by Sandy Taylor
Minnie always had a fire going in the hearth whatever the weather – she said that folks found it welcoming after the sea breeze.
‘It’s very rude of you to be asking Minnie for old cakes,’ I said, sitting down.
‘Well, if I hadn’t asked, they would probably have been thrown away and then no one would be getting the benefit of them. My father says that wasting food is a sin against God.’
‘Well, we don’t want to be upsetting God, do we, Kitty? We’ve upset enough people for one day.’
‘You’re right, girl, we have.’
Minnie came across with the tea and buns and then sat down with us, which was pretty unusual for her.
‘Nora,’ she began, ‘would you have a mind to work in a café?’
I stared at her. ‘This café?’ I said.
Minnie nodded. ‘You know I’ll be needing someone now I’ve lost Annie.’
‘Oh, Minnie,’ I said, ‘you’re a gift from God as I’ve no mind to be working in the laundry. I can start any time you like.’
‘You’d leave me there on my own?’ said Kitty, looking disgusted.
‘Sure, you’ll be fine.’
‘I won’t be fine,’ said Kitty, glaring at me.
‘No rush, Nora,’ said Minnie. ‘It’s only a few months and I’m sure that is what your mother and father would want you to finish school. The summer is behind us and customers are few – I can manage until you’re ready.’
‘There you are,’ said Kitty, looking relieved. ‘You won’t have to leave at all.’
Minnie went back into the kitchen and left us to eat the tea and buns. ‘Well, at least I won’t have to work in the laundry.’
‘Nora Doyle, you could fall into Henry’s shite and come up smelling of roses.’
‘Well, aren’t I the lucky one?’ I said, biting into a bun.
Seventeen
Stevie wasn’t yet strong enough to go to school and he was being taught at home by Grandad Doyle. I spent as much time with him as I could.
‘Do you miss school, Stevie?’ I asked one day as we were leaning on the fence, watching Bonnie.
‘I miss the lads but I think I’m learning more from Grandad than I ever did from the Christian brothers.’
‘Then you’ll be top of the class when you go back.’
We stood together looking out over the fields. I wanted more for Stevie than the life he had. He was loved, but he had no freedom.
‘If I tell you something, Stevie, can you promise not to tell anyone else?’
He nodded.
‘I’ve found a secret garden.’
‘In Ballybun?’ he said.
I nodded. ‘The thing is, Stevie, I’m not really allowed to go there.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s in the grounds of Bretton Hall and Mammy has forbidden me to go anywhere near the place.’
‘You’re disobeying Mammy?’
‘I am, but oh, Stevie, I have to keep going there, I just have to.’
‘How did you get into the grounds?’
‘Kitty found a gap in the fence and persuaded me to go in. It was just a laugh to start with but then we met this boy and he showed us the garden. I wish you could see it.’
‘Will you take me there?’
‘It would be too far for you to walk.’
‘I could manage it.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t think you could, love, it’s way out beyond the Strand.’
Stevie’s pale little face looked sad and for a moment I wished I’d never said anything. ‘I suppose we could borrow Malachi’s pushchair,’ I said.
‘If you think I’m going to be rolled through Ballybun in a baby’s pushchair you can think again.’
I laughed. ‘I suppose not,’ I said.
‘Tell me what it’s like,’ said Stevie.
I thought about the garden and smiled. ‘It’s the loveliest place. You enter through a wooden gate. There are lots of birds. I don’t know the names of all of them yet but Eddie is teaching me.’
‘Eddie?’ said Stevie.
‘He’s the son of the groom up at the Hall – we’ve become great friends. He knows all about the flowers and the trees and the wildlife. He knows what flowers to grow and when to plant them.’
‘What else?’
‘It’s surrounded on all sides by an old stone wall that’s covered in roses, hundreds of them. In the middle is a pond and the trees above the garden are so dense that you feel as if you are in a secret room.’
Stevie closed his eyes. ‘Are you getting tired, love?’ I asked.
