“This wasn’t your idea? Aggie was almost speechless. Almost. William nodded and started to speak, but Aggie continued. “I don’t blame you for being irritated at her. She had no business sticking her nose in our problems. I was rude and offensive and had no business yelling like I did, but that doesn’t give my neighbor license to interfere. I am still sorry. I am, but I am now almost as irritated with you as I was the other day.” Aggie pulled a tissue out of her purse and emptied the contents of her overloaded nose into it.
William’s face showed utter confusion. Aggie’s irritation almost got the better of her, but she managed to keep her voice calm and her emotions in check. “William, you have spent this entire evening fuming at me, when I am not the one to blame. I did not invite you to this dinner against your will, and I don’t appreciate being the one to take the brunt of your anger and frustration. Take it out on someone else next time.”
The enormity of William’s wrong hit him like a kick to the gut. For a man accustomed to being right or presumed right, in both his career and his personality, it was particularly difficult to accept fault and confess it. He later wondered how he’d managed at all, but somehow he choked out an apology and plea for forgiveness. His discomfort, and the obvious lack of apologetic experience, made the sincerity of it even more evident.
“Of course, you’re forgiven. It’s over. Let’s just pretend tonight didn’t happen, ok?” She prayed he’d agree readily.
William smiled for the first time all evening. “Definitely. We could retry the dinner too. This time I promise not to forget to make reservations.” William’s invitation was almost an order, but Aggie was beginning to understand how to read him better and realized how difficult it was for him to offer. He’d just made himself vulnerable when he had riled her so thoroughly and recently. Aggie didn’t know how to respond. In the short time that they’d spent together, Aggie realized that she wasn’t ready to consider a dating relationship. Maybe she wouldn’t ever; she wasn’t sure. Aggie just knew that at this point in her life, she wasn’t ready.
“William, I appreciate the invitation, honestly. This has nothing to do with this evening or anything, but, well-- I just don’t think I am ready to date or anything like that. I don’t have time to focus on anything but learning to be a mom right now.” Aggie paused and took a deep breath. “I’d love to have you visit. Watch an old movie with us; help us paint a wall…” She winked and then hurried on before he could interject anything. “I would rather we became better friends, without the trappings of the whole going out thing. If something did happen to develop, then fine, but I’d like to become better friends first.” Aggie prayed her words weren’t offensive as the seconds ticked into minutes.
Thankfully, William seemed relieved. He smiled and released a very deep sigh. “Aggie, that’s the best idea I’ve heard in days. I’d love to spend time with you and the children.” He pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the porch.
Aggie smiled, but before she could speak, William asked wearily, “Is Sullivan always here? I think I’d rather make one new friend at a time.”
Aggie laughed as she climbed out of the vehicle. Leaning back inside through the window, she winked at him again and said, “Luke leaves by six and usually isn’t here on Sundays. He mentioned being gone for a week or two soon too.” With that, she waved and skipped up the porch steps and into the house.
William watched her go inside and realized, despite her words, Aggie was upset. Putting the car in gear, William drove away as he mentally kicked himself into unconsciousness. He had taken an evening that could have been a wonderful time to get to know an unusual young woman and turned it into a sulk-fest. He thought of Marcus Vaughn’s words on Sunday about intimate relationships with the Lord and turned his car around. He’d go have a talk with Marcus. It was time to start tearing down the walls he’d erected in his life.
* * *
Luke turned off the movie and started shooing children to bed, with orders for pajamas and clean teeth. Zeke, still seated on the couch, was deep in thought and absently playing with Ian. Luke scooped up the little tyke and smiled ruefully at his uncle. “Uncle Zeke, are you seeing what I see every day?”
Zeke nodded. “These children haven’t grieved right. They are wound up tighter than an over-tuned fiddle. Any time now, one of them is gonna snap, and then there’s gonna be trouble, son.” The old man looked thoughtful. “For now, I think it’s time that Aggie deals with her own grief. She had to jump in here so fast…” He rubbed his chin in the familiar manner that he had when he was thinking. “It’s mighty strange, Luke. Children usually don’t know how to stuff it down like this. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“I think their grandmother and her sense of propriety has something to do with it. I overheard Aggie talking to someone on the phone one day about how the first thing she heard when she arrived at the house for the funeral was the grandmother admonishing the children to be strong and brave and not give way to tears.”
