“Sometimes this means I overstep my place. So, if it looks like I’m trying to take over, number one, I am not.” Luke appeared to be choosing his words carefully. “Number two; all you have to do is tell me to back off. I can handle it.”
All reservations about Luke disappeared with his reassurances. In their place, discouragement arrived and moved into her heart. Any moment, she was certain that he’d decide this job was so not worth it.
“Well, Luke, if you haven’t noticed already, I can’t hide my thoughts. If it’s in my head, it’s on my face. So, if I look irritated, back off. If you keep that in mind, you and I will do just fine.” Aggie smiled to soften her words, and stretched. “I feel refreshed after a rest and the excellent food. Let’s go tackle that carpet! I’ll put the twins down for their naps and be right up.”
Two hours later, they shoved the carpet out of the window and watched it roll down the roof and onto the ground. Aggie realized it would never fit in the trash can, and was about to have Laird start cutting it into small pieces to be tossed into whatever space was left in the garbage cans on trash day. Luke read her thoughts on her face, grabbed the phone from the hallway, and headed downstairs. He turned to Aggie on the second step, “I’ll call for a trailer can. They just roll it up to the driveway, and when you tell them you are done, they roll it away. You won’t need to call for trash service until you have it taken away either.”
While he ordered the can, Aggie began sweeping the room of years of dirt that had sifted through the old fibers, nearly choking on the dust, dirt, and the revolting scent of eau de cat urine. An hour later, they were still pulling up tack strips and preparing the floor for sanding and sealing. Hearing a knock at the door, Aggie sprinted down the stairs to see a very concerned Deputy Markenson standing behind the screen “at ease.”
“Hey, William! Nice to see you; come on in!” Aggie started to apologize for her curt words the last time she saw him, but she was interrupted.
“Aggie, who called us, and why?” Aggie’s startled face, and the sight of baby Ian chewing on the phone, answered the question for her.
“Oh, no!” Her horrified cry was heard upstairs, outdoors, and at the mailbox where the carrier was inserting the daily barrage of junk mail and legal documents. In record time, Luke clamored down the stairs, the mail carrier ran up the drive and opened the door uninvited, and all the children came screaming in the house from the back yard where they had been playing. Even Tavish crawled out of his hideaway that he had created for himself under the day bed.
The result was the instant chaos that she felt trademarked her life these days. The twins woke up crying, and Ian, frightened by Aggie’s squeal, began to whimper. The three men looked around for some way to calm the din, but none of them knew just how to do it. With tears running down her face, Aggie mustered all the vocal strength she could and shouted, “Stop!” Even little Ian hushed his whimpers for a few seconds.
Handing Ian to Laird, Aggie walked up two stair steps, turned, and spoke. “Everything is fine. The phone was left on that table next to the playpen, and Ian must have picked it up to play with it. I guess he just hit the right buttons or something; I don’t know. No one is hurt; nothing is wrong.” Her voice caught as she tried to control herself. “I am sorry you came out here for nothing, William. I assure you that everyone here is fine.”
Turning, Aggie ran back upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom. Luke heard her sobs as he climbed the stairs a short while later. He’d introduced himself to the stern officer and assured the mail guy that all was fine. The twins, now awake and wanting snacks, were comforted and the baby moved to the play area that Aggie had corralled off as a safe place. Tavish sat on the daybed this time; book in hand, with strict instructions to keep an eye on the little one. Kenzie and Laird were sent to make peanut butter cracker sandwiches for an afternoon snack, and the rest of the children went back outside to play a game of tag.
Luke’s gentle knock was almost inaudible over the deep sobs from within. “Aggie, please come out. Everything is fine now, really. The deputy is gone, the mail guy left your mail on that funny table with all the drawers in the hallway, and the kids are all settled. I put the phone back on the charger.” The sobbing slowly ceased, but the door remained shut. “Aggie, I am sorry; it was my fault. I left the phone there and should have put it away.” The silence continued. Finally, Luke tried a new tactic. “Aggie, I don’t care if you are mad at me; you have that right, but those children need to know that you are all right. Please go down there and reassure them, ok? I am going to finish up the floor.”
