by Tara Sim
Leila grew very still. When he finally mustered the courage to look up, her tears had finally escaped.
“Why did I ever say that to you?” she asked, her voice thick. “I couldn’t think. I couldn’t do anything.” She exhaled shakily. “Couldn’t be the mother you needed.”
She reached for him, hesitant, unsure if he’d let her touch him. But he didn’t move, so she swept his hair back, just as she’d done when he was little. Tears continued to fall from her lower lashes. “I’m so sorry, Danny.”
He kept blinking, his vision fuzzy. “You were right. It was my fault.”
“No,” she whispered. “It’s not your fault, Danny. Your father was going to go to Maldon either way. Even if you’d told him not to go, it wouldn’t have changed his mind.”
He expected some relief—released pressure like a soap bubble popping—but all the conversation brought him was a weight heavier than before. The weight of three silent years. The weight of an empty house.
“Please forgive me,” she murmured, her fingers trembling against his face. “Please.”
The words were already waiting on his tongue. “I do, Mum. I forgive you.”
The weight eased. Perhaps not entirely, but enough.
They both took a deep breath. Not an ending. Not fully a beginning. But something.
The kitchen door opened. Danny stood at the frightened look on Evaline’s face.
“He’s getting worse,” she said. “He’s … fading.”
A jolt of terror struck Danny in the stomach. He ran past her, up the stairs, to Colton’s side.
Evaline was right: he was fading. Danny could practically see through his blurred edges. Colton had a hand clutched at his chest, his face screwed up in pain. He flickered, his entire body stuttering like a lamp burning with too little oil.
Danny tried to touch him. It was like touching air. A burst of breath escaped him, a dry sob.
What do I do? How do I save him?
Distantly, across the river, the slow peal of bells began to sound. Big Ben was chiming.
Danny slowed his breaths. Fought to be calm. He turned and found his mother and Evaline watching from the door.
“We need to take Colton to Big Ben,” he decided.
His mother blinked. “Big—? What, you mean St. Stephen’s?”
“I think it’ll give Colton the strength to return to Enfield. Besides, I’ve got to figure out what to do about Matthias, and Evaline can’t stay here. If Matthias is in London, he’ll check here, I’m sure of it. If not him, then the police.”
Leila bit her lower lip, but Evaline nodded resolutely.
“You can stay with Cass,” he told his mother. “Just in case.”
“Matthias would never hurt us, Danny. He’s done so much for us.”
“Yes, like keeping Dad trapped.” That silenced her.
Fighting down his alarm, he turned back to Colton and tried to smooth down his hair. Colton’s eyes struggled open.
“We’re going for a ride,” Danny said.
“Are we … going to the London tower?” Colton asked in a slurred voice. “You told me about it. Big Ben.”
“That’s the one. Make sure you keep hold of that cog.” He carefully scooped him up in his arms. The spirit weighed nothing at all.
At the front door, Leila hugged Danny as best she could with Colton in his arms. “Be safe. Come back as soon as you can.”
“Mum? What news did you want to tell me yesterday?”
“Oh.” She sighed. “They chose me for the job at Chelmsford.”
It wasn’t even painful anymore. “Will you take it?”
Her dark eyes rested on him, then on Colton, then on Evaline.
“I haven’t made up my mind quite yet.”
They filed out into the night. Danny looked around, wary. Still no sign of Matthias. He settled Colton in the backseat and prepared for the drive to Parliament Square, hoping for a smooth ride and an easy entrance to the tower. More than that, he hoped for Brandon to hurry and find Colton’s cog before it was too late.
The tower was lit a brilliant orange-gold, the clock faces shining like four separate eyes watching over a sleepy London. Danny was not exactly sure what made the clock glow this way at night, but he had a suspicion that the power of the spirit kept it going.
Guards were posted at the entrances to the Parliament building. They would be more alert after the disaster near Maldon, but Danny still had his mechanic’s badge, which gave him access to the tower at any time of day—or night. He hoped.
