by Sandy Taylor
‘Visiting your namesake, Nora?’ he said.
‘I am, Father. It pleases my mammy.’
‘Ah. It would, Nora.’
‘God in His wisdom took her awful young, didn’t he, Father?’
‘He did, Nora, God love her,’ said Father Kelly.
‘And why would he be doing that?’ asked Kitty. ‘He must have had a pile a people up there already.’
Father Kelly nodded his old head. ‘Who are we to know the workings of the Lord, Kitty?’
Kitty nodded her head very seriously, as if she knew everything there was to know about the workings of the Lord, when I knew for a fact that she struggled to remember the first page of her Catechism.
Father Kelly started to walk away and I called after him. ‘Can I have a private word, Father?’
‘Of course, Nora,’ he said, smiling at me.
Kitty took an old pair of scissors out of her pocket. ‘I’ll tidy up a bit while you’re gone,’ she said.
Father Kelly and I walked away and sat down under a tree at the far end of the graveyard. He leaned back against the tree and I sat facing him, with my back to the workhouse that stood at the bottom of the hill like a dark grey prison.
‘So, what is on your mind, child?’ he said, smiling gently.
‘It’s a very convoluted story, Father,’ I said.
‘Grandad Doyle?’
‘The very man. It means confusing, but I expect you already know that.’
He smiled and nodded briefly. ‘I’m listening, Nora.’ His voice was kind, like a friendly nudge to keep me talking.
‘If I was doing something that someone I loved didn’t approve of, would that be a sin, even though I didn’t lie about it?’
Father Kelly scratched his old head, making his bit of hair stand up at an odd angle. ‘Now that’s a difficult one, Nora.’
‘That’s what I’m thinking, Father, and it’s playing desperate havoc with me head.’
‘Is what you are doing, a sin against God?’
‘No, Father, I don’t think so, for I’m a good girl and I respect my mam… I mean the person in question.’
‘What we have here, Nora, is the sin of omission.’
‘So, it’s still a sin, then?’
‘I’m afraid it is.’
‘Isn’t that desperate annoying, Father?’ I said, pulling a dandelion out from the grass.
‘Could you not stop doing it?’
‘Oh no, Father, I’ve a mind to keep doing it.’
‘Then you will have to make an act of confession.’
‘I thought as much.’
‘Let me ask you a question, child. If the Lord himself looked down on you, as you were doing this thing you shouldn’t be doing, would it cause him pain?’
I thought about the garden and the flowers and birds and squirrels, all of them God’s creations. ‘No, Father,’ I said. ‘I think it would make him smile.’
Father Kelly nodded his head. ‘Then I don’t think that what you are doing can be all that bad.’
‘Well, that’s a relief.’
‘I can hear your confession now, if you like,’ said Father Kelly.
‘That would be grand,’ I said, ‘for if I die now, I’d be in a state of sin and end up in purgatory and I don’t like the sound of the place at all.’ I closed my eyes and bowed my head. ‘Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,’ I began. ‘It’s been two days since my last confession. Do you want all my sins, Father, or just the omission one?’
‘Well, we might as well do the whole lot while we’re at it, Nora.’
‘Right you are, Father,’ I said. I took a deep breath and started. ‘I moaned about dragging the water from the pump and it made my daddy cross. I told Orla Mullen to stick something up her bum when she said she didn’t believe in God’s angels – I meant to tell you that weeks ago, Father, but I forgot and anyway, I thought you’d understand.’
‘Go on,’ said Father Kelly.
I searched my brain for what I’d done wrong but sure, I’d only been to confession a couple of days ago and I hadn’t had time to sin since. ‘I think that’s about it, Father,’ I said. ‘I’m not a great sinner.’
‘I’m glad to hear it, Nora, but what about the sin we just spoke of?’
‘Oh, yes, and I’m sorry about the omission thingy.’
Father Kelly laid his hand on my head. ‘I forgive you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Go in peace, your sins are forgiven.’
‘What about me penance, Father? And could you see your way clear to making it short as I have Kitty with me?’
