Long Time Running

by Foster, Hannah

  "That's the problem" Eric said tightly, "We didn't see, we don't know what happened to her." His mind flashed back to the night before as he held her tremulous and terrified in his arms. "You're asking us to continue to take a leap of faith with you and I can't think of a single reason why. Even Jack is asking about his parents - how many lies are you going to keep telling him? I guess lying is a Grant sister specialty, huh?"

  "Is the view pretty nice in your ivory tower? Is it?" she asked sharply, rising to her feet. "Because it occurs to me Eric if we're going to toss around blame and fault let's take a look at you, shall we? After all, who in this room is the one that made my sister feel like she had to choose between her child and her boyfriend? Who is it that started the ball rolling on all this? Because I'm pretty sure it's you."

  "Oh, so I deserve this? I deserve to be a glorified babysitter to my own son? My OWN SON!" he shouted.

  "Jack loves you" she hissed "and he will still love you when he knows you're his father - hell, he'll be over the moon that you're his father! All I'm trying to do is look out for my sister and I won't apologize for that."

  "Look out for your sister or look out for yourself?"

  "That's enough," Andrew said evenly to both of them. The tone in his voice was a warning.

  Sarah took a deep breath and sat back down in the chair. "We're talking about a week - two weeks at the most" she reasoned.

  Eric shook his head. His mind was a swirl of confusion. His feelings for Nathalie were awake again - in a way he had never expected - and he was at a loss as to what he should do. He wanted to tell her about Jack - tell her that he knows about their son, that he loved him.

  "I seem to recall you saying the same thing when you presented me with my son," he said emphatically, "seven years ago. You said it would be a couple of months - it's been years Sarah. Years."

  She wrung her hands together. "It's not going to be years," she whispered.

  "Damn straight it won't" he told her pointedly. "I'm willing to wait until after her surgery but not a moment longer. And if you aren't ready to tell her then well too bad because I am done playing by your rules!"

  Brushing past Andrew he stormed out of his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

  "He's right, you know" he told her, sitting on the edge of the desk.

  "I don't need you to pile on" she answered. "Not now."

  Leaning forward, he touched her shoulder. "I'm not trying to pile on Sarah. I'm trying to help you."

  "Help me?" she scoffed. "Why would help me? You can barely stand me."

  "That's not true and you know it," he challenged, giving her a heated look. "But the truth is going to come out and it's better if it comes from you. Don't let Jack or Nathalie discover this on their own." He paused for a moment as a distant memory washed over him. The dark clouds passing through his eyes did not go unnoticed by Sarah. "They both need to hear it from you."

  Nodding, she rose to her feet trying to reclaim her calm exterior. "Who knew you were such a sage?" Her fingers tightened around her purse strap.

  "I'm a lot of things," he replied. "You just need to be willing to find out."

  Sarah paused, a reply on the tip of her tongue, but thinking better of it, shook her head and left.

  #

  Nathalie stood on the roof under the beating sun and took a deep breath. She was feeling caged in after Keith's departure and needed some peace and quiet to process the myriad of conflicting thoughts running through her mind. She was genuinely saddened at Keith leaving even though she knew it was for the best for both of them. She was also confused by the softening in Eric's attitude towards her; she didn't dare to hope that it was more than just his intrinsic kindness coming through.

  It had been almost 48 hours since her last seizure and while she considered that a good sign, the increased intensity of her ever-present headaches were less of one. She hated relying on pain medication, hated having her senses altered but it was getting harder and harder to simply tough it out. She was well aware the need for surgery was becoming more urgent. That realization filled her with dread. Control was very important to her and there was little about this that was within hers. What would happen after surgery? Would she really just fly back to Tanzania and resume her life as though nothing had changed? Was it a possibility for her to stay here - near her sister and though she hated to admit it, near Eric? What was she supposed to do? Who was she supposed to be?

