Mrs. Landry laughed as she moved the armchair a little closer to Aggie. “I think I can offer you some suggestions. I’m no expert, but I do have a bit of experience with children, and my grown kids aren’t criminals-- yet.”
Aggie sat up eagerly. She knew she had been too lenient with all of the children, allowing them to do pretty much what they wanted until it became dangerous, annoying, or destructive. Even when she did put her foot down, Aggie had a sinking feeling that if the children really pressed her, they would win. Having already faced facts, the truth was glaringly obvious. She was outnumbered. “Stop” was the only hard, fast rule that Aggie knew would be obeyed no matter what, and training them to obey that simple command had been torture.
“How do you know what to do to get the children to choose to obey you? I mean, the way you handled Cari and Kenzie--”
“Ok. Let’s start with a simple premise. If you don’t want a child to do something, you have to make the behavior counterproductive. They must want to avoid the consequences and never do it again.”
“You’ve never raised your voice or even looked sideways at them.”
“You don’t need to. I believe it’s very important to teach children to obey you the first time and without unpleasantness. Can you imagine a police officer pulling someone over every three minutes saying, “I thought I told you to slow down! If you don’t slow down and stay slowed down, I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
Aggie chuckled. “I can’t see the speeder pulling over again after the second or third time!”
Iris laughed. “Exactly!”
For the next hour, Iris told-- and showed when the occasion arose-- Aggie how to anticipate behavior problems and how to prevent them. She would have to know her “suspect.” If the child was social and wanted to be with people, removing them from what they wanted would possibly deter them. Conversely, if they liked being alone, sitting in a chair next to her would likely deter them even more.
“Be careful using time outs in another room. It tends to just give children an opportunity to pout and seethe. Occasionally, it’s good for helping them settle down when they’re out of sorts, but if they’ve been disobedient, or even defiant, it rarely works in the long run.”
Iris continued to think of how to explain things. “Ok. Here’s the quick and dirty. If they complain about working, give them more work, for practice in doing it pleasantly. Every time they complain, give them another small job. Don’t get sarcastic or unpleasant yourself. You’ll just reinforce what you don’t want them to learn. If they speak unkindly to a sibling, make them say five nice things about their sibling. Make whatever they did, not worth doing again.” She smiled. “Basically, make the wrong behavior too much trouble to go through.”
Aggie was thoughtful. “What if they refuse to obey me all together?”
Iris smiled. “Aggie, it’s obvious that your sister trained these children well. They are accustomed to being obedient, and that’s good for children. It’s good that they learn to obey, and at a young age, obey without question. We don’t always know why God requires this or that from us; we just have to obey. We learn to say ‘Yes, Lord’ from saying ‘Yes, Ma’am’ to our mom.
“If they had never been trained, they wouldn’t have a respect for authority and this would be harder. But, your children respond to me because they do respect authority. I established authority immediately, and the children naturally responded to that. You just have to move from being ‘fun buddy, Aunt Aggie’ to authority figure Aunt Aggie-- their second mother.”
Iris got up, and with a pat on Aggie’s shoulder, got to work. Soon, the house seemed to buzz with activity. Aggie watched as the toddlers became cranky, and she expected that Iris would settle their hash. She was surprised when Iris gathered the girls in her arms and whispered in their ears. The two girls smiled and got busy pulling out chips, bread, peanut butter, and jelly. Thirty minutes later, the girls slept on exercise mats on the family room floor.
“Iris?” Aggie’s voice was quiet, but she was curious. “Iris, why did you feed the girls when they were whining? They were being difficult, and it looks like they got rewarded.”
“I told them to stop their whining, and they did. Then, I told them what they could do to help me. I just made sure the help that I requested was something that they needed too. Small children have a hard time controlling themselves when they’re hungry. If they hadn’t stopped their fussing when I told them, I’d have had to deal with that first, but there was no reason to exasperate the girls. That’s unnecessary punishment rather than good training and discipline.”