A good five minutes later, Luke heard the door open and footsteps descending down the stairs. Faint strains of a wobbly hymn drifted up the stairs. “When for deeper faith I seek… hill of Calvary I goooooooooo…” The handyman had never felt less handy in his life. He had no idea how to help her.
Near dinnertime, the room needed only a coat of paint on its walls, and polyurethane on the floor to make it habitable. If this dry spell lasted, they would be able to move Vannie in by the middle to the end of next week. As children raced into the room to see the progress, he glanced at the doorknob and tested it. He’d have to replace that first. Somehow, he could just see little Cari and Lorna-sized shoe prints permanently etched into his freshly sealed floors.
* * *
Aggie’s heart dropped into her stomach when she saw the phone in Ian’s hands. The local sheriff’s office must think she was the most inept and irresponsible guardian in the greater Rockland area--possibly the entire United States. How had Ian called them anyway? What were the odds that he could get just the right combinations of numbers? Her wail created pandemonium, and the ensuing chaos was more than Aggie could handle. It had been a rough night, followed by a rotten morning, and what had seemed like a somewhat redeemed afternoon just flushed itself away down her toilet. Aggie knew she was acting like an over-emotional teenager as she ran back up the stairs, but right then, she didn’t care. Once the flood of tears began, Aggie couldn’t seem to stop them. All the pain, frustration, and loss of the last four months flooded to the surface and spilled over until she was a quivering mass of sobs and wails.
Aggie missed her sister. Over the past several years, their time together had been limited to Allie’s visits to the Milliken home in Yorktown, but late night chats on the messenger were common, as well as long phone calls. Allie had been so wise and practical, and anytime Aggie needed advice, she turned first to her mother, and then to Allie.
Luke knocked on the door at just the wrong time. Aggie had begun to calm herself down when she heard him ask if she was all right. Somehow, the concern and understanding in his voice was enough to send her into a fresh round of tears. The depth of her emotional response surprised her, but although she tried, she couldn’t handle the mental gymnastics necessary to analyze it.
His last plea, on behalf of the children, eventually gave her the strength to stop her emotional roller coaster. He was right; she had to get downstairs and show them that she was just fine. A minute passed before she stood. A glance at the mirror sent her eyes rolling and her hands wiping away the residue of tears. Humming her “buck up” hymn, Aggie washed her face, brushed her hair, and forced herself to smile. Somehow, it looked more like a grimace to her, but she figured something was better than nothing.
She forced her eyes away from Vannie’s room as she passed it. The wavering hymn grew stronger and louder as she descended the stairs. “Then to life I turn again… learning all the worth of pain…”xi Aggie wasn’t sure how her pain would help, but she was determined not to let it hinder the relationship with her children. They needed her to be strong. Not knowing what she was going to find when she found the children, Aggie stopped singing and yelled, “Come out come out wherever you are…”
The house looked and felt deserted. Cracker crumbs and peanut butter smears covered one corner of the newly cleared counter. An empty jug of juice sat nearby, with plastic cups littering the counters, floor,
and wastebasket. Looking out the kitchen window, Aggie saw a game of duck, duck, goose, in progress. As was becoming her habit, Aggie started counting heads. “Three…five…six. Where are Tavish and Ian?” Aggie wondered aloud.
“Over here, Aunt Aggie. I gave Ian one of those baby biscuits-- I hope that was ok.” Tavish was in his usual horizontal position, with a book in one hand and a peanut butter cracker in the other.
“Tavish, why don’t you go get Cari and Lorna for me. I promised them a story when they woke up, and if I don’t do it now, it won’t happen.” Picking up the filthy baby, Aggie peeled the clothes off of him and rinsed off his face and hands in the sink. Five minutes later, a clean, happy baby sat on her lap while pixie haired twins leaned against her on each side as Aggie read one of Beatrix Potter’s tales.
