“For the record we never discussed Bryce. But to set things straight, this was the first time I called him. I saw him on TV and he put the whole affair thing to bed on national television.”
Moving to the other side of the room, he said, “Well, this is just great. My players are going to flip out about this when I go to practice tomorrow. I can’t believe he was confessing his love for you on TV.”
“No,” I said, “it was just the opposite. He said the tabloids changed some images and made some stuff look like something that it wasn’t.”
“Oh, so he lied on TV and you were grateful.”
Dumbfounded that he didn’t think this was good, I said, “Well, I mean, I know he was doing it to save his own neck too. But this is a good thing, yeah. So I thought I owed him a bit of thanks.”
“You owed him, I thought you owed me, your daggone husband. You forgot about that. Have you forgotten about me? Or forgotten about our family? Seems like you have to me. I just came upstairs to tell my wife I’m here and give her a big hug. Trying to do what she says I don’t do.”
I was so sick of him referring to me in the third person. I was right before him. Why not shoot direct?
“I was going to change all that and try to be a better man. I come upstairs and find my wife on the phone with the man she scr . . . know what? I can’t even go there. When can you get the test, Shari? The rest of this is bull.”
“Okay, I’ll have the test,” I said to him. “And if the test proves that you’re not?”
Dillon didn’t respond. He just gathered his toothbrush and night clothes. He basically sent my heart into a rigid freeze as his answer to my question was to walk out the door. He didn’t have to tell me that was his way of saying, if the kid wasn’t his we’d have severe trouble. His actions said more than his words ever could.
I fell to my knees and prayed. I so wanted to operate in God’s will and not my own. If I wasn’t here for the Lord, I needed to surrender more so that I could. After praying, I got off my knees and went over to the window where my husband stood moments before. I too looked out and saw that the stars were still all over the place. Usually that was a beautiful sight, but maybe tonight, because of my mind set, the sky looked crazy. I wanted to bring order to it. Maybe the test was my key.
The next day I made an appointment with my doctor. God was so good I didn’t have time to stay down long, after the appointment was confirmed my phone rang again. It was Tina.
She said, “I’m loving this manuscript, there are a few changes we need to make here and there, the chapters are way too long for instance but that’s easy to fix when you do it in three sections. We can just break it all apart, and instead of fifteen chapters we can have say forty-five. Oh, this is going to be a great story, so much about your life. No, you don’t even have to say it, I know its not about your life. But the way you made it read even more dramatic is fabulous. Oh, this is just great, this is your best work yet. I really think you hit the jackpot. I’m going to find a mainstream publisher that’s going to eat this thing up, it’s hot. Oh, the only other thing I think you need to change is the ending.”
Tina was good at taking my work to the next level. I was waiting for her to say you need to fix this and that. You just need to have a little bit more yumph, a little more zazz. After the affair she makes up with her husband, yup; it ends a little to quickly for me. You need just one more hard bump, how about I make it so that’s she’s pregnant? And, of course, Tina chimes in and said, We don’t know who the father is. Then what we find out in the end is that it’s her husband’s. No, we find out in the end that it’s the guy she had the affair with but, because of love, her husband expects that and they all lived happily ever after. Oh my, gosh, perfect; make the changes send it to me. I can shop it from the first three chapters and the synopsis. And you know I’ve been making notes as I’ve been writing this thing; it’s hot. Uh, this is great, but wait, she said before getting off the phone. I knew she had picked up on so much of this book it really could almost be a parallel to my life. I thought I’d get away with her not asking me questions when I mentioned that about the ending, just on the—
“You’re not pregnant are you?”
“Let me just get the changes back to you,” I said.
“Oh my, goodness gracious, I’m praying for you, sweetie. Our actions do have consequences that’s the one thing I do like about this book.”
The next day as I sat in the doctors office waiting for her to come in and administer the test, I knew Tina’s words rang true.
Bad actions did have nasty consequences, but I could only pray for grace. I knew I had to turn this whole thing back over to God. If my husband needed to know, he’d have proof. This was the last thing I had to do for us to move on the right way. Even though God didn’t get me into this mess, I had faith He’d show me the way out. My out might not be a golden fairy tale but as long as the Lord wouldn’t leave me it felt good. I felt peace before having to get the long needle stuck through my belly, I knew I’d be okay. God wouldn’t have come with me this far and leave me. He’d give me strength to make the few days until the results came in.
As if I hadn’t gone through punishment enough for my sins, I had to sit at Thanksgiving dinner nauseated. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and parents were digging into the food. Even my little girls and especially Dillon, everybody but me. Oh, I tried to play the role, but I didn’t want to put too much on my plate and not be able to eat it all. Dillon and I had planned to tell my family that we were expecting, but because of the whole testing thing, we decided to just hold off a bit.
However, the candied yams were a little too creamy for my stomach, and the green beans just didn’t mix. Before I knew it, I was headed to the bathroom, and unfortunately I didn’t make it before green and orange gook hit the bathroom floor.
