“Because you love him.” She rests her chin in her hand. “You always did. And I really thought you’d end up together. But Shaye, he can never be what you want. That’s why you went to Miami. You knew it then, and I think you got another dose of the universe telling you it told you so the other night, although you won’t accept that as a final answer.”
“I hate him,” I whisper.
“You don’t hate him, but you need to move on. Lamenting about the past, about the guy he used to be, it isn’t going to bring that person back. He’s created a new life for himself, and it doesn’t include a plus one forever.” She smirks. “Seems like it only has room for a plus one for tonight, you know?”
“I keep hoping things will change and that he’ll—”
“Realize what he’s been missing?” Sloane shakes her head. “Wouldn’t that be nice? Shaye, you need a diversion. I refuse to watch you moon over him for the next three weeks. You stayed at school until Christmas Eve because you didn’t want to run into him, for Christ’s sake! I won’t let you be miserable for the rest of the break. I know plenty of guys who would be more than happy to distract you.” She picks up her iPhone. “Say the word, and I’ll make a call. You need a date for New Year’s Eve anyway.”
I roll my eyes and toss a balled-up napkin at her. “I’m not going to whore myself around now that my cherry’s been popped.”
Sloane’s mouth drops open. “Your what? You slept with him?” she screeches.
I bite down on my lower lip and look around. Thankfully, the café was empty, save for a couple of people in a far corner. “Shh! You’re so loud!”
“Holy crap, Shaye! You give it up to Nico Salesi, and you’re only telling me now? How the hell did it happen? Was he good? Did you cry? Did you get—?”
“Oh my God, stop! It was amazing — all of it. I mean, yeah, it hurt like hell at first, but…” A giggle escapes my lips and despite the rejection looming like a black cloud, I allow myself to get immersed in the delicious sensations he made a reality for me. His strong, muscled torso sliding against me, the thrusting that drove me into the stratosphere multiple times over, the pain that was so harsh and satisfying at the same time, wanting to laugh, scream, and cry all at once…was it worth it? Hell, yes. “It was perfect.” Until he opened his damn mouth and destroyed me. But before that, for those precious fleeting moments, he was mine, and I was his. That spark between us, the one that had always lain dormant, it ignited into a raging inferno when our bodies and souls connected. We were one — connected in every way. His desire coursed through me, his lust permeating my entire being. It was an experience I won’t ever forget…a memory my heart will always cherish, despite the crushing aftermath. That’s why I can’t let go. He detached himself to protect me, but a safe life without him isn’t one I want to live. I welcome the danger, the risk, the uncertainty…I’d happily accept it all if he’s part of the package.
Can you say sicko?
Sloane lets out a slow whistle. “No wonder you’re walking around looking like you’ve just been fucked six ways from Sunday and put out with the trash. It actually happened.”
“You’re such a bitch.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You know Max would skewer Nico if he found out.”
I cock an eyebrow. “Which is exactly why nobody except you knows. You can’t breathe a word of it to anyone in one of your drunken stupors, okay?”
“I resent that.” Sloane takes another gulp of her drink. “I handle myself with complete decorum while enjoying a few cocktails with friends.”
“Sure, motor-mouth. Believe what you want, but if you say anything, you know what will happen. Do you really want a bludgeoning on your conscience?”
“You’re exaggerating. Max just wants to make sure his baby sister is protected from the scourge of the earth. He’d never really hurt Nico.”
“I love Max with all my heart, but even I know what he’s capable of doing.”
“I think there’s more to him than meets the eye.” Sloane picks up a pen and doodles across her notebook pages. “I suspect there’s a lot below the surface that nobody knows is there.”
“Really.” I lean forward, grateful for the distraction from my own misery. “And when did you come to this conclusion?”
A light pink blush colors Sloane’s cheeks, and she averts her eyes. “Call it intuition. But it doesn’t matter.”
“Care to explain?”
She shrugs. “Not really.”
“Did something happen between you guys?”
“Look, I didn’t want you to find out this way—”
“Find out what?” My eyes are about to pop out of my skull, they’re open so wide.
