His heart felt like lead as he made his way along the promenade deck. He bypassed the buffet, shaking his head when a waiter asked him if he was dining that night. He didn’t want food—he wanted Sophie! He wanted to feel her in his arms, taste her mouth under his, breathe in her scent and savour her sweetness so he could feel whole again.
For the past two years he’d been existing rather than living, going through the motions because that was what had been expected of him. People didn’t give up because they’d lost the one person who meant anything to them. They kept on breathing and eating, working and sleeping—getting through each day the best way they could.
He’d tried to tell himself that he’d got his life back on track when he’d met Julia but he’d been fooling himself. Julia hadn’t been able to give him back all that he’d lost or put some purpose back into each and every day. Now the thought of having to carry on like that for however many years was unbearable, but he didn’t have a choice. Sophie didn’t want him, didn’t need him, didn’t love him. Period!
Liam had reached the stern and he ground to a halt when he suddenly spotted Sophie leaning against the rail. She looked so troubled and unhappy that he was immediately stricken with guilt. She’d obviously noticed the way he’d been glaring at Yuri and he cursed himself for not keeping a tighter rein on his feelings because it wasn’t fair to upset her like this. She deserved to find happiness again, to find someone to love her and whom she could love in return. So maybe he didn’t believe that damned purser was the right man for her but it wasn’t up to him to make that kind of a decision. If Sophie was attracted to the fellow then he had no right to put any obstacles in her way!
‘Looks like we’ve both had the same idea.’ He summoned a smile when she swung round, feeling pain lance his heart when he saw her swiftly avert her eyes again. It hurt to know that she didn’t welcome his company but he had to hold onto the thought that it was Sophie’s happiness that mattered and nothing else.
‘Did you fancy a bit of peace and quiet, too?’ he continued, struggling to keep the ache out of his voice as he went over to join her.
‘Something like that,’ she agreed, still without looking at him.
Liam sighed because he knew he owed her an apology for the way he had behaved. ‘Look, Sophie, I’m sorry about what happened earlier.’ He shrugged when she looked sharply at him. ‘I was totally out of order.’
‘I don’t know what you mean—’ she began, but he didn’t let her finish.
‘Of course you do!’ He grimaced when she jumped but it wasn’t easy to contain his emotions. He was about to push the woman he loved into another man’s arms and nobody could claim that it was an easy thing to do!
‘Sorry again. I didn’t mean to snap but it isn’t easy for me to admit that I was jealous when I saw the way Yuri was making a play for you. However, we both know that it’s got nothing to do with me what you do.’
‘In that case, why should you be jealous?’
Liam frowned when he heard the terse note in her voice all of a sudden. He had the funniest feeling that his answer was really important to her, although for the life of him he couldn’t work out what she wanted him to say…
Unless she wanted to be absolutely sure that he no longer felt anything for her?
His heart sank like a stone because it just seemed to fit so perfectly that he knew it must be true. Sophie had always been far too kind to hurt anyone. If she believed that he still harboured some feelings for her then she would avoid spending any more time with Yuri that night. He had to admit that the idea held a definite appeal, but would it be fair to ruin her evening because he couldn’t handle the thought of her with another man?
‘Habit, I guess.’ He shrugged, praying that she couldn’t tell how awful he felt. He needed to convince her that he didn’t care and it wasn’t easy when it felt as though his heart was being passed through the meat grinder. ‘I suppose I’m still programmed to feel a bit uptight whenever I see you with someone else.’
‘I don’t see why.’ She stood up straighter and stared at him. ‘We’re divorced, Liam. You no longer need to feel responsible for me, if that’s what you’re saying.’
‘I know that.’ He shrugged when he saw the scepticism on her face. She obviously didn’t believe him and he searched for something else that might convince her. Maybe a snippet of the truth would add weight to his story? It was worth a try.
‘All right, then, I’ll admit that I’m not convinced Yuri is the right guy for you, but I suppose that’s for you to decide, Sophie, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is. How kind of you to acknowledge that fact, Liam.’
She sounded angry and he looked at her in dismay. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you…’
‘You didn’t! Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time I got back.’ She treated him to a grim little smile that could have stopped traffic. ‘Yuri will be wondering where I’ve got to and I don’t want to keep him waiting.’
‘Of course not.’
Liam quickly stepped aside to let her pass. He had a horrible feeling that he hadn’t handled things very well, although he wasn’t sure what else he could have done. His mouth thinned when he saw Yuri hurry forward as soon as she appeared and place a proprietorial arm around her waist as he led her to a table. It looked as though Sophie’s night was going to plan so there was no point in him hanging around.
He left the promenade deck and went back inside, using the rear staircase so he could avoid the crowds of passengers who were arriving for the buffet. He would have an early night, he decided as he made his way to his cabin, catch up on some of the sleep he’d missed recently. Maybe he should be making an effort to entertain the guests but he definitely didn’t want Sophie to think he was trying to cramp her style!