My mom had cooked the bread we were eating. My dad was so proud to show off their place in Columbia. In Greenville, they lived a modest life, not wanting anyone in his school district that worked for him to see. When he got a raise, the folks in the town were mad. He was mad too, because somehow the newspaper got a hold of his salary and posted it. It wasn’t like he was the highest paid superintendent in the country, but a hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars compared to the bus drivers salary of only fifteen grand, well, I could see why folks would be a little angry here and there. However, when he came home to Columbia no expense was spared.
My time would have been comfortable had he left his coarse joking in Greenville and not rushed into the bathroom, touched my stomach I was trying to hide with larger clothes. “What’s going on with you, baby girl, you pregnant?”
The next thing I knew, I had about ten family members around me. The ones not around me were around my husband congratulating him and hitting him on the back. When Dillon didn’t smile the room grew silent, and as I came out of the bathroom while my mom got a mop and tidied up my mess, I got all kinds of crazy looks from my relatives. They didn’t have to say it, I knew what they were thinking. Whose baby was this?
My dad was such a sarcastic man, but I knew he loved his little girl. Every time I got backed into a corner, someway, somehow, he’d pull me out. That’s kind of what he did then. When he got back to his seat, he asked for the greens to be passed. As he piled more and more on his plate than we all knew he could eat, he diverted attention to himself.
He said, “I was just so thankful when that singer dude got on TV and said those pictures weren’t real. Taking back all that they said about my baby.”
My aunt, Velda, who was still here visiting, said, “I can’t believe people can do some amazing things to pictures, putting folks heads on other people’s bodies that’s crazy.”
I’d already confessed to a few of them that the affair was legitimate. However, they wanted to protect me. Or at least they wanted my husband to be comfortable enough to believe that they thought beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was his. I winked at my dad and smiled at my aunt.
&
nbsp; I was thankful for a lot of things. I was thankful for the Thanksgivings that I’d spent with my grandma. I looked at my grandfather at the other side of the table and felt sad that he looked lonely and out of place. I knew that I had to soak up every bit of life, the good and the bad, because it was short. I needed to make it sweet. I was thankful for my family who cared enough to turn my crazy situation into one that made a little sense. I was thankful that the writer’s block had gone.
But when my husband got up and came over to my side, placing one hand on my tummy the other hand around my waist, he pulled me closer to him and said, “Yep, we’re having a baby.” I was overjoyed and cried worse than I had the week of the funeral.
“I love you.” I didn’t have to wonder what turned his heart or what changed his mind. I knew God did it, just like He said He would in the word. In the Bible, He says in the book of Matthew, “Come into Me all ye who labor and who are heavy laiden and I will give you rest.”
I could have collapsed in my husband’s arms at that moment, just hearing him say what he said was comfort, was peace, was joy, was serenity, and it was rest. God did it, but as we drove back to our house my husband confessed.
“I saw the last chapter of your new book lying on your desk when I went to get some paper, and I couldn’t find any, the desk was a mess.”
“You saw the chapter?” I said.
“I more than saw the chapter, babe, I read it, and I don’t know. I was shocked to kinda see our life story sitting on pages of your next book. But the character, the ending, the husband, the forgiveness, and his actions were Christ-like. He’d responded naturally, he responded supernaturally, and they’re going to raise that baby. It honestly brought tears to my eyes. I repented because I knew I was operating out of God’s will. No different from you and your own faith in me. God led me to read that, to show me how I needed to change. Your book spoke to me.”
“But you seemed so angry earlier in the evening, you hardly said anything.”
“I know, I wasn’t just wrestling with myself, but actually the spirit and the flesh. When a lot of your family basically looked at me insinuating this might not be my kid, I knew it was time for me to stand up and let them know this is my kid.”
I was more excited than a tennis player winning Wimbledon. I leaned over and hugged him so hard the car swirled to the other side of the road. Thankfully no one was there. I guess the roads were empty because people were still eating their Thanksgiving turkey.
When I got home, I went to use the telephone to let mom know that we were back at our place. Before I dialed her number, I scrolled through the caller ID box. My mouth formed a grin when I saw that my agent, Tina, had phoned me on a holiday. She had to have good news from a publisher. This day was going great.
When I went upstairs, my husband was already pushing play on the answering machine. Tina’s voice said, “Hey, Shari, the three editors I pitched it to turned it down. I just wanted to let you know as soon as I got word. Don’t be upset. Don’t feel dejected. I still love this story. I know it will get placed. It might take us a little longer, but we’ll find it a home. I’ll be in touch next week. Oh, and happy holidays to you and your family. Dillon congrats on the baby, oops, am I not supposed to know?”
“Tina is crazy, huh,” I said to my husband as he turned around seeing me standing there.
The sweet look in his eye let me know he hated the news I’d just received. With his arms stretched out wide I fell into them and wept.
“It’s okay,” he said. “She still is going to fight to get you a deal. You believe in the work. You love the story. I just told you it changed me. It’s going to get placed, you’ll see.”
“No, no I’m not crying about that, and I know we need the cash and all. I’m crying because I love you and I’m so sorry for everything I took you through. For you to say you love me, our family, and this baby . . . who needs the Lord to give ’em a book deal. Writing Christian fiction, I’ve always felt that if my writing touches a life, then I’ve been used to better the Kingdom.”
