“Stronger,” I echoed, feeling the nerves in my stomach start to lessen. “I like the sound of that.”
“Good.” Asher slowed down as a few shops came into view. “We’re nearly there.”
“Already?” I frowned and darted my gaze to the time on his dash. “How did two hours go by so fast?”
He shrugged and winked. “Time flies when you’re with me.”
I shook my head, feeling my lips lifting for the first time in days. Maybe being alone with Asher would be good for me. Maybe working through what happened instead of pretending it didn’t would be even better for me.
“Here it is,” Asher announced, taking a turn up a long driveway. The sound of gravel crunched under the tires, and the heavy trees made way for a wooden house—a large wooden house. I’d only ever seen places like this on the TV.
“This is the lake house?” I asked, my eyes wide. “It looks more like a mansion.”
Asher turned the engine off. “Yep.” He pushed out of the car and walked around to my door, then pulled it open. “Let me give you the tour.”
I didn’t hesitate to put my hand in his and let him lead me inside. The front door opened up into a wide hallway with a set of stairs right in front of us. He opened a door on the right and told me it was the living room. The dark oak wood gave character to the house, but it was the wall of glass doors that I drifted toward. You could see the lake from them, the pristine calm water calling to part of my soul. A boat was attached to a wooden dock, and I wondered if we’d go out on it. I’d never been on a lake before.
“It’s…beautiful.”
“It is,” Asher agreed, coming up behind me. His palm drifted over my shoulder and down to my elbow. “And it’s all ours for as long as we need it.”
I stared out of the glass and didn’t move my gaze off the dock, already able to see myself sitting out there with Asher beside me. And I knew then that this was the right thing for me—for us. We needed time. Time away from everyone. Time to just be Asher and me.
Time to just…be.
ASHER
The heaviness of the equipment strapped to me had beads of sweat rolling down my cheek. No one ever told you how heavy a Marine’s uniform was, but it was the gun I held in my hands that weighed the most. The damage one gun caused could be catastrophic, so I knew only to place my finger on the trigger if I was fully prepared for the outcome. I didn’t take it lightly—I never took it lightly.
The heat of the day had slowly waned into a cool night, but that didn’t mean it felt anything but scorching hot. The wind whipped through the partly open windows of the Humvee, and I relished in the sensation as it flowed over my skin, giving a tiny bit of relief.
“Room is secure,” Jax informed from opposite me. I’d heard the update over my comms, but nodded at him anyway. The command center was our only eyes, and we were now only a minute away from entering the hostage situation we’d been called in to help with.
My leg bounced the closer we got, and once we were far enough away that we couldn’t be seen entering, we all jumped out of the vehicle in our usual formation. The sky was a mixture of red and orange as the sun set, promising another heat-intensive day tomorrow.
I took my place second in the formation, and Jax held his hand in a closed fist in front of me. It was only seconds, then he booted the door open, and I rushed inside with my gun raised. Shouts ricocheted around the brick-built room as I concentrated my attention on the man and woman in front of me. I narrowed my eyes, trying to take in all of his features, but I was distracted by the woman he held. She squirmed, trying to get away from him, but he held on tighter.
“Asher,” she called. It was a voice I knew, but I couldn’t quite place it. “Help me, Asher.”
“He can’t help you now,” a rough voice said from behind her, and I stared back at him. “He’ll never be able to help you.” He smirked at me, and my blood boiled. My finger shook over the trigger. “Can’t you see he’s broken too?”
“Please, Asher. Please!”
My heart raced in my chest, so fast I thought it would push its way out of me any second. The voice was becoming clearer and clearer, and then it hit me—hit me so hard I stumbled to the right. “Elodie?” What was she doing here? Why was she in—
The room faded out. The brick turned into painted walls, and the concrete floor turned to carpet. A carpet with a red stain. A bloodstain. What the hell was happening? Where was I? What was—
“Asher!”
I flung my head up, my eyes widening as I watched Knox rip Elodie’s clothes, baring her to him—to me. His fingers scraped across her stomach, leaving behind trails of blood.
“No! Stop!”
“Asher?” A hand clasped my shoulder, and I jumped, my own hand flinging out to capture whoever was touching me. “Asher, it’s me, Elodie.” Sweat dripped down my forehead, my breaths were coming quick and fast, and it took me several seconds to concentrate on Elodie’s face.
“Elodie,” I breathed out. I loosened my grip on her, but I didn’t let go completely. I tried to put all the pieces together as fast as I could and took in the room around me. Shelves from floor to ceiling were on the far wall, and there was a bed in the middle of the room. The same bed I’d slept in every time we stayed at the lake house.
We were at the lake house.
Elodie was safe.
It was just a dream—just a dream.
“Sorry.” I cleared my throat and shuffled to the edge of the chair I must have fallen asleep in.
“It’s okay,” Elodie replied and moved back to sit on the bed. The early morning sun was starting to push its way through the gaps in the blind, and my head pounded. “You were calling my name and…” She trailed off, leaving her words hanging in the air.
