Kaki shook her head. Other than prayers with Darienne at the facility or nighttime prayers with her dad when she was a little kid, Kaki had never really talked to God before. When she was young, she’d gone to church with her dad and Lana, but God never seemed real to her. “Some of the sermons here during the church services are starting to make a little sense, though.” Her voice was shy, unsure.
Darienne smiled. “That’s a great start.”
Encouraged, Kaki continued. “I’ve even started reading the Bible a little. It doesn’t all make sense to me, but some of it does.”
Darienne’s green eyes were kind. They were so alive and fiery.
She hoped one day when she looked in the mirror, her own would stare back with that kind of life.
“God will never give you more than you can handle, Kaki.”
Kaki laughed. “He must think I can handle a lot, then.”
~*~
Friday, March 24
Going home was hard. Much harder than she’d thought. Kaki had moved from Damien and the gang, to a treatment facility, and now she was going back to her dad’s house where she was expected to live a semi-normal life.
When her father picked her up, she was simply relieved that everyone in her family was still alive. “Have they caught him yet?” she asked on the ride home.
“Who?”
“Damien.”
“No, honey. They haven’t caught him yet. They will, though.”
“How do you know?” She noticed her dad’s hair had faded to a light gray. She always thought of him with blond hair.
“Because I know that God is good and just. Whether Damien is caught today or twenty years from today, God will bring about justice. I know He will.”
Because the words came from her dad, she willed herself to believe them. She needed to believe them. She needed to start having hope again. Damien had stolen six months of her life, and she was determined not to give him anymore. She tensed a little before asking the next question. “What about Lana? Any word from her?”
Her father’s face fell and he answered softly. “No. No word.” A few moments of silence passed. He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “Your mom’s anxious to see you.”
“She came to visit me last week. Actually, she came every week she was able to visit.” It had made her feel good to have her mom around again. Even if she was a little crazy, Kaki was starting to believe that her mother loved her nonetheless.
“That’s good. And your brother really wants to see you, too. He’s doing a lot better. But…we’re all just taking it one day at a time. That’s the best we can do. I guess we all have to start new lives.” A tight smile pulled at his lips.
Kaki nodded, although her insides trembled with fear. She couldn’t envision what a new life looked like. She wondered if her dad felt as scared as she did.
Sydney’s death was an ever-present memory, although Kaki had worked hard to put it behind her. Officially, an autopsy ruled Sydney Diaz’s death a drug overdose, and not a homicide.
Damien Rosas-Diego was charged for concealing the body and found guilty in absentia, and Kaki felt some comfort in the knowledge that a warrant for his arrest was out there…but Damien was out there, too. No one had found him yet. She still awoke to the nightmarish vision of his black eyes staring down at her, his hands reaching out to wrap around her throat. “Do I have to go back to school?” she asked, dreading the answer.
Tyler cleared his throat. “Well, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. How would you feel about doing homebound until the end of the year? And then, at the start of next year, Molly would teach you and Brandon at home. Almost like homeschooling. How would you feel about that?”
The idea of never having to set foot in that school—with all of its memories and associations that made her physically ill—provided monumental relief. The muscles in her neck and shoulders loosened. “I think it sounds like a great idea.”
~*~
Saturday, April 1
The adorable, heavy-footed puppies ran back and forth and all over Josh and Molly’s living room floor.
Something inside Kaki sang. For the time she was sitting on the floor with them, running her fingers over their fluffy heads, or holding their warm, furry bodies in her arms, not one thought about Damien, her fear, or the ugly black and blue tattoo on her wrist entered her mind.
Kaki looked down at her wrist. She’d been keeping it covered with a terrycloth tennis wristband. It looked kind of dumb, but it was better than the tattoo. She had called the organization Darienne suggested and had an appointment next week to have a plastic surgeon look at it. She could hardly wait.
One of the puppies grabbed the wristband between its teeth and tugged at it.
Kaki laughed, extracted the cloth from the puppy’s mouth, and held its fuzzy body under her chin. It looked up at her and licked her. She breathed in its sweet puppy breath. The puppies were the purest form of love Kaki had ever known.
Molly said a dog’s love was God’s way of revealing a small glimpse of His love. “A dog loves unconditionally, no matter who we are or what we do. They never leave us or forsake us. A lot like God.”
Kaki couldn’t understand how God could ever love or forgive her when she was so dirty and unworthy. But it helped her to believe He might be able to accept her when she held one of those puppies. The furball she was holding licked her face until her cheeks were wet and shining. It wanted nothing more than to be in her company.
“When are you going to pick out one of those puppies and take it home with you?” Molly asked.
Kaki wanted one of the puppies. Her dad had even said she was welcome to bring one home anytime she wanted. But she couldn’t. Not with Damien still out there. “I don’t know,” Kaki said. “I’m not sure.”
“What? You can’t decide?” Molly laughed. “OK. That’s easy. Take two of them. They’re small. Your dad won’t even notice the second one.”
“It’s not that. I just…I don’t know.”
