It’s typical Senate. The only reason Trish’s boss is playing the jerk is because the President has been pushing for a settlement in a racial discrimination lawsuit against the Library of Congress. Trish’s boss, Senator Apelbaum, is one of the few people involved in the negotiation. This close to the elections, he’d rather stall, keep the lawsuit quiet, and keep it out of the press. This is the Senator’s way of pushing back. And from the smug look on Trish’s face, she’s loving every minute of it.
“Why don’t we just split the difference?” Ezra says, knowing our usual mode of compromise. “Give it three and a half million, and ask the President to bring his library card next time.”
“Listen closely…” Trish warns, leaning into the table. “He’s not getting a single muddy peso.”
107, it says on my pager.
I have to smile as it inches closer. Whoever the organizers are—or, as we call them, the dungeon-masters—these guys know what they’re doing. The bets can go from twice a week to once every few months, but when they identify an issue, they always set the game at the perfect level of difficulty. Two months ago, when the new Attorney General came to testify for the Senate Armed Services Committee, the bet was to get one of the Senators to ask the question, “How much of your success do you attribute to the support of your family?” A simple query for any witness, but when you add in the fact that a few days earlier, the Attorney General insisted that public figures should be able to keep their family lives private—well… now we had a horse race. Waiting for the words to be uttered, we watched that achingly boring Senate hearing as if it were the final round of Rocky. Today, I’m glued to a vote that was decided by a majority almost ten minutes ago. Even the baseball lobbyists have turned off their TVs. But I can’t take my eyes off it. It’s not the seventy-five dollars I’ve got riding on the outcome. It’s the challenge. When Harris and I put our money down, we figured they’d never get near 110 votes. Whoever’s on the other side obviously thinks they can. Right now they’re at 107. No doubt, impressive… but it’s the last three that are going to be like shoving a mountain.
108 blinks onto my pager.
A buzzer rings through the air. One more minute left on the official clock.
“So what’s the count at?” Trish asks, swiveling at the sound, back toward the TV.
“Can we please not change the subject?” Ezra begs.
Trish doesn’t care. She’s still scanning the screen.
“Hundred and eight,” I tell her as the C-SPAN number clicks into place.
“I’m impressed,” she admits. “I didn’t think they’d get this far.”
The grin on my face spreads even wider. Could Trish be playing? Six months ago, Harris invited me in—and one day, I’ll invite someone else. All you know are the two people you’re directly connected to: one above, one below. In truth, it’s purely for safety purposes—in case word gets out, you can’t finger someone if you don’t know who they are. Of course, it also brings new meaning to the term anybody’s game.
I look around the room. All three of my colleagues take subtle glances at C-SPAN. Georgia’s too quiet to be a player. Ezra and Trish are a whole different story.
On TV, Congressman Virgil Witt from Louisiana strolls across the screen. Ezra’s boss. “There’s your guy,” Trish says.
“You’re really serious about this Library thing?” Ezra shoots back. He doesn’t care about seeing his boss on television. Around here, it happens every day.
109, my pager says.
On TV, Ezra’s boss once again rushes across the screen.
Under the desk, I type in one last question: How’d Witt vote?
My eyes are on Ezra as the pager rumbles in my hand. Here comes Harris’s answer.
Nay.
Before I can respond, the pager vibrates one last time: 110.
Game over.
I laugh out loud. Seventy-five bucks in the toilet.
“What?” Georgia asks.
“Nothing,” I say, slapping my pager against the top of the conference table. “Just a stupid E-mail.”
“Actually, that reminds me…” Trish begins, pulling out her own pager and checking a quick message.
“Is anyone here not completely distracted?” Ezra asks. “Enough with the friggin’ Blackberries; we’ve got a serious issue—if the White House gets zilched, you know they’ll threaten a veto.”
“No, they won’t,” Trish insists, clicking away on her pager without looking up. “Not this close to the election. They veto now and it’ll look like they’re holding up funding for the entire government just so they can get their driveway repaved.”