‘No,’ he said, smiling. ‘I’m just imagining it; I’m imagining your garden, Nora.’
‘When you are strong enough, I’ll take you there, Stevie, and that’s a promise.’
‘I’ll hold you to that, it will give me something to look forward to.’
‘Have you had enough?’ I said.
Stevie nodded and together we walked slowly back home.
* * *
Me and Kitty were sitting on the wall in the playground. We’d been looking forward to leaving school but now the day had come, the pair of us were far from happy.
‘Jesus, Nora,’ said Kitty. ‘Why in all that’s holy are we in such bad humour? Haven’t we been waiting for this day for years?’
‘I think it’s because it’s the end of our childhood, Kitty – we’re adults now and responsible for our own destiny.’
‘You don’t have to explain,’ said Kitty quickly. ‘I know what destiny means.’
I watched the little kids running around the yard and I envied them their freedom. Our freedom was about to be brought to an abrupt end. I sighed. ‘When’s your interview up at the Hall?’ I said.
‘In a couple of days, and I’m only terrified.’
‘You’ll be grand,’ I said.
‘But I know no one there; if I get the job I’ll be wandering around the place like a lost soul.’
‘You’ll know Eddie,’ I said. ‘And anyway, I’d say you’ll be too busy to be wandering anywhere.’
‘I wish I could be working at Minnie’s. You’re mighty lucky to have landed that job.’
‘I know I am and I’m grateful. But you can come and see me on your days off and I’ll be sure to keep any stale buns for you.’
‘That’s good of you, Nora, but I’d say I’ll be in my bed on my days off.’
I laughed. ‘You’ll get used to it, and just think of all the posh people you’re going to meet if you work there – you never know, you might even meet an Honourable willing to marry you and never have to work again.’
‘Wouldn’t that be great altogether?’ said Kitty, grinning.
I noticed Dymphna Duffy standing on her own, and called out to her.
‘Why are you calling Dymphna over?’ said Kitty.
‘Because this is a momentous day.’
‘A what day?’ said Kitty.
‘You know, it’s significant.’
‘Holy Mother of God, Nora, would it be too much trouble to speak English?’
‘I’m sorry, Kitty. I just mean that today is special and that no one should be on their own.’
Dymphna walked slowly towards us.
‘What?’ she said, looking suspicious.
‘I just thought you might like to join us,’ I said.
‘On this momentous day,’ added Kitty.
‘Why?’ snapped Dymphna.
‘Because it’s our last day at school,’ I said. ‘And it bothered me that you were on your own.’
‘Well, that’s mighty big of you, Nora Doyle, but isn’t it a pity that it’s taken you nine years to notice?’
I could feel my face going red, because I knew that she was right. ‘I’m sorry, Dymphna,’ I said. ‘I truly am.’
‘It’s because we’ve always had each other,’ said Kitty.
To my shame I could see Dymphna’s eyes filling with tears. ‘Well, aren’t you the lucky ones?’ she said.
‘Please forg
ive me, Dymphna,’ I said.
‘And please forgive me too,’ said Kitty.
‘We can be friends now, can’t we? It’s not too late.’
‘I think that maybe it is, Nora.’
‘I’m going to be working in Minnie’s,’ I said, smiling at her. ‘Perhaps you could come in some time for a cup of tea.’
‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible,’ she said. ‘I’m leaving Ballybun.’
‘And going where?’ asked Kitty.
‘To Dublin,’ said Dymphna. ‘To train as a nurse.’
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. ‘You’re going to be a nurse?’ I said.
‘In Dublin?’ said Kitty.
‘Don’t look so shocked, ladies,’ said Dymphna. ‘Even girls with faces like pies can be nurses.’
If I hadn’t been feeling bad before, I was feeling terrible now.
‘So, thank you for your offer of friendship, but I’m going to be far too busy at college in Dublin to be worrying about you two in this God-forsaken dump.’ And with that, she walked away.
‘Well, I hope it stays fine fer ya,’ shouted Kitty after her retreating back.
