For Owen, Georgina and Eliza. May their love of books give them wings. ~ L A C
For Brig ~ J D
CONTENTS
Title Page
Dedication
MEET THE SPACE PENGUINS…
INTRODUCTION
1. AN OOZI INVITATION
2. SLIME TIME!
3. A TOUR OF SPLURDJ
4. CAPTURED!
5. THE GREAT FLIP
6. BATTLE WITH THE CLAWBORG
7. THE WANGFLANG
8. TO THE RESCUE!
9. GLOG GOES GLUG
POSTSCRIPT
Copyright
MEET THE
SPACE PENGUINS…
CAPTAIN:
Captain T. Krill
Emperor penguin
Height: 1.10m
Looks: yellow ear patches and noble bearing
Likes: swordfish minus the sword
Lab tests: showed leadership qualities in fish challenge
Guaranteed to: keep calm in a crisis
FIRST MATE (ONCE UPON A TIME):
Beaky Wader, now known as Dark Wader
Once Emperor penguin, now part-robot
Height: 1.22m
Looks: shiny black armour and evil laugh
Likes: prawn pizzas and ruling the universe
Lab tests: cheated at every challenge
Guaranteed to: cause trouble
PILOT (WITH NO SENSE OF DIRECTION):
Rocky Waddle
Rockhopper penguin
Height: 45cm
Looks: long yellow eyebrows
Likes: mackerel ice cream
Lab tests: fastest slider in toboggan challenge
Guaranteed to: speed through an asteroid belt while reading charts upside down
SECURITY OFFICER AND HEAD CHEF:
Fuzz Allgrin
Little Blue penguin
Height: 33cm
Looks: small with fuzzy blue feathers
Likes: fish fingers in cream and truffle sauce
Lab tests: showed creativity and aggression in ice-carving challenge
Guaranteed to: defend ship, crew and kitchen with his life
SHIP’S ENGINEER:
Splash Gordon
King penguin
Height: 95cm
Looks: orange ears and chest markings
Likes: squid
Lab tests: solved ice-cube challenge in under four seconds
Guaranteed to: fix anything
LOADING…
Can we take off yet?
I am ICEcube, the mega-brainy computer guidance system for the Tunafish. But even though I have a brain the size of a moon, I can’t fix the dents on the spaceship, or the cracked wing fins. I can’t weld broken panels back together and I can’t get burn marks off windscreens. Only four penguins in spacesuits can do that. I thank my circuit boards that I don’t have a human crew.
A human crew was too expensive to train and send into deep space. Penguins were a lot cheaper. And they’re better at this space stuff than you might think.
Last week, Rocky Waddle landed the damaged Tunafish here on the planet Chork. Although he did mean to land on the planet Cheez, next door.
Captain T. Krill made the Chorks and the Cheezis talk to each other for the first time in a thousand years, despite their many differences.
Splash Gordon invented the Chork2Cheez translating machine that made this possible.
And Fuzz Allgrin introduced the noble sport of fish-wrestling, which has turned into a major craze on both planets.
Chorks and Cheezis are now spending their time swapping fish-wrestling stories. Which is good, because the Chorks had just invented an enormous bomb that they were thinking of dropping on the Cheezis.
Phew!
We’ve been stuck on Chork for over a week now as the Space Penguins make the Tunafish space-ready again after an extremely close shave with the mechanical meteors of the planet Kroesus during our last adventure. You could say I was bored of waiting, except that computers can’t feel bored.
By the way, I have counted all the stars in the universe twice now.
I wish they’d hurry up…
AN OOZI INVITATION
Captain Krill paced up and down the main cabin of the Tunafish, listening to the Intergalactic Space Report. It was quite difficult to hear because ICEcube was counting the number of stars in the universe out loud at the same time.
“Two billion, three hundred and three stars,” ICEcube droned. “Two billion, three hundred and four stars…”
The Captain turned up the volume.