  She jumped as the door to the roof flew open and a man strode through. With his hands balled up in fists and his entire body rigid, he let loose a primal scream that threatened to shake the foundation.

  "Feel better?" she asked, having recognized the back of Eric's head. There had been a time when she knew every inch of his body as intimately as her own.

  Shocked at the unexpected voice behind him, he slowly turned as his cheeks burned brightly with embarrassment at being caught.

  "Surprisingly yes" he admitted, taking a step towards her. "What are you doing up here?"

  She shrugged and looked back at the skyline. "I needed to do some thinking and that's just not possible in the room. I spend almost all my free time outside in Tanzania," she said, stopping short at the revelation.

  "Tanzania?" Eric asked cautiously.

  She smiled sheepishly. "Just outside Mbamba. Lots of space and quiet to think." Pausing, she took a step towards him. "What brings you up here - other than scaring the birds away?"

  He chuckled softly. "I just needed to blow off some steam and regroup."

  They stared at each other silently for several minutes, neither quite knowing what to say. Both took tentative steps towards each other until they were within arm's reach.

  "Does what's his name know you're up here?" he asked. "He gets antsy when he can't find you."

  She gave a small shake of her head. "Keith is on his way back to Tanzania."

  Eric's blue eyes widened in shock. "He's not staying to see you through surgery?"

  "We broke up."

  "Why?" he asked, looking intently at her.

  Nathalie inhaled sharply as she walked to the edge of the roof, he followed and stood beside her. She curled her hands around the railing.

  "Keith deserves someone who can love him.....who can love him completely."

  "And that's not you?" he probed.

  She shook her head.

  "Why not?"

  A small, rueful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She should tell him to get lost. She should tell him that her ability to love or not love someone was none of his concern but she couldn't bring herself to say that. Telling Keith the truth about her feelings for him, however painful it had been, had freed her and now the opportunity to free herself again, even just a little bit however painful it may be, lay before her.

  She turned her whole body towards him and gazed at him for several beats. "Because I'm in love with you. I have never stopped being in love with you."

  The entire world stopped moving as the words left her mouth and she wished silently that however he was going to reject her that he would at least be a little kind about it. She wasn't entitled to that kindness - she had forfeited her right to that - but she still hoped that he might find a way to put her down easy.

  She could scarcely believe it as his fingers gently slid under her chin, tilting her face upwards. She blinked in disbelief as his mouth lowered to hers, hovering just above in agonizing temptation, his warm breath echoing against her skin. His mouth descended on hers, his tongue sweeping inside her mouth and in a moment her knees trembled and she grabbed hold of the railing to keep herself upright.

  The kiss was familiar and new all at once as his lips continued to press against hers and his hand slid around her back, pulling her towards him. Her entire being felt as though it were on fire and she was sure he could hear her heart crashing inside her chest.

  And as quickly as it began, it ended and he slowly, almost reluctantly let go of her lips.

  Looking at him in astonishme
nt, she stepped backwards fingering her swollen lips. Words would not come easily and it took her several tries to make any sound. "Wh-what was that for?" she stammered.

  Eric smiled apologetically. "I'm...I'm not sure," he admitted truthfully. "Exorcism, maybe?"

  "Okay" she whispered, trying to swallow down the unexpectedly sharp feeling of disappointment. "I...I'm going to go back to my room."

  He nodded. "I'll....I'll see you later - maybe."

  Unable to say anything further, she turned and on wobbly legs, made her way to the staircase and headed back downstairs.

  Leaning forward against the railing, Eric cradled his head in his hands and sighed. He had just opened the floodgates to feelings he had being trying to keep buried. He didn't know if it would be possible to close them again. Or even if he wanted to.

  Chapter 9

  A bundle of nervous energy, Nathalie paced restlessly in her room. What exactly had he meant by exorcism? Was one last kiss all he needed to finally be over her? Was it payback? A way of reminding her what she had walked out on? Or was it a test to see what feelings for her still existed in the embers?