I was paralysed with shame. I’d thought myself a fine girl indeed to be feeling sorry for poor Dymphna and thinking I was doing her some kind of favour by asking her to join us. Dymphna Duffy was going to drag herself out of Baggot Row and head off to Dublin to train as a nurse and I had the distinct feeling that as she walked away, it was her that was feeling sorry for us.
‘Well, I wouldn’t want her nursing me,’ said Kitty. ‘She has hands like plates of meat.’
‘But she’s going to make something of herself, Kitty, and that’s something to admire in a person.’
‘But don’t you think she was awful puffed up about it?’
‘Don’t you think we were being a bit puffed up ourselves?’
Kitty banged her feet against the wall and didn’t answer.
Eighteen
I’d been working at Minnie’s for almost two weeks and loving it. I was so glad that me and Kitty had upset Theresa sour-faced Duggan and blown my chances of a job in the hotel.
I was learning to bake in the little kitchen at the back of the shop.
‘You have a light touch, Nora,’ said Minnie. ‘Unlike Annie, bless her.’
‘She’s happy working with Mammy,’ I said. ‘She’s great with Stevie and Malachi – they both love her. And she’s such a help in the house. Mammy said she doesn’t know how she managed without her.’
‘I’m glad,’ said Minnie, ‘for she’s a lovely girl and she’s now able to keep an eye on Mrs Foley, which must be a blessing to her.’
When I wasn’t learning to bake cakes, I worked in the shop serving the customers, who were glad to come in from the cold and sit by the roaring fire that I lit every morning. I knew most of the people that came into the café and it was great to have a chat with them and ask about their families. Sometimes a stranger came in on their way to Cork and I enjoyed passing the time of day with them and asking about the city. I was a happy girl and I hoped that my dear friend Kitty would be as happy working at Bretton Hall.
It was too dark after work to go to the garden, so the only time I could go there was Sunday, which was my day off. There wasn’t much planting to be done because the ground was too hard for digging, but the garden was even more beautiful in the winter than it had been in autumn.
One Sunday, after I’d been to Mass, me and Eddie were huddled up on the bench, freezing cold but happy to be together. The bare trees looked magical in the frosty morning; their bony twigs silhouetted against a pale, cold sky. A hoar frost had settled over the pruned-back roses, turning them into an intricate pattern of silver threads that spread like a spider’s web across the old stone walls. Holly and ivy leaves still showed green beneath the white, and the holly berries looked as if they’d been dipped in sugar.
A friendly little robin perched on a twig close to us, his puffed-out red breast like a jewel against the whiteness of it all. He hopped about our feet, on ground so hard that we could see the tiny imprints of his claws amongst our own footprints.
We sat together, rubbing our cold fingers, our breath made little clouds in front of our red cheeks and noses before it dissolved into the cold air.
‘Are we mad altogether, sitting here freezing to death?’ said Eddie.
‘I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,’ I said.
Eddie smiled at me. ‘Neither would I.’
I breathed in the cold air; it caught the back of my throat, making me cough. ‘You’ve never mentioned your mother, Eddie,’ I said, clearing my throat. ‘Is she a maid at the Hall?’
Eddie stared down at the ground. ‘My mother died giving birth to me,’ he said.
I thought of my own mother and how much I loved her and how much she loved me; I couldn’t imagine not having her. ‘Oh, I’m terrible sorry, Eddie,’ I said.
‘I never knew her, so I can’t say that I’ve missed her. I mean, you can’t miss what you’ve never known, can you? I’ve seen pictures of her though, and I think that she was very beautiful. I believe that she loved gardens too.’
‘That’s where you’ll be getting it from then.’
Eddie smiled, a sad smile. ‘I like to think so,’ he said.
‘Your dad’s alright, though, is he?’
Eddie didn’t answer right away, and then he said, ‘Sometimes when he looks at me, I get the feeling that he blames me for her dying.’