“I wonder why her parents don’t help more. Why is she doing this all alone?”
Luke was hesitant to share private news. He knew why Aggie’s parents had been in the background, and he also knew how hard it was on them. While Zeke waited for one of his characteristic silences to end, Luke wrestled with the delicate balance of helping Aggie and revealing what might be considered a confidence. At last, he spoke. “Well, Uncle Zeke, this I know. It isn’t that they aren’t willing to help. They didn’t just abandon her and drive off into the sunset.” Satisfied with his answer, he stood, grabbed the tote of dirty dishes, and carried them into the bathroom.
Scrubbing the dishes in that tub nearly killed Luke’s back. When he thought of Aggie trying to clean dishes that way, he realized things had to change. The last thing that she needed was a regular chiropractic appointment, because she didn’t have a sink for washing dishes. With dripping hands, he pulled out his notebook and made a note to install a laundry sink the next day. Meanwhile, he worked as quickly as possible to finish the job and stretch his kinked muscles.
Luke wondered for what seemed an infinite number of times, how Aggie managed to keep a cheerful attitude with the overwhelming amount of work allotted to her. Was she just in denial? Did the hymns she sang repeatedly, and at the oddest times of day or night, really give her strength for the next trial? “Perhaps,” he thought to himself, “she has a faith that I need to learn, rather than sit here and doubt her.”
The screen door seemed to shut with a very decisive “whap.” Luke peered around the corner of the dining room-turned-kitchen and saw Aggie listlessly walking across the room. Drying his hands on a nearby towel, Luke crossed the room and put his hand on her shoulder. “Did you have a nice time?”
Aggie sighed and then put on what she thought was a bright smile and said, “Well, that diner has a lot of local flavor, doesn’t it?” Her chuckle was nervous, her smile wooden. Luke didn’t have to be the perceptive person he was to realize something had gone terribly wrong.
Luke’s voice showed concern and a hint of firmness when he finally spoke. “Aggie, your demeanor doesn’t quite mesh with your words.”
Aggie tried to be flippant. She really wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything and was still mortified that she’d gone on a double-blind-but-know-the-guy, date. “Demeanor… My, we’re quite the thesaurus tonight, aren’t we? Got any other ‘fifty dollar words’ in your hip pocket?” Her joke was flat, and she knew it.
Luke led Aggie to the bench on the front porch where she received the detestable invitation in the first place. Grimacing at the irony of it, she sat down for what she knew would be a very painful talk. She half-listened as Luke attempted to drag what she considered a sordid tale from her. Leaves rustled in the evening breeze as the crickets chirped, and the lightning bugs danced across the lawn. Her heart just wanted to escape into their world for a time and forget the last couple of hours.
“Aggie.” A sharper edge to Luke’s voice broke her reve
rie. Aggie turned to him, emotionally and physically drained. “What happened? I can see that you didn’t have a nice time. You are still upset and hurt by something.” The silence was deafening to her, as Aggie waited for Luke to continue. “I think you’d feel better if you talked it out.”
Aggie was thoughtful for a while and finally decided that Luke was right. She would feel better if she could say what she really thought. What would Luke think of her? Aggie shrugged off that thought. Who cared what anyone thought, and how much more humiliated could she be? “Well, I’ll swallow my pride and tell you. William didn’t invite me to dinner tonight. It was my first so-called date, and it was unequivocally a total wash. We spent the whole time in silence. Irritated. It was ridiculous.”
Aggie gave a tentative glance in Luke’s direction. She wasn’t sure how to continue or even if she should. His face was a study in contrasting emotions. Relief, confusion, and anger flickered over his features. Aggie watched his brow furrow and his eyes harden, and yet she realized that she had never noticed how much compassion shone in Luke’s brown eyes. Should she burden him with her problems? Well, if he didn’t want to know about them, he shouldn’t have asked. Shrugging off the questions that grew rapidly in her mind, Aggie plunged on.
