Long Time Running

by Foster, Hannah

  "Okay" Keith said. "Can we do it here in Songea? Do we need to go to Nairobi or Pretoria?"

  He shook his head. "There are treatments here but the world leaders in treating this are in the United States. I have a colleague who has had great success-"

  "Where?" she asked, swallowing down the nervous lump that formed in her throat.

  "In New York City" he told her, writing down the name. "I have called him - Doctor Freidman runs the program - and they can take you as soon as you can get there."

  The thought of returning the United States, even if it wasn't Chicago, filled her with dread. She had sworn she would never go back. For seven years the distance between where she grew up and where she lived had provided her a shield of protection but now, the idea of stepping foot back there seemed worse than the tumor growing in her head.

  "Are there no alternatives here on the continent?" she asked with a shaky voice.

  "Nat!" Keith admonished her. "If the best in the world are in the U.S. then that's where we go."

  Letting go of his hand her fingers curled around her locket. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply to stave off the rising sense of panic. Over the years she had purposely lost track of Eric, figuring it would be easier if she could not imagine him exactly where he was. Last she had heard he was living in San Francisco, miles from where she was headed; there was no reason to believe that her past would swallow her whole if she went to New York City.

  "I can leave on Saturday" she whispered, opening her eyes. She looked at Keith. "Will you come with me?"

  He closed his lips over hers. "Try and stop me."

  Chapter 3

  Nathalie could feel Mylea's eyes on her as she carefully and meticulously folded her clothes and placed them in her suitcase. She made no comment as she slipped a small stack of unsent letters in the bottom of her suitcase. The dark green ribbon holding them together was frayed from years of untying and retying and while Mylea had never asked her what was in the letters, she had already known they contained a mother's love for her son.

  The young doctor had said little since her return from Songea other than sharing her diagnosis and announcing she would be traveling to the United States for treatment. She had spent the better part of the afternoon reassuring her colleagues and friends that there was little to worry about, that she would be back in Mbamba before they could even miss her.

  "Have you called your sister?" she asked, folding a shirt and passing it to her.

  Nathalie shook her head. "Sarah and I don't really talk any more. Not since I asked her to....not since I gave up Jack."

  The nurse nodded knowingly. "But still Nathalie, this would be a good opportunity to reach out to her. You may need her help."

  She sank down on the edge of the bed beside her suitcase. She missed her sister but the distance between them was entirely of her making. Sarah had tried time and again to make contact but she had let letters go unanswered and phone calls go unreturned until her sister simply stopped trying. For so long it had been just the two of them against the world - the Grant sisters united against all comers - but when her life had started to fall to pieces she had pushed everyone, including Sarah, away.

  "I'm not very good at crossing back over neglected bridges Mylea. Besides, Keith is coming with me."

  "Does this mean you are finally going to open up to him?" she asked, nodding to the locket dangling from her neck.

  Popping open the locket, Nathalie stared at the tiny picture of a 3 month old Jack. It was the only photo she had left, everything else had been destroyed. On the other side, tucked in behind the protective glass was a four leaf clover. Eric had found it during a trip to Dublin for a conference. He had given it to her over dinner and told her that it was clearly a sign from the gods that they were meant to be. She had long carried it in her wallet as a sign of their love. Now she carried it in hopes it would protect her from anything else going wrong.

  Snapping the locket shut, she shook her head. "It's the past and he doesn't need to be bothered with it."

  Mylea sighed heavily. "Nathalie, one of these days you are either going to have to tell that man the whole story or let him go. What you are doing to him - holding him at arm's length - is almost cruel. He pretends to be satisfied with what you give him because he believes if he hangs in long enough you will eventually give him more. But if you aren't going to give him more then you need to let him go."

  Her green eyes blazed angrily. "I don't have more to give him" she retorted. "I'm giving him all I have and I'm sorry if that doesn't meet your expectations of how I should be treating him."

  Unfazed by the outburst, the nurse simply shrugged. "That is all you have to give him because your heart belongs to someone else."