“…Two well known individuals have been captured following a bold attempted robbery on the planet Kroesus. The Kroesan security forces turned the full might of the Tickling Stick of Justice on the suspects and forced a confession after only five minutes. Dark Wader, lately of the Death Starfish space station, and Anadin Skyporker, Emperor of the planet Sossij, can now look forward to years of imprisonment in the Kroesan high-security jail.
“In further news, the number of unusual alien species going missing from planets in section T of the universe has been climbing…”
The door from the engine room clanged shut as Splash Gordon, the Tunafish’s Chief Engineer, clumped into the cabin. Wriggling out of his penguin-sized spacesuit and helmet, Splash twanged up his goggles and wiped his feathered forehead. Then he twanged his goggles back down and wiped his forehead again, because his goggles had been in the way before.
“I’ve just heard some excellent news, Splash,” Captain Krill beamed. “Beaky Wader and his pig-faced chum won’t be chasing us for a while. They’re facing prison sentences on the planet Kroesus.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” said Splash. “They almost destroyed our ship!”
“How’s the Tunafish looking?” asked the Captain. “Can we leave yet?”
Splash counted out the Tunafish’s problems on his flippers. He quickly moved on to his webbed toes, as penguins only have two flippers.
“The nose cone was badly dented. The fins were covered in stress cracks. The propulsion system wasn’t propelling properly. The boosters weren’t boosting. And the windscreen was a total mess.”
“But you’ve fixed all that,” said Captain Krill. “Right?”
“I’ve reshaped the nose cone,” Splash said. “Rocky has replaced the fins and sorted out the propulsion system.”
Rocky Waddle came into the cabin, just behind Splash. “We’re going to fly out of here so fast we might leave my eyebrows behind.”
“The boosters and the windscreen?” Captain Krill checked.
A small blue penguin in a spacesuit slid into view on the outside of the windscreen, dangling upside down. He held up a cloth and some windscreen polish to the penguins inside the cabin.
“The boosters are boosting and the windscreen is shinier than your beak, Captain,” Fuzz’s voice said through the ship’s intercom system.
“It’s all systems go,” Splash continued.
“Excellent,” said Captain Krill. “The question is – all systems go where?”
“A nice holiday?” Rocky suggested. “There’s a little planet tucked away in section V of the universe that looks penguin-friendly. According to the Encyclopedia Galactica, temperatures are low and its oceans are full of fish.”
“Sounds perfect,” said Captain Krill. “What are we waiting for?”
“The only problem is,” Rocky added, “the fish are three times bigger than us. So we may have a little trouble catching and eating them.”
“Ah,” said Captain Krill.
“Two billion, three hundred and thirty-seven stars,” droned ICEcube. “Two billion—”
The computer’s voice suddenly changed. “I
ncoming message, Captain. Stand by.”
Captain Krill pricked up his ears. Fuzz waddled into the cabin and pulled off his helmet. The Space Penguins listened as ICEcube read out the message.
“‘Chief Hubba Blubba of the planet Splurdj wishes to invite the Space Penguins as guests of honour to a feast to celebrate our Grand Opening tomorrow. We can’t wait to meet you because you’re so famous. We are sure you will love our planet.’ End of message.”
“Grand Opening of what?” said Splash.
“A tin of tuna would be nice,” said Fuzz.
“A feast!” Rocky clapped his flippers. “I like being famous.”
“ICEcube?” said Captain Krill. “What can you tell us about Splurdj?”
“Splurdj is a small, dark green planet orbiting an old red sun in section T of the universe,” said ICEcube. “Its inhabitants are called Oozis. I understand they are dark green as well. Hubba Blubba recently got permission from the Intergalactic Planning Office to build a huge leisure complex. It will feature a cosmic crazy-golf course, a zoo, several restaurants and some top-of-the-range slime-skiing facilities.”
“I’d like to see the restaurants,” said Fuzz.
“It sounds AWESOME!” said Rocky. “Can we go?”
