Scratching my head with disappointment, I said, “Embarrassing you tonight?”
“Yeah,” he said, not backing down in his tone.
“I don’t even know why I bothered, Dillon,” I said harshly as I turned toward the passenger window and wished I was anywhere but in the car with my bullheaded husband.
Twenty minutes later we were in the conference center parking deck, and my husband didn’t even help me out of the car. In the day, his chivalry was a huge attraction. Back then he was a first-class gentleman all the way. Now he’s merely a jerk. But as soon as he got in the room with his peers and his boss, the brotha’ flipped his nice-button switch. Instantly, he became the most attentive husband in America.
Though I smiled and played the same role he did, inside my head was shaking, my eyes were rolling, and my mind was saying how phony this was. Football was cool, and I know that thanks to the sport my bills were paid. But dang, every time these stuffy coaches got together it was the same old conversation. There wasn’t anything else. The wives were here this time. I was tired of hearing about the strength of the offense and the weakness of the defense.
When the coaches came up for air from the recruits, the coaches started caucusing about what players were academically enabled. Now it was really boring. So when I noticed no one was paying attention to me, I said, “Excuse me,” and went to the ladies room.
This was a new venue and I was confused about where the restroom was located. My search was taking way too long because it felt like I was about to drip between my legs. Finally, I made it to a restroom on another floor. I opened the door and walked into a wall as I tried to find the switch to turn on the light. My trouble symbolized the icing on the cake for this dreadful evening of mine. Seeing the frustration roll down my cheeks as I finally found the light, I was able to see my mascara doing zigzags underneath my eyelids.
My phone rang loud. The ringing startled me. Yet, I was so happy to see the number of my girlfriend, Josie.
With despair in my voice, I said, “Gosh, I’m glad you called.”
“Shari, what’s going on? Why you sounding pitiful and sad?”
“He won’t even talk to me,” I said as I leaned up against the bathroom stall door. “I came home because he said he missed me, but that was a sham.”
“For real?”
“Yeah, and I think it’s the end of our marriage, girl. Dillon just doesn’t do anything for me anymore.”
She was not judgmental. I missed my girlfriend. I spent the next five minutes quickly giving her the update because she wouldn’t let me off the phone before she asked about my other little friend.
“Bryce is fine, girl. I came so close to giving him some.”
“Shari! I’ve never heard you talk like that or feel this way for another man,” she said.
“He’s just too sexy, Josie, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting busy with my husband, so . . .”
“Whew! I hear you big baller. Just be careful.”
“You’re right. I’m taking things slow. Thanks, girl, you got me smiling. Enough about me, what’s going on in your household?”
“That’s why I called you. I have a sister-in-law working my nerves. Check this out, girl. I let her and her son come and stay when her own brother is completely against it. Now the heifer has the nerve to tell her brother what time I come in.”
“What? She is spying on you. That’s crazy.”
Josie went on to tell me that she went skating while her husband was out of town. This wasn’t a big deal though, because grooving on wheels was something she often did when he was in town. It was a great way to stay fit and enjoy life.
“Oh, I went off on him, girl. I went off on her butt too; up in my house keeping time on me! I told her look, while she’s up in my house she’s gonna respect my daggone privacy. If my husband wanna know where I am, he can call me. I got a daggone cell phone, and I don’t have no problems telling him the truth. I don’t need no watchdog or babysitter.”
She’d told me that they were also paying her sister-in-law to stay there because she was supposed to be watching the kids. Unfortunately, everyday she came up with some excuse as to why she could not watch the kids. To add insult to her mooching, the chick asked Josie to watch her son on weekends while she went to party. Yeah, she needed to be dealt with.
Josie continued, “I can pay for after school care. So she don’t have to worry about watching them and stuff. And then she tried to get smart with me, telling me that this is his house too. I told her, ‘Look, her brother ain’t the only one paying these bills, my name is on the paperwork just like his. I’m still contributing to this household I was gonna be comfortable in.’ And if she didn’t understand that, she can have her bags packed and in the daggone streets; she would understand it then. Needless to say, she got her stuff and left. She’s looking right now for somewhere to stay. My husband is pissed, but frankly he can follow her.”
“Oh no, girl. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I feel relieved. Somebody had to put her in her place. Nobody’s gonna walk all over me. I had to stand up. She has such a jealous spirit. Now that she’s gone, I may have more in-law drama because, of course, his mom hates me even more. I have no peace of mind.”
We ended our conversation and she gave me hope that I too needed to have backbone. Though I dreaded going back to the table, I was ready to handle the pressure. I guess I’d been in the ladies room longer than my husband thought was proper. Immediately upon my return to the group, I got the evil eye from Dillon. I really didn’t care.
To add more intensity, silence accompanied us on the ride home as well. In the darkness of the night, my husband didn’t try at all to work things out with me. So as he slept, I got online and made plane reservations to leave for the West Coast. I smiled after I got confirmation that I’d be on the first plane out to San Francisco, getting to finish the last three play dates.