‘I think that one Hail Mary and one Glory Be should do the trick,’ he said.
‘Thank you, Father,’ I said, standing up. ‘My head feels a lot lighter now.’
‘Glad to be of assistance, Nora,’ he said, smiling.
I ran back over to Kitty, who was clipping away at the grass on my namesake’s grave.
‘You’ll have to amuse yourself for a bit, Kitty,’ I said. ‘For I have a Hail Mary and a Glory Be to get done.’
She looked confused. ‘You’ve been to confession?’
‘He heard my confession under a tree.’
‘Are you sure that counts?’
‘Sure, he wouldn’t have heard it if it hadn’t counted.’
‘I suppose he knows what he’s doing, Nora.’
‘Of course he knows what he’s doing, he’s a priest, for God’s sake.’
Kitty didn’t look convinced. ‘I suppose so,’ she said begrudgingly.
I closed my eyes and said my Hail Mary and my Glory Be.
‘Do you feel better now, Nora? Now that you have been forgiven?’
‘I do, and I’m sorry for what I said about Finn Casey.’
Kitty smiled at me. ‘And I’m sorry for what I said about your garden. Finn will be gone soon and you’ll tire of the bit of soil and things can get back to normal.’
I nodded, but in my heart, I knew that I’d never tire of the garden, not ever.
Thirteen
I had been feeling guilty about spending more time with Eddie than with Kitty and was mightily relieved when she palled up with Aoife Coyne, who had as much fascination for Tommy Nolan as Kitty had for Finn Casey.
‘She hasn’t replaced you, Nora,’ said Kitty. ‘For you are my best friend, it’s just that…’
‘Our priorities have changed.’
‘Grandad Doyle?’
‘The very man, it means that right now we are wanting different things and I think that is alright.’
‘So long as it’s not, um—’
‘Permanent?’ I said.
‘Exactly,’ said Kitty.
I took hold of Kitty’s hand. ‘Our friendship is far too important for a boy or a garden to get in the way,’ I said, smiling at her.
‘Anyway, Aoife has an awful habit of sniffing. She sniffs all the time, as if she has a lifelong bloody cold in the head, but she’s company and I would be ashamed to go down to the quay on my own.’
‘We’ll go to Minnie’s on Saturday for a grand cup of tea.’
‘And I can tell you all about Finn and you can tell me all about Eddie.’
But fear of hurting Kitty wasn’t the only obstacle to visiting the garden: Stevie was poorly. He was often poorly – it seemed that the stronger Malachi got, the weaker Stevie became, and Mammy was always up at the church lighting candles and asking the Blessed Virgin Mary to intervene on her behalf and ask her son Jesus to restore him to good health. He was laying on the couch now. His face was the colour of a beetroot and he was fast asleep, when he should have been running about the place and having a great time. I hated to see Mammy looking so worried.
‘I’m off out again,’ I said.
‘Will you take Malachi with you, Nora? I’m going to take Stevie up to see Doctor Kennedy.’
I was just about to go and meet Eddie in the garden. How could I go to the garden with Malachi and the pram? And then I looked at Mammy’s worried face. Was
n’t I a terrible selfish girl for putting my own wishes ahead of Mammy’s?
‘Of course I will,’ I said.
‘Thank you, Nora,’ she said, smiling at me. ‘I’ve just fed him but I’ll give you a bottle of water and a rusk; that should see him alright for a couple of hours.’
Malachi was a very beautiful baby, with wisps of white hair on his round head and eyes as blue as the sea. Everyone said that with his looks, he should have been a girl and I often wondered whether the Lord had taken into account my great hankering for a sister when He made him. Either way, I wouldn’t have changed him for the world, just like Mrs Quinn wouldn’t have changed Breda, even though she was wanting a boy.
I was thinking of calling for Kitty again, so that we could take our little brothers out together, but I’d told Eddie that I was coming today and we were going to discuss the planting of bulbs for the spring.