“Thank you for the information, ICEcube. Very helpful,” said the Captain. “That explains the invitation. They must be opening their new leisure complex. I must say, it sounds very tempting.”
“What about this Hubba Blubba? Is he friendly?” asked Splash.
“Of course he’s friendly,” said Rocky in surprise. “Only friendly aliens give out invitations.”
“Not necessarily,” said Splash.
“You worry too much,” said Captain Krill. He smoothed his white tummy. “I like the sound of the slime-skiing myself. I think we should pop by.”
“On it like a toboggan, Captain,” said Rocky, waddling towards the flight panels. “ICEcube? Set the coordinates for Splurdj. It’s time to PARTAY!”
SLIME TIME!
“ICEcube was right,” said Fuzz, peering through the windscreen as Rocky steered the Tunafish through the atmosphere of the planet Splurdj. “It IS dark green.”
Splurdj hung below them like a large rolled-up bogey. Except for the places where the red sunlight turned it brown, it was green all over. It wasn’t the prettiest planet the Space Penguins had ever seen.
“Cleared for landing, Tunafish,” came a voice over the intercom. “Welcome to Splurdj, planet of fun.”
“We’ll be the judge of that,” said Splash.
“Whoa!” Rocky said in alarm, fighting to keep the Tunafish straight as the wheels skidded sideways on the landing strip.
The spaceship spun round a couple of times and slid to a stop.
The Space Penguins smoothed their feathers and peered out at a rocky-looking building at the end of the strip.
BHARGH-BRUP BHARGH-BRUP BHARRRGH-BHARRGH-BRRRUP…
“What’s that noise?” said Captain Krill.
“Oozi trumpets,” said ICEcube. “The traditional instrument of Splurdj.”
The Space Penguins looked more closely. A welcoming committee of dark green Oozis were standing by the rocky building, holding floppy-looking tubes above their heads and whirling them round and round.
BHARRRGH-BHARRGH-BRRRUP went the Oozi trumpets.
“They sound exactly like those elephant seals that lived next to us back in the zoo,” said Fuzz. “They were always breaking wind on their ice floe.”
“Excellent,” said Rocky. He made a farting sound with his flipper.
“Everyone on their best behaviour,” said Captain Krill, as the others sniggered. “We mustn’t offend our hosts.”
The crew climbed out of the Tunafish and tried not to slip on the slimy landing-strip surface. Then they waddled carefully over to meet the welcoming committee. The largest, ooziest Oozi held his long green and yellow arms towards them.
“Welcome!” he squelched. “Welcome, Captain Thrill, Rocky Puddle, Fuzz Allchin, Splat Gordon! I am Hubba Blubba, Chief Oozi of the planet Splurdj. I can’t believe I’m meeting you at last!”
Fuzz nudged the Tunafish’s pilot. “I’m going to call you Rocky Puddle from now on.”
“Getting a bit fat under the beak, Allchin?” Rocky teased back.
“It’s Splash,” said Splash. “Not Splat. And Captain T. Krill.”
“I apologize!” said Hubba Blubba. “What does the T stand for?”
“Trustworthy,” said Captain Krill.
The Space Penguins looked at the Captain in amazement. He had never told them that.
“Anyway,” said Captain Krill, blushing a little. “Thank you for inviting us, your Ooziness.”
Hubba Blubba bowed. Captain Krill bowed back.
It’s not easy for penguins to bow, especially when their feet are on a slippery surface. The Captain tipped forward completely. The Space Penguins rushed to help him back on to his feet.
Rushing was a bad idea. They slipped over as well.
“Whoops,” said Hubba Blubba. “You’ll find sliding easier than walking on Splurdj with those funny little legs of yours. Let us enter Fort Gundj and make our way to the feast!”
BHARGH-BRUP BHARGH-BRUP BHARRRGH-BHARRGH-BRRRUP went the Oozi trumpets.
Hubba Blubba glided away into the depths of the rocky building, followed by the rest of the welcoming committee. The Space Penguins lay on their tummies and whizzed after them, pushing themselves along with their flippers.