  "Yes it does" she answered tightly. "It belongs to my son."

  "No, it belongs to the man you left behind. You are still in love with him."

  Nathalie returned to folding her clothes and placing them inside her suitcase. She let Mylea's words hang in the air, refusing to respond to them. There was little point in her even trying as she could not lie to her friend.

  "I need you to keep a close eye on Baakir" she said, changing the subject. "He is refusing to take his meds and hides them when he thinks no one is looking. We will never get him well if his infection does not clear up."

  Mylea nodded as she got to her feet. "You concentrate on getting well" she said softly, "and we will worry about the patients here."

  Nathalie smiled sadly. It was always easiest to take out your frustrations and fears on those closest to you and her friend had certainly borne a significant brunt of both of those. She hugged her friend tightly.

  "And I will miss you" she told her. "Very much. It will be strange to wake up some place and not see you."

  Mylea took both of her hands in hers and squeezed them. "Nathalie, the universe is not random. Do not let opportunities to rebuild those bridges pass you by." Seeing the protest form on her lips, she hugged her again. "Be well my friend and we will see each other soon."

  As she slipped out the door she headed straight for her office. There was a number she had tucked away there and it was time for her to use it. Sometimes people needed help to rebuild.

  #

  Andrew let out a low whistle as he read over the chart. "While the tumor is interesting," he remarked to Eric, "the medical history is even more so. This Doctor," flipping over the chart, he read the name. "This Doctor Thabo sure has been through the ringer. Burns, breaks and now a tumor."

  Eric nodded as he looked at the films. "Yeah. There were micro-fractures to the spine that I assume happened at the same time of the burns on their back. Leave it to Freidman to give me the case so he can get in an extra week of golf."

  "Guess this patient isn't one for the journals or there is no way he'd let you run with it."

  "I'm kind of glad," Eric admitted. "I'd like to talk to them about their work in Africa. I still....there are days I still think I'd like to go there."

  The wistful look on his face was unmistakable and he paused for a moment before shaking his head. "Anyways, the sooner we can start treatment the better. Based on the placement of the tumor," he said looking back at the film, "the headaches must be excruciating."

  Looking over his shoulder at the films, Andrew agreed. "The chart said something about seizures as well. Not surprising but I would imagine it's pretty hard to see to your patients if you're constantly worried about seizing."

  "Yeah." Eric glanced at his watch. The patient was scheduled to arrive in an hour and he wanted some quiet time with the chart and the films to be as well prepared as possible. "Hey Drew?"

  Recognizing the look on his friend's face, Andrew put the chart down and grinned. "I know, I know. Princess needs her space to get in this zone."

  Andrew ran for the door, closing it behind him as Eric chucked a pen at him. With his shift almost over he headed to the cafeteria in search of one more cup of coffee to see him through. He was sent reeling as a petite wo
man careened into him.

  Reaching out he righted the woman. "Watch where you're....Sarah?"

  Her eyes were almost wild with fear. Her normally meticulous appearance had been replaced with some kind of homage to dishevelment.

  "Where is Eric?" Her breathing was ragged as she dragged her hand through her hair.

  "Why? Here to spread your special brand of humorless cheer?"

  "Shut up," she hissed angrily. "Where is he? I need to see him."

  Bristling at her words, he pulled himself to his full height and studied her carefully. "Is something wrong with Jack?"

  She shook her head wordlessly.

  "Then what is it?"

  "Where is he?"

  Exasperated at her unwillingness to answer his question he exhaled slowly. "He's with a patient."

  "Who?" She bit out as she reached out to grasp his arm for emphasis.

  Shocked by her touch, Andrew glanced down to her hand grasping his forearm and was struck, not for the first time, by the contrast of her fair skin against his own deep olive tone.

  "Drew, who is Eric's patient?" Her grip on his arm got tighter.