Knowing she’s right, Ezra falls unusually silent. I stare him down, searching for the tell. Nothing’s there. If he is playing the game, the guy’s a grandmaster.
“You okay?” he asks, catching my glance.
“Absolutely,” I tell him. “Perfect.” And for the past six months, it’s been exactly that. Blood’s pumping, adrenaline’s raging, and I’ve got an in on the best secret in town. After eight years in the grind, I almost forgot what it felt like. Even losing doesn’t matter. The thrill is in the play.
Like I said, the dungeon-masters know what they’re doing. And lucky for me, they’re about to do it again. Any minute now. I check the clock on the wall. Two o’clock. Exactly at two. That’s what Harris said when I first asked him how we know when the next bet is.
“Don’t worry,” he had said calmly. “They’ll send a signal.”
“A signal? What kinda signal?”
“You’ll see—a signal. That way, when instructions go out, you know to be in your office.”
“But what if I don’t see it? What if I’m on the Floor… or somewhere else in the Capitol? What if the signal goes out and I’m not here when they send it?”
“Trust me, this is one signal you won’t miss,” Harris insisted. “No matter where you are…”
Glancing back over Trish’s shoulder, I eye the TV. Now that the vote’s over, the camera goes back to the Speaker’s rostrum—the multilevel platform the President uses to deliver his State of the Union address. Right now, though, I’m more focused on the small mahogany oval table that’s just in front of it. Every day, the House stenographers sit there, clicking away. Every day, they keep track of everything uttered on the House Floor. And every day, like clockwork, the only objects on that desk are two empty water glasses and the two white coasters they rest on. For two hundred years—according to the rumor—Congress puts out two glasses, one for each side. Every single day. Today, however, is different. Today, if you count the glasses, there’s just one. You can’t miss it. One glass and one coaster.
There’s our code. That’s the signal. One empty water glass, broadcast all day long for the entire world to see.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and all four of us turn at the sound. A young kid wearing gray slacks, a cheap navy blazer, and a blue-and-red-striped tie enters the room. He can’t be more than sixteen, and if the uniform doesn’t give him away, the rectangular nametag on his lapel does. Set off against a black background, the stark white letters read:
House of Representatives Page Nathan Lagahit
He’s one of a few dozen—a high school page who delivers mail and fetches water. The only person on the totem pole lower than an intern.
“I-I’m sorry…” he begins, realizing he’s interrupting. “I’m looking for Matthew Mercer…”
“That’s me,” I say with a wave.
Rushing over, he barely makes eye contact as he hands me the sealed envelope. “Thanks,” I tell him, but he’s already out of the room.
Regular mail can be opened by a secretary. So can interoffice. FedEx requires a return address. And a messenger service would add up to a small fortune if you used it on a regular basis. But the House and Senate pages barely leave a footprint. They’re here every single day, and while all they do is run errands back and forth, they’re the easiest thing to miss. Ghosts in blue blazers. No one
sees them come; no one sees them go. And best of all, since the pages get their instructions verbally, there’s no physical record of where a particular package goes.
An empty water glass tells me to be at my desk. A sealed envelope carried by a page tells me what I’m doing next. Welcome to game day.
“Trish, can’t you just meet us in the middle?” Ezra begs as Trish shakes her head.
Refusing to get into it, I angle my chair away from the group and examine the envelope. As always, it’s blank. Not even my name or room number. And if I’d asked the page where he got it from, he’d say someone in the cloakroom asked him to do a favor. After six months, I’m done trying to figure out how the inner workings of the game happen.
Wedging my thumb under the flap of the envelope, I give it a sharp jab and tear it open. Inside, as usual, the notice is the same: a single sheet of paper with the royal blue letterhead of the CAG, the Coalition Against Gambling. The letterhead’s an obvious joke, but it’s the first reminder that this is purely for fun. Underneath, the letter begins, Here are some upcoming issues we’d like to focus on… Just below that is a numbered list of fifteen items that range from:
(3) Convince both Kentucky Senators to vote against Hesselbach’s dairy compact bill to:
(12) Within the next seven days, replace Congressman Edward Berganza’s suit jacket with a tuxedo jacket.