“It appears that Mrs. Dyke is playing matchmaker. She invited me out to dinner with William. After I foolishly accepted, she then told William that he had a date with me and should consider not standing me up! Now, I thought I was really mad at her, but what really bugged me was the fact that William took his irritation at her, out on me. He sat there in this stony silence the whole time-- like I am the one that put her up to it or something.” Aggie would have been mortified to hear how incoherent her rant sounded. “Honestly, I am telling you, the last thing I need in my life right now is some elderly woman tricking me into a romance! I still don’t know why I agreed to go in the first place. Wait until I tell Vannie. She’s going to have her romantic illusions dashed into a healthy dose of reality.”
Luke heard Aggie nearing her emotional edge. His mother always remarked on how he could hear more in a person’s voice than most people could see in their actions. He knew it was a matter of moments before she would break down. Should he comfort her? Encourage her tears? It would be a perfect time to comment on how she and the children were still not dealing with their grief. Luke hated to see women cry. Most men do. But, unlike most men, he’d had a lifetime of helping girls and women through their tears. It was what he did best.
Aggie sniffled as the tears rose to the surface. In an odd moment of insightful personal introspection, she realized she’d been fighting tears for weeks-- maybe months. Seconds later, heartbroken sobs drowned out the gentle sounds of nature at night.
The screen door opened, and Zeke stepped out onto the porch, his eyes searching Luke’s for insight. Moments later, a sobbing, broken Aggie wept freely in the old farmer’s arms. Her tears felt ridiculous, and she didn’t understand why something as ordinary as a failed date, especially with someone she had no romantic interest in, would cause such an intense reaction. Between sobs, she tried to speak but could only stammer. Luke’s “Shh… don’t talk; just cry,” sent her into fresh bouts of weeping.
An uncomplicated man, Zeke did things simply. He spoke little but usually had much to say. Until Aggie was in control of her emotions, the old farmer said nothing and held her, stroking her hair, much like he would a child or his favorite dog. When Aggie tried to speak and apologize for her outburst, Zeke interrupted.
“Aggie, honey, don’t talk. Not yet. Luke and me, we’ve got something we want to talk to you about.” The elderly man retrieved a wrinkled old bandana handkerchief from his overalls. Embarrassed, he quickly stuffed it back in his pocket and motioned for Luke to get Aggie something. “Honey, listen. You know you aren’t just crying about a bad date. I’ve been talkin’ with Luke here, and we think you all need to take time to grieve your loss.”
Aggie’s stammers were hushed when Luke came back with a box of Kleenex and held one up to her face. Zeke continued as if Aggie hadn’t spoken. “Listen, hon, I know that it’s simple, and a little overused, but when ‘The Preacher’ says, ‘There’s a time to mourn and a time to dance,’ he knows what he’s talkin’ about.”
Luke read Aggie’s bewilderment over the reference to “The Preacher” and spoke softly. “Ecclesiastes, in the Old Testament, chapter three.” He held a swift, for him, inward debate and continued. “You know, you also have more to grieve than the loss of your sister and her husband. You had dreams and plans that you’d expected to be a part of your near future, and those are gone now.”
The concern and care, shown in the way the two men had taken her not-so-little family under their wings, was a balm to Aggie’s spirit. “Thanks. I--”
Zeke stood and gave Aggie’s shoulder one last pat. “It’s gettin’ too late for this old man to be gallivantin’ around like this. I have to be at work in the mornin’, so I’ll be seeing you.” Zeke turned to his favorite nephew. “Mrs. Jenkins is looking for someone to take out that old pine that’s rubbing against her house. I think you might give her a call about it soon.” Aggie jumped up and impulsively kissed the dear old man’s cheek before he strolled to his truck and drove down the drive.
Aggie and Luke sat in a contented silence as Zeke’s old truck rattled onto the highway and toward home. Time seemed to stand still as they semi-rocked the old picnic bench and listened to the cicadas and crickets nighttime symphony. “Aggie?” Luke’s voice was regretful. She couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t want to break the silence, or he didn’t like what he was about to say.
