by Eden Finley
“Paige, don’t,” I said, stepping towards her.
She put her hand up to stop me. “I’m barely holding it together as it is.”
Reece rolled her eyes. “Geez, you guys are being pretty pathetic considering you haven’t even been together all that long.”
“And you know what, Reece?” I said. “I feel so much more for Paige than I ever did for you.”
I could’ve picked Reece’s jaw off the floor, it’d dropped so wide. It was almost comical.
A loud thud brought my attention back to Paige. She’d dropped everything she’d just gathered and was standing there in shock. “What?”
I shrugged. “It’s true.”
“But is what you feel for her more important than Cody?” Reece asked, composed once again and clearly out for blood.
I shook my head. “Of course not.”
Paige nodded in agreement.
“But are you seriously standing there asking me to make a choice?” I asked Reece. My voice was still pleading with her, yet it was having no effect on her emotionless face. “I mean, I know you can be selfish, but can you really be this vindictive?” Okay, yeah, not the best words I could have used.
“Why do you think I’m marrying Paul?” she asked. It wasn’t mean or sarcastic—it was like she genuinely wanted to know what I thought.
“Huh?” I asked.
“Shouldn’t it be because you love him?” Paige asked.
“Well, of course, I love him, but it wouldn’t have gotten that far had he not been suitable for Cody. As a parent, you always put your child first. You have to.”
“Cole does!” Paige exclaimed. “Trust me, he does. The minute he found out who I was, he ended it. I was the one who chased him.”
I appreciated what she was trying to do, but we both knew that wasn’t quite the truth. “Actually, we kind of chased each other. We tried to stay away, truly we did. Twice. I know this is weird, and it may take some explaining to Cody, but—”
“Nuh-uh. We are not explaining any of this to Cody.” She was determined, and when Reece wanted something …
I let out a loud defeated sigh and sank onto the bed beside me. Sitting with my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees, I knew this was it for Paige and me.
“Get out,” I muttered. My head snapped up to Reece. “Get the fuck out right now, or …” I didn’t finish my sentence.
“Or what? You’ll slam me against another wall?”
I stood in a flourish of anger but knew I was still in control. Reece, however, flinched. Taking steps towards her, I got in her face but held back a few feet. The fear in her eyes grew, and it made me even angrier that she was still scared of me. I understood why, but it fucking hurt that she couldn’t see I’d changed. My voice was low but forceful when I started talking. “I may not have any say over Cody’s life because you made me sign that document three years ago—telling me it was what was best for Cody—but I do get a say in who gets to be in my apartment. And right now, that doesn’t include you. So get out before I call the police and have you physically removed for trespassing.”
She turned to leave, and Paige went to follow her.
“Where are you going?” I asked, but my voice came out gravelly.
“I have to go.”
“Don’t—”
“I can’t stay, Cole,” she whispered, refusing to look at me. “We knew this was a possibility. I’m not going to make you choose because I know what your choice will be, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I care about you far too much to put that kind of ultimatum on you.”
If anything, I fell for her even more—especially considering she was glaring at Reece when she said it. But that didn’t mean she also wasn’t ripping my fucking heart out at the same time.
“Fine. Go.” It was all I could manage to say at that point.
She stepped closer to me, reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek.
So, this is how it ends.
20
- PAIGE -
“Just get in the car, Paige,” Reece begged. She was driving at a snail’s pace alongside me as I stormed down the street, my feet banging against the pavement with painful jolts running up my legs with each step.
“Fuck off.”
“You do realise it’s like a two-hour walk home, right?”
“Don’t care right now.” I stopped walking, and she pulled over and stopped. Her words really started sinking in. I had two choices—keep walking or get in the car and be home in fifteen minutes.
Sighing, I opened the passenger door and we took off.
“You did the right thing by leaving him,” she said after a lengthy bit of silence.
“It’d be really smart to shut up right now.” I stared out the window as she drove, but she didn’t heed my warning.
“Guys like Cole can’t have proper relationships. I know, I was in one with him for six years. Do you get that?” Her tone was calm—a complete opposite to ten minutes ago in Cole’s apartment.
I shook my head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“No, trust me, I do know. When you live through something like that—”
I scoffed.
“Paige, this is serious. Domestic violence is—”
“I’m not saying domestic violence is a joke. None of us are saying that what Cole did three years ago is acceptable. You were right to take Cody out of that environment while Cole was drinking and not in control of his life. But since then? Cole has sobered up, he’s got clean, and the guy I know is nothing like the guy you remember. When Cole told me what he did, I thought he was lying so I’d walk away from him—something he tried to get me to do numerous times because he was scared you’d do something like this out of spite. I thought he was lying because I just couldn’t fathom Cole … my Cole, doing something like that. Should one mistake that he made three years ago, really shape his entire life?”
Her mouth opened but quickly closed again.
“It’s not like he apologised for his actions, tried to win you back, and continued his destructive behaviour like a lot of men in his situation. He’s still truly devastated over what he did, and instead of giving into it, he made the effort to get clean. It’s not like he has a drinking problem. It’s not an addiction for him.”
