DAVE:
Yes.
SOUND:
Keller’s footsteps walk purposefully to the door. We hear him unlock it, open it, and the jingling of the bell.
KELLER:
You know what disappoints me about you, Chersky? It’s not that you didn’t have the money. It’s that you didn’t fight back. I mean, you just kind of laid there. (a beat) You really should clean this place up. I don’t know how you expect to run a business when you keep it so messy.
SOUND:
The door slams shut. Dave sobs.
NARRATOR:
Dave lays on the floor sobbing—partly out of humiliation, partly out of anger, and even partly out of relief that Keller is gone. But as he reflects on the events that led to this confrontation, Dave has an epiphany: Keller is right. He has always let himself be bullied. As he picks himself up off the floor, Dave’s tears are mingled with a resolve that he will never be treated like that again. And in that revelatory moment, Dave begins to formulate a plan that will forever change his life.
ANNOUNCER:
We’ll return to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories – after these few words.
ANNOUNCER:
Now back to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories and “The Dark Enforcer.”
NARRATOR:
The next morning, Dave arrives at the shop a little early to clean up. He then has a normal day dealing with customers. . .a day in which he tries to act like someone who wasn’t beaten within an inch of his life the night
NARRATOR (cont’d):
before. . .a day in which he plans to do something about the Leon Kellers of the world.
SOUND:
The typical sounds of the comic book store on a busy day, under.
DAN:
Hi Dave.
DAVE:
How are you, Dan?
DAN:
Pretty good. Thought I’d pick up some Swamp Thing back issues. Phil and I went to see that movie last night. I decided to bone up on some of the back story. Too bad you couldn’t come.
SOUND:
Dave ringing up the comics on the cash register, under.
DAVE:
Believe me, I would rather have been there than here.
DAN:
I can see that. . .where’d you get that black eye?
DAVE:
What?. . .oh, uh, some comics fell on me in the back room. . .from the upper shelf.
DAN:
No kidding. Who’d have thought owning a comic book shop could be so hazardous?
DAVE:
(chuckling nervously) Yeah.
DAN:
Well, you missed a good time. Rarely has there been a more charming and voluptuous scream queen than Adrienne Barbeau.
DAVE:
I can’t argue with that.
DAN:
Plus, there’s just something appealing about the thought of having an enormous guardian like The Swamp Thing. It would make you feel so. . .powerful, you know?
DAVE:
Yes. . .I do know. (a beat) That’s six dollars even for the comics.
DAN:
Okay. . .uh, I’m a dollar short.
DAVE:
Don’t worry. . .just make up for it next time.
DAN:
You sure?
DAVE:
Yeah.
DAN:
Thanks. I’m still looking for full-time work. Been freelancing a lot.
DAVE:
Times are tough. Believe me, I know.
DAN:
I guess. I just hate to keep mooching off my dad. He’s letting me stay with him rent-free.
DAVE:
How’s his new job going?
DAN:
Good. Working for the city of Chicago’s a lot different than the little burg in Michigan we came from, but he seems to have adapted.
DAVE:
That’s good.
DAN:
(a beat) So. . .doing a little reading?
DAVE:
What?
DAN:
That issue of The Dark Enforcer you’ve got open there—revisiting the classics?
DAVE:
Oh, uh, yeah.
DAN:
If my eyes don’t deceive me, that’s issue number 17—“Terror in the Night.” That’s the issue with the full invocation to summon The Dark Enforcer from the depths of Hades. A true classic! I’ve got it memorized cover to cover.
DAVE:
(chuckles nervously) Well, you know how it is. . .when you own a comic book shop, you’ve got to stay exposed to great literature.
DAN:
(laughs) Right. Well, I’ll let you close up shop here. (his voice fading
DAN (cont’d):
off-mike as he moves toward the exit)
Good talking to you, man.
DAVE:
Same here. Take care.
SOUND:
The door opening, jingling, and closing.
NARRATOR:
Dave spends the next several minutes closing up shop. He then intently studies The Dark Enforcer comic book Dan pointed out—concentrating on its pages like a student cramming for an exam. Shortly after closing time, the moment Dave has been anticipating arrives.
SOUND:
The door opening, jingling, and closing. Footsteps approach, then stop.
KELLER:
(his usual greeting) Chersky.
SOUND:
A match lighting up.
DAVE:
I told you last night there’s no smoking in here.
KELLER:
So you did. (takes a drag on the cigarette and exhales) That’s quite a shiner you got there. What happened? Disagree with a customer about the color of Wonder Woman’s cape?