He had only ever visited Big Ben during daylight hours, mostly for training. Once, before he had become an apprentice, Danny had brought his father the packed lunch he’d forgotten at home as an excuse to spend time inside the tower. Matthias had been with Christopher then, the two men laughing as Danny asked one excited question after another.
Now the memory sat cold within him.
Danny lifted Colton from the auto. He expected the spirit to be unconscious, as he had been during the entire drive, but Colton’s gaze was fixed on Big Ben, his eyes reflecting the gold until they shone like a cat’s. The light sparked along his faded edges, more solid now thanks to the tower’s proximity. Danny released a grateful breath.
“Colton?” he said. “I’ll need you to try and walk. Can you do that?”
“Yes,” Colton whispered. “I think so.”
Evaline stood to one side as Danny set Colton on his feet. The spirit wobbled, held onto Danny for a moment, then nodded as if to say he would be all right. Danny longed to keep the feeling of Colton’s hand on his chest, but it slipped away far too soon.
The tower was huge. The base, like Colton’s, was built of brick with limestone cladding; the rest was a spire of cast iron. The opal glass of the four faces, surrounded by large iron frames, beamed at the sprawling city below. Underneath each dial, a Latin inscription had been etched: DOMINE SALVAM FAC REGINAM NOSTRUM VICOTIAM PRIMAM.
Lord save Victoria the First. Queen Victoria had been the first to have her name carved into a tower, her name now etched into history and time itself.
He led the way to the tower’s back entrance, the one reserved for mechanics. Two guards were stationed there. Danny broke out in a sweat as they approached. He could pass Colton off as an apprentice, but Evaline was another matter. She looked older, like a mechanic, but had no badge.
Danny glanced over his shoulder. Colton was still a little unsteady, but his excitement gave Danny hope. He focused on what to say. “Hello there, lovely night. No? Well, I suppose it is a bit nippy. Oh, them? Yes, they’re with me, not to worry. I’ve been called over to give a quick demonstration, orders straight from the Lead. The boy wants to be an apprentice, but his mother’s not so sure. Mind letting us in?”
But when he stood before the guards, the words flew from his mind. They blinked owlishly at him.
“I need to get in,” he said simply, showing his badge. They peered at it, gave a glance at the two figures behind him, and waved them through.
“That was easier than I expected,” Danny murmured as they climbed the stairs to the belfry. The Lead must not have filed his dismissal paperwork yet. “Don’t let your guard down. There may be mechanics up here.”
As it turned out, there were none. The tower was empty.
The echoes of the tower’s ticks and tocks were as soothing as the patter of rain on a quiet night. In the belfry, four quarter bells hung ready to chime the next hour. Danny spotted the Great Bell, or rather, the true Big Ben.
He was afraid Colton would have a difficult time climbing the stone steps, but the tower gave the spirit strength. His legs propelled him forward, the faintest hint of gold returning to his body. Colton gazed around in wide-eyed wonder. Danny felt a twinge of sadness, and wasn’t sure why until he saw the longing on Colton’s face.
The clock room was more spacious than Colton’s. There were no abandoned, empty boxes here, no dust building up in the corners. The clock faces surrounding them were a mar
vel. Danny remembered standing up here for the first time, simultaneously terrified by the height and awed by the spectacle. The faces glowed in the nighttime darkness, a reminder that that the city was safe.
The people of Enfield did not have that luxury.
Clenching his jaw, Danny directed Colton toward the middle of the room where he could best absorb the natural energy that flooded the space.
“Feel it?” Danny murmured, squeezing Colton’s upper arms. The spirit nodded, his eyes brighter, more like their familiar amber shade.
“How can I not? It’s everywhere. It’s … life.” Danny watched Colton walk from clock face to clock face, taking in the sight he had only dreamed of seeing. Evaline looked around, her face a little less grave.
“You’ve never been here, have you?” Danny asked her. “Even though Matthias has kept you in London for so long.”