Reece shook her head. “So he gave you that speech, did he? He’s an alcoholic, Paige. It’s not a curable disease. It’s something he has to live with forever, but he won’t even admit to himself that he has an actual problem. He thinks that because he can have one beer here and there without it getting out of hand, that it’s not an addiction. But when he has to turn to the bottle when he gets bad news or when he’s going through a hard time? That’s where his problem is. And he’ll always be like that.”
Was it true? Did he use drinking as a crutch? It would make sense—he was drinking the night I met him because he’d just found out about Dad and Reece.
We pulled into our driveway, and I jumped out of the car, rushing into the house. Dad and Cody were in the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast nook, eating cereal.
“Where did you two run off to so early this morning?” Dad asked, his voice surprisingly cheerful.
I spun around to face Reece who’d only just caught up to me, realising she hadn’t told Dad about the phone call last night—the phone call that I would regret for the rest of my life. If I’d just waited until he was finished talking … I shook my head free of my thoughts. I couldn’t open that can of worms right now.
“Ask your fiancée,” I muttered, heading to my room.
As I reached the hallway, I heard Reece say, “She called early this morning, asking for a lift home from Sara’s.”
My eyes narrowed as my heart filled with hope.
Why is she keeping it a secret from Dad?
My mind raced as I entered my room and dumped all my accumulated stuff from Cole’s onto my bed. I noticed right away that in my haste, I’d forgotten to grab my phone charger that was still plugg
ed in next to Cole’s bed. Dammit. I’d rather go buy another one than have to face Cole again soon. I didn’t think my heart could take it.
He looked so broken, so beaten down, when I left. I wanted to stay, more than anything, but I knew Reece wasn’t bluffing. At least, it didn’t seem like she was. If it was an empty threat, she should play professional poker.
And yet, I can’t keep blaming myself for it all going down like that. Distracting Cole while he was on the phone with Reece was the dumbest thing I could’ve done. I wouldn’t have blamed Cole if he hated me for it. Not that I thought waiting a few weeks to tell her would’ve made a difference. Her finding out this way probably saved us from falling deeper for each other before we had to end it.
Cole’s words still rattled around in my head, though. He said he felt more for me than he ever did for Reece. I wanted him to clarify what he meant, so desperately, but I knew that if he said those three little words, I probably would’ve freaked out. Especially knowing I had to walk away from him.
I flopped backwards on my bed, letting out a loud sigh.
“This sucks.”
****
After Reece left to take Cody to soccer, I ventured out to the kitchen to grab something for breakfast.
I was pouring coffee into my cup when I felt a presence behind me.
“What’s really going on?” Dad asked.
Even though I knew he was there, his booming voice made me jump.
“Nothing, Dad.” I wasn’t going to tell Dad about it. I was his daughter and I was pretty sure it was programmed for dads to be overprotective of their little girls. Even though I wasn’t going to tell him what happened, I couldn’t hold my tongue from telling him what I really thought of my future stepmother. “I just don’t know what you see in that woman.”
He let out a sigh. “Come sit down, we’ll have a little chat.”
I spun to face him, resting against the kitchen counter. “Why do you want to chat about it now? You didn’t even ask me or Danny what we thought about you possibly getting married again. You didn’t seem to care before.”
“Well, here I thought you’d be happy for your dad to find someone he wanted to spend his life with. You and Danny are adults … even if you’re not acting like one right now. Your brother gave me his blessing when we skyped last.”
“Yeah, but he’s never met her. He doesn’t know what she’s really like.”
“And what is she really like? And how would you know? You’ve done nothing but shun her since she moved in.”
“I know plenty. I definitely know the person she is with you is completely different to the person she is with her friends. I saw that when I went out with her a month ago.”
“How is she different?”
I sighed and shook my head, turning back to making my coffee.
“If you don’t tell me, how am I meant to know what you mean?”
“She’s manipulative. She treats her ex-husband like absolute crap.” I slowly turned to face him again, and his expression looked pensive.
“Relationships are hard when they break down. You don’t think your mother pulled manipulative shit on me when we separated?”
“Look, I know you love her. I just don’t get why. She doesn’t exactly seem nice.”
“I’m pretty sure she could say the same thing of you, Paige. Particularly since she moved in. She just wants us all to get along.”
I laughed. I didn’t mean to, but it just bubbled out of me. “Trust me, she doesn’t.”
“Why don’t either of you want to talk to me about what’s going on between you two?”
“Maybe because we’ve both done things that were wrong and we don’t want you to know about it?” The fact she hadn’t told my dad made me realise that was the case. She knew she was doing the wrong thing, but that still didn’t stop her. Just like knowing I shouldn’t have let myself fall for Cole.
“If you two want to sort it out between yourselves, then fine. But you do need to sort it, because I am going to marry her. You asked what I see in her, well, the main thing we first bonded over was the fact we both became parents at a young age. You know your mother and I were only eighteen when we first had Danny, and you came along not long after. I knew exactly what she was going through, and she was doing it all on her own because her ex was a drunk who wasn’t around much.”