“Look, we went out a couple of times before Thanksgiving. And then he pulled away. Just stopped calling.”
“You let it go without asking him about it?”
She snorts. “Please. What do I look like? I’m not scrounging for dates. If he’s not interested, there are plenty of other guys who are.”
I can’t help the smile from lifting my lips. “You are so smitten with my brother.”
“Am not.”
“You are!”
“Aren’t either.”
“Wow, what a pair we are, huh?”
Sloane smirks and holds up her cup. “Here’s to the lovelorn and the jerkoffs who’ve scorned them. May their dicks shrivel up and fall off.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Sad to say that even if Nico was dickless, I’d still want him with every fiber of my being.
Lovelorn and hopeless. What a fantastic combination.
Nico
“Do you want some ice cream with your hot fudge?”
My sister Lily giggles, dribbling chocolate ice cream down her chin. It’s a nice complement to the hot fudge goatee she’s rocking right now. She’s normally such a happy kid, but ever since Grandpa died, she’s been a little lost.
Just like me. Just like everyone.
So, I promised her a trip to the mall. Ice cream and toys can work wonders on a little kid. And the proof is in the fudge smeared all over her face.
“Can I have some of yours?” Her big brown eyes widen, and she clasps her hands together. “Pleeeease?”
I snicker and push my half-eaten bowl of vanilla with strawberry syrup toward her. I have this thing about berries and sugar. Maybe it’s because I act like a complete asshole a lot of the time and need the sugar to battle that alter ego. You know, to keep me human. That’s why I practically live on Jolly Ranchers. I can’t get enough of the fruity flavors. They battle the dark and make it bright, if only for a little while.
Maybe it’s my mind’s way of telling me that I’m in the wrong line of work. Maybe I should have become a dentist instead.
I glance at my watch and sit back in the hard, plastic chair. It’s pretty damn obvious that the food court doesn’t want people taking up residence here. Twenty minutes in one of these chairs and my back will be out of whack for the next hour. I shift myself as Lily slurps the melted ice cream from her own bowl before digging back into mine.
“Nio, loo oh eeh!” Lily’s mouth is full of ice cream, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to speak.
I furrow my brow. “Um, wanna try that again?”
She points to something behind me. “Loo! Yay!”
I twist in my chair, still unable to decipher my baby sister’s ice cream language. A sharp pain zips down my back mid-twist, and I silence a groan. Fucking chairs. Within half a second of seeing what Lily saw, the pain is forgotten. It is quickly replaced by embarrassment, regret, and disgust.
Hot pink strands of hair peek out from under a gray wool beanie, cheeks rosy from the cold, and full glossed lips are curled upward for the benefit of the sticky little person sitting next to me. Yes, there is absolutely no confusion about who is lucky enough to capture Shaye’s attention. In fact, her eyes never once stray from Lily. She approaches the table with a bright smile plastered onto her mouth and drops to her knees next to
Lily without so much as a flip of her hair in my vicinity.
“Hey, Lilibelle.” Shaye gently tugs on one of Lily’s pigtails and flashes her a dimpled smile that I wish to God was directed at me, not that I deserve it.
“Hi, Shaye!” Lily throws her arms around Shaye’s neck.
“Lil, you’re covered in chocolate, and I don’t think Shaye—”
There it is. She turned so fast in my direction and glared at me. The look that can freeze water in a hot tub. One second, and I already feel the blood chilling in my veins.
“You don’t know anything about what I want.” She plasters a sweet smile on her face for Lily’s benefit because I sure as hell know she’s hiding a look that would give my baby sister nightmares if it surfaced.
“Yeah, boys don’t know anything,” Lily chimes in, snuggled up to her partner in crime. Great, now I’m getting it at both ends.
Shaye slings an arm around Lily’s shoulders and focuses on her once again. “I heard your dad got you a puppy. What’s his name?”
Lily claps her hands and lets out a little whoop. “His name is Snickers! He sleeps with me at night. He’s so warm and cuddly. Will you come over to meet him soon?”