“Well, listen. We can’t keep all of these. We already gave away two, and we’ve got to find homes for these others. Josh said we can only keep one of them, and I’ve already decided I’ll keep whichever one isn’t chosen.”
Kaki pointed at her two favorites, a little fawn-colored chub and the black and white runt.
“Great!” Molly exclaimed. “You can take them home with you today. Nothing’ll take your mind off of your woes like puppies. I don’t even think about babies anymore. God used Trixie and these puppies to completely divert my attention to a different type of mothering—one that requires me to feed, water, clean, and care for these furry babies…all because of the gift of a stray, pregnant mutt on the doorstep one freezing January afternoon.”
“Really? So, you don’t even feel bad about not having any human children?”
“I just know that God’s plans are much greater, and much more comprehensive than mine. Maybe, if we’d had those children we so desperately wanted, we would have been too busy, too consumed with them to be of use to anyone else’s kids…like to you and your brothers and sisters. Maybe one day we’ll look back and say, ‘So that’s why.’ Or maybe we’ll just have to continue to trust that the Lord is good.”
Kaki looked down at the puppy she held. It’s little fawn-colored body blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to snatch up those puppies and run home with them right then, but something stopped her. Fear for the puppies. “I’m just afraid, Molly.” She hated the way her voice sounded.
Molly’s large, dark eyes grew serious. “What are you afraid of?”
The tears threatened to spill over. She hadn’t cried in ages. The lump in her throat made her voice sound thick. “I’m afraid Damien will kill them,” she said, bursting into sobs. “They haven’t caught him yet. He said he’d kill my family, my friends, my pets…”
Molly pulled her into a tight hug. She held her until she finished crying, which seemed to take a long time.
>
Finally, Kaki pulled back and looked at her. An idea suddenly occurred. “Could the puppies stay with you until they catch Damien? Until I know it would be safe to bring them home?”
Molly had tears in her own eyes as she nodded. “Of course, sweetie. They can stay here until you’re ready.”
“Until he’s caught?”
She nodded. “Until he’s caught.”
30
Tyler
Tuesday, April 5
Tyler watched the moving truck back into the driveway across the street where Suzanne and her husband used to live. New neighbors were moving in—a young couple with two small children. He hoped they would prove to be friends for Micah and Celia. Despite everything, he was glad he hadn’t put their house on the market or chosen to move away. He loved their neighborhood.
But Tyler was tired. The past week had been spent with lawyers inside the Fairfax County Courthouse, witnessing several separate trials in a confusing attempt to figure out who was responsible for what crimes.
All sexting charges for Brandon and three other boys his age were dropped, much to Tyler’s relief. Several of the older boys at the party ended up with more severe convictions, including obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting a crime, and possession and distribution of child pornography, for which some of them received fines or time in the juvenile detention center.
The most surprising conviction of all went to Gio George in a separate trial regarding the events that had taken place at his house. Despite the expensive defense team his father had hired, Gio was convicted on several counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, aiding prostitution, and taking persons for the purposes of prostitution. Although he had not yet been sentenced, as a legal adult Gio was facing up to two years in prison followed by requisite registration as a sex offender. His family was, of course, appealing his conviction.
Moving into the kitchen, Tyler stacked two plastic cups and carried them, along with the pitcher of lemonade, onto the back porch where Katherine sat in the rocking chair, her foot pushing against the wrought iron coffee table as she stared out into the yard.
The weather had been a warm and breezy spring day. It was wonderful to see his daughter so relaxed. She was in no way completely healed, and it would take years for her to feel whole again. Or perhaps she never would. He’d have to pray for God to supernaturally heal those wounds that time and modern medicine couldn’t touch.
Tyler and Katherine had never spoken about those horrific months. The weeks following her return home were all about watching and protecting her, making sure she didn’t run, and attempting to bring some normalcy back to her life. He hoped she would talk when she was ready. He set the lemonade down on the glass table.
Katherine dropped her feet from the edge of it.
“Molly made this,” he admitted.
“I know,” Katherine said, sipping.
“It’s all natural with no preservatives, no doubt,” Tyler said.
A smile tugged at the corner of Katherine’s mouth. “No doubt.”
There was a slight breeze blowing, and the chimes affixed to the overhang—silvery pipes of different sizes strung from a model of a cathedral—jangled together. Lana had hung those when they’d first moved into the house. They still sounded beautiful, even though the strings were dark and weathered. A pang of regret surged in his chest.
Father and daughter stared off into the empty yard where the grass was nearing an overgrown state and dandelions pushed their way through the green blades. Some of the pollen scattered across the tips of the grass as the breeze blew a little harder. It was so quiet—as though the wind begged Tyler to say what had been on his heart. “You know, Kaki, I’ve been waiting for the right time to say this.”
Kaki swung her head toward her father.
“I feel…that what happened to you…was in some way my fault.”
Kaki said nothing, but her eyes were wide.
“And I really feel the need to ask your forgiveness. I’ve realized I’ve been a less-than-stellar dad. Absent, neglectful, self-consumed. You and Brandon both needed me to be there for you, and I haven’t been there for years.” He paused, swallowed, and looked out at the yard. “There are a lot of reasons for that, some of which involve my own selfishness. Maybe your mom and I had our own problems to contend with, but we should never have taken it out on you and Brandon. It wasn’t right.”
