by Laura Gibson
She didn’t deserve a life like this. She deserved to be loved and lavished and doted upon. She deserved to be treated like the goddess she was. Not this. Not a runner for something Jefferson didn’t even believe in.
Jefferson swallowed, “They all know Alice is going to be calling them soon. They know I’m handing the reins over to you.”
“What are you going to do?” Anna’s perfectly sculpted brow frowned as her long fingers gently picked up the flip phone and opened it.
Jefferson shrugged, “I’ll be around for when you guys need me, I guess.”
Anna’s blue eyes met his in the dim lighting of the room and he could tell she was trying to read something from him. Something of how he was feeling.
Internally, Jefferson tried to shut down. It wasn’t his place to be saying anything. Anna was a big girl, she knew exactly what she was getting into and even more than that, she made it very clear she didn’t want what he was offering. She was still considered to be in a relationship with Connor Bronen and she had yet to mention the one kiss they shared. Not like he was going to bring it up again. He knew they shared something more intimate than a friendship, but he wasn’t going to be the one to breach that subject. Anna had drawn a fine line the sand and now she was sitting there, looking at him, studying him.
“You look different, Jefferson.” Her blue eyes were a cold whisper against his skin and he tried not to shiver.
“I’m the same I’ve ever been, Anna.” Jefferson worked hard not to whisper. Wondering if she was looking at him for the first time in forever. Wondering if she finally saw something she liked.
Anna tilted her head to side and she sighed without saying anything. Her teeth worked at her bottom lip, not nervously, never nervously, thoughtfully more like it.
He wanted to tell her he loved her. One more time, he wanted to open his mouth and display his full heart for her to see, if only to convince her there was more out there for a girl like Anna. She didn’t have to be Alice. She didn’t have to work for Casimir Volkov and his pack of vicious wolves lead by her brother. She could be anything she wanted to be. She didn’t have to bend to the whim of any man.
But the moment his lips parted to speak the treacherous words, they closed again. This was her choice. Rejecting him was her choice. He couldn’t fight for someone who didn’t want to be fought for. He couldn’t make her understand something she had chosen to ignore.
“This is Connor’s dad’s number.” Anna was looking at the contacts, she had moved on from whatever she had seen in Jefferson. She had moved on, but he hadn’t.
Shaking his head free of the thoughts forming, brewing like angry storm clouds, he tried to interject something about Senator Bronen that she would care to hear about, “Yeah, he likes hookers.”
Anna made a face, “Gross, Jeff.”
Jefferson wanted to roll his eyes, she was put off by the thought of the prostitution, but she was okay with people wanting her to sell drugs because she was pretty? Didn’t she realize that’s was very close to being the same thing? But he didn’t say that, he just shrugged and said the only thing he thought might phase her, “So does Connor.”
Those eyes that enchanted him so looked at his with little to no thought or care. She felt nothing for Connor. Knowing he had other women in his bed meant nothing to her, even if they were paid to be there. Especially if they were paid to be there.
“Why are you with him?” Jefferson asked, not able to help himself in the quiet room, knowing they really only had so much time left to be completely alone.
“Because it’s better than being alone, Jefferson.” Anna met him with a hard expression. She was upset by this fact, or hurt, she was just sure of it. As if she didn’t really believe two people could honestly care for one another as life wore them down, as life tore them apart.
“But you don’t even talk to him.” Jefferson studied Anna, hoping for a little more insight, hoping for something more than what she was offering.
“I don’t have to. We understand each other.”
And Jefferson believed her. He believed that Connor understood Anna more than anyone else ever could. Because how else was he supposed to accept the fact she wasn’t in love with him? Jefferson knew, if he were in Connor’s in place, he wouldn’t be able to.