He cursed softly as he let himself into his cabin and stripped off his jacket. Tossing it over the chair, he lay down on his bunk. He could hear the strains of music coming from outside as the orchestra tuned up. Dinner was to be followed by dancing and he could imagine the fun everyone would have, dancing the night away under the stars. Sophie would definitely enjoy it because she loved dancing and tonight she would have such a willing partner…
Liam groaned because the thought of her in another man’s arms was more than he could stand yet what could he do about it? He could hardly go back and tell her that he loved her when she’d made it clear it was the last thing she wanted to hear! He had to accept what was happening and not do anything to spoil the night for her. After all, there was just this one night to get through before she left the ship. Surely he could manage not to make a fool of himself for a few more hours?
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘ARE you sure you won’t change your mind, Sophie, and join me for a nightcap? It seems a shame to bring the evening to an end. I have a bottle of brandy in my cabin that I’ve been saving for a special occasion such as this.’
‘It’s very kind of you, Yuri, but it’s late and I still have a lot to do.’
Sophie quickly pushed back her chair and stood up. The dancing had ended some time ago and most of the passengers were now making their way back to their cabins. She hadn’t intended to stay so late but each time she’d tried to leave, Yuri had stopped her. Now, however, it was time she brought the evening to an end, even though it might not be the ending Yuri had in mind for it!
‘My flight leaves at ten in the morning and I still have some packing to do,’ she explained, glossing over the fact that she only needed to pop her toiletries into her case. ‘I’ll have to miss out on the nightcap, I’m afraid.’
‘Sure?’ He sighed soulfully when she nodded. ‘In that case, I shall have to bow to the inevitable. However, there is one last thing before you go.’
He drew her into his arms and kissed her. Sophie didn’t resist purely and simply because it didn’t seem worth causing a scene. A wave of sadness washed over her when she felt his lips urging hers to respond. There was no doubt that Yuri was a skilful lover but he
wasn’t Liam and his kiss would never have the power to stir her.
He obviously sensed her lack of response because he abruptly released her. Sophie sighed when he bade her a chilly goodnight. She hadn’t meant to offend him but neither could she pretend. The truth was that she wasn’t interested in any man except Liam.
Pain ripped through her and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a sudden sob. All evening long she had tried to blot out the memory of that conversation they’d had, but it had been impossible to forget it. If she’d needed proof that Liam didn’t feel anything for her then she had it in spades. He didn’t love her—he couldn’t do when he’d virtually driven her into another man’s arms.
All of a sudden Sophie knew there was no way that she dared go back to her cabin at the present moment and run the risk of bumping into him. She had no idea where Liam had gone after she’d left him, but there were still a lot of people about. The thought of having to explain why she was upset was more than she could bear. Did she really want to take the chance of blurting out that she loved him when it was something he wouldn’t want to hear?
She quickly made her way up the steps to the sun terrace. There was nobody else there so she sat down on one of the chairs beside the swimming pool. It was dark on the deck with only the glow from the pool lights to dispel the gloom, but it suited her mood. She didn’t want bright lights and laughter—she wanted time to compose herself.
Kicking off her shoes, she settled down in the chair. She could hear the crew talking on the deck below as they cleared away the buffet tables and the laughter of a few boisterous revellers returning to their cabins but after a while the noise stopped and peace settled over the ship.
She yawned widely as the events of the past few days suddenly caught up with her, all the emotional turmoil and heartache she’d been through. There was little chance of her running into Liam if she went back to her cabin now but she was just too comfortable to get up. Her eyelids started to droop and a few seconds later she drifted off to sleep.
Liam couldn’t sleep. He lay on his bunk, watching the minutes ticking away. Midnight came and went and there was still no sign of Sophie returning to her cabin. Where was she? The dancing had ended some time ago and he couldn’t understand what was keeping her…
Unless she’d decided to spend the night with Yuri, of course.
He shot to his feet, unable to lie there while images of Sophie in another man’s bed danced inside his head. It was one thing to tell himself that he wanted her to be happy and another thing entirely to face what it actually meant. He loved her! He needed her! And, by hell, he was going to tell her that before it was too late!
He left his cabin and strode along the passageway. He had no idea where the purser’s cabin was situated, but the crew’s quarters were two decks below so he would go down there and just knock on every door until he found the right one. Of course, Sophie might not be exactly thrilled about him turning up, but once he’d explained why he was there, she would understand…
Wouldn’t she?
Doubt reared its ugly head but Liam ruthlessly stamped it down. He wasn’t going to let anything come between him and Sophie ever again! He’d made that mistake once before and he wasn’t going to let it happen a second time. He would find her, tell her that he loved her and somehow, some way make her see that they belonged together.
‘If you’re looking for Miss Patterson, Doc, she’s on the sun terrace.’
Liam spun round when he heard Charlie’s voice. ‘The sun terrace?’ he repeated uncertainly. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yep. I spotted her just now when I was taking one of the guests some cocoa, and wondered what she was doing there on her own.’
Charlie grimaced as he tucked the silver salver under his arm. ‘Let’s hope it’s the last order of the day, too, because I could do with some shut-eye.’
‘I’m sure you could,’ Liam replied distractedly, his mind racing. What was Sophie doing on the sun terrace at this time of the night? Why had she gone up there instead of going back to her cabin? It didn’t make sense…unless something had happened.