Malachi was sitting up now, with the help of a few pillows, and he was smiling at everyone we passed. He was a happy baby and I was proud to push him through the town for everyone to admire. We walked out to the Strand and I stopped to show Malachi the ocean. It was a bit choppy, with white foam tipping the tops of the waves. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry, I would have carried him down the beach to dangle his fat little legs in the water. There was a chilly wind coming in off the sea and it kept taking Malachi’s breath away, which he found very funny.
As soon as we got to the broken piece of fence, I knew that I could never pull the pram through. I lifted Malachi into my arms and left it where it was, which wasn’t a great idea, because anyone passing might think it was abandoned and up for grabs and how would I explain that to Mammy when I arrived home without it?
It was even harder trying to crawl through the brambles with Malachi in my arms but bless him, he thought the whole thing was highly amusing and laughed his little head off all the way through. I parted the bushes and looked up at the Hall. ‘That’s where the Honourables live, Malachi,’ I said. ‘But don’t tell Mammy where we’ve been, or she’ll eat the head off us.’ Malachi grinned at me and shook his head as if he knew exactly what I was saying.
I was relieved when we came out into the sunshine and hurried down the path to the garden. I pushed open the gate and Eddie came towards me, a big smile on his face.
‘And who have we got here?’ he said, brushing a twig off Malachi’s head.
‘This is my baby brother Malachi,’ I said.
‘The little feller you thought was dead?’
‘The very one.’
‘Well, he looks like a fine strong boy now.’
‘I couldn’t get the pram through the gap in the fence,’ I said. ‘And I don’t want to leave it out in the lane for all to see. Do you think you could haul it through? If you can’t get it through the brambles, leave it just inside the fence. But I will need his blanket, his bottle of water and his rusk.’
‘Consider it done,’ said Eddie.
After he’d gone, I sat down on the grass with Malachi beside me. ‘What do you think of this then?’ I said, smiling at him. Malachi looked up at the tall trees and waved his little arms about as if he was waving hello.
‘It’s a secret garden,’ I whispered, ‘and when you’re a big boy, I’ll read the book to you. Oh, you’ll love it, Malachi, for it’s my favourite story.’
Malachi picked at the daisies with his chubby little hands, then with a big grin on his face he shoved them into his mouth. I grabbed them off him and he began to howl like a demented banshee, as if I’d done him some terrible injustice. ‘Holy Mother of God,’ I said, ‘you can’t be eating daisies! You’ll get terrible sick and Mammy has enough to worry about with Stevie.’
Then, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, I realised that Malachi was making too much noise and at any second, we could be discovered. I picked him up and started to walk around, with him hanging off my hip, but he wouldn’t give up with the yelling. Just then a squirrel ran out from behind a tree.
‘Look, Malachi,’ I said, pointing to the little animal.
Malachi took a big gulping breath and stared at it, reaching out his hands and giggling. The squirrel stared back, then started to scratch its head with a tiny paw. Malachi was delighted and all thoughts of the daisies were forgotten.
Just then Eddie came back into the garden and the squirrel darted up a tree. I thought this would start Malachi off again but thanks be to God it didn’t. Eddie looked worried and I knew that it was because of the noise.
‘I’m sorry, Eddie,’ I said.
‘It’s just that I don’t want anyone to discover this place,’ he said, handing me the things I’d asked for.
I laid Malachi down on the blanket and gave him his rusk. He looked very contented lying there, sucking away and staring up at the patch of blue sky between the tall trees.
‘I’m sorry, Eddie,’ I said. ‘He’s usually such a good baby but he was mad at me for stopping him eating the daisies.’
Eddie sighed. ‘I wish everything wasn’t so complicated, Nora.’
I’d been thinking the same thing. We were just spending time in a lovely little garden and doing no harm to anyone. ‘Who are you scared will find out, Eddie, is it the master of the house?’
Eddie sat down on the grass, his thin knees pulled up to his chest. I sat beside him, with Malachi between us.
‘Not really,’ he said. ‘It’s just that everything will be ruined and it won’t feel like my garden anymore.’
‘Where do you get the bulbs from?’ I asked.
‘Corny the gardener. It was him that showed me the garden.’
‘And you’re not worried that he’ll let on to anyone?’
