protesting the bloody protesters. The two sides got into shouting debates that could be heard on the third floor. The arguments always amounted to the same thing: we need the towers to live; let’s find an alternative time source.
“Why are towers being attacked?”
“Don’t you know this is going to cause another Maldon?”
“Why is no one stopping this?”
It grew tiresome.
Thankfully, now he could escape to Enfield. Danny couldn’t properly describe what he felt when he visited Colton. He usually went alone, but Brandon accompanied him whenever Daphne was given a small assignment there, which Danny continued to slip from her folder. He tried to go in the early mornings to escape notice, worried the Enfield citizens might grow suspicious, but whenever they spotted him they only greeted him with nods or small waves.
Colton’s beaming welcome always warmed away the autumn chill. Their talks grew longer and deeper as Colton came to learn more about the world outside of Enfield. In return, Danny asked him how a clock spirit lived.
“Do you ever get hungry?” Danny asked once.
“No.”
“Thirsty?”
“Never.”
Colton didn’t need to breathe or swallow. He blinked simply because it had become a habit after watching humans do it for so long. When it came to the more complex questions, such as how Colton could disappear and rematerialize at a thought, Colton couldn’t provide detailed explanations.
It took considerable courage for Danny to ask, “Have you ever kissed anyone before me?”
Colton thought, then shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve thought about it, though. There used to be a girl down the street who was very pretty. But that was a long time ago.”
Danny, who hadn’t anticipated this answer, took a moment to reorganize his thoughts. “So you would have kissed me if I was a girl?”
“I would have kissed you if you were a girl. I would have kissed you if you were purple.”
Danny wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information.
He brought his father’s copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. When Colton stumbled over the poems, Danny laughed and said he had trouble with them as well. As he read them aloud, Colton closed his eyes and listened. Danny glanced over at him every so often, Colton’s eyelids the color of dawn, his lips curved upward like a bow.
Danny had most certainly fallen down the rabbit hole. He didn’t know if he ever wanted to return.
His mother began to notice his frequent trips. He told her he was seeing Cassie or another old friend he never spoke to anymore. Cassie sounded skeptical whenever he asked her to cover for him.
“If my mum calls your house, you have to tell her we’re busy.”
“Why? Can’t you tell her the truth?”
“You know how she is.”
Eventually, the date of his mother’s interview in Chelmsford arrived. Danny waited at the house until she returned, pale and tired. He rushed to get her tea.
“What did they say?” he asked as she sipped from her cup. The wind had ruffled her hair, which hung around her face like plump, curly vines. She would have made a good Medusa.
“They said they won’t make a decision for another fortnight at least.”
Danny sighed quietly in relief. A little more time to sort things out. Though his mother leaving would hardly be the end of the world, it still hung like an unpleasant threat, but he hadn’t the faintest idea how to convince her to change her mind.
As November rolled on, and the weather grew even colder, Danny’s suspension came to an end. He heard Lucas had gone to the new Maldon tower, but tried not to listen to any news unless it happened to be “the tower is working.”
Something pulled restlessly at him, fearful and urgent. He was losing his train of thought much more easily these days. His mind was in a summer’s haze, focused on Enfield, drawing unbidden smiles to his lips. Those small, unconscious smiles came with a price, he realized. He was losing sight of what had driven him to this point. The thing he and his mother needed most.
While he was with Colton, Maldon was still trapped.
While he smiled, his father was still lost.
His desires couldn’t seem to coexist. Desperation or relief—one or the other, they demanded. You can’t have both.
I’ll be lost without both.
To Danny’s surprise, Matthias willingly brought up Maldon as they played checkers in the park one afternoon.
“I’m still miffed the Lead didn’t consider you,” Matthias said as he glowered at the red checkers. He made a slow move forward. “I mean, of all people, Lucas. You or Daphne would have been a far better choice.”
Danny’s lips thinned at the mention of Daphne. “Can’t do anything about it now.”
