by Maisey Yates
But sex had suddenly been bumped higher on the list. She wasn’t going to be a virgin for the rest of her life—that meant that she was going to have to rip off the Band-Aid at some point. So, virginity Band-Aid was going. Now.
Though, based on things she had heard over the years, unlike taking a Band-Aid off, she doubted that doing it quickly would make it hurt less.
She gritted her teeth, scanning the bar. She should have stopped for condoms. She was making assumptions that the guy that she decided on would have them. Actually, she probably didn’t want to choose a guy that didn’t have them, because that would imply a lack of sex preparedness. If she were looking for a relationship, she might want the kind of guy who didn’t carry protection around. But she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she was looking for a guy who knew what he was doing.
A guy that made her feel even a fraction of what Gage had made her feel. A guy who could, at least, keep the fire going, even if he hadn’t started it himself.
She looked across the room, her heart doing a strange dip and twist when she spotted Finn Donnelly. He was hot, there was no doubt about that. Tall, broad and well muscled from days spent working on his family ranch.
Not the most approachable guy, but sexy. So that was a bonus.
She chewed her bottom lip. He also knew her, and was very good friends with Lane. Lane insisted that there was nothing between them, nothing romantic at all. Finn was just the guy who changed her lightbulbs so that she didn’t have to get up on a ladder, the guy who fixed up her place if there were any issues.
In fact, when pressed, Lane always looked mortally offended by the assertion that she might have latent Finn feelings.
Rebecca bit her lip, crossing the room to where Finn was standing. “Hi,” she said.
He looked up from his beer, a dark brow raised, the left side of his lips quirked upward. “Hi, Rebecca. Are you here with Lane?”
“No,” she said.
“Oh,” he said. He lifted his beer, taking a sip of it, and Rebecca wondered if she had miscalculated. She wondered if maybe he had some feelings for Lane, regardless of what Lane said about him.
She cleared her throat, bouncing uncomfortably on the balls of her feet, not knowing what to say next. Finn was hot, but she didn’t exactly want to touch him or anything. And she didn’t know if that was because of the specter of her friend looming over them, or the potential consequences because of his close relationship to her friend, or what. Maybe it was just chemistry, and the cruelty thereof.
Because Finn was not the kind of guy to do serious relationships, so he would be perfect for her purposes, if not for all the other entanglements. Small-town ridiculousness.
“You can have a seat if you want,” he said, gesturing to the empty chair across from him.
“No,” she said. “I mean, are you waiting for someone?”
Something shifted in his expression, his lip quirking at a slightly different angle, the light in his whiskey-colored eyes flickering. “No.”
The air stretched between them, and she was suddenly fighting to catch her breath. She sensed that this was her moment. To either put her cards on the table or walk away. It was a weird thing, the fact that he seemed to understand what she was thinking, and that he hadn’t run the other direction.
Maybe, if she wanted to, she could have Finn Donnelly.
There was nothing to be pitied about that. He looked… Strong, and capable. And he had very big hands. That was supposed to be a good thing. She was pretty sure. Really, regardless of what it was indicative of, his hands were nice.
She sat down. Still, she felt anything but decisive. “Let me buy you a drink,” he said.
She crawled her hands into fists, resting them on the tabletop. “Okay. That would be great.”
He stood up, crossing the space and moving over to the bar. She pressed her hand against her forehead, wondering exactly what she was doing. Well, she knew what she was doing. She was hoping to pick up a guy. And she had of course ended up sitting with the guy that she knew. Though, they didn’t know each other that well.
A bottle of beer appeared on the table in front of her and she looked up, her eyes clashing with Finn’s. “Thank you,” she said.
He lifted a shoulder. “Sure.” He sat down across from her, his gaze assessing.
Every other time she had ever put herself in a position similar to this with a guy, she had carefully set it up to fail. To trap him into saying something that would make it so it was easy to send him packing. She usually went out of her way to find something wrong with him. Something wrong with what he said, what he did.
But…
But, in theory she wanted this to succeed. To go to its final conclusion. Oh Lord. Did she actually want to have sex with Finn? An image of Gage superimposed itself over the picture she was trying to create of herself kissing Finn.
“How about we dance?” She was surprised by that offer, in part because Finn didn’t exactly seem like the kind of guy who danced, but maybe that was just because she had never seen him pick a woman up.
Was he picking her up? Was this actually happening?
She swallowed hard. “Okay.”
He reached out, taking hold of her hand, and she followed his lead, allowing him to take her to the middle of the uncluttered area of the bar that acted as a dance floor. The jukebox was playing midtempo country music, and Finn pulled her up against his hard body. For the second time that night, she found herself in a man’s arms. After going so long without being touched, it was especially strange.
She let out a slow, shaking breath, resting her forehead against his shoulder as he took hold of her hand and held it up, bracing it against his chest.
“We don’t know each other that well,” he said, his voice low in her ear. “Strange, since we’re around each other enough.”
