by Lila Kane
I look down, surprised to find it still in my hand. I let go and it rattles against the floor. Logan kicks it away.
Emotion clogs my throat. Tears burn hot at the corners of my eyes. “Logan, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know‒”
“I know, Willow. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not okay.” He reaches for me, but I shove to my feet, backing against the wall. “Stay there. Don’t‒don’t come near me.”
A light comes on in the hallway and I look over to find Myra at the door to the bedroom. “I heard something.” She spots me by the door to the bathroom and frowns. “What’s going on?”
“She had a nightmare,” Logan says quickly. “It’s okay, you can go back to bed.”
Myra looks at me with her eyes narrowed.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. She waits for another moment before turning again. The light from the hallway vanishes.
“What happened?” Logan asks, keeping his place near the bed.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I was dreaming but I…I could see what I was doing. I just‒I didn’t have any control over it. I swear I didn’t mean to do this, Logan. I had no idea‒”
“Does it look like I’m angry?” Logan steps closer and I flatten my back against the wall. “I know this wasn’t you, Willow. It didn’t even look like you.”
I stare at my hands. I can still feel the coolness of the handle against my palm, Selena’s urgency to plunge the blade deep into Logan’s chest. When I look up and speak to him again, my voice breaks. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stop her.”
“Sweetheart,” he says.
The endearment undoes me, making a tear drip the length of my cheek. “Don’t say that. Please, Logan, I should leave.”
“No. No, you shouldn’t leave.”
“I’m going to hurt you‒”
“That’s bullshit.” In one lightning quick movement, he’s standing in front of me, hands on my arms. “You didn’t do this, Willow‒”
“Stop. Logan, please. Oh, God‒please let me go.” I press my hands over my eyes, trying to take deep breaths, trying not to freak out. But I’m already there. “Just stay away from me.”
There’s pain in his voice. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I‒”
“No. Look at me, Willow.” He pries my hands from my face. “Look at me.”
I swallow back more emotion and lift my chin. “If I leave, I can’t hurt you.” When he doesn’t respond, I look around. “Or‒the basement. Yes, you have that room‒lock me in there until I can fix this.”
“I am not locking you in the basement.”
His arms encircle me. I straighten, stiff and unresponsive against him. But he only rubs my back, hands warm through my light tank, and murmurs soothing words. I’m torn between apologizing over and over again, and running hard and fast to the door.
“I could call Cheyenne to pick me up,” I say, voice muffled against his shoulder. “Or Ryan.”
“We’re not calling the shifter.” Logan’s voice is weary and frustrated. “I want you here with me.”
I don’t answer and he pulls back slightly to see my face.
“Please,” he says. He cups my cheeks between his hands, imploring, as he wipes the tears from my cheeks. “Please.”
“You…you’re risking your life by asking me to stay. You don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“Then I guess I’ll risk it.”
I let him guide me to the bed. I sit on the edge, but he urges me to move over. To slide beneath the covers.
“I should sleep in another room,” I tell him.
He lies down and pulls me next to him, turning me so I’m facing him. “You should sleep right here.”
“What if she comes back?”
He wraps his arm around my waist and hauls me close enough our bodies touch the entire way down. “I won’t let go of you. You can’t hurt me that way. I’ll keep you close.”
If I can’t get up, I can’t get a knife. I can’t get any kind of weapon. I exhale when his hand slides under my tank top, rubbing the small of my back in lazy circles.
“You can’t let me go,” I whisper.
“I won’t.”
Chapter 19
I try not to panic when I wake up the next morning and Logan is gone. I jump out of bed, looking around, afraid I’ll find him lying on the ground, hurt or bleeding. The knife is gone from the floor and everything looks as it should be.
I’m still not convinced. I grab a sweatshirt from Logan’s dresser and bolt from the room, my feet slapping the bare wood as I jog downstairs. I follow the sound of low murmuring all the way to the kitchen. When I find Logan at the stove, a spatula in hand, I sag against the wall.
Myra’s at the counter and she shoots me a strange look. “What’s up?”
“You’re okay,” I whisper to Logan.
He turns and sees me. He smiles at first, and then frowns when I stay put. “Of course I’m okay.”
“I woke up and you weren’t there. I thought…” My voice trails off and I realize how needy that must sound. And how much does Myra know about what happened?
Logan hands Myra the spatula and walks to me. “I’m sorry. I wanted to make you breakfast. I figured you’d be hungry and I wanted you to be able to keep sleeping.”
“That was nice of you.” I stand straighter and fold my arms over my chest.
Logan leans in to kiss me. “I didn’t think. It worried you‒I should have stayed.”
I ease away from him, skirting around the island and putting some distance between us. He follows.
“No. We’re not doing this again,” he says.
“Logan‒”
“He told me what happened last night,” Myra interrupts. She flips an egg and turns back to me.
“What happened,” I echo.
“Selena came back.”
I look to Logan, wondering if that’s all he said. My eyes stray to the knife near the stove. Images of it in my hand hovering over Logan’s bare chest flash through my mind. I press my lips together and look away.
“I know you weren’t trying to hurt him,” Myra continues.