“I haven’t been out much, no,” she replied. “He’s terrified of someone realizing. Too late for that, though.” She gazed up where the ceiling arched. “It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? This tower. Mine seems so insignificant in comparison.”
“So does mine,” Colton agreed sadly.
Danny bristled. “Don’t say that. You both have fine towers with fine mechanics looking after them.”
Colton smiled. “Sorry, Danny. It’s just so grand.”
“It can be grand all it likes, but it doesn’t make your towers any less impressive. You’re important to so many people. Both of you are.”
At the reminder, their smiles slipped and they each turned away, their relief short-lived. Danny could have kicked himself.
“We’ll get this sorted out, don’t worry.”
“How?” asked Evaline.
“I …” There was a terrifying blankness within him, feeding on his thoughts and making them disappear like a magician’s trick. As soon as he began to muster up an idea, it dispersed into smoke. “I don’t know.”
The words were small, but affected them all in some way. Colton lowered his head, Evaline closed her eyes, and Danny stood with buzzing fingertips and a creeping sense of failure.
“Would switching towers work?” Colton eventually asked.
Danny made an effort to catch and hold onto that thought, but it led down a dark road. “There’s no record of it ever happening, and I’d rather not risk finding out. Even if it were possible, I’m not going to settle for that. Matthias is a criminal.” He traced his scar. “He shouldn’t live a carefree life in Enfield. And you wouldn’t want to give up your town, would you?”
Colton shook his head.
Danny paced around the clock room, sometimes meeting Colton’s eyes. Every so often the spirit rubbed at his chest. That worried Danny even more.
I’m going to lose him.
It was a whisper at first, then thunder. Bringing Colton here was only a temporary solution, the same as running cool water over a burn and knowing that as soon as you took it away, the pain would come rushing back. Unavoidable.
The longer he stayed here, the less chance they had of making it through this.
Finally, Colton came to Danny’s side and took his hand. “Stand still a moment. You’ll get dizzy.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Danny whispered, not bothering to hide the way his voice trembled. “Colton, I don’t know what to do.”
“How can I help?” Colton asked. “I feel so useless. It’s my cog, and I should be fighting for it.”
“I’m your mechanic. It’s my responsibility to repair you.”
“You’ve already done too much for me. Matthias was caught because he did too much for Evaline.” He brushed a thumb over Danny’s knuckles. “I refuse to get you in trouble. I can handle this on my own.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t do anything in the state you’re in. You can barely walk!”
He knew he’d said the wrong thing only when the words were out of his mouth. Colton’s face shut like a door before he dropped Danny’s hand and turned away.
Evaline looked between them. “Some advice: take whatever time you have together before it’s gone. In case the worst should happen.”
Her words were stingingly blunt, but effective. Danny followed Colton to the southern clock face, where the spirit had retreated. His silhouette against the light made Danny’s chest ache, as if he were already too far away, out of Danny’s reach.
They stood side by side in silence and looked out over the city, the winking lanterns like fairy lights, the coils of smoke like the aftereffects of spells, the serpentine curve of the Thames glittering in the moonlight. The view from Enfield was so small and simple in comparison, but Danny couldn’t help but long for it now, even with this vision spread out before him.
“I’m sorry,” Danny mumbled at last. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
He wondered if Colton would have sighed, had he been able. “No, you’re right. I’m next to useless. Even in my tower, all I’m good for is keeping time running. And I can’t even do that properly.”
“Don’t say that. Look at all you do for Enfield. The people dancing on the green, the couples falling in love, the children growing up. That’s you, Colton. You’re giving them life.”
Colton’s eyes flinched with pain, feeling the pull of his town so far away, the need to bring that life back.
“We’ll do this together,” Danny said. It had been apparent from the start, he realized. Colton helping him during those first Enfield assignments, putting his trust in Danny. Only together could they mend what was broken.
“But what can I do?”
“When we find Matthias, you’ll have to convince him to return the cog. Maybe if he sees what he’s done to you, he’ll change his mind.”