I scrubbed my hand over my face, trying to wake myself up completely. It wasn’t like I could tell her what my dream was. She had enough on her plate to deal with, so I wouldn’t add my shit to it too. My two worlds had collided in my brain, and I had no idea how to deal with any of it. Elodie wasn’t the only one who needed a break from the world—so did I.
“Asher?” I pulled in a breath and turned to face Elodie. Her navy-blue eyes shone with worry, and I hated seeing the look on her face. It was almost as bad as when the pain pushed through on her features. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I stood and stretched my arms over my head, trying to push out the soreness in my muscles. I’d had no intention of sleeping anywhere but near Elodie, and although we’d slept in the same bed at my mom and dad’s house, I didn’t want to push it here. I wanted her to feel safe around me, so I’d opted for the chair, no matter how many times she’d said she was fine on her own. I wanted to be close by in case she needed me.
Yet, it had been me who had a nightmare.
“You don’t look it,” Elodie commented, but I didn’t reply. I didn’t have an answer for her because I wasn’t willing to open up that part of myself to her. I couldn’t tell her about all the bad things that had happened in my life. I couldn’t explain to her what I’d witnessed as a Marine and what haunted me every night.
Instead of telling her all of that, I moved around the room and to my bag so I could get some fresh clothes out. “I thought we could take a walk around town today.” I pulled out a pair of shorts and T-shirt, knowing from the way the sun was already shining that it would be a warm day.
“Asher.”
“It’s a small place, and everybody knows everybody.” I grabbed Elodie’s bag and placed it at the end of the bed. “We can stock up on food while we’re there. Maybe even get some things to put on the grill.”
“Asher.”
“I’ll go and shower in my mom and dad’s room, so you can shower in here.” I moved away from the bed, skirting Elodie’s gaze, but I hadn’t even moved three steps before her hand wrapped around my wrist. I stared down at it, her fingers not able to meet. Her touch meant more to me than I’d realized. It ignited a fire within, but it also threatened
to douse the flames.
“Asher,” she repeated, this time with less patience. “Are you seriously about to walk away from me right now?” I opened my mouth, but she didn’t give me the chance to reply. “After everything that’s happened, you’re just going to act like it was nothing that you shouted my name several times while having a nightmare?”
“It was nothing,” I croaked out, feeling my muscles lock. I’d never had to explain my thoughts to anyone, and although I was desperate to confide in Elodie, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to her, not with what she was dealing with.
“Bullshit,” she spat, and I turned to face her with a raised brow. Gone was the Elodie who had been scared to walk out of my mom’s house to get into the car. In her place was the Elodie I’d first met. The Elodie who didn’t put up with shit. That was the Elodie I wanted to see, but I was afraid it’d only be a glimmer. A small fragment of light in the darkness. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I said way too fast to be convincing. Her hand trailed off my wrist, and I blew out a tired breath. She didn’t believe me, and if I were honest, I didn’t want her to. “I just…” I glanced at the ceiling, then back at her. “It was just a dream.” She raised her brow, silently telling me to continue, but I couldn’t find the right words. My stomach was tied in knots. “It was just my mind playing tricks on me, that’s all.”
Her voice changed. “So why can’t you tell me, then?” Gone was the confidence, and in its place, nervousness. Did she think I didn’t want to tell her? Because she was wrong. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to confide in her and tell her I was scared of how my brain caused me to react to situations. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t put that on her. It was bad enough for me to try and survive it, never mind adding it to all the other shit she had to deal with. I wouldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t do it to us. We were in a fragile place, and I didn’t want to shatter it—shatter her.
“It’s…hard.” I winced. She knew what it was like to be in situations that people didn’t want to talk about, but she had no choice in me knowing her darkest moments. I’d been there, witnessed some of the worst moments of her life, and here I was, not willing to give an inch. I felt like a prick, but I couldn’t vocalize what I was thinking. I couldn’t find the right words to convey to her what I’d been through.
“Okay,” Elodie whispered and backed away. “I get it.” She glanced down at her bag, then zipped it open. There was nothing I wanted more than to be honest with her, to fuckin’ tell her what haunted me, but this wasn’t about me. This was about her healing first. She’d been to hell and back, and she didn’t need all the extra baggage I brought to the table.
I stared at the back of her head as she gathered up some clothes and moved over to the attached bathroom. She was done with the conversation. She’d given up on knowing what had happened. She’d prodded and poked, but I hadn’t given an inch of leeway. It was my own fault, no matter how much I wanted to tell her.
I just…couldn’t.
Chapter Twenty-Three
ELODIE
For five days, we’d danced around everything that had happened and pretended we were on vacation. The lake house was the perfect location: tranquil, beautiful, freeing. But that didn’t detract from the sadness and pain hanging over our heads. Things had been different between us. I wasn’t sure whether it was because of that night, or because I’d confronted Asher about his nightmare. Or maybe it was a mixture of both? He’d told me not to pretend on the way here, but now it was exactly what we were both doing.
I’d tried to talk to Asher about what had been bothering him, but he’d shut me down, pushed me away. So, I’d done the same. I hadn’t talked about what Knox had done to me; I hadn’t mentioned the physical pain I was in. Instead, I’d just taken the painkillers I’d bought from one of the shops in town and acted like it didn’t matter.