Matthias registered his flat tone. “You should talk to the Lead again. He could reconsider.”
Danny fiddled with his black checker. “Maybe.” He raised his eyebrows at the pinky finger Matthias held out to him.
“Promise you’ll come to me if you need help,” Matthias said.
With a small, breathy laugh, Danny wrapped his own pinky finger around Matthias’s and shook. “All right.” He looked back down at the checkerboard. “Hey, do you mind if I take this?”
He brought the checkerboard to Colton’s tower and taught him how to play. He also taught him piquet and Beggar My Neighbor.
Running, his inner voice scolded. You didn’t get the Assignment, and now you’re running away to sulk and play card games with a clock spirit. You shouldn’t be here. You know the rules. This isn’t going to end well for either of you.
He ignored it.
Colton had his own games, such as walking quietly behind Danny as he climbed the stairs and then startling him at the top, or trying to get Danny to catch him and winking out of sight, only to reappear on a rafter high above.
“That’s cheating!” Danny called up, his voice echoing. Colton stuck out his tongue, something he had seen Danny do once and which was now his favorite expression.
The planes within Danny shifted and overlapped. Before, his world had just been I. Now it was expanding into we.
Danny knew the shape of Colton’s lips, the arch of his eyebrows, the whisper of his hand as it slid into his own. The calm measured beats of his voice. He knew the strum and twist of time, the spark of recognition instead of fear. His panic slumbered, tucking its head down.
For the first time in three years, Danny did not have to force his laughter.
But every so often, he remembered they still had to be careful.
It happened once during a game of hide-and-seek. Colton gave Danny a hard chase, standing up above the pendulum before winking out of view to reappear on the stairs. Danny cursed and ran after him, and Colton bolted. The spirit laughed, the sound like an echoing hum throughout the tower. The clock tower itself was bright, golden, filled with an energy that made the air crackle.
Danny was out of breath when he reached the top. He looked for Colton in the clock room but saw no sign of him. A few steps in, he smiled.
The longer he spent in this tower, the easier it had become for him to sense Colton. Ra
ther, to sense Colton moving through the time fibers. He felt the shift just behind him, preparing to catch him by surprise.
Before Colton could grab him, Danny spun and seized him first. Colton yelped and they toppled to the ground, laughing.
Then one of the tower bells rang. Danny jumped and looked at the clock face. It was only 1:23.
“Colton, stop!”
The spirit quickly sobered at Danny’s tone. “What is it?”
“The bells. You made them go off.”
Colton, lying on the floor, glanced at the clock face. Much to Danny’s alarm, and not so much to Colton’s, the minute hand had moved. The clock now read 1:27.
“It’s preparing for the half-hour ring,” Danny said. “You made it speed up.”
Colton’s eyebrows furrowed. “I can’t help that.”
“Well, fix it!”
The spirit sat up, his hair a mess, and closed his eyes. Danny watched as the minute hand slowly crawled back until it read 1:24.
“Better,” Danny said.
Colton opened his eyes. “I really can’t help it. It’s just a reaction. Like humans crying when they’re sad or happy.”
Danny wanted to be upset, to validate himself with anger, but instead his panic raised its head to sniff the air again. “I know,” he said even as his pulse beat a nervous rhythm. “It’s not your fault. We just have to be careful.”
Colton nodded with a faint frown, as if he didn’t quite understand the word.
Martinmas came and went. Toward the end of November, Enfield started to prepare for St. Andrew’s Day. Colton told Danny that the townspeople always made a festival of it, and he enjoyed watching the fun from his tower.
Danny could hear the celebration as soon as he drove into town that day. The village green was decorated with banners and wooden arches woven with purple and white flowers. Some of the townspeople played music, and a group of eight—all couples, including the recently married pair—were dancing in the middle of the green to the accompanying claps of the onlookers. Danny stopped and watched, and joined the applause when the dance finished. The couples were flushed and high-spirited, their eyes gleaming from the well-deserved attention.