As usual, I go straight to the last item on the list. All the rest are bullshit—a way to throw people off in case a stranger gets his hands on it—but the last one on there… that’s the one that actually counts.
As I read the words, my mouth tips open. I don’t believe it.
“Everything alright?” Trish asks.
When I don’t answer, all three of them turn my way. “Matthew, you still breathing over there?” she repeats.
“Y-Yeah… no… of course,” I say with a laugh. “Just another note from Cordell.”
My three colleagues instantly leap back to their verbal fistfight. I look down at the letter. And for the third time, I reread the words and try to contain my grin.
(15) Insert Congressman Richard Grayson’s land sale project into the Interior House Appropriations bill.
An earmark. A single Interior earmark. I can actually feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. This isn’t just any issue. It’s my issue.
For once in my life, I can’t lose.
3
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?” I ask as I rush into Harris’s office on the fourth floor of the Russell Senate Office Building. With its arched windows and tall ceilings, it’s nicer than the best office on the House side. The two branches of government are supposed to be equal. Welcome to the Senate.
“You tell me,” Harris says, looking up from some paperwork. “Think you can really put the land sale into the bill?”
“Harris, it’s what I do every day. We’re talking a tiny ask for a project no one would ever possibly look at. Even Congressman Grayson, who made the original request, couldn’t care less about it.”
“Unless he’s playing the game.”
I roll my eyes. “Will you please stop with that?” Since the day he invited me in, it’s been Harris’s most recurring wet dream: that it’s not just staff playing the game—it’s the Members playing as well.
“It’s possible,” he insists.
“Actually, it’s not. If you’re a Member of Congress, you’re not risking your credibility and entire political career for a few hundred bucks and a chess match.”
“Are you joking? These guys get blow jobs in the bathroom of the Capitol Grille. I mean, when they go out for drinks, they have lobbyists trolling the bar and picking out girls so they can leave the place unescorted. You think a few of them wouldn’t get in on the action? Think for a second, Matthew. Even Pete Rose bet on baseball.”
“I don’t care. Grayson’s project isn’t a four-star priority that reaches the Member level—it’s grunt work. And since it’s in my jurisdiction, it’s not getting in there unless I see it. I promise you, Harris—I already checked it out. We’re talking a teeny piece of land in the middle of South Dakota. Land rights belong to Uncle Sam; mineral rights below used to be owned by some long-defunct mining company.”
“It’s a coal mine?”
“This ain’t Pennsylvania, bro. Out in South Dakota, they dig for gold—or at least they used to. The company had been digging the Homestead mine since 1876—true gold rush days. Over time, they applied for a patent to buy the land, but when they sucked out every last drop, the company went bankrupt and the land stayed with the government, which is still dealing with the environmental problems of shutting one of these suckers down. Anyway, a few years back, a company called Wendell Mining decides it can find more gold using newer technologies, so they buy the old company’s claims out of bankruptcy, contact the Bureau of Land Management, and arrange to buy the land.”
“Since when do we sell government land to private companies?”
“How do you think we settled the West, Kimosabe? Most of the time, we even gave it away for free. The problem here is, even though BLM has approved the sale, the Interior Department has them so buried in red tape, it’ll take years to finalize unless they get a friendly congressional push.”
“So Wendell Mining donated some money to local Congressman Grayson and asked him for a bump to the front of the line,” Harris says.
“That’s how it works.”
“And we’re sure about the land? I mean, we’re not selling some nature preserve to some big company who wants to put a mall and a petting zoo on it, are we?”
“Suddenly you’re back to being an idealist?”
“I never left, Matthew.”
