“You know where the bathroom is with the shower. It’s shared with these six rooms on this wing. You’d be fine takin’ showers in the evenin’s. The patients usually have ‘em in the mornin'.” He looked at my father and nodded a goodbye. My father looked at me.
“Alex. It won’t be like this forever. I promise. We will be ok. It’s just going to take some time.”
His words were meant to comfort me but his eyes begged for reassurance again. Everything about our relationship seemed reversed and twisted. I gritted my fingers into the palms of my hands. I needed composure. When did I stop being the child and become the rock for my father? I nodded in agreement. It completely sucked. At the time I should be getting a bedtime story, I was lying to my father, so he didn’t have another breakdown.
I settled on the cot and focused on the ceiling as I tried to drift off to sleep. I heard the monitors tracking the remaining signs of life coming from my mother. I smelled the hospital. It always had a rotten stench that infested your nose and wouldn’t leave; a mix of bad food, urine, and cleanser intended to wipe away the stench. To me, it was the smell of death.
After tossing around for an hour, I got up to use the rest room. I heard people moaning deathly groans from their beds. I shoved my hands on each side of my head to block out the awful sounds.
I needed something to release this feeling. I would never sleep with this twisted aggravation circling through my thoughts on the brink of eruption. Two crystal glass dishes, the size of my hand, sat on the decorative table by the elevator. I slipped the cold objects under my shirt and snuck to the small balcony at the end of the hall. The sticky air caused sweat to bead up on my forehead. With a large swing, the first glass item hit the pavement below. Smash! The air rushed in my lungs. I could breathe. I launched the second one feeling the anticipation build as I waited for the crashing sound. Smash!
I slipped through the balcony door and drug my aching feet back to the room. The small sliver of release disappeared into the moans of the patients. My heart felt like the inside of dark clouded thunderstorm. Our fate was now in the hands of Dr. Mason. My mother just kept hanging on. Our lives remained stuck in this limbo. It would never get better as long as she continued to drag on and on. I wish she would just let go. I wish she would just die!
I pulled the blanket over my head to block out the awful thoughts and bit my lip until I tasted the salty blood.
Chapter 6
When I was eight…
I peeked through the slit in the curtains that blocked the sunshine from flowing across the hospital room. The start of a new day remained hidden beneath the thick drapes. My father left earlier. I stayed in the room staring at the clouds in the distance. The white puffs filled the sky without a single flying horse. I wondered if God was watching me right now. My father always talked about God watching over us. It was just something I couldn’t understand. I didn’t feel like I was being watched by anyone accept maybe the nurses lurking around the corners.
A knock on the door rattled my attention away from the window. I turned around to see a lady standing in the doorway. She had a stern expression on her face, surrounded by beautiful, blonde hair. My eyes trailed down her tiny figure at the expensive dress suit made of tan silk, accented with a strand of pearls just visible under the collar.
“Hello, you must be Alexandra. I’m Eva Lynn Mason. Is your father here?”
I don’t know if I was more startled by her sudden appearance or the fact she called me Alexandra. I felt self-conscious in my crinkled up shirt and jeans. I often just slept in my clothes and never bothered to change. Sometimes I wore the same thing for days so I didn’t have to wash it out in the sink. I knew I smelled, but it didn’t matter when my home was our car. It smelled too.
“Now, young lady. You really should speak when someone asks you a question. Do you know where your father is? I brought both of you lunch.”
Mesmerized by her strong Texas drawl, I had failed to notice the large container in her hands. I finally spoke up and said, “I’m Alex. He’s not here.”
“Well, Alexandra,” she said with a stressed emphasis, pulling out each syllable. Every word took twice as long when they left her flawless mouth. “I guess I will just have to wait until he returns, and please call me Mrs. Mason.” She turned and sat the container on the table by my sleeping mother who was oblivious to everything.
While I contemplated Dr. Mason’s other half, something in the hallway caught my attention. It was a boy. He leaned against the wall, just staring at the floor as if to say, I would rather be anywhere but here. The boy looked about the same age as me, but it was hard to tell. He was really tall, but so was I. He looked over to where I stood in the doorway.