Colton looked skeptical, but took Danny’s hand again, threading their fingers together. There was something slow and somber in the touch, as if Colton thought what Danny refused to—that this could be the last time. Their last moment alone.
“I like London,” Colton said, his eyes heavy and warm and golden, a late afternoon sun about to set. “I wish I could stay here.”
If only he knew that the same wish was branded on Danny’s heart. “I wish you could, too. I’ve told you so much about it, and yet all you’ve seen is my bedroom and this bloody old clock.”
“Hey now, what’s so terrible about this clock?”
Danny jumped. Behind them stood a tall, broad man with a blond beard. He wore a workman’s outfit of brown trousers, white shirt, and tan vest. The man’s light brown eyes traveled from Colton to Evaline before settling on Danny with a knowing gleam.
“S-sorry,” Danny said, “I didn’t think anyone would be here at this hour.” Danny blinked once, twice. “Hold on, I know you. You’re one of the tower mechanics.” He remembered asking the man whether he preferred the name Big Ben or St. Stephen’s.
“Not quite,” the man said with barely concealed amusement.
“But I saw you when I was an apprentice here. I’m sure of it.”
Colton tugged on his sleeve. “Danny,” he whispered, “he’s the spirit.”
Danny stared. Looking closer, he saw that the man’s shirtsleeves were rolled to his elbows, and a tattoo—or what looked like a tattoo—circled one thick arm: DOMINE SALVAM FAC REGINAM NOSTRUM VICOTIAM PRIMAM.
When the spirit who wanted to be called Big Ben winked, Danny rocked back on his heels, his face burning.
So much for being a detective.
“We’re sorry to intrude,” Evaline said, sounding humble in the man’s presence, which was definitely big. His smile alone flooded the room like a blast of heat, and Danny swore the clock faces glowed brighter.
“No need to be sorry. I like the company. Couldn’t help but overhear your dilemma, though. What are two spirits doing outside their towers in the first place?”
Colton and Evaline explained while Danny lingered shyly in the background. He wondered how many people Big Ben had revealed himself to over the years, and if any of them had been quicker
to catch on.
“Well, now, that makes sense. I’ve felt you in the city for a while, but I wasn’t sure why. I felt you just recently,” Big Ben said, turning to Colton. “I know this mechanic fellow you talked about. I’ve seen him here working and training young mechanics. He didn’t strike me as the type to turn rotten.”
“That’s just it,” Evaline said. “He isn’t rotten, not at all. He’s only done something selfish. As have I.”
“As humans tend to,” Big Ben mused, “but not so much spirits.” Evaline ducked her head. “You love this human?”
“I do.”
“But you also love your town.”
She nodded, her long hair swaying. “Yes.”
He turned to Colton again. “And you?”
Colton looked over his shoulder at Danny, longing in the shade of his eyes, misery in the shape of his mouth.
“Yes,” he said quietly.
Big Ben rolled his eyes heavenward. “Hopeless creatures, the lot of you.”
“We’re aware of that,” Danny grumbled, pulling Colton back and taking his place. “The question is what to do now.”
Big Ben considered the matter. He began to slowly pace the room, and Danny worried the spirit might take hours before he came up with anything useful. But only a moment later he said, “There is no right answer.”
“What do you mean?” Danny asked.
“I mean,” Big Ben said, “that time itself is the answer. You can’t force something to occur in the future because you’d like it to, just as you can’t go back and force the past to change. There are many branches of time reaching from your bodies—I can see them attached to one another. Humans call it fate, but it’s nothing so poetic as that. It’s simply time. Time, and the decisions you make as it passes, which in turn make history. When one decision becomes impossible, the thread snaps, leaving you fewer and fewer choices.
“Anything can happen. You could return to Maldon, or your cog might be destroyed,” he said to Evaline and Colton, respectively. “The men you love may die. Both, or just one.” Colton gave Danny a horrified look. “You won’t know until it happens, and that’s when you’ll know the right thing to do. Because it’ll be the only thing you can do. And that becomes your fate.”