The next day I prayed on the long plane ride, “Lord, is it the right thing that I’m going back out to this tour to finish what I started. Something’s telling me it’s a little more. There’s something missing. Keep me from harm’s way like I know You can. I do pray for my husband. He needs to be more real. The lifestyle I see him lead, it just doesn’t match one you intend for a godly husband. And my girls are perfect ladies. My mom did want me to spend a little time with them before I took off again. I love them a lot, Lord, and one good thing about my time away is now I realize just how blessed I am to have them. Thank You for that. Thank You for making me see the glass as half-full rather than half-empty. I don’t feel so negative anymore. I wanna get it right so much lately, that I’ve tried too hard and I’m basically getting it wrong. I want to follow Your lead from now on, Lord, and I can’t see my world without You. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
The next two days the Lord led me to just do my part. I stayed connected to Him through prayer. Selling books out front and being in my room writing was what my time consisted of.
I did run into Bryce once, but kept walking. He called my phone a couple of times, but his phone calls didn’t get returned. I hoped the brotha’ would get the message. And I had hoped I knew what I was doing, because a whole other part of me wanted to call him quickly and tell him how much he’d been on my mind. But that was the weaker side, the side I was leaving now. The Holy Spirit gave me strength to abstain from dialing his digits and I was excited about that. Both of us were still married and until both situations were dealt with, there was nothing else we could do that would be pleasing in God’s way.
We had one more night to go before the whole play tour was over, I was pretty much home free from my feelings running wild and getting myself into deep trouble. Staying away from Bryce proved to be the right thing to do when a lady came up to my table after the finale and went on for about ten minutes on what my book had done for her life.
“I moved out of my shacking up situation because of this book, girl.”
“Really?
” I said, a little shocked that she had just picked up and moved out.
“Your book clearly told me that I wasn’t doing it God’s way. Fornication isn’t His will. Ever since I went on my own, it’s like my world stopped dying. Now that he wants me back I don’t even know if he’s the one. He couldn’t see it when I was there so why should I think he really changed? Girl, give me a hug, you changed my life!” the lady said in an exciting way.
Mel came up to me after she walked away, and said, “Lots of folks have been telling us your book has been blessing them. Everybody’s been asking when the next one is going to drop. You are large, girl.”
“No, no, no,” I said humbly.
“Yeah, you’re getting bigger and bigger!” he said. “Oh, I talked to your girl.”
“Who, my agent?”
“Agent, publicist, manager, whatever you want to call Ms. Tina. She tried to get a hold of you yesterday or something, but you jetted on all of us to head home.”
“What? What’s going on?”
“Naw, you sold almost one hundred thousand copies on this tour.”
“What? Now I know I didn’t sell that many books.”
“Okay, you’re right. You didn’t. You sold more like two hundred thousand copies. While you were on the tour, books have been flying off the bookstore shelves.” I clutched my heart. “This is big right. Well, let’s go celebrate. It’s time to escort you into the finale cast party.”
“No, I wasn’t in the cast,” I said as Mel put his arm around me, trying to lead me to the temptation of being with Bryce.
I knew as soon as I saw him, I’d go crazy. I’d want to be with him. However, Mel did not take no for an answer though.
“You are a part of this tour. Cast and crew alike.”
While going to the cast party, I had to be around a whole bunch of drunk folks. It was interesting to me, even though they were doing a gospel play, most of their lifestyles were far from that of Christ. But how could I talk? I’d been flirting with everything I had, but he was a married man and I was a married woman. I couldn’t judge anybody. We’re all on the wrong path. But I couldn’t think completely then. My flesh was leading and my spirit was stronger. I told him again that I wasn’t going as he persisted.
Seeing some folks in the cast sharing and sniffing an illegal substance, and another group practically dancing nude, I wondered how I ended up in the cast party anyway. I guess I talked myself into believing that just because you’re in the house doesn’t mean you can’t stay strong.
As soon as I found a seat, I saw the eyes of the man I knew I clearly missed. Bryce was talking to Lacy. She had her newly polished nails all over his waist. But they were in a little heated debate as he tried to get away, his frown told me he was agitated. He didn’t see me, which was a good thing because the brotha’ and I didn’t need to talk. Old school music was playing. When I listened a little closer, I could make out the O’Jays singing.
I got very hungry seeing the spread of food. It looked delicious. There was only one problem stopping me from going over and piling up my plate, I had to cross Bryce in order for me to get there.
I just kept looking at the lobster, then I heard a “What? What, you’re ignoring me? It’s her you want, huh?” I knew Lacy’s voice. “That witch is married.”
Okay, how much of this was I supposed to take? I knew she was talking about me and when I heard “oohs” and “ahhs’” from the crowd and the O’Jays last note stopped when the DJ stopped the music, I realized I should’ve stuck with my first intuition and not have come here in the first place. Something in me gave me the strength to keep walking. As soon as I picked up the glass plate, Lacy came over and knocked it out of my hand.
“You know I was talking about you!” Lacy screamed and spit in my face.
When I looked in her eyes, I saw that they were big and puffy. Seeing she was still in pain, I wondered if I could walk away and be the bigger person? I looked down at my hand and saw blood. She’d actually cut me when she knocked the plate out of my hand.
“I’m bleeding!” I yelled out, showing her what she’d done.
