by Lacey Silks
Speechless and reeling with what had just happened, I watched him leave up the steps. The man was walking sin – and I hadn’t even gotten his name.
Chapter 2
Here’s the thing about the man I’m engaged to: he’s an asshole.
Bradley Watson had also been an asshole when I met him, but that hadn’t stopped me from becoming his personal whore. But I deserved it. In fact, I sought him out because I knew the way he’d treat me. I wanted to hear the derogatory words that came out of his mouth. I needed the occasional threat of a slap. I craved the humiliating way in which he talked to me when out in public.
Was I sick? Maybe on some level I was. I definitely thought about it, but I didn’t think so. My decisions were made with a clear mind, and I couldn’t regret them. Why? Because it would take decades for me to pay for my sins.
But that night at the strip club, something changed. I felt a new life inside of me that I hadn’t felt in years. For the first time since I left home, I felt like myself.
I flipped Dr. Julia Blakely’s business card between my fingers.
I cheated.
I had become the one person I despised; the one I was engaged to. Guilt dragged me into a meeting for cheaters, where I poured my heart out about my mistake. It didn’t matter that Brad didn’t deserve my faithfulness because my life came down to decisions that would make me pay. I would forever be punished for my mistakes, and Brad was one of those punishments. Could I really marry him and commit my life to the confinement of his world? Living with an asshole might have seemed like a death sentence to some, but it was what I deserved.
Maybe I should tell him that I cheated.
Would it make him angry? Would he strike me across my face, forcing out tears? It was justifiable, but I couldn’t take the chance that he’d leave me over this — after all, my sentence hadn’t ended yet.
Wishing to hide from the world, I pulled the camouflage blanket over my shoulders. Despite the heat wave outside, chills swept over my body. I hadn’t heard from Brad for seven full days, since the Friday night he’d left me on my own at the strip club. It was an evening I couldn’t forget, though for all the wrong reasons.
That man I’d met, with the gorgeous tattoo covering his arm, was everything I once dreamed of. His deep hazel eyes, with their gorgeous amber tones, were filled with pain, and at one moment in time, I would have loved to be the one who eased his suffering. Had I eased it that evening? Had he been able to forget his troubles for the few minutes we were together, the way I had?
My phone vibrated with a West Virginia area code. I didn’t pick it up, the same way I hadn’t in the past five years. A text came in next — the way it always did.
WE MISS YOU. PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOU’RE OK.
I quickly typed back. I’M OK.
It vibrated with another message. PLEASE COME HOME.
My heart twitched with pain, squeezing tightly in my chest. I typed again. I’M OK.
It was my standard answer since I wasn’t capable of more.
I threw the blanket aside and put on my running shoes. Moments later, the sun was warming my skin and sweat beaded down my back as I pushed forward at full speed. My runs never lasted long, which was ironic because I felt like the past two years that was all I’d been doing — running. Metaphorically, that is.
A shot of pain pierced my heart, forcing me to stop at the outer bank of the small pond in the park. I had pushed myself too far once again. With a heavy breath, I removed my running shoes and socks. The grass tickled my feet. I stepped from one foot to another, savoring the sensation.
For the past five years, I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. But since that night at the strip club, I couldn’t help it. I let sun shine on my face each morning. I enjoyed a warmer shower after a long day at work, and I opened the window to air out my stuffy apartment. Thoughts about what my life could have been kept invading me. The feelings I’d closed off now flourished. I cried at night. I hadn’t done that in months. That sorrow from five years ago was firing up my memories and forcing me to re-evaluate all my decisions. Had I been wrong to abandon my family?
The most shocking thought I had came the morning after I cheated, when I seriously contemplated leaving Brad.
That was new as well. Living without him would be a blessing I didn’t deserve. He was the perfect punishment for my mistakes.
A louder splash drew my attention to the pond where two kids were skipping flat stones across its surface. Obviously one of them wasn’t flat enough.
How had I not noticed the aroma of fresh roses in this park before? And did birds always sound so happy when they chirped? Even the sound of wind ruffling the leaves livened my mood. I circled near the pond’s shore and closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling. Just before I took another step, I heard a boy’s voice yell, “Watch out!”
I froze and opened my eyes. A brown-haired boy was pointing to the ground, but I couldn’t stop staring at his shoulder-length curls and blue eyes.
“Dog poop,” he said.
I stepped back, avoiding the disaster I’d been about to walk into.
“Thank you.”
“You’we welcome.”
I didn’t know much about kids, but he appeared young — four or five, maybe. He was adorable and definitely too young to be alone. I looked around the park, but his parents didn’t seem to be around.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Twevow.”
“Trevor?”
He nodded, his long brown curls bouncing. With the gem-like blue eyes and southern complexion, this little guy would break some hearts when he grew up.
“It’s nice to meet you, Trevor. Are you lost?”
“No. My ball fell in the watew. I can’t weach it.”
“Well, since you saved me from stepping in dog poop, it’s only fair that I help you with your ball.”
He laughed, I assumed at the word poop. I tiptoed into the pond. The water was cold, but the coolness was welcome to my skin. I reached for his ball and then handed it to him. “Where are your parents?”