He believes what he’s saying. He’s always believed it. Growing up outside Gibsonia, Pennsylvania, Harris wasn’t just the first in his family to go to college—he was the first in his whole town. As silly as it sounds, he came to Washington to change the world. The problem is, a decade later, the world changed him. As a result, he’s the worst kind of cynic—the kind who doesn’t know he’s a cynic.
“If it makes you feel better, I vetted it last year and revetted it months ago,” I tell him. “The gold mine’s abandoned. This town’s dying for Wendell Mining to take over. The town gets jobs, the company gets gold, and most important, once Wendell steps in, the company’s responsible for the hardest part, which is the environmental cleanup. Win, win, win, all around.”
Harris falls silent, picking up the tennis racket that he usually keeps leaning on the side of his desk. I’ve seen the town where Harris grew up. He’d never call himself poor. But I would. Needless to say, they don’t play tennis in Gibsonia. That’s a rich man’s game—but the day Harris got to D.C., he made it his own. To no one’s surprise, he was a complete natural. It’s the same reason he was able to run the Marine Corps Marathon even though he barely trained. Mind over matter. He’s almost there right now.
“So it all checks out?” he asks.
“Every last detail,” I say as my voice picks up speed. “No lie.”
For the first time since I entered his office, I see the quiet, charismatic grin in Harris’s eyes. He knows we’ve got a winner here. A huge winner if we play it smart.
“Okay…” Harris says, bouncing the tennis racket against the palm of his hand. “How much you got in your bank account?”
4
AT EXACTLY 9:35 the following morning, I’m sitting alone at my desk, wondering why my delivery’s late. On C-SPAN, a rabbi from Aventura, Florida, says a short prayer as everyone on the Speaker’s rostrum bows his head. When he’s done, the gavel bangs and the camera pulls out. On the stenographers’ table, the two water glasses are back. Anyone on the Floor could’ve moved them. They’re out there all day long. On my phone, I’ve got seven messages from lobbyists, fourteen from staff, and two from Members—all dying to know if we’ve funded their project. Everything’s back to normal—or as normal as a day like this gets.
I pick up the phone and dial the five-d
igit extension for our receptionist out front. “Roxanne, if there’re any packages that come in—”
“I heard you the first thirty-four times,” she moans. “I’ll send ’em right back. What’re you waiting for anyway, pregnancy results?”
I don’t bother to answer. “Just make sure—”
“Thirty-five! That’s officially thirty-five times,” she interrupts. “Don’t worry, sweetie—I won’t let you down.”
Ten minutes later, she’s good to her word. The door from reception opens, and a young female page sticks her head in. “I’m looking for—”
“That’s me,” I blurt.
Stepping into the room with her blue blazer and gray slacks, she hands me the sealed manila envelope—and checks out the office.
“That’s not real, is it?” she asks, pointing to the stuffed ferret on a nearby bookcase.
“Thank the NRA lobbyists,” I tell her. “Isn’t it far more practical than sending flowers like everyone else?”
With a laugh, she heads for the door. I look down at the envelope. Yesterday was spent dealing the cards. Today it’s time to ante up.
Ripping open the flap, I turn the envelope upside down and shake. Two dozen squares of paper rain down on my desk. Taxi Receipt, it reads in thick black letters across the top of each one. I shuffle the pile into a neat stack and make sure every one of them is blank. So far, so good.
Grabbing a pen, I eye the section marked Cab Number and quickly scribble the number 727 into the blank. Cab 727. That’s my ID. After that, I put a single check mark in the top right-hand corner of the receipt. There’s the ante: twenty-five dollars if you want to play. I don’t just want to play, though. I want to win, which is why I start with a serious bet. In the blank marked Fare, I write $10.00. To the untrained eye, it’s not much. But to those of us playing, well… that’s why we add a zero. One dollar is ten dollars; five dollars is actually fifty. That’s why they call it the Zero Game. In this case, ten bucks is a solid Benjamin Franklin—the opening bid in the auction.
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