  "Sarah, why does it matter who he is with? It is none of your business and if it isn't about Jack then you need to go. He doesn't need your sanctimonious, self-righteous, 'I am the keeper of all knowledge' crap. What he needs is-"

  "It's Nathalie" she blurted.

  Andrew said little for a moment as he tried to process what she had just said. "Wh-what? What do you mean it's Nathalie?"

  "I mean his patient. His patient is Nathalie and I need to get to him....to her...to them before they see each other"

  He shook his head. "His patient is some doctor from Africa whose name is definitely not Nathalie Grant."

  "Is it Thabo?" she asked urgently.

  He blanched. "How do you know that?"

  "Because that's her doctor's name. Nathalie is...was...in Africa. She was sent here for treatment."

  "Eric has no idea what he's about to walk into" Andrew said as much to himself as he did to her.

  "Neither does Nat. Andrew....they can't just meet like this. Not after all these years, not after all that's happened."

  Though his friend pretended he was tough he knew better than anyone that Nathalie was like kryptonite to him. The memory of her could still bring him to his knees; seeing her when he had no clue would be so much worse.

  Grabbing hold of Sarah's hand, he tugged her along. "Let's go!"

  #

  Nathalie pulled at the hospital gown in a feeble attempt to ward off the chill. She was exhausted and incredibly cranky after her long flight and the unnaturally chilly air floating down from the vent was not helping her mood. All she had wanted to do when they landed was to check into the hotel and sleep off the jet lag. She had been non-plussed to discover Doctor Thabo had booked an appointment for her that very same day. Fearing she was going to say something to Keith she could not take back and just needing some time to herself, she had asked him to fill out the insurance paperwork for her.

  She could see the small tremor in her leg and knew a seizure was bubbling up.. Between the headaches and the seizures she had reached the point where at least half of every day was spent trying to recover from or ward off an episode. She had dosed up on pain medication for the flight over but it did little to relieve the ever present headaches.

  Keith, ever the investigative journalist, had researched almost every aspect of Doctor Freidman's career. He pulled journal articles, research awards and media announcements about his advances. He told her he felt confident she would be in good hands. He was taking such good care of her - or at least taking as much care of her as she would allow - and she felt terrible about it.

  Her conversation with Mylea played over and over in her mind and she knew she was right. Her heart could never belong to Keith, no matter how much he wanted it to, because she was still in love with Eric. Knowing they could never - would never - be together did little to diminish her feelings for him. She needed to have that conversation with Keith. She needed to set him free for to allow him to hang on any longer was indeed cruel. As she looked down at her twitching foot she realized the conversation would have to wait for a few days.

  A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts and she looked up expectantly.

  "Good afternoon Doctor Thabo, I'm Doctor Smitherman and I'm-"

  The words died on Eric's lips as his jaw dropped open. Pressing himself against the wall, he simply stared.

  It was hard to tell who had the bigger shock. Nathalie blinked in silent surprise as she came face to face with the man who still had her heart; certain that his presence in front of her was not real but merely a side effect of the tumor. She attempted to clear her vision but he remained in front of her, a stunned look plastered across his face.

  "It's not p-p-possible," Eric stammered as the chart tumbled from his hands.

  "Wh-what are you doing here?" she asked, dumbfounded.

  "Me? Wh-what....how....it's not really you. How can it be you?" His voice shook as he took a few tentative steps toward her.

  The twitch in her foot became stronger and she pulled more tightly on the gown. "Eric" she whispered, unable to say anything further.

  The door to the exam room flew open with Andrew and Sarah rushing in stopping short behind Eric. "Nathalie!" Sarah cried, seeing her sister for the first time in seven years.

  Nathalie looked from her sister to Andrew to Eric and realized she had been right. Her past couldn't swallow her whole but it could crush her. Opening her mouth to speak she found her tongue fat and uncooperative . Her entire body trembled as she tried to slide off of the exam table. Whether she was going to fall into Sarah's arms or make a run for it she wasn't sure.