Eddie shook his head. ‘He’s just glad that I’ve got something to do.’
I couldn’t make Eddie out. He never seemed to help his father with the horses and he never seemed to have chores to do and here was Corny the gardener giving him his very own garden. I couldn’t work it out.
I looked down at Malachi, who had fallen asleep with the rusk halfway between his tummy and his mouth. The rays of sun shone down on his fair hair, making it shine like gold. I wished Stevie could be here too, I wished I could tell Mammy about Eddie and I wished that everything wasn’t such a mystery.
As Malachi slept, Eddie and I did some more clearing. ‘We’ll plant for the spring in October, Corny says that’s the best time.’
‘What will we plant?’ I asked.
‘Tulips and daffodils and crocuses,’ said Eddie. ‘We’ll have a great show come the spring.’
‘I’ll be back at school by then,’ I said sadly. ‘And I won’t be able to come so often.’
‘But you can come after school, can’t you? And on the weekends?’
‘I don’t know, Eddie. I’m deceiving my mammy by coming here and it makes me feel awful guilty.’
Eddie went quiet and then he said, ‘I’ve never had a friend before, Nora. Working in the garden with you has been better than being here on my own.’
‘Why don’t you ask your father if you can go to school in the town?’ I said.
Eddie shook his head. ‘I will never be able to go to school in the town.’
‘But why not?’
‘I just can’t, alright?’ he snapped.
‘Excuse me for asking,’ I said, feeling a bit put out.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Nora, don’t be mad at me. it’s just the way it is.’
I softened. ‘It’s okay,’ I said gently. ‘It’s the same with my mammy. We’ll work it out, and Eddie?’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ll still be your friend.’
Later, Eddie helped me push the pram into the lane and I headed for home.
As I walked through the town, I noticed that people were staring at me and I couldn’t think why.
Mrs Tully called across the road. ‘Get yourself home, Nora,’ she said. ‘You’re wanted.’
As I passed Pasley’s, Mrs Hurley put her hand on the pram. I thought she was going to admire
Malachi, but she didn’t even look at him. ‘Hurry now, child,’ she said. ‘Your mammy is looking for you.’
I started running, causing people to jump out of my way. Something had happened and I felt sick to my stomach. I’d never known the road home to be so long. More people urged me along as I ran towards Paradise Alley, under the arch and up the lane. There was a crowd of people outside the house and the doctor’s car was in the yard. Father Kelly walked over to me as I was about to go inside.
‘You can’t go in, Nora,’ he said.
‘Why can’t I?’
Just at that moment, Dr Kennedy came out of the house carrying Stevie in his arms. Mammy was walking behind him and her eyes were red as if she’d been crying. I went to walk over to them but Father Kelly put his hand on my arm, as if to pull me back.
‘Stevie has the scarlet fever, Nora. You can’t go near him and neither can Malachi.’
I felt my eyes filling with tears.
‘We’ll pray, Nora, we’ll pray like we’ve never prayed before.’
Dr Kennedy placed Stevie in the back seat of the car and Mammy went to follow him. ‘Mammy!’ I shouted. She turned and hurried across to me. ‘We couldn’t find you,’ she said. ‘We had the town out looking for you.’
‘I’m sorry, Mammy.’
‘You can’t come back into the house, Nora. Your father is going to take you and Malachi up to Granny and Grandad Collins. You must stay there until the house has been scoured and it’s safe for you to return.’
‘But where are you taking Stevie?’
‘To the fever hospital in Cork. Father Kelly has arranged for me to stay with the nuns until Stevie is well again.’
Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I brushed them away with the back of my hand. ‘Stevie’s not going to die, is he, Mammy? He’s not going to die?’
Mammy pulled me into her arms and held me tight but she didn’t answer my question. ‘I want you to be a good girl while I’m gone and help Granny with Malachi. Will you do that for me, Nora?’
‘I will, Mammy, I’ll help all I can. Will you give Stevie a kiss for me?’
‘Of course, my love,’ she said, letting go of me.
‘Cissy,’ called Dr Kennedy, ‘we must go.’