Shaye twirls Lily’s hair around her little finger. “I sure will. I’d love to meet him. Snickers, huh?” Her eyes flicker over to mine. “Does he love peanut butter as much as your brother does?”
Despite the tension, I can’t help but allow the smirk to lift my lips. The dog loves peanut butter more than anything else they’ve fed him, and it’s one of the reasons why I have steered clear of my parents’ house as much as possible since Snickers showed up on the scene. The last time peanut butter so much as hit my lips, my face blew up like a Thanksgiving Day parade balloon. And since the dog has an exclusively peanut diet, I don’t need him slobbering all over me and risking facial edema.
“Yes! He eats it all the time!” Lily giggles and scoops up another spoonful of ice cream. “Want some?”
Shaye rubs her belly and groans. “I would, but I just ate lunch.” She peeks at her watch. “I promise to come and visit soon, okay?”
Lily nods and shoves the heaping spoonful into her mouth. “Mm-hm.”
Shaye rises and tickles the underside of Lily’s chin. “See you later, pumpkin.”
“Wait!” I jump out of my chair, and Shaye stops, her back to me. “Why don’t you sit for a minute?”
She turns slowly, giving me time to peel my eyes off of her ass. It should be illegal to wear jeans like that. Seeing her tight ass swing from side to side is enough to plunge me over the brink of sanity. A smile lifts her lips, and her tone matches the sugary sweet concoction in Lily’s bowl. “I think you made it pretty clear the other night that your table is full, so thanks, but no thanks.”
“Yeah, but…” My eyes drop to my sister, who is now feeding ice cream to her stuffed bunny rabbit, Mr. Pickles. “I think a seat might have just opened up.”
“I’m not interested, thank you.” She hoists her bag over her shoulder and twists in the direction of the escalator to leave, but not before bending down and whispering sweet nothings to me. “If you had the only available seat in the world and not taking it meant I’d suffer a lifetime of pain while standing in the most uncomfortable heels imaginable, my answer would still be the same.”
“There are three other chairs, Shaye.” Lily wipes her mouth with her hand and points to the plastic chairs surrounding us. “You can sit in any of them.”
Shaye’s smile looks dangerously close to cracking, and the only reason she hasn’t unleashed a string of expletives is because Lily is here.
“Hey, Lil.” I reach into my pocket for some tokens I’d gotten earlier. “Why don’t you play one of the games in the arcade over there for a few minutes?” The arcade is only a few feet away from the mall food court, so she’ll be close enough and that’ll allow me and Shaye to talk.
Lily leaps to her feet, her hand outstretched. “Thanks, Nico! I’m going to win a chickie. Mr. Pickles needs a new friend!”
She darts over to the video games, leaving us alone. It’s exactly what I wanted, it’s mostly what I feared. Being alone with Shaye, free to talk this out. But there are things that need to be said, and I’ve waited too damn long to say them.
“Shaye,” I murmur. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea.”
A deep pink stains her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. You’re an asshole, and letting myself get caught up in that whole…” She clenches her fists and sharply inhales. “It was my poor judgement. I should have known to stay away. But I never learn. I never fucking learn.” She twists away from me for the third time, and I reach for her. My fingers grip her wrist, and I hold on with everything I have.
“Please don’t go.”
Still, she keeps her back toward me. “You never called. You never emailed. You didn’t acknowledge me at all after that night. I left feeling like I’d lost my best friend. I had no idea why. And you just went on with your life, fucking every girl in your path.” She inches closer, a murderous glare in her blue eyes. “Yeah, I know all about it. And every time someone mentioned your latest conquest, it felt like a butcher was slicing away at my insides.” She looks down at her wrist but doesn’t make an attempt to escape my grasp. “It’s so ironic that you’re holding on to me so tight now. Why? You had me before, and all you ever did was push me away. And I was stupid enough to think that you could really care about me, that it wasn’t all bullshit. But it was. I gave you everything, and you just took it without a second thought. Like you were entitled to it, like you deserved it. But you don’t. You never did. And rest assured, you’ll never get it again.”