I swallow as tears gather in my eyes. “You shouldn’t trust me.”
“Willow,” Logan says, but I shake my head.
“Myra, will you please tell your brother it’s safer to keep his distance? Because he won’t listen to me.”
Her eyebrows lift. “What makes you think he’ll listen to me?”
Logan folds his arms, jaw clenching, and waits for my answer.
“Make him,” I say, imploring her help. “Please.”
Myra sighs, looking torn. “Willow, I don’t think that’s the solution.”
“I need to use your phone, please.”
“Uh…” She sends Logan a bewildered look but pulls the phone from her pocket and passes it over. “Are you sure you don’t want to have some breakfast first?”
“I need to go. My car’s still at the hotel and‒”
“And we’ll get it soon.” Logan closes his hand over mine before I can use the phone. “Breakfast first.”
“Logan‒”
“I’m asking you to have breakfast first. I’m asking, Willow. Not trying to tell you what to do. I want us to figure this out together.”
Myra nods. “He’s right. We can figure this out together.”
“Can you just…” I look up into Logan’s eyes, resisting the urge to wrap my arms around him and sink into his embrace. “Not stand so close to me?”
“Probably not.”
I grit my teeth when he smiles. He plucks the phone from my hand.
“I’m glad you think this is so funny.”
He sets a plate at the island counter and pulls out a stool for me. “I don’t think it’s funny. I’m just not worried.”
“I tried to stab you in your sleep.”
Myra whips around, gaze fixed on my face. I guess Logan didn’t tell her the entire story. “You
what?”
Logan holds out a soothing hand. “Now, ladies, this isn’t appropriate breakfast talk.”
“You didn’t tell me she tried to stab you.”
I stand again. “See? I’m telling you, I’m dangerous.”
Logan snags my arm before I can leave. “Okay, let’s be productive here. Have a seat, Willow. Myra…stop looking at her like that. It wasn’t her fault.”
Myra frowns but slides eggs onto the plates. She follows it with bacon.
Logan nudges my plate over. “Come on. Eat. You shouldn’t be so worried.”
“As long as I’m not around you or any sharp objects, I won’t be as worried.”
He smiles again and it’s so gentle, I can’t stay mad at him.
“Look at it this way. You’re in a house with vampires. It’s two against one. Right now, you’re not much of a danger to us.” When I lift my eyebrows, he continues. “And Myra has the chance to get even stronger.”
“What are you talking about?” she asks.
I shake my head at Logan. “I said I need to practice first.”
Logan’s lips curl at the corners. “We already did practice.”
My cheeks heat and I stab the eggs with my fork.
“I probably don’t want to know what you’re talking about,” Myra says, “but still. Give me some sort of clue here.”
“Willow thinks she can help you.”
“I don’t know if I can, Logan. This is different‒”
Myra shoves aside her plate. She hadn’t touched any of her food anyway. “I want to do it. Whatever it is.”
I stand again and pull away when Logan reaches for me. “Stop. Just wait.” I turn to Myra. “I don’t know if I can heal you. I have an idea. But I’m not sure if it’ll do anything.”
“Let’s try,” she says.
“You don’t even know what it entails.”
“I don’t care.”
“You might‒”
“Nope.” She flashes a smile. But when she sees my hesitation, she steps closer. “Willow, you don’t understand. I didn’t have hope anymore until I came here. I feel horrible all the time. I…I’ll try anything. Please, whatever it is, I’ll do it.”
I press my hand to my mouth, trying to decide. Trying to make the best decision for everyone. I look to Logan.
“You can do it,” he says. “You won’t hurt her.”
Meeting Myra’s gaze again, I swallow and nod. “Okay. After breakfast, we’ll try. But please don’t get your hopes up.” She smiles. “And try to eat something.”
We’re in the garden again, the sun shining bright on us and the flowers that bloom all over.
I flash a glance at Logan before turning my attention to Myra. “Okay, you need to sit down.”
She plops on the stone bench nearest to us and I sit with her. I won’t let hope invade my heart. I’m too scared it won’t work and Myra will be left disappointed, still hurting. Still dying.
Logan walks up behind her and sets his hands on her shoulders. “You have to keep contact with Willow. Don’t let go, even when the fire starts.”
Myra dips her head in a nod.
“I’m going to start small to make sure I’m not hurting you, and if that works, I’ll…push the fire farther. Is that okay?”
“It’s okay. I trust you, Willow.”
“You have to tell me if I’m hurting you.”
“I will,” she whispers.
I swallow down fear and close my eyes. I have to control the fire, I can’t be scared. The flames ignite inside, burning from my core and spreading out. I push them toward my fingertips and open my eyes.
Myra’s staring at our hands, connected in front of us. Mine are on fire and it’s spreading toward hers.
“Stay still,” Logan says.
The fire touches her hands. I wait for her to start screaming, but she doesn’t move.
“Are you hurt?” I ask her.
“No, it feels like my hands are asleep. They’re tingling all over.”
“Good,” Logan says. “That’s good.”
“Okay, just…” I exhale. “Don’t freak out.”