I froze as he stared at me. The boy had blue eyes outlined with thick, black eyelashes. Blue eyes so bright and clear, like sunshine on a cloudless day. His black hair was a little shaggy and fell across his face almost covering the left eye. His hand went up and smoothed the hair to the side. His face took on a mischievous grin as the hair fell back in place over his blue eye.
“Don’t just stand out in the hallway taking up space. Be useful, Jessup. Go to your father’s office and bring back some plates.”
I watched Mrs. Mason with fascination. I’d never met anyone like her. So elegant, yet she held a commanding presence that ate up the whole room.
“Ok, Mother,” he paused and then looked at me, “You wanna come too? It ain’t very far.”
“Jessup, please speak correctly.” Mrs. Mason struck again but the look on her face was more effective than her words. She had just the right authority in her stare that made you want to never be on her bad side.
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered as he disappeared through the door. I stood there a second then took off behind him. We walked side by side past a few rooms before he said anything.
“Don’t worry about Mother. She’s not too bad most of the time.” I looked over at him and he glanced back. “Want some Skittles?” He pulled a half-eaten package out of his pocket and tilted the bag up to his lips.
I watched as he chewed the large wad of candy in his mouth. I’d never seen someone with eyes that color of blue against such tan skin. He must spend hours running through the sun. As I studied his face, I was fascinated by how very different he looked from my pale, ivory skin and faint, red lashes.
“Why’re you starin’ at me?” He wrinkled his eyes at me. Heat filled my cheeks, burning as red as my hair.
“No Skittles. Um, so, um, your name is Jessup?” I grasped for something to help recover from my embarrassment.
“No. Well, yes. I guess you ain’t from ‘round Arlis. Most people’s heard of the Jessups here. We own Sprayberry. It’s a ranch, ya know. The kind with like oil and cattle and stuff.” I nodded along like those were normal things to just own. “We’ve got horses, and it’s really big, like you can ride for hours before you get to the other side.”
I nodded as he kept talking and crunching at the same time. “Mother named me after ‘em. She was Eva Lynn Jessup before she married my dad. Family legacy thing. At least that’s what she tells me anyway. I think it’s stupid,” he said, kicking a wadded up piece of paper in the floor.
I tried to process everything he had just told me about the Masons and the Jessups. They must be pretty rich to have a ranch like he described. I tried to think of something to say back; it felt a little weird talking to a strange boy. I talked mostly to my father the last few months.
Jess pushed a few strands of shaggy hair off his forehead. I looked down at his jeans with holes in the knees and a faded-out T-shirt. Instead of sneakers, Jess wore one very expensive pair of cowboy boots. He looked a little sloppy, but it was in the rich kid kind of way.
“So your first name is Jessup and your family’s last name is Jessup. That kind of sucks having it the same, I guess.”
“Hey, that’s not nice.” He bumped my shoulder, catching me off-guard. I looked at him in surprise as he raised his eyebrows and
smiled. I didn’t answer, so he just kept talking. “No one but Mother calls me Jessup. I’m really just plain old Jess. ”
“Nice to meet you. I guess I’m just plain old Alex.”
I felt those blue eyes looking me over. They slide from my hair to the ratty, gray canvas shoes. My little toe poked through a hole on the left one between the fabric and white plastic. He noticed but didn’t say much. Jess just shrugged and said, “I think you look like an Alex.”
I felt the heat flood my cheeks. Was that an insult? I rubbed my sweaty palms across my thrift store jeans. I knew they were boy jeans because they were the only ones that fit my long legs. My red hair was bobbed at my chin. Without my mother, it had been a while since my long hair held braids or bows. My father cut it off before the move to make it easier to manage. His fingers just couldn’t get the twisting into something that even resembled a braid. With the chin-length crop, I had the hair of Orphan Annie just without the curls.