I balled my hands into tight fists. “She’s so full of shit,” I mumbled.
“What was that?” Dad asked.
“Nothing.”
“You asked what I see in her, but I don’t know how to answer that. I can’t say anything other than I love her.”
“I have a lot of studying to do. We done here?”
“We’re not done until you tell me you’ll make more of an effort with her.”
My eyes found his because I wanted him to see how serious I was being when I said, “Then this conversation will go on forever because I can’t make an effort with a woman I loathe.” Despite my words, I walked out of the room, successfully ending the conversation.
****
So, I did the wallowing thing. I spent a whole week in my room sulking, only coming out to leave for uni. I constantly wondered how Cole was but couldn’t bring myself to find out. I still hadn’t gone back to get my phone charger, so I’d been using Reece’s whenever I could seeing as we both had iPhones, but I could only do it when she was out. I didn’t want her to know I was using hers.
On Thursday afternoon, there was a knock at my door.
“Go away,” I grumbled, not wanting to get out of bed. Yes, I was in bed at three PM. I went to my morning classes but blew off my arvo ones.
The door to my bedroom flung open. “Get up, lazy butt.” The deep voice had me jumping out of bed immediately.
“Danny!” I yelled, throwing my arms around my big brother. His giant frame engulfed me, squeezing me so tight I was worried I wouldn’t be able to breathe.
“Hey, sis. Missed you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?” I punched him in his hard chest.
“And miss this reaction? That’s not fun.”
“And why are you here?”
“I wanted to surprise you. I’m home for the summer.”
“You mean winter.” I giggled.
Danny went to university in America on a football scholarship. An Aussie kid playing American football—a sport that practically didn’t exist in our country. I still shook my head at the absurdity of it, but I had to admit, my brother had talent. It got him through “college,” and we were all expecting him to come home when he graduated last year, but he fell in love with Texas and chose to stay, working as a football coach for kids twelve years old and younger. It sucked that he wasn’t living in the same country anymore. As far as brothers and sisters went, we were pretty damn close.
“When did you get in?”
“Last night. I’m staying with Mum.”
“Because …?”
“I hear it’s pretty crowded here these days,” he said with a smile. “So what’s the plan for tonight?”
“I have absolutely no plans. I should be studying—”
“But you’re totes going to blow it off for your big brother, right?”
“You went and saw Sara before me?” I yelled.
He pulled back, a look of confused surprise crossing his face. “How did you know I …” He stopped talking when my eyes widened, and I realised that was exactly what happened. I was just bluffing.
“Because you never use the word ‘totes,’ and it comes out of her mouth every other sentence. You actually went and saw her before me?”
He ran his hand through his blond hair. As my brother, he looked nothing like me. He had light hair, and I had dark. He looked a lot like our dad with his square jaw and cleft chin, whereas I looked a lot like our mum. The only thing my brother and I had in common in the looks department was our light blue eyes.
“I felt bad about how we left things two years ago,” he said s
heepishly.
“You mean when you decided to have a holiday fling with my best friend, and then you left without even saying goodbye?”
Letting out a loud breath, he muttered, “I freaked out, okay? I thought I was falling for her and that’s not what either of us wanted.”
“How did she take your return?”
He grinned. “Not well.”
I laughed. “I’m not surprised.”
“Her exact words were ‘Oh, fucking hell. Tell the ghost of boyfriends past to fuck off when you see him, okay?’ and then she shut the door in my face.”
My laughter escalated to downright hysterics. “I love her so much.”
“What did she even mean? I banged on the door again, but she replied with ‘Totes not answering that’ and refused to talk to me.”
“It’s just, you’re not the only one who’s found his way back into her life. Long story, but last week she ran into a guy she had a thing with years ago, and then today you showed up on her doorstep. Poor girl.” I made a mental note to call her as soon as I could.
He ran his hand through his hair again, the look of guilt almost too much for me to take. “So, we going out to get drunk, or what?” he asked.
“It’s three PM.”
“So? When has that ever stopped us before? Besides, I need to hear all the juicy gossip on our stepmother-to-be.”
My eyes widened and my face paled. “What do you know?”
He grinned. “Nothing, but your face tells me I’m about to find out a whole lot of shit. Let’s go.”
I’d never been more grateful to see my big brother. If anyone apart from Sara were going to get me through this breakup, it would be him.
21
- COLE -
Pure fucking torture. Three weeks without Paige had been some of the hardest weeks of my entire life. Considering all the shit I’d dealt with over my lifetime, that was saying something.
It was only made harder by the fact that the urge to drink was back. Not just drink, though, I wanted to keep going until I was numb.
I probably would’ve started drinking heavily two months ago when Reece first announced to me she was getting married, but Paige stopped me from going there. Meeting her had saved me, but now she was gone, and the only thing keeping me sober was the fact that if I started drinking, I would’ve lost her for no reason. Reece would take Cody away from me, and Paige wouldn’t be with me if I was drinking. I needed to stay sober.