I push the fire slowly, trying to hold it back. It wants to race up her arms and straight to her heart, but I make it go slow. My breathing picks up. I can feel her pain inside of me now. Not from the fire, but from her illness. It makes my stomach twist. I blink and shake my head.
“Are you okay?” Logan asks me.
I nod, afraid if I speak, I’ll vomit. It’s like Myra’s sickness has transferred to me. The fire takes over now, moving up her arms, to her neck and traveling the entire length of her body.
She yanks in a breath and my eyes shoot to hers, but she doesn’t look like she’s in pain. “It’s working,” she whispers. “I can feel it.”
I try to rein the fire in, but it won’t stop. It engulfs me and I break away from Myra, trying to stay calm. The flames go out instantly and I stand, dizzy, next to the bench.
“Stay back for a minute,” I tell her. I don’t feel stable. I feel like I could combust at any moment.
“Willow,” Logan begins.
I straighten and wave him off. “Check on Myra.”
He turns to his sister. Her face is full of wonder and shock. “It worked. I’m sure it worked. I can feel it.” She stands and tosses her arms around me. “Tell me you felt that, too, Willow.”
“I did,” I whisper. “I felt that, too.”
“Thank you.”
I smile, but it’s wobbly. She turns back to Logan and I stumble to the bench.
“Willow,” Myra says.
Logan sits next to me, rubbing his hand on my back. “You used too much energy.”
I lean over and put my head between my legs. “Just…make sure, okay? I know Myra thinks it worked but make sure. Have her go to the doctor. I don’t want her to think everything is fine if it isn’t.”
“Everything is fine,” Myra says, voice firm. She smiles again, looking down at her arms, and then standing and turning around in a circle like she’s testing a new body. “I can tell. I feel energized. I’m not tired anymore.”
“It could just be the effect of the fire. That’s how it makes everyone feel,” I mumble.
Logan keeps rubbing my back. I sit up straighter and meet his eyes. “I need to go in.”
“Of course.” He stands.
I shake my head. “No, please. Stay out here. Enjoy this‒you deserve it.”
He turns back to Myra as I walk to the house. I hear her talking excitedly and smile. I’m almost positive I healed her. Or at least improved her circumstances some. I could feel the healing, her body repairing itself.
Upstairs, I debate leaving while they’re having their moment. Cheyenne could come get me and I can make a plan for finding Selena’s Book of Shadows. But I can’t just walk out on Logan. Not after he’s been there for me. And I can see the affection in his eyes. It would hurt him if I left.
So I take a shower instead, letting the hot water relax me as my body builds its strength back up. Myra’s pain is gone, but I can still feel it lingering inside of me, taking its time to fade away. Now that she’s healed, what will she do? Help us with the spell? Try to figure out a way to leave?
She’s young and vibrant and it would be wonderful to see her enjoying that. Maybe Cheyenne and I can take her out to celebrate. Once my energy returns.
When I step out of the shower, the bathroom is foggy. I hear a soft knock on the door.
“Logan?” I ask.
“It’s me.”
I open the door and he’s standing there, arm resting on the frame of the door. His eyes are hooded like he’s been fighting off emotion and he stares at my face so long, I step back.
“What?” I pull the towel tighter around my body.
He reaches in and grabs me around the waist, trapping me against him in a tight embrace. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He pulls back, shaking his head. “Really. You don’t‒”
He stops, voice thick. He swallows. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”
“Yes, I do.”
He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You look tired.”
“I kind of used a lot of energy back there. I’ll be fine soon.”
He scoops me up in his arms and I let out a short gasp of surprise.
I smile when he carries me to the bed and says, “How about you relax and I’ll take care of the rest?”
“The rest of what?”
I try to sit up, but he shakes his head. “Relax, close your eyes.”
I do what he says, so happy to be resting for a moment, I sigh. And then he takes off my towel and I open my eyes again. “I’m not lying,” I whisper. “I don’t have any energy right now.”
He pulls off his shirt. “You don’t need any.”
My eyes are tired, but they focus on his chest, the strong muscles in his arms. And then he takes off his pants and my energy goes up a few notches.
“You stay right there,” he whispers, climbing onto the bed.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His first kiss is frantic, urgent to go deeper and deeper. His warm body covers every inch of mine. “You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever met,” Logan says.
He trails kisses down my neck and over my collarbone, each one soft and filled with passion. His lips move lower, whispering over the crest of my breast before he takes the nipple into his mouth. When he nips it with his teeth, I let out a soft cry of pleasure.
“I want you now,” I whisper.
He gives me a lazy smile. “You’re supposed to be relaxing.”
He glides his hand from my ankle, up my calf, to the inside of my thigh, before brushing it between my legs.
“Logan,” I say, voice hoarse. I grip his hips. I’m so tired, but so worked up. All I want to do is feel him inside of me and lose myself.
Logan rises up and drives into me, making my back arch. My hands clench against the sheets and then make a hasty path over his abdomen and chest before I pull him down to kiss me.
“I want to forget about everything,” I murmur, my lips brushing his. “Just for now.”
He pulls back briefly and nods. “I understand.”
And as he pumps into me, I close my eyes and forget it all.