  If there had been any doubt in her mind that she was still deeply in love with him, that kiss erased it. It had left her breathless and weak kneed and it confirmed that he was the only man she would ever love.

  Her mind then drifted to Jack. Her smiling, happy baby with his full cheeks and thick hair was never far from her mind but she tried hard not to call upon his memory too often for the cost of doing so was more than she could bear most days. What would Eric think of her if he knew? His disillusionment and disappointment in her would likely be total. What words would she use to tell him that for so long after that one terrible night she was sure she was dead inside and the only conscious thought she had about Jack was he needed to be somewhere safe - somewhere he could be loved and taken care of by someone not falling apart at the seams? Would he understand how soul destroying her decision to give him up had been but that she did so because she was sure it was the only answer?

  Swallowing thickly, she shook her head trying to push the images out. Her hands had begun to shake and her headache pounded mercilessly. Cradling her head in her hands she rubbed her forehead in vain trying to find some relief.

  Sarah walked tentatively through the door but immediately recognized her sister's distress and ran to her side. "Nat?"

  "I...I don't feel so good Sarah" she mumbled as black dots appeared before her eyes.

  Slipping her arm around her, Sarah guided her back to her bed. Nathalie curled into a ball and clenched her eyes shut trying to ride out the pain. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she whimpered.

  "Baby, I'm going to get Drew, okay? I will be right back I promise."

  Completely overtaken by the pain, Nathalie was now rocking back and forth in her bed trying in vain to find some relief. When Sarah returned to the room, she climbed on to the bed and rubbed her back, doing her best to comfort her.

  "Shhh, Nat. It's going to be okay. Do you want me to call Keith?"

  "He's...he's gone." she squeaked, biting down on her lip as her head felt on the verge of exploding.

  "Oh Nat" she sighed, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

  "It hurts...Sarah....it hurts so....bad..." she gritted out.

  "I know it does but Drew will be here soon" she promised.

  No sooner had the words left her mouth than Andrew appeared with a nurse. Sarah slipped from the bed.

  "Nathalie, I need to take a look, okay?"

  He carefully rolled her on to her back and quickly assessed the situation. Having given his orders to the nurse, he turned back to her and taking her hand in his, rubbed it softly.

  "We're setting up an i.v. of morphine," he told her quietly "and that'll go a long way to relieving the pain. Once you're ahead of the pain, I'm going to send you for another MRI. I think your tumor is probably growing."

  "No morphine," she whispered, painfully opening her eyes to look at him. "Please."

  Andrew shook his head. "No deal. We need to get your pain under control and this is the only way."

  "Sarah" she croaked.

  Her sister was by her side, softly stroking her hair as the nurse set up the i.v. "It'll be okay," she reassured her. "It won't be like last time. I promise."

  "It can't," she cried softly. "I can't."

  "I know" she sighed. "I know Nat."

  She was quiet for several beats as the drug dripped from the bag and into her veins. "He...kissed...me..." she mumbled.

  "Who? Keith?"

  "No" she replied groggily. "Eric."

  Sarah and Andrew exchanged shocked looks.

  "I....love....you Sarah" she mumbled before falling under the effects of the medication.

  Her eyes welled with tears and she kissed her cheek again. "And I love you too baby sister."

  Gently rising from the bed she jerked her head in the direction of the hallway as she looked at Andrew. "I'd like to speak to you."

  "That works out well for me," he muttered as he followed her out.

  The door had barely closed before Sarah launched an attack. "He kissed her?" she hissed. "He KISSED her? What the hell is that?!"

  Andrew fixed her with a steely glare. "Whatever it is, it is between the two of them. I'm not responsible for Eric and I won't answer for him. But perhaps now would be a good time for you to tell me what her opposition to morphine is."

  She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. "It's none of your business."

  Well familiar with Sarah's petulance and stubbornness, Andrew took her by the elbow and led her down the hall to his office. Letting go of her, he kicked the door shut behind him before perching himself on the edge of his desk.