I felt sad again, and so much older than eight. After moving around, sitting in hospitals, and taking care of my father; I grew up far beyond my age. It’s strange how the reality of a situation could appear out of nowhere and just slap you in the face. I was a poor, homeless girl with ugly hair and ugly shoes. I looked back up at Jess. At least my eyes had no tears left to further embarrass me.
“Let’s just get the plates and go back. I’m sure she’s waiting.” My tone was a little sharper than I’d intended. Something changed on Jess’s face, like I’d just yelled at him.
“Hey, what’d I do? I thought we were talkin’.” He studied me for moment trying to figure it out. “What’d I say, Alex?”
We really didn’t know each other. Maybe Jess didn’t intend to be mean. I tried to give him a smile, but it felt foreign on my face. I didn’t want to offend this boy. We needed the Masons right now. It was an irritating thought. As much as I hated the charity, I had to at least appear grateful until we could get back on our own. Making Jess mad might just get us kicked out the hospital.
“It’s ok. Let’s just get the stuff and go back to the room,” I finally said with a shrug. I fought the urge to turn my eyes to the floor. I just didn’t know how to do this anymore. I had to work harder to have a normal conversation with someone my own age.
Jess looked me over again without a word. The blue eyes scanned every dirty, grimy piece of me. An odd feeling spread through my chest as we stood facing each other. I was pretty sure he could see inside of me. Silent and watching, those clear blue eyes reflected how dark I felt. The anger, the shame, and the complete lack of hope. His eyebrows wrinkled into a frown while the wheels under his shaggy mop came to an internal conclusion.
“Stay here.” He flashed a quick smile and disappeared. I stood in the hall as Jess went into his father’s office and came back with the plates. I looked into his wide grin and twinkling blue eyes.
“Come on…race ya!” He took off running down the hall. I paused and then I ran after him. It felt crazy and strange. Our shoes pounded against the tile floor, like a pack of animals. My feet hurt in the tight canvas, but I didn’t care. I had a burning need to catch him. Jess brushed too close to a cart of supplies and it tipped over. The crash echoed through the hall. I accidentally kicked a nurse as I jumped over bed pans and containers covering the floor.
“I’m sorry!” I yelled back while trying to gain speed. Jess reached the doorway before I did. Running fast, I couldn’t slow down as I plowed right into Jess. We tumbled to the ground, laughing and out of breath.
“You might be some fun after all,” he said, smiling into my face.
“Yeah, well that wasn’t fair. I could have beaten you.” The words come out in short gasps while I sucked in air from running. “You had a head start and threw the cart at me.”
“Whatever makes ya feel better, Alex,” he taunted back.
“Ahem.” We turned to see the very upset nurse I’d collided with just moments earlier. Her arms were crossed, a deep scowl on her face.
“Where’s your mother, Mr. Mason? I’m sure she would love to know that you’re up to trouble again.”
We looked at each other a little longer. A giggle escaped my lips, and we both busted out laughing. As the sound echoed in my ears, I realized it had been a very long time since I’d felt like a real kid.
“Now, Mr. Mason. And your friend needs to come too.”
Jess turned, and I followed him into the room with the nurse behind us. Mrs. Mason had the food set out in a proper lunch display, despite the fact it was in a hospital room. My father was back, and they appeared deep in discussion. Next to my mother’s bed, a bouquet of fresh yellow flowers sat in a crystal vase. Just another gift from the Masons, I presumed. The thick curtains were open. As sunlight flowed through the window, the sickness faded into the ugly, painted walls of the room.
Our life had transformed into different scene from twenty-four hours ago. These Masons didn’t just come into your life slowly; they arrived with the force of a hurricane. I glanced over at the boy with bright blue eyes and he smiled at me. I felt the corners of my lips creep up on the sides. His happy face was more contagious than any infectious, nasty bit of cancer. In just a few short minutes, Jess Mason had made me truly smile from the inside out.
Chapter 7
When I was eight…
“Ever use one of these?”
“No.” I looked back a little hesitant. “I don’t know if we should do it, Jess.”