Vannie came into the room as she finished the story and pulled Aggie aside. “While you were upstairs, I was hanging the calendar, and I noticed the date!” She shook her head as though to clear it. “My days are all mixed up since the move and school is out and everything.”
Aggie looked confused. “So, what is today’s date?”
“It’s the fourteenth, Aunt Aggie. It’s Kenzie’s birthday! I thought it was next week, but it’s today!”
Where had the month gone? Two weeks had already passed in this house. “Kenzie’s birthday. We have to do something now. You go ask Luke if you and I can go into town. We’ll buy a cake and get her a present and be back for a ‘surprise’ party.”
Vannie giggled excitedly and tore up the stairs two at a time. Luke’s answer must have been in the affirmative, because she sailed back downstairs almost as quickly as she had ascended. In minutes, they zipped toward town discussing their options for celebrating Kenzie’s birthday.
“We could buy her favorite ice cream-- and a cake from the store… Or, maybe we should buy a mix and a thing of frosting, some candles, sprinkles and a tube of that writing icing. We could let her bake her cake-- of course, it’d probably be kind of messy and taste funny. She would really like that, though.” Vannie’s ramblings were evidence of her convoluted thought processes.
Aggie agreed. She was willing to go with just about anything, as long as it was reasonable. They discussed every present under the sun. Craft supplies, games, puzzles, and dolls were all discarded in the interest of clutter control. Vannie suggested a new comforter and pillow like hers, but Aggie ruled it out. “We’ll all get new ones anyway. It wouldn’t be much of a gift if she’s getting one anyway.”
Vannie pumped her fist, as if she’d managed some amazing feat. “I just realized what we should get! She has always wanted one of those big stuffed bears. You know, the ones that you can almost use for a chair, they are so big…” Vannie showed Aggie with her arms what she was talking about. “They are only about twenty dollars over at Wal-Mart, but can you see her excitement over the big box and then the big bear…”
Vannie’s voice was almost as excited, as if the impromptu party was for her, and it showed in her excessively italicized speech. They found an enormous purple bear holding a pink and white polka dotted smaller one. It’d match their new room perfectly, and the bear’s quirky expression was exactly the kind of thing to keep it from being just another stuffed animal. They purchased silly party hats and cheap kazoos to add to the celebration. Behind the store, they found a large empty TV box and used the paper and tape they’d purchased to wrap the box in the van.
When they arrived home, Aggie called everyone out front. Luke heard her voice and watched from the window as Aggie presented the present to Kenzie. Quietly, to himself, he joined in as they all sang “Happy Birthday” to her. Vannie showed the excited Kenzie the cake mix and took her inside to make the cake.
He continued watching as Aggie chased the twins around the yard until she tripped over her skirt and went rolling across the grass. The twins jumped her, and a fierce tickle fest ensued. Amused, Luke observed as she struggled in vain and then begged for mercy. Her insecurities in mothering her children were evident, but watching her now, he wished he could help her step outside herself and see what the rest of the world must see. Aggie was doing wonderfully. Regretfully, Luke turned back to the room, stuffing more broken tack strips in a large box as he did.
Just after five o’clock, Luke descended the stairs, his arms laden with tools, trash, and other indistinguishable paraphernalia. “Well, Aggie, the room is ready for a good coat of paint.” Luke’s grin was infectious. “I can’t do much more up there tonight without my rollers and drop cloths, but maybe you can show me where to find her furniture and stuff? I can at least carry it upstairs and into the room next to it, so we can move it in as soon as the floor is dry.”
Aggie grimaced. She had no idea what furniture was going in Vannie’s room. She didn’t even have a separate bed for the girl. Vannie had slept at the top of a triple bunk bed before the move. A look crossed the girl’s face, and she realized that Vannie wasn’t looking forward to bringing the large bed into her dainty little room.