Chapter Six
February 5th, 2007
Aboard The Reliant
Kaliningrad, Russia
Kelly
Kelly leaned on the railing overlooking the docks once more, his fingers holding a cigarette, its paper slowly burning to ash as he held it, not bothering to pay attention to the fact that he looked like a zombie. His teeth worked nervously at his bottom lip, a bad habit he had picked up from his mother whenever something would go wrong, and his eyes scanned the surface of the water, wondering what it would feel like to throw himself overboard.
His eyes were bloodshot and dry from a lack of sleep and his heart wasn’t beating quite right, he could feel it. Sometimes it would hold and skip and he’d have to inhale sharply and wait for it to restart, as if it needed to be reminded that living was natural. But maybe it’d be okay if it didn’t. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to think about how foolish of a person he had been his whole life. Maybe then he could just be done wondering what the rest of the world was going to do with him. He knew they whispered it. ‘What will we do with Kelly?’ They would ask one another as they looked at him from the corner of their eyes, studying him, questioning his very existence.
That’s what had happened when his father disappeared for six months and his mother had to be hospitalized for awhile. Something about the strain and the stress of it all. Anna was ten and was busy telling everyone that her new name was Alice or some sort of bullshit like that, and Kelly was seven and had just gotten in trouble for hitting some little asswipe in the back with a pipe.
The two of them lived with the Prescotts for awhile, until Kelly’s dad came home and his mom decided that she was well enough to be okay with everything that had happened. Whatever that was.
Someone told Kelly he couldn’t become violent when people made him angry, but Kelly didn’t really care what they had to say about it. His favorite superhero at the time was Batman and all Kelly really needed to become a vigilante was to have his parents just quit life altogether.
Kelly exhaled toxic smoke into the air and watched it drift away from him, poisoning the air. No point in being a champion of the people if you weren’t actually an orphan. Actual orphans got more attention than fake orphans. And that’s what Kelly was. A fake orphan. His parents were still alive, but they didn’t want him. They barely wanted Anna, and once Kelly was around, they could care less what happened to their children.
Maybe that was Kelly’s way of acting out for attention. If he was violent on the playground people at least noticed him. Just the same as Anna telling everyone she was Alice and not Anna. She just wanted attention. She just wanted people to care that she was there, to remind her that they wanted her as she was, and not as a new child.
Anna grew out of the stage of Alice and Kelly stopped hitting people, but that didn’t mean that anything had changed, it just meant they had gotten better at hiding it.
They were still products of their raising. Wild children who learned to fend for themselves. Kelly, with his aggression, and Anna, with her lies.
Kelly figured that was the only reason that Ryan hadn’t tried to pick on him when they first met each other. Ryan was a brat from the beginning, but he never really touched Kelly, not in words nor in actions. He kept a respectable distance and Kelly figured it was because he didn’t want to know what a real beating felt like.
Kelly cleared his throat, Ryan had left with Mikhail earlier that morning, going back into Kaliningrad for the day before The Reliant headed back to the states. That meant they would talk about things. Things that Kelly would have no business knowing. Undoubtedly they would touch on the topic of Kelly and either move on or stay there for awhile. Picking him apart like crow
s upon carrion.
Kelly tried to push down the feelings of inferiority but he just couldn’t. He knew what they thought about him.
Finally, Kelly took a drag, ending the cigarette. He should have taken that job with Casimir. Whatever it was, it had to be better than this.
He knew he was invited on this trip out of pity, that Bill didn’t actually want him around, rather he just wanted to make sure that Kelly wasn’t left out, and now Kelly was faced with the fact that someone did want him and he had turned them down.
Isn’t that just the most beautiful thing in the world? Kelly cracked a sarcastic smile and snorted at his own stupidity. He pushed people away because he had felt the sting of rejection too many times to be able to handle it anymore. So he rejected first because he knew it was coming. If it wasn’t now, it would be later. Kelly wasn’t worth much at the end of the day, he wasn’t to his parents, and he sure as hell wasn’t to someone like Casimir Volkov.
So maybe he could have said yes and really just let everyone who ever believed in him down.