‘Not at all,’ I said frowning, ‘you’re all he has, I bet he loves you to bits. I think that sometimes men have a hard time showing it.’
Eddie shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s just a feeling I get.’
I shivered and Eddie put his arm around my shoulder. ‘You’re going to be seeing my friend Kitty soon,’ I said, trying to lighten the mood. Kitty’s interview had gone well, and she’d been offered the position.
‘Who?’
‘Kitty, my friend who found the gap in the fence.’
‘Oh yes,’ he said. ‘But why will I be seeing her? Are you bringing her to the garden?’
‘She’s starting work at the Hall; you’re bound to come across her.’
Minutes went by and Eddie didn’t say anything; the silence began to feel awkward. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘She won’t say anything about the garden, she won’t give your secret away.’
Eddie stood up and walked across to the pond. Something was wrong. He had his back to me but I could see that his shoulders were hunched and he’d wrapped his arms around his body, as if he was protecting himself. He still hadn’t spoken. I walked across to him and touched his arm.
‘What’s wrong, Eddie?’ I said. ‘Is it because we were talking about your mother?’
He shook his head and turned to face me. He had a kind of desperate look on his face. I’d never seen him look like that before.
‘I’m sorry, Nora,’ he said, rubbing at his eyes.
I was feeling worried now. Was this about Kitty? And if it was, why was he so upset?
‘Tell me what’s wrong.’
Eddie stared into the pond. ‘I don’t know how to tell you.’
‘Sure, it can’t be that bad,’ I said.
‘I’ve been lying to you, Nora; I’ve been lying from the very beginning.’
‘About what?’
‘Everything,’ he said, so quietly that I could hardly hear him.
He took a deep breath. ‘My name is Edward.’
I laughed. ‘Is that all?’
‘Edward Bretton.’
I stared at him. ‘I don’t understand. Your father’s a groom. You said that your father’s a groom.’
‘I know what I said, Nora, but I lied to you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I thought that if you knew who I was, you wouldn’t be my friend. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times but I was so scared that you would run away and never come back.’
I stared at the ice that had formed on t
he top of the pond, floating around like a broken mirror. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to feel. I wasn’t angry that he’d lied to me because I knew that he wasn’t a liar. Yes, even though he had lied, I believed him to be an honest person. Nothing had changed, really – he was still the same boy who had shown me a garden and taught me about birds and flowers and nature. He was still Eddie; he was still my friend. Maybe he was right, maybe I would have run, but not now, not now that he had become so precious to me. I could feel his tall thin body beside mine and it was hard to think that one day he would be the master of Bretton Hall, a title that might prove too heavy for his narrow frame and gentle nature. I slipped my cold hand into his and felt his fingers close around mine.
We stayed beside the pond, holding hands. I felt blessed to be here with my friend on this beautiful day. I looked up at the crystal branches above our heads and let the garden work its magic. I was where I wanted to be and it felt like home.
Nineteen
Kitty came bursting into Minnie’s, bringing a blast of cold air with her. ‘Jesus, I’m frozen,’ she said. ‘Let me get to the fire, quick.’
Kitty had started training for her job at the Hall but I’d hardly seen her since the interview and I was dying to know all about it. There was no one else in the café so Minnie said I could sit with her.
‘I wouldn’t be surprised if it snowed, Nora,’ she said, holding her hands out to the flame. ‘It’s like the North Pole out there. Give the fire a poke, girl.’
I picked up the poker that was leaning against the side of the fireplace and rattled the turf. A gust of warm air blasted out into the room. ‘Heaven,’ sighed Kitty, turning around to warm her back.
We sat at a table close to the fire. ‘Come on then, tell me all about it,’ I said.
‘I was like a blabbering eejit,’ she said. ‘I could hardly string two words together; I was that nervous.’
‘But you got the job, you must have done something right.’
‘I’m thinking they must have been desperate.’
‘Of course they weren’t. Did you manage to fit in your fancy word?’
‘I did. Mrs Britton asked me why I wanted the position.’