Katherine nodded, and her gaze shifted to her hands. Could she forgive him?
Tyler wasn’t sure he could forgive himself. “I get the feeling you and Brandon think I don’t love you—and I know I’ve been abysmal at showing it—but Kaki, I love you, Brandon, Micah, and Celia more than anything in this world. You kids are the greatest joy I’ve encountered in this life. I mean that.”
Katherine’s mouth pressed together, and tears spilled over her cheeks.
His heart clenched. “Do you believe that?” He asked, trying to meet her eyes.
She nodded and gasped a sob.
“I know I haven’t been any kind of a father to you, Kaki, but I promise that with the Lord’s help—and I really need His help, because I’m just as messed up as the next person—I’m committing myself to becoming the best dad I can possibly be from here on out. How does that sound?”
Kaki’s face crumbled as the tears rolled over her cheeks in rivulets.
Tyler’s chest tightened as his daughter’s silent tears turned into loud, heaving sobs that wracked her whole body. He held her hand while she cried, his own tears streaming from eyes that leaked much too easily these days. He stood in front of her, still squeezing her hand between his own. “Kaki, will you forgive me?” As he spoke, he realized how long it had been since he had called her by the nickname.
“Yes.” For the first time since she’d returned, Kaki allowed her father to hug her.
And just that small gesture made his heart soar. “I love you, honey.” His phone vibrated and buzzed.
“What now?” he sighed, wiping at his eyes and looking down at the screen. He didn’t recognize the number, but he answered it. “Hello?”
“Tyler?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Lana.”
Tyler’s heart and mind simultaneously seized with shock. He looked over at Kaki, still wiping her eyes. “I’m taking this inside,” he said, patting her shoulder.
With a pounding in his chest, Tyler moved inside, but where he could still see Kaki from the window. “Hi,” he said with a dry mouth. Reaching a shaking hand into the cabinet, he grabbed a glass and filled it with water.
“I know it’s been a while.”
Anger welled. “Lana, it’s been three months.”
“Yeah, I-I know,” she said, and her voice sounded different, subdued. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” His mind reeled with questions.
“That’s good. And the kids? How are they?”
“They’re fine. Lana, I’m sorry—but why are you calling? I’m busy right now. Kaki’s waiting outside on the porch for me. You can’t even imagine what’s been going on here.”
She didn’t have a clue about the pain, the trials they’d all been enduring.
“Oh,” she said. “Oh, I don’t want to interrupt your day. I just—”
“You just what?” he asked, teeth clenched.
“Tyler, I know I don’t deserve one minute of your time, and everything that I’ve done is…well, inexcusable. And to tell you that I’ve changed is probably unbelievable to you. But I guess I’m just wondering…if we might be able to talk sometime.”
The energy drained out of him. Hearing her voice again twisted something inside of him. He wished he could see her. “Where are you, Lana?” he asked.
“I-I’m in Ohio. I’m staying with my aunt right now.”
“You’re not in California?”
“No, I left a month ago. It—it wasn’t what I thought. And…well, I needed help, Tyler. But you probably knew that.”
An image o
f a vodka bottle hidden behind the bottles of cleaning products flicked through his mind’s eye.
“I-I was in bad shape,” she continued. “I started going to treatment…for drinking. And for everything else, too.”
Tyler had been holding his breath, his hand moving up to pinch his temples. “I’m glad you’re getting help. I’ve been getting help, too. For my problem. We’re all getting help.”
“That’s great. Yeah, that’s really great, Tyler. And I’m going to church here in town with my aunt. I’m trying to make some big changes in my life.”
Tyler didn’t want to be manipulated again. He’d gone down this road once before.
“I know I can’t expect you to forgive me. All I’m asking is a chance for us to talk. Whenever it’s convenient for you. And if it’s OK, I’d love to speak to the kids, too. I’ve missed them.”
Tyler had worked so hard to recover, to move on and forget her. But in his mind, he heard the word as though it had been spoken aloud. Forgive. He had to forgive Lana. Whether their marriage was salvageable was something only time would tell—but forgiveness was non-negotiable. God had forgiven him, so how could he not forgive?
“Tyler, are you there?”
“I’m here. Let’s talk later tonight.”
“OK.”
“Lana, thank you for calling. I know the kids miss you.”
“I miss them. And I miss you.”
Tyler sighed, closing his eyes in a silent prayer. “Well, let’s just talk later. Maybe we can take it from there.”
~*~
Saturday, April 9
Tyler and Kaki were in the kitchen preparing five bacon and egg sandwiches for their car ride to King’s Dominion, a theme park located an hour and a half away. Of course, the trip required a wide variety of snacks. Micah hated string cheese, but Celia loved it. Kaki loved chocolate, whereas Brandon was allergic. Water, lemonade, sodas, juice, and the cooler was full to brimming.
Suburban Dangers Page 25