Maybe he could just throw himself over the railing instead.
“Kelly Hill.” Casimir’s now familiar voice washed over Kelly as he stood against the railing, wondering if he died, would it really matter? People lived and died every day. People with more merit and experience than he. People who deserved it more. People who cared more.
Kelly swallowed down the bitter feelings and turned to face the only man that believed in him and gave him a good hard look. What made Casimir Volkov so special after all? Why did he think he had the authority to tell Kelly whether or not he was worthy of something greater than the life he had already been handed?
Casimir looked smug, the gray afternoon a perfect contrast against his rather polarizing presence. “Bill and I talked it over, I don’t think I’m ready to accept no as an answer yet.”
Kelly sighed and shrugged, feeling guilty for turning the Russian down, feeling guilty for knowing he was just going to let someone else down, no matter what he did. “Mister Volkov, I can’t accept your job offer. For one, I don’t know what I would be doing, and two, I know there are plenty of other men and women more qualified for the job.”
Somewhere a wild bird of sort shrieked and Kelly felt his hands clench around the railing, his anxiety getting the better of him.
Casimir’s eyes narrowed at Kelly’s physical reaction to the silence but he said nothing to bring it into the conversation. Instead he shrugged, coming alongside Kelly, leaning against the railing, his hands clasped out in front of him, “I suppose there is.”
“You should ask them.” Kelly mirrored his stance, “I mean, I’m not the type of guy known to be real dependable.”
“I doubt that.” Casimir cleared his throat, “You seem more dependable than most.”
“Looks can be deceiving.” Kelly frowned.
“Not yours.” Casimir looked at Kelly again. “Let me show you what I’m offering first, before you say no again.”
“No offense-” Kelly tried to argue with Casimir but the Russian held up his hand.
“If you mean not to offend me, you’ll allow me to show you the position in question. The only offense I take is chosen ignorance.” Casimir’s tone was flat, a hard line that he had drawn in the sand. Kelly respected it but it also bothered him. Control was something someone took ahold of at the first sign of weakness and Casimir seemed as though he was very much aware of Kelly’s weaknesses.
Kelly swallowed and inhaled once before making the decision to step over. “Okay, Casimir, show me.”
Casimir didn’t hide the smile that spread across his face, “I’ve got a car waiting for us, if we hurry, we won’t miss too much.”
Kelly followed Casimir’s quick footed path down to the docks and into the black car parked there, a driver leaning against the passenger door, his face expressionless, as passive as the day was long. As if he didn’t care what was happening. As if he already knew.
As they got into the car, Casimir looked almost excited, elated that Kelly had finally given into the game he had been setting up this entire time. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat before flashing Kelly a smile that reminded him more of a wolf than a man. The predatory glint of satisfaction.
They wound through the inner streets of Kaliningrad and Kelly had to stop himself from looking out the window, he didn’t want to see what he would be missing out on when he finally told Casimir no. He was already solidified in the idea, but he would allow Casimir to show him whatever it was and then his answer would remain the same. It would require stronger resolve than before.
He looked over at the Russian and Casimir was no longer smiling, he was staring at a text message he had received on his phone. His blue eyes flicked to Kelly’s and he closed his phone, putting it back in his pocket. “Ryan’s going to be some trouble.”
“That sounds like Ryan.” Kelly tried to feel out the sudden change of emotions in the car.
“Do you think you can handle him? Tell him what to do?” Casimir was half changing the subject, not wanting to linger on the upsetting text message that had clearly left a bad taste in his mouth.
Kelly shrugged again, “I guess, I mean, if I had to.”
Casimir looked out the window, away from Kelly, “Good.”
The car was silent for a tick and Kelly wondered just what was going on. When Kelly had thought their conversation was over, the car pulled to a stop next to an old building, dilapidated and falling apart.
Casimir spoke once more, “Ryan tried to take your job.”