When Iris left that day, Aggie had a new understanding of motherhood. Her frustration and disappointment in her lack of skills had dissolved into a full-blown pity party until Iris put a stop to it. “Aggie, I know women who have given birth to three, four, and even five children, who still don’t know how to train and rear children. They spend their days just going from one thing to the next and from one day to the next… and then to the next. A success is when they don’t have huge disobedience problems all of the time.”
Iris thought carefully and continued. “The best mother is one who is always learning, not the one who thinks she has arrived. You need to remember that you aren’t going to ‘finish’ these children. They won’t be ‘done’ at ten, sixteen, eighteen, twenty-two, or even forty! Your job as mother is to equip them to turn themselves completely over to the Lord for the perfecting that He does in each of us-- every one of us-- every day.”
With that, Iris, check in hand, left with promises to return on Monday. Aggie watched her drive away and fought the desire to cry. She hadn’t felt this alone since the day she learned that, with no training, experience, or even desire to be a mother yet, she was now responsible for eight children and everything that came with them. She now had the tools to parent; the question was, would she know when to use them?
“All right, guys, front and center.” Aggie sounded determined. The children gathered around her, but Aggie waited until she had their full attention before she spoke.
“I owe you an apology. I’ve watched Mrs. Landry, and I have talked to her. I see that I really blew it when I moved in here. I came in as the ‘buddy,’ Aunt Aggie, and that’s not who I need to be anymore. We can still have fun and enjoy each other, but I need to put on a mom’s hat. It’s not just that I need to keep you guys out of trouble; I need to teach you to do things that are right too-- even if you don’t like it.”
All the children looked solemnly at her with odd expressions on their faces. To lighten the mood, Aggie whipped around and made a goofy look with her face and turned back. The children’s laughter broke the tension that had stolen over the room. Vannie took a deep breath and asked, “So you’re going to be a mom-type but stay goofy enough to still be Aunt Aggie?”
“That’s about right. Now let’s eat that casserole Mrs. Landry made. It smells heavenly.”
Sunday, May 12th
On Sunday, Aggie decided thirty-three seconds after the twins awoke that they were not attempting a trip to church. Cari, usually quite annoyingly chipper in the mornings, woke up with a nasty disposition, and Aggie, who had banged her ankle during an attempt to crawl up the stairs into her bed, hadn’t slept well herself.
She sent everyone but Cari downstairs for canned cinnamon rolls and pulled the grumpy girl into bed with her for a little chat. “Do you still feel sleepy?”
Cari’s vehement “No!” was unmistakable. “I’s wide ‘wake.”
“Then do you feel sick? Does your head or your stomach ache?”
A surly look crossed her face. “I’s not sick!” Cari moved as far away from Aggie as she could get without actually leaving the bed.
Careful not to jar her ankle again, Aggie scooted next to Cari, making it impossible for the little girl to move without falling off the bed. “I’m glad to hear that. Did you know, that I can tell something is wrong?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I do
n’t know what it is, but I know there is something wrong. If you’re not sick and you’re not sleepy, I am not sure what it might be.” She wrapped arms around the little girl and pulled her closer. “I wonder if maybe you just need someone to hold you and tell you that they love you.”
Cari’s eyes widened in surprise. “Mommy did that.”
“Aunt Aggies can do it too.”
How long they lay curled against the numerous pillows on Aggie’s bed, she never knew. By the time she’d hobbled downstairs, with Cari leading the way giving advice on nearly every step… “Don’t hit it ‘gain! Cariful! Oh, you’s going to huwt it!” the remaining cinnamon rolls were cold and looked singularly unappetizing.
“Maybe we should heat them up while I make me some coffee.”
“I have coffee too?”
Against her better judgment, Aggie poured a swallow or two in Cari’s cup and watched the child’s face as she swallowed her first drink. Contrary to expectation, the girl loved it and begged for more. “I’m sorry, Cari. A sip now and then is an ok treat, but coffee is a grown-up drink. How about we find you some milk.”