  "Nat, I got the forms but who are listing as next of kin?" Keith paused in the doorway of the exam room and looked at the four people all staring mutely at each other. "Nat?" he asked, brushing past Eric to get to her.

  It was all too much. Her head pounded and her body shook and the last sound she heard before the seizure took hold was Eric calling her name

  Chapter 4

  Feeling the fog from around her brain slowly lift, Nathalie gingerly touched her hand to her cheek and winced as she felt the bruise. If the tumor wasn't removed soon she was going to be black and blue from all the seizures. Carefully opening her eyes she sucked in a sharp breath as her past and her present collided in front of her.

  "Nat?" Keith called to her, touching her hand. "Nathalie, say something."

  But she couldn't speak. She was hyperaware of Eric's presence by her bed and she didn't need to look at him to know the contempt he felt for her. Glancing at Andrew, and the disdain she saw reflected in his eyes, she looked away quickly until her eyes landed on her sister.

  Nathalie exhaled at the kindness reflected in her sister's clear, blue eyes. Sarah looked older but stylish as always. Whereas Nathalie had always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, her sister had long ago developed a taste for fine clothes which seemed to serve as her version of armor. Even in her worried state Sarah still looked like the model of business elegance.

  "Sarah," she croaked

  "Okay, everybody out" Sarah ordered.

  The two doctors looked at her in shock. "Sarah, you aren't a doctor-" Eric began.

  "You're right, I'm not. I'm her sister and I'm kicking all of you out until I have a chance to speak with her." She glanced over at Keith who was staring at her in surprise. "You too."

  He shook his head and looked back at Nathalie. "You never told me you had a sister."

  "Nathalie likes to keep a lot of details to herself," Eric said bitterly. "Doesn't want to burden anyone with them."

  Her cheeks burned with humiliation and regret. She looked to her sister and silently pleaded with her for help. The walls were closing in on her. Sarah grabbed Andrew by the arm and urged him towards the door; she gave Eric a look demanding he do the same.

  Keith gave Nathalie's hand a s
queeze and headed out of the room. Sarah pushed the door closed, took a deep breath and turned back to her sister.

  "Natty," she said softly.

  Hot, angry tears tumbled down Nathalie's face as she hung her head in shame. "Sarah, I'm scared."

  Crossing the room the normally restrained lawyer enveloped her sister in a tight, reassuring embrace as she had many times when Nathalie had been frightened or sad after their parents had passed away. "I'm here Natty, I'm here." Sarah whispered.

  Nathalie let herself be warmed in her sister's arms for several minutes before gently pulling away and wiping at her tear-stained face. "Never....never in my worst nightmares did I think this would happen," she said, smiling weakly.

  "Is it really a nightmare?" Sarah asked unable to hide the hint of hurt in her voice. "Seeing me - even seeing Eric - is it really so bad? Because I've missed you Nathalie. You are my only sister and seeing you is more like a dream than a nightmare."

  Suitably chastened, she shook her head. "No, seeing you is not a nightmare" she told her softly."I'm....happy....to see you, I just....I didn't think I would see any of you again."

  "Well sometimes the universe has a mind of its own."

  Wiping at the tears pooling in her eyes, she nodded as she clasped her sister's hand. "I am glad to see you, Sarah."

  Words unspoken, questions unanswered hung heavily in the air. The two sisters stared at each other for several long minutes, neither sure what to say next.

  "Keith seems nice" Sarah offered, scrambling for neutral ground.

  Exhaling and melting against the pillows, Nathalie nodded. "He is. He is a very good man."

  What remained unspoken was that he was not the right man. The small glimpse of Eric had set her heart racing and reminded her that she was not free to give her heart to another because it still belonged to him. Nathalie couldn't help but think that if she had had some warning she could have prepared herself, or steeled herself more like it, for her first glimpse of him in over seven years. But that was foolish. Eric always had the ability to take her breath away. It appeared that hadn't changed. Nathalie felt the stress and emotional turmoil of the day begin to claim her.