“I know it’s none of our business.” Luke seemed to be struggling more than usual to put his thoughts into words. “I wasn’t going to say anything, really. But, honestly, when Uncle Zeke saw it too I--I--” He halted his train of thought abruptly. Moments later, Luke seemed more comfortable and tried again. “I guess what I am trying to say is, you need to help these kids grieve. They need the freedom to express the sorrow, anger, and pain from their loss. Everyone around here is walking like tightly strung and carefully orchestrated marionettes. If you don’t do something, you will all begin acting out.” He seemed finished but continued quickly with an afterthought. “It’s not healthy, Mibs.”
She nodded silently, acknowledging that she heard him. After a few minutes of thinking about how much the children needed her help, and realizing she had no clue where to begin, she sighed. Before she could ask Luke his opinion, he stood, helped her to her feet, and said goodnight. As he reached the bottom step of the porch, Luke turned. “Aggie, I can’t be here next week and possibly the week after. I have a few jobs that have been scheduled for months. Even though I’ll be busy, don’t hesitate to call if you need me. I’m not far away.” She tried to respond, but Luke continued. “Just encourage them to talk. The rest will take care of itself. See you in the morning.” After giving her one last wan smile, he jumped into his truck and drove off into the night.
Aggie says: Ohhh Tiiiiiinaaaaaaaaaa… I’m hoooooommmeeee
Tina says: I’ve been waiting!!!!!! How’d it go?
Tina says: You going to go out again?
Tina says: Where did you go, what’d you eat, did you apologize?
Aggie says: WOOOOOOAAAAAAAH Do you want the story or not?
Tina says: Ok, tell it all, I won’t speak. I’m just excited.
Aggie says: I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version first then you can ask for details.
Tina says: Ok. But spit it out!!
Aggie says: Well he picked me up. We drove to the restaurant in silence. We ate in silence. I apologized for my outburst; he forgave me. Then, later, William tells me that he’s sorry he’s so mad. Then, he apologizes for being so weird. Said that Mrs. Dyke just invited me without telling him and then he either had to go or be a jerk.
Tina says: NO WAY
Aggie says: hee hee… Yep! That’s exactly what he did.
Tina says: So, is
everything ok?
Aggie says: Pretty much. I’m still kind of angry. I mean he treated me like the whole thing was my fault or something.
Tina says: Nah… I think he was just working through his own emotions, and you got caught in the middle.
Aggie says: I suppose. Zeke and Luke talked to me tonight. They think we aren’t grieving enough.
Tina says: I’ve wondered about that. You don’t talk about it much you know… You don’t talk about the kids having problems or anything… Whatcha gonna do?
Aggie says: I love how you use words on the messenger you’d never use in person.
Tina says: Hee hee… if I’m gonna be a teacher, I gotta get my improprieties out somewhere!!
Aggie says: Yep! Anyway, Luke’s going to be working somewhere else for the next week or two. I doubt I’ll see much of him. This’ll give us time to work on this grieving stuff though.
Tina says: You don’t “work on grieving” like you do manners and things. You simply allow it. You talk about your loss, you ask questions… this isn’t another item on the running “to do” list you keep filed in that one organized compartment of your brain.
Aggie says: Thanks… another Aggievating thing about me.
Tina says: Aggievating?? That’s cute!
Aggie says: Compliments of Luke and William.
Tina says: Well, it’s appropriate. Perhaps you should consider making a scrapbook with the children. They’ll remember stories and things that meant a lot to them. It might help them grieve.
Aggie says: Luke suggested keeping up scrapbooks, but, like I told him, it’s just one more thing for me to do. I don’t need more to do, Tina.
Tina says: Well, not to imply you’re a lousy scrapper or anything…
Aggie says: You know that sounds like I can’t fight…
Tina says: Well, you can’t and you know it. No, I thought it’d be healing for the kids to make the pages themselves. You know, put things on the pages that are important to them. Help them keep their memories contained and preserved.
Ready or Not (Aggie's Inheritance) Page 26