“I decided to give Vannie my daybed. That will have to go up there later because we haven’t set up Allie and Doug’s old bed-- it’s too big for in here, but Vannie knows which boxes are hers. They are all on the east wall of the study in there.” The look of surprise and thankfulness on Vannie’s face was worth the loss of Aggie’s childhood bed.
“Meanwhile,” she continued, unwilling to think about what she’d just given away, “we need to decide which dresser she can have and get her some shelves for her personal things and such. Oh, she’ll need a night table as well.” Her mental list grew before her eyes.
Luke looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, “You know, for furniture, there are great garage sales around here this time of year. I bet you could find some good bargains on Saturday.” She started to reply, but then Aggie noticed that he wasn’t quite finished. After what seemed like an hour but was truthfully only a minute or two, he turned to Vannie. “Do you have things you’d rather keep out of reach of little hands? Something you’d like to protect?”
When Vannie nodded emphatically, Luke continued. “What if I made a shelf that runs across the wall with the window and along the top of it. With a step stool in there, you could easily reach your things, but the little guys couldn’t.”
Vannie squealed and threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, thank you! That is just the best--” Without another word, she dashed upstairs to plan exactly where she’d put everything.
A look crossed Luke’s face that unnerved Aggie. While she moved into the kitchen to stuff a pan of chicken in the oven, she asked, “What is it? I can see something is bothering you.”
To her surprise and annoyance, Luke went outside without answering her question. Just as she was about to storm after him and demand that he stop leaving her so confused and frustrated, he reappeared, arms empty and his clothes dust-free. “Sorry, I was sifting dust all over the floor.” He hurried to wash his hands and arms. “You’re right, something is bothering me. I just realized that you have a teen--”
“Near teen. She’s not quite there yet-- almost, but not quite.”
“Anyway, I remember my father being very careful to give his daughters plenty of time and attention. When all their friend’s fathers were pulling back and feeling awkward about showing affection to their daughters, Pop got more affectionate than ever. It was different, but he was determined to try to prevent them seeking unhealthy attention.”
“You think Vannie seeks unhealthy male attention?” It didn’t make any sense to Aggie. While she pulled lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and other veggies from the fridge, she waited for Luke to explain himself.
“No, I don’t--”
“Is this about her hugging you? If it makes you uncomfortable--”
Shaking his head emphatically, Luke tried again. “It’s not the hug, really. It’s more about the realization that it’s not going to get any better. You don’t have a brother, your father-in-law isn’t much of an option, and your parents don
’t live close.”
The extended pause that followed irritated Aggie enough that she began shredding the lettuce with unnecessary force. She chopped cucumbers within an inch of their existence, and the tomatoes were nearly sauce, but still Luke stood, silently thinking, and cracking his knuckles systematically. The sound seemed to echo her knife chops, almost a percussionist accompaniment to her rhythm.
After much longer than Aggie had ever imagined she could wait, he spoke again. “I think you need to find men that you can trust to invest in these children’s lives--Maybe William…”
She thought she understood. “Are you hinting that you’d rather not have the job as a male influence around her? I can handle that.”
It was a lie. She couldn’t. Just as the idea of yet another need in the children’s lives had dawned, she’d realized that Zeke and Luke were excellent options. Now she was being warned not to count on them. “Great. How do I give the girl male attention? I can’t! I am not a male. I remember Allie talking about how Doug had ways of being affectionate without making Ellie uncomfortable…” Aggie sighed in frustration. “I wonder if they didn’t make a huge mistake when they named me guardian. I can’t be a mother and a father. Children need both. This was a huge mistake. At least the Stuarts could give them male and female role models.” Aggie started to continue her rant when Luke placed his hand on her shoulder.
“Aggie, from what I have heard of the Stuarts, your sister and her husband made the best decision. If Doug had been the only one to die in that accident, your sister would have been doing this alone too. I think God knew what He was doing when He prompted them to choose you. We’ll just have to figure out how to get all of those little girls some healthy male attention before they get old enough to seek unhealthy attention.”
Ready or Not (Aggie's Inheritance) Page 18