“We don’t have to talk,” she said.
She raised her head, examining his expression. He looked surprised, but amused. “Suit yourself.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be horrible. I just… You don’t have to play like you’re interested in what I have to say suddenly just because…you know.”
He nodded slowly. “I appreciate the honesty. Are you okay, though? Because from what I know of you, this isn’t exactly typical behavior.”
She forced a smile. “What do you care if you get laid?”
To his credit, he didn’t look shocked. “I guess I don’t.”
“As long as this doesn’t…as long as it doesn’t cause any problems with Lane.”
His jaw tensed, almost imperceptibly. But she was so close she could see the slight shift, and he was holding her against his body, so she could feel the tension rise inside of him. “It wouldn’t. It won’t.”
“Good.”
So weird. So strange to have this conversation when they hadn’t even kissed. Suddenly, he moved his hand on her back, the hold becoming more all-encompassing, and she could sense that he was about to remedy the kiss situation.
She let her eyes flutter closed, tilting her face up, showing him that she was ready. She did her best to push back on the intruding images of Gage. She wasn’t going to think about him. Or the kiss they had shared just an hour and a half ago. Wasn’t going to think about the fact that when she thought about kissing, it was him that she wanted. That it was him her body was electrified for even now, readying itself for.
“I had a feeling I would find you here.”
That voice, gravelly, rough and most definitely not belonging to Finn, broke into the moment. Her eyes flew open and she turned, turned to see Gage standing there. And he was, regrettably, not a hallucination.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, still holding on to Finn, who looked more amused than angry.
“I came looking for you. Since you took off from my place like a bat out of hell.”
“You were at his place?” Finn asked.
“It’s not like that,” she said.
“You wanted it to be.
”
She all but snarled at Gage. “What? You hadn’t humiliated me enough? So, you figured you would come down here and finish me off?”
“I figured I would come make sure you weren’t doing anything stupid.”
Finn shrugged. “She hasn’t done anything stupid yet, but I have a feeling she’s about to.”
She wasn’t even sure which of them he meant, all she knew was that it was really annoying to be in between two posturing alpha males. Annoying, because they were acting like she wasn’t even there. And annoying, because part of her actually got some kind of strange satisfaction out of the deal.
“Stop it,” she said, extricating herself from Finn’s hold. If there was one thing she knew for certain, it was that the mood was dead.
There was never a mood. And you know it.
There should have been. Because seriously, any woman should be excited by the attentions of a man like Finn. He was ridiculously good-looking. And yet, she was staring down her enemy, anger and arousal pouring through her blood in equal measure, and she could feel inevitability pounding between them like a drum.
“Why don’t we have a talk, Rebecca?” Gage asked, his tone even, conciliatory even. She wasn’t fooled.
“It may have escaped your notice, but I wasn’t looking for a conversation.”
“You’re coming with me,” he said, his tone hard. “If I have to carry you out of this bar, then I will.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Finn said, taking a step back from her and crossing his arms over his broad chest. “I’m not letting you carry her out of here.”
She really was grateful to Finn, because he had to be aware that sex was completely off the table at this point, and he was still playing the part of protector.
“Rebecca and I have unfinished business,” Gage said.
“It’s finished if she wants it to be,” Finn responded.
Gage turned to her. “You want this jackass fighting on your behalf? Or are you gonna come deal with me yourself? I didn’t think you were a coward.”
She bristled, but still, she took a step back. Because she wasn’t stupid enough to think that if she went with him this was going to end in another fight. She knew exactly where this was headed. She could stay here with Finn, and whatever happened happened. Maybe she would go to bed with him, maybe she would finally lose her virginity. Or maybe they would just dance. But it wouldn’t shake up her life either way. It wouldn’t rattle her down to her very core.
But if she went with Gage, she knew exactly what would happen. She could see it. In the heat in his eyes, and she could feel it in the answering heat in her own body.
Rebecca had always been practical. It was the hazard of growing up with just enough. And sometimes not enough. You made do with what you had, and you learned very quickly what you could do without. You knew what necessity was, and what it wasn’t.
Gage was a necessity. She knew it. Looking at him, she knew. If it wasn’t him, it would never be quite right. It didn’t matter if he was first, but it would be him eventually. And if it wasn’t… She would always feel it. Feel a bit of unfinished business deep inside of her, an itch that would never be scratched.
And it was all tangled up. In her scars, in his part in them. In her anger at him, and in the way that anger had always driven her. Had always driven her to chase people out of her life, to keep men at an arm’s length. It was so many things. Just so many things.
Settling it with Finn really was just a Band-Aid, like she’d been thinking earlier. But, different than she’d been thinking. It would be covering the wound up, not taking any steps to get rid of it.
It occurred to her then that if Gage was going to be here, if he was going to be in her business, well, then he owed her this. He really did. Whether it was pity or not. It shouldn’t matter to her. The only thing that mattered was getting what she wanted. What she needed.