For a moment, Aggie was sure Cari would protest. The little girl’s face scowled in anger, and then, as though a light switched on, disappeared and a smile replaced it. “I likes milk with cinnyman wolls!”
The simple tasks of making coffee, heating cinnamon rolls, and pouring Cari a glass of milk took twice as long as she’d ever imagined it could, and through that entire time, she hadn’t heard a peep from the other children. “Where are they?”
“Outside. Vannie takes them outside so’s you can sweep.” The child paused looking confused. “Sleep.” She tried out the first word again. “Sweep.” With a strange look at Aggie, she quipped. “I said sleep wrong, but it’s right too.”
Aggie says: Tina? Helloooooooooooooo?
Tina says: Hey!
Aggie says: Well, I got my first parenting lesson yesterday.
Tina says: Oh? Do tell!
Aggie says: Already there’s a different attitude from the children.
Tina says: But WHY?
Aggie says: The best way to describe it is that I expect there to be. It’s like they picked up on my expectations, and they are “living up” to them. Is that too weird?
Tina says: Well, what did you expect of them when you moved in?
Aggie says: I knew Vannie and Laird wouldn’t give me any trouble. I didn’t expect much from Ellie and Tavish either way, but I was pretty sure that the baby would be sweet and that Cari, Lorna and Kenzie would give me a run for my money; all kids that age do right?
Tina says: hmm…
Aggie says: You think I’m crazy?
Tina says: Well no, but look at what you just said. You said you didn’t expect trouble from the oldest four and the baby. Who didn’t give you trouble?
Aggie says: You have a point. I expected trouble from the little ones and got it. Had I expected obedience, they might still have been some trouble, but not as much?
Tina says: Exactly! All children, including Vannie, Laird, Ellie, Tavish, Kenzie, Cari, Lorna, Ian… and a couple billion other children will push the envelope from time to time. But if you expect decent behavior, it’s natural that you’ll get more!
Aggie says: OOOhhh, like in my psychology class. The teacher talked about those teachers and coaches that always try to drive kids to do better by telling them how they’ll never amount to anything. They think the kid will want to prove them wrong, but most kids won’t. They’ll do exactly what is expected of them. It was like 80% or more!
Tina says: Exactly!
Aggie says: Anyway, things were better tonight. I told Cari and Lorna to go brush their teeth and then come show me, and they were so happy. Before, I almost begged them to do it, and usually it took me having to get the toothbrushes and almost hold them still.
Tina says: You know they’ll test you. You don’t expect things to be smooth forever do you?
Aggie says: No, I think I can see the reality. I’m just excited because I can feel the whole shift in tone around here.
Tina says: So off topic, how’s your foot?
Aggie says: Well… I can hobble on one crutch with no pain and if I have to let the crutch go I can walk if I go really slow and put almost no weight on it, but everyone says that if I re-injure it I’ll be laid up twice as long the next time.
Tina says: And Iris is keeping things going?
Aggie says: Yep. I’m thinking about hiring her and her husband to do the packing and moving. I can’t move us now, and it’s just a couple of weeks away! Mrs. Stuart will want us out the day that we close escrow.
Tina says: That is smarter anyway. Your sister left you the money to be used for the children’s upkeep-- that includes helping you so that you can do your job. You’ll be a better mother to those children if you will use the resources that you have coming in to cover it.
Aggie says: I guess.
Tina says: Don’t you get benefits from Social Security?
Aggie says: Yeah, I am supposed to start getting around 3k.
Tina says: With no mortgage, no car payment-- that’s plenty to live on, so let yourself spend some of the interest money to do things like hire a housekeeper from time to time. Buy organizer things if it helps. Go to the movies with the children if Hollywood ever decides to make something worth seeing. Have the van serviced and washed. Pay for movers and for someone to help you fix up that house.
Aggie says: I don’t want to waste money, though.