I sat down on the grass and stretched my legs forward. Trevor joined me at my side, hugging his ball to his chest.
“My dad’s on the phone, but he knows I’m hewe. Do you like dinosaurs?”
“I do. When I was a little bit older than you, my sister and I found two raptor claws out in the desert on a family vacation. But I don’t think I know enough about them.”
“Wow. A weal waptow claw?”
“Yes. If you come to this park often, maybe I’ll bring it by sometime to show you.”
He shook his head with excitement. I wasn’t sure what it was about him that captured my attention, but I could have spent the entire day sitting here, talking to Trevor.
“I can teach you evewything. A T-wex is the most dangewous. A velociwaptow has claws, but you know that aweady. Oh, an abydosauwus has a long neck.”
“You’re a dinosaur expert, Trevor.”
“Awe you an expewt?”
“Well, I used to work in a science lab.”
“You’we a scientist.” His eyes grew wide.
“I used to be, I guess.”
More like a mechanical engineer, but I guessed my previous profession was all about science.
“Why awen’t you now?”
“Tell me more about the dinosaurs, Trevor.”
“A stegosauwus has a lot of spikes. A…”
“Trevor, there you are.” The familiar voice jolted my brain, and I wondered why it seemed familiar. As soon as I turned around, my jaw dropped. He stopped mid-step, the surprise on his face reflecting mine. If I thought he looked handsome that evening, under dark lights, then I had underestimated my judgment. Or maybe it was the sun that glowed around him, making him seem like a god-like creature who’d stepped down from the heavens. Underneath the t-shirt and shorts, this man was built like a triathlete, his muscles well worked and body taut, kissed all over by the summer sun. My throat dried up with jealousy,
secretly wishing it were my kisses that made his skin glow. During the split second, which felt much longer, I drank him in from the bottom up till my gaze rested on his face. He had a fine bone structure, perfect and symmetrical, sharp around the jaw line. His dark eyes were even brighter in daylight, framed by long lashes, though today he had shaved off that sexy stubble. Truthfully, it didn’t take away any fraction of how handsome he was. And that bun twirled at the top of his head made him look absolutely stunning. Under the dark lights at the strip club, I hadn’t realized his hair was that long.
“Daddy, my ball fell in the watew.”
He had a son?
“Trish?”
“You?” I stood up, brushing off the stray pieces of grass that stuck to my thighs.
“Are you all right?”
“Ahm, yes. I’m fine,” I lied. My knees softened, and I prayed that he couldn’t see the shaking party going on inside me.
“Small world, isn’t it?” he said.
“I guess.”
Wait, what if he’s married?
“Thank you for getting Trevor’s ball.”
“Oh, well, he saved me from an accident, so I owed him.”
“Are you being a hero again, Trevor?”
“I’m a hewo just like you, Daddy.”
My heart melted. I wasn’t allowed to entertain such emotions, let alone experience them, but this boy had touched my heart the moment I saw him. I felt as drawn to him as I had to this man… whose name I didn’t even know.
Please be single.
I shook my head at the quick wish. It didn’t matter if he were single. I wasn’t allowed to be happy, and the moment of weakness last week had already caused too much confusion.
“So, do I get to know the hero’s name?” I asked.
“Axel. My name is Axel Wagner.”
“She’s a scientist, daddy.”
Axel’s brows rose the same way his son’s had earlier.
Too cute.
“A scientist?”
“Used to be,” I corrected.
He cocked his head to the side. It was his turn to scan me from the bottom up, and I felt the heat rise in my body from my bare toes all the way up to my face as he dragged his gaze.
“You changed your hair.” He reached forward and touched a brown strand. I had dyed it back to as close to my natural color as I could the day after the strip club. I also lost the fake black glasses. Standing now with Axel, I wanted to be more like myself than I had in years.
“Listen, about the other night… I don’t usually—”
“—Neither do I. Trevor, grab your knapsack.” He pointed to the tree where a blanket had been laid out. Were they having a picnic? I watched Trevor run to the blanket and begin packing up his rubber dinosaurs.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.”
“You didn’t. Listen, I haven’t done this in a long time.” He stepped from one foot to another. “To be honest, it’s been over six years since I’ve asked anyone this, but would you like to have coffee with me?” His gaze drifted to his son before coming back to me.
Was he asking me out? I didn’t know anything about him. Heck, he could have been married.
“I… I shouldn’t.”
“Your fiancé?”
“Yes. As much as I’d love to, I shouldn’t.”
“You’re giving me mixed signals here, Trish.”
“I cheated on my fiancé. Why would you want to have coffee with someone like me?” I shrugged.
“Because something tells me that there’s more to your story.”
He was right. There was. But it was a story that would remain locked inside me forever.
“It’s just coffee.”
I sighed. Everything told me that if I joined him for a coffee, it wouldn’t be the last time. And the more frightening part of it was that I knew I wouldn’t want it to be the last.
“All right, I’ll have coffee with you.”
“Great! Trevor,” he called out, “it’s lunch time.”
“Oh… you meant right now?”
He looked at his watch. “Do you have other plans?”