“Well it wasn’t mine.” Kelly tried to clarify, squelching the feelings of betrayal that warmed his stomach. That sounded very much like Ryan. He was always trying to put Kelly in his place. Didn’t he see Kelly already knew where he belonged?
“No, but I offered it to you, I didn’t offer it to him.” Casimir was looking at Kelly again, studying him, trying to find his buttons.
“You turned him down?” Kelly asked, afraid of the next response.
“I don’t like people who are jealous of their equals. Or of their betters.” Casimir was still testing the waters.
“Or their lessers?” Kelly chuckled bitterly.
Casimir narrowed his eyes at Kelly, “You’re better than Ryan Prescott.”
Kelly was shaking his head before he could think of something else to do. That wasn’t true, Casimir had all his facts wrong. He wasn’t anything, he was barely human. And even then, that could be questioned. Years of neglect had taught him he didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things.
“Come with me.” Casimir got out of the car before Kelly could argue again with him and was walking towards the building.
Kelly got out as quick as he could to keep up with the Russian’s long strides and met him just as Casimir was opening the door.
The smell of cigarette smoke was overwhelming and stung Kelly’s eyes as he tried to take in the sight before him. Peering through the haze, he made out a strange sight indeed.
The room was filled with large wooden crates and several people occupied the chairs that were littered throughout.
In the center was an old round table seating seven to eight people, two of whom being Mikhail and Ryan. Ryan looked distraught, Mikhail looked relieved. Kelly surveyed Casimir’s reaction to the sight. Casimir looked neither distraught nor relieved. Despondent? No, bored would be the better word. He was bored completely and utterly unfazed by what was happening.
Kelly wondered what he looked like. Shocked probably. Had they just happened upon an illegal card game? Were there illegal card games in Russia? Did anyone care? Kelly frowned, trying to look more like he belonged. Trying to look like he wasn’t the interloper.
“Johann.” Casimir was smiling warmly, “What is this I hear about Mikhail spending my money?”
A taller man with dark eyes and a unibrow stood up and made his way over to Casimir. His body was barrel shaped and he looked cross, as if his whole life had been one long agitation
. His pants were dirty and his shirt had food on it. Kelly felt his mouth tick in apprehension. Crossing his arms over his chest, Johann voiced his concerns in a thick German accent, “Mikhail gambles too much.” His teeth were smoke stained and his lips too dry to be taken as respectable.
Casimir’s expression went back to boredom, this time mixed with light concern, “An unfortunate observation.”
“You can pay his debt or not.” Johann said as if either one was of no consequence to him.
“I can pay you.” Casimir nodded, never breaking eye contact.
“Three kilos.” Johann jutted out his chin as if he was daring Casimir to bluff. As if he had more leverage than Casimir at this junction. One look at Casimir made Kelly shiver, Johann clearly didn’t know who he was dealing with.
“That’s easy enough.” Casimir pulled out his cell phone and sent a quick text. Seconds later, the driver from their car was entering with a large duffel bag. He set the bag down and went back outside, barely seen, barely heard.
Kelly’s palms began to sweat and Mikhail’s face had paled dramatically. Ryan shifted nervously, wondering his own fate in this mix.
Johann nodded at someone unidentified, thin and squirrely, less put together than his large German cohort and Casimir cleared his throat, “There’s eight there, more than enough to pay my brother’s debts, I’m sure.”
“You’re generous.” Johann seemed embarrassed now as his man confirmed Casimir’s word.
Casimir looked past Johann, ignoring the German’s previous statement. He didn’t care what Johann thought about his generosity, Johann was an insect to him. Kelly swallowed.
“Get in the car.” Casimir looked at Ryan and Mikhail who obeyed silently, dogs with their tails tucked between their legs.
“Don’t play cards with my brother again.” Casimir’s voice was lower now, his threat carrying over in his tone.
“It’s always an open invitation, Cas, you know that.” Johann smiled, his teeth a grimy yellow in the light of the room.