  "That's where you are wrong Sarah - it is my business. I'm her doctor and her health is my only concern."

  "If she wants you to know, she'll tell you" she snapped.

  "God Dammit!" he swore. "Believe it or not I am actually trying to help her."

  "You hate her."

  Exhaling loudly, he rubbed his hand over his face. "No, I don't. I hate what she did - to you, to Eric and most of all to Jack - but I don't hate her. I want her healthy Sarah, for all of our sakes, but I can't do that if I'm missing pieces of information."

  Sighing, she sank down into the chair and wiped tiredly at her eyes. "She had a lot of morphine before-"

  "In Tanzania?" he interjected.

  She nodded. "And it gives her....it gave her nightmares in the hospital - bad ones."

  Moving from the desk to the chair beside her, he turned to face her. "Nightmares about what happened to her?"

  All she could do was nod as her eyes filled past the brim with tears.

  "Sarah" he called to her softly. "What happened to her?"

  "She almost died" she whispered.

  "The fire?" he prodded.

  "Yeah. Andrew..." Lifting her head, she gave him a pleading look. "I don't know all the details and the ones I do know are not mine to tell. Please don't ask me to violate yet another trust of my sister's."

  In the rare moments where she allowed herself to be vulnerable - truly vulnerable - he found himself almost unspeakably drawn to her. Andrew had known a lot of women, all of whom were a lot less trouble than Sarah Grant. Interestingly, that didn't seem to matter to his heart or head. Reaching out, he took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb against her palm.

  "I...I got a phone call one morning at work" she said quietly as she began to tell of those long ago events for the first time. "It was a doctor with a thick, rich African accent. He apologized for calling but I was listed as next of kin for Doctor Nathalie Grant and she had been badly hurt. He told me he knew it was a long way to come but if I could make it I should as they didn't expect her to survive."

  Knowing how rare it was to get a Grant sister to open up, he said nothing but simply continued to rub her hand.

  "It was more than a week," she whispered as the secrets she could not longer hold at bay, b
egan to rush out. "More than a week before she opened her eyes. She...she would scream with nightmares Drew. It...it was awful and I couldn't do anything to help her."

  "Sarah, I'm sure you helped her just by being there. You two were always close."

  Slowly pulling her hand away from his, she smiled weakly. "It's nice of you to say."

  Taking a deep breath, she sat up straight. "So you think her tumor is bigger?"

  Having experienced it several times before, Andrew recognized that the moment was over and Sarah's walls were back up. In response, he leaned back in the chair, away from her. "Yes. I'm sure the MRI will bear me out. Surgery is going to have to be sooner than we expected - probably this weekend."

  Getting to her feet, she smoothed the imaginary wrinkles from her skirt and headed for the door. "I should get going. I have to pick up Jack from Eric's." At the door she paused and turned around. "Don't give her too much morphine" she requested softly.

  Andrew smiled kindly at her. "I'm going to take good care of her Sarah. You can trust me."

  Returning his smile ever so briefly, she paused as though she were going to answer but thinking better of it, closed her mouth and left.

  #

  Eric could not keep from staring at Jack as the young boy, curled into the corner of the couch, read his book. He had always seen Nathalie in him but having seen her again, it was like looking at his son with a fresh set of eyes. He had so many of her traits - her eyes, her laugh, the way he would pull at his fingers when he was nervous. He wondered what Nathalie would think if she could - when she would - see him. Would she recognize him without even knowing who he was? Would she be able to see those parts of her in him?

  Jack was a smart, funny and very adaptable young boy and he supposed Sarah was right, that Jack would be over the moon to know that Eric was his father. But on some level that revelation would have to destroy much of the trust he had for the adults in his life. What possible explanation that would make sense to a grade schooler could be offered for the lies and half-truths he had been told during the span of his young life? He wasn't even sure what explanation could be offered to him that would make sense.