So, he needed to feel like he was giving her something, like he was taking steps toward atoning for his sins, whatever. She needed to put the monster to bed. She needed to start untangling the ways in which this had affected her life.
This seemed like a pretty good start.
“It’s fine, Finn,” she said. “I don’t need you to punch anyone out today.”
She couldn’t tell if the look on his face was brought about by skepticism, or by the fact that she was rejecting him. “Give me a call if you need anything,” he said, backing away from her and Gage.
“He’s not your boyfriend, is he?” Gage asked.
“If he were my boyfriend and that’s all he did to keep me from leaving with another man, I would break up with him. Let’s go.”
She stalked through the bar, doing her best to avoid looking at anyone. By tomorrow, she was going to be the subject of gossip, she just knew it. It was unavoidable. She had burst into the bar wearing an outfit that was advertising her intentions, then danced all up on Finn Donnelly, before leaving with another man.
Oh well. At least she was making a scandal, and the whispers behind their hands wouldn’t just be about how poor and sad she was. About how beautiful she would be if she weren’t damaged. About how tragic it was that her mother had left her. And how very brave she was to persevere in the face of it. Yeah, she would rather be the subject of this kind of gossip. At least it was interesting.
The night air bit into her skin, the cold coastal mist that settled over her face, sinking right in and chilling her down to her bones. But, she wasn’t cold for long.
Gage grabbed hold of her, hauling her into his arms and kissing her, deep and long. She lost herself in it, in him. And she let her mind go blank. Of everything. Let herself forget that any time had passed between the moment he had held her at his house, that first moment his lips had touched hers, and this moment.
She wanted to forget all about Finn. Wanted to forget about what she had almost done. That she had even for one moment entertained the idea of being with another man when Gage was the one who she wanted. It didn’t make sense. None of it did. And maybe it was all anger. Anger getting bound up in this hang-up that she had that was so big it was impossible to ignore. Really, it was impossible to separate them from each other.
Because what she hadn’t done, and what she had done, were largely dictated by the accident. And so, it was tied up in him.
Her body rebelled at that idea, forcing the thoughts out of her mind. And yeah, maybe it was best she didn’t think of it. Maybe it was best that she just pretended that she wanted him. That he was a stranger. And she was just a woman who needed a man very badly. Maybe that was the key. The way to cling to the tiniest sliver of sanity she could find.
If there was any sanity to be found in this.
She shivered, feeling hot all over by the time he released her. “You drunk?” he asked.
“Why?” She answered his question with a question mostly because she couldn’t really remember if she was drunk or not. She felt sluggish, a little bit dizzy. But it had nothing to do with the single sip of beer she’d had, and everything to do with the kiss that she’d shared with Gage just now.
“First of all, if you’re drunk, you’re not driving. Second of all, if you’re drunk, we’re not doing this. Well, depending on how drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” she said.
“Then get in my truck.”
CHAPTER TEN
IF GAGE’S SPOT weren’t already reserved in hell, he might be more concerned for his eternal soul. But the fact of the matter was, he was going to burn already. He might as well burn for this.
“I’m not drunk. I can drive.” Rebecca didn’t seem quite as intense as she often did. At least, not quite as ready to engage him in battle.
“I’m going to drive you. Your truck will be fine here for the night.”
“Except that everybody’s going to know that I left it here. And everybody is going to assume that I went home with someone.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
He watch
ed her face, studied the nuance of her expression. “I guess not.”
He wanted her—that was true. He had wanted her ever since he’d first backed her up against the wall in her shop. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t simple. But she was beautiful, and it had been a good while since he’d been with a woman.
Yeah, it was pretty terrible behavior to get involved with the woman he had already made so many terrible mistakes with. But she wanted it. She wanted him. As little sense as that made, it was clear. Made even more clear by the fact that she had gone straight to Ace’s bar, as he had suspected she might, to go and pick up someone else.
That was all frustrated longing and anger at being turned down. And he recognized it, because he had been considering doing the same thing. But, he had also been pretty sure that he was going to find her there. And he’d been right.
So, it had worked out better than he’d imagined. Worst case scenario, he’d figured he could get some random woman to go to bed with him. But, that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Rebecca.
He let that play over in his mind again, slowly, as he watched her climb up inside his pickup truck. He wanted Rebecca Bear.
There was nothing honorable in that. He couldn’t even pretend. It was easy to tell himself that he was doing something that she wanted, that it was all a part of his attempt to make things right. But what he felt for her in this moment was completely separate from their history.
This was just about him, about her. About her being a woman he wanted with a particular kind of fire. Strange, because he wasn’t usually one for difficult hookups. He didn’t do relationships—he tended to gravitate toward women with empty heads and full bras who just wanted what he did. A little bit of mindless sex, an easy orgasm. That was all he was good for.