But the truth was, it did.
I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I didn’t want to wake up in a sweat feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to feel the soreness between my legs and be reminded of what he’d taken. But most of all, I didn’t want him to have control over me. I’d given that to him too freely, and now I was taking it back. My control was mine. I decided what I did and didn’t do.
And as I sat on the edge of the dock, moving my feet in the lake water, I knew today was the day. I knew I had to take the plunge and open up the conversation again—or at least try. Asher was cleaning out the boat so we could go out onto the lake for the day, and I knew it would be the perfect time. He couldn’t walk away, and neither could I. We’d have to face what was hanging over our heads.
“All ready, Elodie,” Asher called, and I turned to face him, feeling my lips lifting on one side. His hands were on his hips, his hair was a ruffled mess, and his stubble was starting to grow into a small beard. I liked clean-shaven Asher, but this rough-and-ready version called to me.
I stood and pulled my shades over my eyes to block the sun as I ambled toward him. His gaze didn’t move off mine as I got closer, and when he held his hand out, I was reminded of what he’d said last week. He’d promised not to let go. And he hadn’t, as of yet, but what I had planned for when we were on the open water would test me, test him, test us.
I placed my hand in his and stepped onto the boat, then it was only seconds until he was pulling away from the dock and moving away from the lake house. Fishing rods and bait were stacked at the edge of the boat, and I tried to work out all the different elements as I sat down next to it. I needed to distract myself. I needed something to occupy my thoughts before I blurted something out and—
“Here looks good,” Asher announced, but I didn’t think he was talking to me, more talking aloud than anything. I nodded anyway and watched as he lowered something off the side of the boat into the water. Once he was done, he flashed me a grin and rubbed his hands together. “Let’s catch some fish.”
I tried to smile, but I knew it looked more like a grimace. My emotions had been all over the place, and even I wasn’t sure what mood would come next. I knew it was normal after the trauma I’d been through—that was what Lola had told me last night when she’d called. It seemed to be the only time I really acknowledged what I’d been through. I avoided the mirrors in the house, I wore clothes that would cover most of my skin, but today was different. I’d woken up with a renewed sense of urgency. I needed to acknowledge everything, but so did Asher.
Asher started to reel off how to put bait on one of the hooks and how to cast the line into the lake. I tried to pay attention, but my focus just wasn’t there. My stomach rolled, nerves taking over, and finally, I blurted out, “I was raped.” It was the first time I’d said the word out loud. The first time I’d been honest with myself. My shoulders felt a little lighter, my heart beat faster, but it felt…good.
Asher’s mouth opened and closed several times, his body frozen on the spot in front of me. “I—”
“I was raped, Asher.” Saying it a second time was easier. “Knox hurt me in the worst way possible. He took my control away.” My shoulders drooped, and I pulled my shades off my face. “He stole things he had no right to, but I’m not letting him anymore.”
“Sweetheart.” Asher crouched down in front of me, his hand reaching out to me. “I know it’s hard.” His palm connected with my knee, covering the scabbed-over scrapes. “I’m so damn proud of you.”
I swallowed, trying to keep my emotions at bay. This wasn’t the time to let the tears fall and stop me. This was the time to be strong, to admit out loud what had happened, and start to heal. That was why we were here, right? To heal and get better.
“I think the pain will always be there.” I placed my hand over my heart, then moved it to his chest. “Just like your pain will be.” He jerked at my words, but didn’t pull away completely, and hope built within me. Maybe by exposing myself to him, he’d confide in me. “I see your pain too, Asher.” I leaned forward, so close our heads were almost touching. “I see it.”
>
He closed his eyes, almost as if it was too much to even look at me. The silence stretched between us, and the more time that went by, the more I feared I’d gone too far. But I knew it wasn’t for nothing. Saying what had happened to me out loud helped, even if it was only a little.
“I watched them die.” He said the four words so low I wasn’t sure I’d heard them right, not until he opened his eyes back up, and I saw the outpour of emotions in his gaze. “Both me and Jax watched them die.” I started to pull my palm off his chest, but he darted his hand to it, keeping it there. “We were on patrol and hit an IED.” He winced and cleared his throat. “Me and Jax were the only ones who survived.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say, but I didn’t even think he heard me. He was in his own little world, just like I had been since everything had happened.
“I can still smell the burn of their flesh. Hear their screams for help.” His chest moved quicker, his breaths coming harder. “I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t save them.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” He stood so fast he made me dizzy. He paced the small boat back and forth, causing it to rock a little. “I should have been able to get to them. I should have saved them.”
“Asher.” I stood, holding my hands out. “Why couldn’t you save them?”
He yanked on the bottom of his shorts, displaying the scar on his leg. “Because I couldn’t move. I was trapped, and my leg wouldn’t work.”
“Then it’s not your fault.” I moved toward him. “You were hurt.” He shook his head, and I placed my hands on either side of his face. “It’s not your fault.” His stare met mine, and I gripped his face harder. “It’s not your fault. Just like it’s not my fault what Knox did to me.”
Burned Duet: Asher & Elodie: Fast Burn & Deep Burn (Easton Family Duet Boxsets Book 4) Page 30