It was stupid to allow myself to fall for her. I knew it could never work. You don’t mess around with your best friend’s sister. It’s part of the guy code. But I fell anyway. Hard. And I deserve everything that comes with it. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“Shame on me for giving you that power,” she spats, flicking her wrist out of my grip. “I think we’re done here.”
“Please, Shaye. I need to make this right. Don’t go. Just…don’t…leave…” My eyes drift behind her, through the throngs of little kids jumping on the trampoline, racing in all directions, zigzagging through the play gym, winding around the carousel.
But none of them was Lily.
My chest tightens, and I clutch the side of the table, my fingertips losing all circulation. Fuck, where is she? I run toward the kiddie area, my heart bobbing in my throat. “Lily!” I shout.
“Lil!” Shaye is beside me, her eyes darting in all directions. She laces her fingers with mine and drags me into the center of kiddie chaos. “Come on, let’s go!”
We cover the entire perimeter, but she’s nowhere to be found. I took my eyes off of her for a minute, and now she’s gone. I rake a hand through my hair.” “Shit,” I mutter. “I can’t believe I let her go in there by herself. Shaye, if something happens to her—”
“Stop,” she says. “I’m going to find security. You stay here and keep looking, okay?” She squeezes my shoulder. “We’re going to find her, Nico. Just stay calm.” She runs over to the security booth and I head back inside the arcade, asking every kid I can corner if they’ve seen Lily. I don’t get very far with that brilliant plan, since all of the moms are pulling their kids away from the crazy man staking out the kiddie room.
Shaye comes running back to me with a security guard in tow. He’s on his walkie-talkie giving Lily’s description to whomever is on the other end of his radio.
“Has anyone seen her?”
Shaye shakes her head. “Not yet. Come on, let’s look for her in the food court. Maybe she got lost trying to find you.” She nibbles her fingernail and looks around. “Why did this have to happen at lunchtime? It’s so crowded.”
We dart back over to the food court, weaving our way through the crowds of people in line for pizza, pasta, salad, Chinese noodles, and every other type of fast food imaginable. My s
tomach drops further and further with each inch of space covered. She’s gone. My baby sister is gone because I’m a fucking asshole who took his eyes off of her to apologize for his shitty behavior. What the hell am I going to do? Who am I going to call? How ironic that the one who has an answer for everything has no fucking clue what to do next.
I stop in the middle of the seating area, my temples throbbing. “Shaye, I don’t…where do I…” I let out a deep sigh, struggling to hold my shit together. “I can’t—”
“Lilibelle!” Shaye screeches, tearing past me and through the maze of chairs toward the Cinnabon counter. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” She throws her arms around Lily, clutching her tight.
My legs feel like wet noodles, and I almost collapse on top of Lily. Until my eyes meet his.
“Rocco,” I growl. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You almost gave me a fucking stroke.”
“Relax, man. I saw Lily and asked if you were around. She said you were talking, so I took her for a snack to kill time.” Rocco’s eyes flicker in Shaye’s direction. “If I’d known who you were talking to, I would have come straight over to interrupt.”
Shaye rolls her eyes and rises to her feet. “Seriously, Rocco? I have security combing the place looking for Lily.”
“Maybe next time you’ll pay a little more attention to how bad things can get when you lose sight of what’s important, Nico.” Rocco flashes a smirk. “I’ll see you tomorrow, man. Shaye, I’d love to see you tonight.”
A deep flush creeps over her face and she averts her eyes. “I, um, have plans. But maybe we’ll catch up again before I leave.”
“Count on it.” Rocco bends down to ruffle Lily’s hair. “Enjoy the Cinnabon, little lady. Make sure your big bro watches a little more closely next time. Shit can happen real fast.” His eyes narrow at me when he speaks those last few words. My spine stiffens, and I suddenly wish for the baseball bat sitting on my bedroom floor to magically appear in my hand, despite the fact that I’m supposed to be working with this douchebag now. I’m not trusting this asshole at all.
Screwing the Mob Page 5