“Come on, Alex. You know ya want to.”
I stared into a scheming set of blue eyes. I’d seen water guns, but nothing like the double-barrel, turbo, twenty-foot slingers Jess pulled from his large duffle bag. He walked to the sliding doors leading out behind the hospital. Looking back over his shoulder, I got his ornery grin. “You comin’?”
That seemed to be the way Jess handled things. He just assumed I would follow behind and well, I always did. “Wait. I’m coming.”
Every day for the last two weeks, Mrs. Mason brought us food. She delivered baskets of casseroles and foil wrapped hamburgers and even a pie with fluffy meringue. I wasn’t sure if she actually made the food or scared some poor soul into sending us handouts. Mrs. Mason was a little over the top, but I didn’t care. Every time she came, Jess always arrived with her. It was hard not to be pulled into the contagious world of Jess. With each visit, he gave me a few hours to be a kid again.
My mother continued to get worse and eventually slipped into a coma. Most afternoons, Jess and I were sequestered in a corner of the waiting room. We played board games and watched television. Jess liked to talk. He carried most of the conversations while I said little. Jess had an accent as thick as pancake syrup. When he got excited, he slurred all his words together, making it hard to understand.
“Alex, you’re goin’ on this side of the buildin’ and I’ll get on the other side by the bushes. The tree in the center is the safe zone. Make sense?” He handed me a super soaker he filled up from a hydrant behind the hospital.
“Yeah, I guess so. No leaving this area, right?” I asked. From that exact angle, no one could see what we were doing with the water guns.
“Nope.” He shook his head back and forth, making his shaggy black hair swing over his eyes. Jess grinned with a smirk, “Go!”
We spent the next ten or so minutes running around, taking wild shots and diving behind bushes. Jess was much better than me. I took a few hits to the back, soaking my gray t-shirt to the skin. My shots were not as well-aimed. Jess had a few splattered water spots across one leg of his jeans.
Jess ran out of the fight zone toward the hospital side entrance. I followed after him inside the building just in time to see the elevator door slide shut with Jess inside. I glanced around, looking for the staircase. Sprinting up the steps two at a time, I reached the top just as the elevator doors opened. I shot in rapid fire motion, hitting Jess in the face and chest. The water in my gun flowed down like a waterfall against the walls, soaking the carpet. Jess pushed every button
on the panel to get the door to close, but I dove on my stomach across the metal grate just before they slid shut.
“I’ve got you! Surrender!” I pumped every remaining drop onto his face. The heavy stream hit his skin and overflowed into the control panel. Sirens blared. Red lights blinked. The elevator came to a screeching halt in emergency mode.
“What did you do?” I glared at him.
“What did I do?” He yelled back at me over the sirens.
“I was just following you! I knew you would get us in trouble. You broke the buttons!”
“You shot water in the controls!”
We stood on opposite ends of the elevator, staring each other down. His hand uncurled with a red knob clasped inside.
“What is that, Jess?”
“I don’t know. It sort of just fell off. Please don’t get mad at me.” Jess looked pathetic with his hair plastered to his forehead, water dripping down his cheeks. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“You always act like this, don’t you?” I sat down on the floor, my wet clothes causing me to shiver. The siren pulsated in the background, making it much harder to think and talk in the elevator.
“Oh, come on, Alex. I’m really sorry,” Jess pleaded. “I should have left those at home. I just wanted you to play with ‘em. You said you ain’t ever used one before.”
“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I glared at him. “You have nothing to lose. I’m the one who will be in so much trouble.”
“You think I don’t ever get in trouble? Well I do!”
“Sure you do,” I shot back.
“They’re gonna have me scoopin’ poop again. I hate poop.”
“Poop?”
“Yup. Poop.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Horse poop. Cow poop. Dog poop. He’ll make me clean all of it. Gets all over me.”
I secretly laughed at the idea of Jess with poop smeared all over him. Serves him right! Water gun in a hospital would be a big deal to my father. He would ground me until I could drive.
The Mason List Page 3