“I’m sorry but Bryce just wants you. I’m gonna tell you what he’s gonna do. He’s going to dump you like he did—”
Just then Bryce cut in front of her, and said, “That’s enough, Lacy. You’re drunk and you’re making a fool out of yourself. That’s enough.” Bryce rubbed my back and ushered me away from the crowd. “Come on. Let me take care of your hand.”
He led me into the hallway. Using a handkerchief out of his suit pocket, he wrapped it around my gushing red index finger. He was overly attentive.
“Thanks, but I’ll be okay. You need to work that out with her. She probably has a lot more issues.”
“Let’s not even talk about her. I missed you. I’ve been calling you, but you’ve been avoiding me. I didn’t know where you planned on going since the play’s done.”
“I need to take a vacation and just get away from everything before I go home. I’m so close to Napa Valley that I’ve got to go,” I said as I backed away from him.
He pulled me back. He kissed me like I hadn’t been kissed in a long time. While the hairs on my back stood straight, I didn’t want the moment to end.
Then I pulled away. “I’ve gotta get back to the hotel.”
“It’s too late to be going home by yourself. Let me walk with you.”
“What about the cast party?” I said, just before he kissed me again.
“Does it seem like I care ’bout the cast party? The only thing I care about is being with you.” When he kissed me again, I knew we had to go together.
Three glasses of champagne later my shirt was off, and he was halfway done having my bra unbuttoned. This wasn’t my plan, but Bryce and I had a connection that couldn’t wait for a hotel room. He was teasing me and having his way with me in the back of the limo. It was one AM and we wasted no time heading to the winery less than an hour away.
I hadn’t made any arrangements or anything for where I was going to stay, but he told me not to worry about a thing. And a good thing about the play tour was that our bags had to be packed at the end of every performance. So all we had to do was scoop up our stuff and keep moving.
“You want this, don’t you, baby?” his husky voice breathed in my ear.
I wanted something like pure sex but I didn’t know if that was the actual answer. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. And when he made me squeal with his finger, I wanted more.
I finally told him, “Lets get there. Talk to me.”
“I want you, baby, can’t you tell?”
I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. Part of me was having issues with this. My mind started playing tricks on me. I saw my husband’s face replacing Bryce’s. Quickly, I went to the other side of the limo. Like a scavenger searching for food, I reached for my garments.
“You’re okay, Shari, trust me,” he said, finally realizing I was having trouble with this whole thing.
As I rocked back and forth, I wondered what I had really gotten myself into. This was feeling too good, but feeling so darn wrong at the same time. What in the world was next? He put his hands around me and laid my head on his husky chest and sang a sweet love song in my ear until we both fell asleep.
“You’re room is ready,” was the next thing both of us heard from the limo driver.
“A’ight, man, we’ll be out in a second,” Bryce said as he noticed I wasn’t fully dressed. “We’re here, beautiful.”
He kissed my brow and the passion for him rose again. Yes, he was charming, but nothing he fed me felt like a line. Hand in hand we exited the luxury vehicle staring each other down.
“I’m glad we are doing this,” I said as we made our way to the grand antebellum entrance.
“I plan to make it a time you won’t forget.” He sat me down in a cushy-faux chair and checked us in.
“It’s just how you asked on the phone, sir,” the owner said. “This way.”
&
nbsp; Following the owner up to our suite, and getting instructions about how to work the fireplace, Bryce tipped him and closed the door. Candles were all over the room burning brightly and a sweet song was playing softly in the background. I couldn’t see much, but I could see him taking off his clothes and that bronze brown chest with muscles everywhere.
“Close your eyes,” he told me.
As I tasted the juicy cold strawberry and sweet whipped cream dabbled all across my face. He licked off the remains. I reminisced on the unbuttoned shirt in the limo and without looking touched the bare chest in front of me. Opening my eyes, I saw love and desire illuminating from his. When he kissed me, that confirmed what I thought I felt. He blew out the last candle and we made slow gentle love in the darkness.
Chapter 9
Falling
How do you know when you might be in love with someone? I thought to myself as I ran my fingers down Bryce’s back after our paradise moment, I felt more than good. But for the cool morning, the guy on top of me was relatively silent. If I had my way, he would’ve said, I’m so glad we’re together. Girl, you’ve got me hooked.
I had so much to lose by joining Bryce in this act. Being married I was used to not using protection so I didn’t make him put anything on. However, none of the consequences particularly mattered when he found my spot and made me join him in moaning. It was so pleasurable I could hardly stay still to let myself enjoy it.
Our time lasted for hours. Laying my head on his chest felt so comfy, I felt secure in his arms. Though I didn’t have all the answers of what was yet to come, I didn’t need them because I knew that with Bryce, everything would be okay. Things wouldn’t be easy, but the enjoyment felt solidified that none of this was wrong. Soon it would be completely right because of how we felt for one another. Even though he hadn’t openly come out and confessed his undying love and affection for me, the physical way he set me on fire told me more than a few words ever could. As I pulled up the crisp white sheet, to take off some of the September chilled air, Bryce sorta shook me off him and rolled over.
Wearing My Halo Tilted Page 13