He wiped my face and said, “That’s good.”
“Well, you just told me that my book blessed you. So I know my writing wasn’t in vain. You’ve already given me the best prize of all, where my writing is concerned. The tears I’m shedding are of joy.”
After being comforted in a intimate way by my husband, I laid beside him stroking his chest. “You awake?” I asked.
“Yep,” he said, kissing my forehead. “You hungry? You want me to fix you a sandwich or something?”
It was like a honeymoon for the two of us. The girls were still at my parents house with all the relatives. No one wanted us to take our own babies home. It was fine though. I wanted to connect with my husband. Spending time with him without interruption was moving. We could have laid in that bed for the rest of the night for all I cared. But I knew the Thanksgiving meal had probably dissolved.
“Naw, but I need to get up and fix you something.”
“You need to eat. I’m concerned about you throwing up everything.”
“I’m not hungry though. Plus, I’m just so full on our love.”
He shook his head, as if to say I was crazy. My lips found their way to his. We enjoyed the moment.
Then he said, “Before that message from Tina came on, I got a call from Parker Rex. You remember him, right?”
“Your old teammate that has been in the news about the top football job for Maryland,” I said, trying to find something nice to say about the jerk I remembered to be a male chauvinist.
Proudly he said, “The Terrapins hired him. He is heading to Maryland. He wants me to come up there and talk to him about a defensive coordinator position.”
Shocked I said, “You don’t need to talk to him about that, we’re not moving.”
“I’m not saying I plan to take it, but when we were estranged, Parker and I talked about whichever one of us got a head-coaching job first would look out for the other one. That’s my boy, and he is going to need a black face up there dealing with all them knuckleheads. I’m tired of being a position coach,” he said, pleading his case.
“Don’t you think you’ll get promoted here?” I asked, pleading back.
“I don’t even know if my head coach is going to keep his job.”
“You know he will, y’all been winning like crazy. You might get other offers and they might at least be closer than Maryland.”
Stroking my hair, he said, “Baby, I just want to make double my salary as a coordinator. You’d not have to sweat about this book thing. You’re going to have another baby and you need to be home. You can still write anywhere. Yeah, your parents won’t be there, but they don’t even live in Columbia right now anyway. If you’re not going to support me, then I need to call Parker back right now and tell him I’m no longer interested.”
As Dillon got up from being close to me, I knew he was angry. Taking my bare body out from under the covers, I went over to the closet and threw on a robe. I was amazed at how my stomach was growing. No wonder my family knew for sure I was pregnant without it having to be verbally confirmed.
As my husband sighed, I knew I had to let him know I was onboard to fully support him. After all, my family was changing. We were always struggling with finances, even with my man bringing in six figures we still barely made it. At the end of paying bills, we didn’t usually have a lot of money to save or do hardly anything with. Dillon getting a promotion, moving him into what he always wanted, and that being a head coach in the NCAA, I knew being a coordinator was pretty much a prerequisite. And I had to face the music, how often did black men get an opportunity like that? I certainly didn’t want to be out of God’s will anymore by not following my man or supporting him. He had turned toward the window and wasn’t looking my way anymore.
I went over to him, sat on the side of the bed, and said, “You know what, I’m sorry for thinking so selfishly. Go for it. You deserve to be running a defense.”
As he hugged
me, I had confirmation knowing that this was right. Later that evening, my husband was in the basement studying film when the doorbell rang. I had no idea who it could be. I hoped it wasn’t any of the relatives, I certainly needed to pick up a few things around the house before having company. I just hadn’t felt up to it. I couldn’t be happy when I opened the door and saw the face of my girlfriend Josie because her beautiful mocca skin looked weary and her big eyes red. Being that we were on the opposite ends of the city, I knew that something was dramatically wrong.
“What’s going on? Why aren’t you with your family on Thanksgiving? You okay?” I asked as I let her in.
“I want a divorce, girl. I’m just sick of him and his mama. When she comes to town he loses his mind. I thought I was first, but he went off on me in front of her because she said I erased her messages.”
Knowing that Dillon would be occupied for a long time on the bottom level, I took Josie up to our guest room. No need for him to hear us doing any husband bashing. I was very upset that my girl’s husband had disrespected her. Josie was such a strong woman. I very rarely saw her shaken, but as she followed me through my hall she was rambling so incoherently. I knew she was serious about this possible divorce thing.
“Calm down, Josie, maybe you can get him to see he can’t dog you,” I said, rationally thinking about her boys without a dad.
“His mom is so dependent on him, Shari. It’s so sickening. She told him, in front of my face mind you, that he was crazy to put down family to please his wife. And when I looked at her like I could strangle the heifer, she rolled her eyes at me and left the room. Then my husband got so mad at me,” Josie said with frustration. “It all started the night she got here. She went on and on about how much she missed her grandchildren. But yet she won’t even let me and my husband go out on a date. She just wants him to sit up and be in her face all the time.
“How’d you handle that?” I asked.
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