I never had any plans. I stayed locked up, at Brad’s disposal — a fiancé who seemed to have vanished since our night out at the strip club.
“No, I don’t.”
“Great. Let’s go, then.”
Minutes later we were sitting in a window booth at a nearby café. I ordered a latte and a muffin, while Trevor had a milkshake with a cheese croissant. The kid didn’t seem to care much about the sweet and salty combination. He removed a few dinosaurs from his backpack and played with them on the windowsill.
Axel had a black coffee with a cinnamon twist donut. We hadn’t exchanged a word since we’d arrived, and while to a passerby it might have seemed weird, I found an odd comfort in the silence.
He finally lifted his gaze, saying, “I don’t usually invite women out. Actually, I haven’t invited one in years.” Axel looked to his son, for the second time today giving me the impression that he hadn’t had a serious relationship since he’d separated from Trevor’s mother.
“Well, I don’t usually go out. At all. That weekend was an exception.”
He frowned. “Why don’t you go out? You’re young and engaged. These are your prime years, you should be living it up and enjoying every moment.”
“Axel, that evening was a mistake,” I repeated. Something told me that I could have asked him a similar question.
He sighed, thinking over my words before he looked up from his coffee and said, “Well, then it was one of my best mistakes in a while.”
I felt my cheeks heat and our gazes connected.
“Do you love him?”
“Who?”
His brows rose as if I should have read his mind. Was it normal to forget that you were engaged?
“Oh, my fiancé. Ahm, yes.”
“You’re a bad liar, Trish. It’s a good thing that you’re not a detective because you’d make a crappy one. What do you do?”
“I’m a waitress.”
“An ex-scientist who’s now a waitress. Interesting.”
He tore off another piece of his cinnamon twist donut and put it in his mouth. My mind drifted to the sugar that was melting on his tongue before I finally said, “More freedom.”
“More lies.”
“Axel—”
“—I’m not someone who makes easy conversation, I know. But I can read people. And I can read you, Trish. You seem… lost.”
Boy, did he ever have that right.
“I’m also not someone who talks to beautiful women often.”
“That’s impossible.” I laughed.
“It is when you have a son to care for.”
“His mother’s not present?” I asked in a hopeful voice.
“No. She died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
I swirled the spoon in my coffee. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to pry. I was also afraid to get too close to a man who made my heart go crazy. I’d already overstepped the invisible boundary. But he made me curious and excited at the same time. He made me want to feel again. He made me want to forget my past.
“You should do that more often.”
“Do what?”
“Laugh. You have a beautiful smile.”
“Oh, thank you.” I paused, giving in to the comfortable awkwardness between us. “What was that place at the club?”
He looked over at his son and smiled. That glow on his face alone was worth a thousand stabs in my heart. Everything about Axel made my pulse race and my chest swell.
“I don’t think this is the right time to discuss it.”
“Right. I… I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Axel reached across the table and gently placed his hand over mine. The comforting touch revived my memory of that night, when he’d taken me against that wall. It was warm, sensual, and communicate
d so much more than any words he could have spoken. Brad had never touched me that way. Not that I expected him to. It was the whole reason why I was with him — because I wasn’t supposed to feel so comfortable. Actually, I wasn’t supposed to feel at all.
“Trish, it’s okay.”
I looked up. “I get nervous easily.”
“Well, then we’ll have to do something about that.”
“What do you mean, we?” I asked.
“Have dinner with me.”
First coffee, now dinner? I’d been secretly denying my heart a few extra beats, thinking this would be the last time I saw him, but he was asking me out… again.
“You don’t care that I’m engaged?”
“You’re engaged to a man you don’t love. In fact, I doubt you even like him.”
“Does that make any difference?”
“It does if you’re serious about something like marriage. Why are you with him?”
This was getting too personal too quickly. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to answer his questions for myself, never mind for anyone else.
“Why do you want to have dinner with me?”
“I wouldn’t have done what I did at the club if I didn’t feel a connection with you.” He looked over at Trevor, who was finishing his croissant and busy with his dinosaurs. “I wouldn’t have invited you out for a coffee, and I wouldn’t be asking you out to dinner if you didn’t intrigue me. In fact, I haven’t dated since Trevor was born.”
That was difficult to believe.
“It’s just dinner, Trish. Unless you want more.”
My thighs clenched. Yes, I wanted more. But sometimes what you wanted wasn’t what you deserved. That night still felt like a dream — an out-of-this-universe experience — and I couldn’t imagine it being repeated.
“Okay. Dinner. I can do a friendly dinner.”
He flipped through his screen, frowning. “I wish it wasn’t so far away, but I’m booked solid with work until… how’s next Friday?”
It did sound too far away, but I nodded.
He shook his head. “You’re a lot of work, Trish. But you’re worth it.”
“You don’t know me,” I whispered.
Axel gave me a mysterious smile, the same one that had drawn me to him that night, and that was the moment I realized that Brad would inevitably become history. I finished my coffee, gave Axel my phone number, and after a big hug from Trevor, I watched them leave. Still feeling the warmth of Axel’s touch, I brought my fingers to my lips, wondering whether I would ever feel his mouth on mine again.