His mouth settled into a grim line as he bade Charlie a hasty goodnight and ran towards the stairs. If Yuri had done anything to upset her, he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions!
He took the stairs, two at a time, so that he was out of breath when he reached the sun terrace. He ignored the painful ache in his lungs, however, as he raced across the deck because he had more important things to worry about. He would never forgive himself for letting Sophie go off with that Yuri fellow if she’d been harmed in any way. He wanted to protect and cherish her, not put her at risk!
Liam ground to a halt when he suddenly saw her curled up on a deck chair beside the pool. She looked so small and defenceless that his heart began to beat in short, jerky bursts. He ran across the deck and knelt beside her, hearing the thunder of his own heartbeat drumming in his ears when she didn’t acknowledge him in any way.
Why didn’t she say something? he wondered frantically. Anything would do even if she only told him to go away. He just needed to be sure that she was all right…
A snore suddenly issued from her lips and Liam’s head bowed in relief when he realised that she was fast asleep. Quite frankly, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so ended up doing both because he’d been so afraid that something awful might have happened to her. The thought of Sophie coming to any harm made his legs go weak and his insides turn to mush and yet he knew that he would fight dragons if that was what it took to protect her! If he had to give up his life to keep her safe then he would do so without a second thought.
‘Liam? What’s wrong? What are you doing here? Are you ill or something?’
The bewilderment in her voice brought his head up and he looked at her with his heart in his eyes. Maybe he should have tried to hide his feelings for the moment but he just didn’t have the strength. ‘No, I’m not ill, sweetheart. I’m just so relieved that you’re all right.’
‘What do you mean? Of course I’m all right. Why shouldn’t I be?’ She pushed herself up in the chair and stared at him, her blue eyes filled with confusion and something else, something that made his heart start to race all over again. Liam took a deep breath to steady himself. Maybe he was looking for something that didn’t really exist because he was so desperate, but he was past worrying about the rights and wrongs and all the nuances in between. He loved her! And he wanted her to know that before it was too late.
‘I was worried when you didn’t come back to your cabin. I was afraid that something might have happened to you.’ He took her hand and pressed his lips to the centre of her palm as he looked into her eyes. ‘I don’t think I could carry on if anything happened to you, Sophie. I wouldn’t have the strength. I love you too much, you see, and anything that hurts you hurts me more.’
‘You love me…’ she said, the colour ebbing from her face so fast that Liam thought she was going to faint and grabbed hold of her arms.
She swatted his hands away and he recoiled in shock when he saw the white-hot fury on her face. ‘How dare you tell me that, Liam Kennedy? How dare you? You…you push me into another man’s arms, tell me that you don’t care a jot about me and then have the nerve to come out with a statement like that!’
Liam was dumbfounded because he’d simply never envisaged her reacting like this. He hunted round for something to say—a few soothing words which would calm her down—but it was impossible to dredge up anything appropriate so he gave up. Sometimes it was much, much easier to fall back on actions rather than find the right words.
He pulled her into his arms so fast that she gasped. He wouldn’t normally have employed such caveman tactics but he was too desperate to worry about his lack of finesse. He had to convince Sophie that he’d meant what he’d said, prove to her that he loved her, and he couldn’t think of a better way.
His mouth found hers with an instinct born out of need and he groaned as he was immediately enveloped
by an overpowering sense of relief. This was what he’d been born to do, he realised, what his soul had been crying out for throughout the past two years. His whole world could end at this very moment and he wouldn’t care. Nothing mattered so long as he had Sophie in his arms, her mouth under his, her heart beating as fast and as furiously as his…
And it was beating furiously. Definitely faster than might have been expected if she was merely angry with him.
Liam raised his head and felt his heart fill with joy when he saw the expression in her eyes, all the love he’d yearned to see. He bent and rubbed his lips against hers, willing her to say the words he longed to hear.
‘Is there something you want to tell me, sweetheart?’ he prompted, letting his mouth touch hers again so that she could not only hear the words but feel them as well. He smiled when he felt the tiny, betraying shiver that raced through her. Whoever had said that all was fair in love had been right because he would employ any tactics if it meant he could get her back!
‘There is absolutely nothing I want to say to you, Liam Kennedy! Not one single word. You don’t deserve to hear it after what you’ve done,’ she retorted, although he was very much aware that she hadn’t made any attempt to free herself from his arms.
‘I know that, sweetheart,’ he said placatingly, brushing her mouth with another achingly soft kiss. ‘I was completely in the wrong and I promise on my honour that I shall apologise later for all my misdemeanours, but can’t you find it in your heart to be kind to me now?’
‘Why should I be kind after you told me that you didn’t love me?’ she shot back, turning her face to the side so that he couldn’t reach her mouth.
‘Because I thought I was doing the right thing. That’s the truth. Cross my heart and hope to die.’ He made a cross on her left breast, right above her heart, and smiled when he felt her nipple tauten and push against his palm. He didn’t want to get overly confident at this stage but he sensed she wasn’t quite as offended as she’d claimed.
A Very Special Marriage Page 15