“I’m starving,” Rocky said, as they zoomed down a rocky corridor.
“Me too,” said Fuzz.
The corridor ended at a large green cavern decorated with twinkling red lights. The Space Penguins had got up such a good speed along the slimy floor that they almost crashed into Hubba Blubba as he stopped at the cavern mouth.
The Chief Oozi spread out his long green and yellow arms. “Oozis!” he cried. “Let us welcome our guests, the famous Space Penguins!”
Long tables lined with clapping Oozis stretched before the penguins. The sound of wet applause and farty Oozi trumpets echoed around the cavern.
“This place is growing on me,” said Rocky, as they slid down the entrance ramp behind their host.
“Like mould,” said Splash darkly.
Hubba Blubba led the penguins up to a long table on a raised platform.
“You are the first non-Oozis to see the work we have done on Splurdj,” he said cheerfully. “After the feast I will show you around our paradise planet. Help yourselves to some spewkrangle stew.”
The Space Penguins looked doubtfully at the large bowls of sticky green stuff in the middle of the table. Spewkrangle stew looked and smelled like rotten snot.
“We don’t have spoons,” said Rocky.
“Or plates,” added the Captain.
Hubba Blubba roared with laughter. “No one ever told me the great Space Penguins were so funny!”
He dipped a green and yellow finger into the spewkrangle stew. There was a horrible slurping sound and to the penguins’ astonishment, the level of stew in the big bowl began to sink.
“I’d always thought it was a myth that there were creatures in the universe that used their mouths both to talk AND eat,” said Hubba Blubba, as his finger slurped up the green goo like a straw. “But I see it all the time in my Space Zoo. Such peculiar habits! It’s fascinating. Eat up!”
“I’m actually still quite full from breakfast,” said Fuzz.
Captain Krill politely dipped his flipper in the spewkrangle stew and sat there for a bit, making “yummy!” noises.
Hubba Blubba drained the rest. As he lifted his finger out of the bowl, it shivered and went BWAAAA.
“Did his finger just burp?” said Splash to Rocky.
“Double awesome,” said Rocky.
The farty trumpets rang out. There was a sudden loud whoop somewhere up in the cavern roof.
“Let the entertainment begin!” announced Hubba Blubba.
Four green, slimy acro
bats swung through the hall on long red ropes high above the dinner guests, scattering slime as they went. The one at the front wore a black crown with sparkly green bits.
“Woo hoo!” they cried, as they spun and twirled.
Splash quietly wiped a bit of slime off his beak.
Hubba Blubba clapped hard. “The one with the crown is Glog,” he informed the penguins. “The Glogettes are the finest acrobats in Splurdj. Look at them fly!”
The Glogettes balanced on each other’s shoulders. They spun on each other’s heads. They made the audience gasp with amazement as they bent their slippery bodies into impossible shapes.
“Not bad,” muttered Fuzz when at last the Glogettes took their bows and slid away. “If flying bogies are your thing.”
“We will now tour Splurdj’s many delights by Gooter,” said Hubba Blubba. “Gooters are vehicles of Oozi design. You’ll like them. Follow me!”
A TOUR OF SPLURDJ
Outside, the Space Penguins found a green, saucer-shaped vehicle hovering above the slippery ground.
“This,” said Hubba Blubba, “is a Gooter.”
“How does it stay up?” asked Splash, peering underneath.
FWPWPWPWPWP. A gust of stinky green smoke exploded from the Gooter’s three thrusters, nearly knocking Splash backwards.
“Oozi gas,” said Hubba Blubba. “One hundred per cent natural. We extract it from our own bodies and store it in tanks. We are a resourceful species.”
He squeezed into the Gooter beside the Space Penguins, who were all feeling as green as the Oozi gas. With another FWPWPWPWP the Gooter rose into the air.
The Splurdj landscape rolled away beneath them, green and slimy, as the Gooter veered towards a range of mountains.
Space Penguins Planet Peril Page 1