Tina says: Aggie, if there is one thing I’ve learned from my father it is that money is for spending.
Aggie says: What! Your father never spends any money!
Tina says: He has definite financial goals. He wants mom to spend whatever will keep her out of his hair, and to have plenty to cover retirement and leave something to his grandchildren.
Aggie says: What about savings?
Tina says: Dad says, “Money is for spending, Tina. You can spend it now, or save it and spend it later. But, if you are just hoarding it, you are wasting it. Money is for spending. That’s its purpose.”
Aggie says: I have to think about that one.
Tina says: Remember. Dad doesn’t say that you should blow your money. He just says that cash in hand does you no good if are unwilling to use it if you need it. The point is to spend it now if you need it, save some for later when you need it but never just ‘hoard’ it.
Aggie says: Well, that’s really more like what I am doing. I am saving it for them to spend later. I don’t want them coming back and saying, “Why did you spend all of that money on things to make your life easier? Why didn’t you save it for when we’d need it?”
Tina says: I’d shoot them with my iciest squirt gun! How ungrateful can you get?
Aggie says: It’s fear isn’t it? I’m afraid of running out of money. I’m afraid of what people will think if I spend it on me.
Tina says: You are afraid of what GERALDINE STUART will say.
Aggie says: I am, aren’t I? Tina! I have a mother-in-law and I’m not even MARRIED!
Tina says: Yep. And why you care about the opinion of someone like her, I will never understand!
Aggie says: You’re right. I need to pray about this. I’m sorry, but I think I need to go now. Ian is teething again and not sleeping well.
Tina says: Hug the little tyke for me. I’m praying for you too. This is a big responsibility, but I think Allie picked the best person for the job.
Aggie says: Thanks. Nighters.
Tina says: Poof!
Chapter 10
Gradgigation
Friday, May 17th
Aggie hobbled clumsily from the closet to the bathroom and back to the closet again, as she tried to dress for the day. She’d volunteered to accompany Tavish and Ellie’s class to the Children’s Museum before her accident and hadn’t remembered to withdraw her offer when she was injured. Though she’d managed to walk without much difficulty for the past few days, this mor
ning she chose to get dressed and ready for the day without using her ankle any more than necessary, in hopes she could save it for the long morning ahead of her. Her eyes glanced at the crutches a few times before she finally sighed in defeat. She needed them today.
After dropping all the younger children off at the babysitter’s house and their respective schools, she drove to the museum, parked the “Stuartmobile” and gingerly climbed down from the driver’s seat. So far, so good. The class should arrive in just over an hour-- plenty of time to have breakfast at the diner next door.
Over a perfectly cooked omelet, a cup of simply delicious coffee, and the most moist blueberry muffin in the greater Rockland area, Aggie relaxed and made notes for the upcoming move. She wrote, ate, and sipped three cups of coffee before she realized she’d hogged a prime booth for the better part of the busiest time of morning. Apologetically, Aggie left an extra-large tip and walked back to the museum just as she saw the big yellow buses arrive.
Two hours later, Aggie followed Tavish from one thing to the next. It fascinated her to watch the way he immersed himself into whatever he did. The boy seemed nearly obsessed with working with the tools and building things and then rapidly switched to papermaking. With a uniform, foam nightstick, and whistle, he directed traffic as a policeman, and then quickly dropped it all to plant seeds. Aggie watched him walk through a large, clear maze until she saw Ellie across the room and wove her way through a different kind of maze-- one of short bodies, racing to get to where they wanted to go.
Ellie sat on a tall stool in an art center, surrounded by art medium of all kinds. Some children worked with clay, sculpting oddly shaped animals or people, while others assembled sculptures from junk or made mock stained glass. Ellie painted. While most of the children at easels painted the predictable pictures of eight-year-olds the world over, Ellie had carefully drawn an extremely realistic tree with a single cluster of daisies beneath it. The effect was beautifully serene.
Ready or Not (Aggie's Inheritance) Page 13