KELLER (cont’d):
(chuckles, then, when Dave doesn’t respond. . .) Nothing, eh? I’m not surprised. You were quite the blubbery little puss last night. Frankly, I’m amazed to see you’ve got enough backbone to even stand up today. (a beat) But enough of this convivial banter. . .you got the money?
DAVE:
No.
KELLER:
Maybe I kicked you a little too hard in the head last night, because I don’t think you’re grasping the seriousness of this situation.
DAVE:
(nervously, but with conviction) There’s no way I could get my hands on that much money in 24 hours, so I don’t have it. . .and, what’s more, I never will. I’m tired of being pushed around by guys like you. Now get out of my shop!
KELLER:
(amused) Whoa! What happened to you, Chersky? Sometime in the last 24 hours you grew a pair! Too bad you chose today to do it.
SOUND:
A gun being unholstered.
KELLER:
This time, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to use the business end of this thing.
DAVE:
If you shoot, anyone could hear.
KELLER:
What’s the matter—don’t you ever go to the movies? This little mechanism on the barrel is called a silencer.
SOUND:
The gun being cocked.
KELLER:
Nobody’s going to hear a thing.
Besides, it’s not like I’m gonna kill you. I’m just gonna fire off a couple warning shots. . .maybe to your kneecaps, maybe to your elbows—or maybe I’ll mix and match!
DAVE:
Put the gun down! I’m warning you!
NARRATOR:
To Keller’s amazement, Dave suddenly holds up his Dark Enforcer comic book and strikes a pose that mimics the body language of the character in its pages. Then, he reads the incantation.
DAVE:
(melodramatically) Defender of the persecuted, I summon thee! Arise from the underworld!
KELLER:
I think I did kick you too hard in the head.
DAVE:
Why is nothing happening? Maybe I need to say it louder. (shouting) DEFENDER OF THE PERSECUTED, I SUMMON THEE! ARISE FROM THE UNDERWORLD! (pause) Hello? Cal
ling all demons! (pause) Nothing.
KELLER:
Chersky, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but for the record, most people like to go out with a little more dignity.
SOUND:
A low rumbling begins and fades up during the following dialogue.
DAVE:
I should have known it wouldn’t work. What was I thinking?
KELLER:
I thought I explained all that last night. All your comic book fantasies ain’t gonna cut it here in the real world. Now stand still so I can do my job. . .
DAVE:
Wait!. . .What’s that?
NARRATOR:
It appears at first as if a hole has formed in the floor. But the closer he looks at it, Dave realizes it isn’t a
NARRATOR (cont’d):
hole. It is. . .nothing. A void. An inky vacuum that fills Dave with a dread like he’s never felt before.
SOUND:
The rumbling, now deafening, is followed by the sudden sound of flames roaring.
NARRATOR:
Suddenly, flames arise from the void and a hulking figure begins to take shape.
SOUND:
The noise stops. There is only the unmistakable sound of wet, slobbery breathing.
KELLER:
What the. . .?
NARRATOR:
The behemoth that stands before them is monstrous—so huge it blocks out what little light there is in the store. In fact, Dave could swear that the beast seems to somehow suffocate, even consume the light.
DAVE:
I-I-I can’t believe it. I actually summoned The Dark Enforcer!
MUSIC:
Sting.
ANNOUNCER:
We’ll return to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories – after these few words.
ANNOUNCER:
Now back to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories and “The Dark Enforcer.”
NARRATOR:
While a slack-jawed Leon Keller looks on—his gun still pointed at Dave—The Dark Enforcer stands in the middle of Dave’s Dungeon of Comics. . .doing nothing.
DAVE:
(unsure what to do) Uh, okay. . .Go my, uh, servant!. . .Defend me!
SOUND:
Only the wet, slobbery breathing.
DAVE:
Why aren’t you moving? Oh wait, there’s some kind of protocol I’m supposed to follow.
SOUND:
Pages turning.
DAVE:
Here it is. (reading) Uh, welcome, demon, to the upper world.
ENFORCER:
(a voice that is almost a growl, so low there is a slight rumbling with every word) I have heeded thy call.
DAVE:
No kidding. I mean, uh. . . (reading again). . .to whom do you pledge your allegiance?
ENFORCER:
Art thou the maltreated, the subjugated, the oppressed. . .the underdog?
DAVE:
I am.
ENFORCER:
Then I pledge my allegiance to thee. . .master.
DAVE:
Sweet!
ENFORCER:
Show me thine enemies and I shall defend thee.
DAVE:
That guy right there.
KELLER:
Screw this! That gorilla is toast!
SOUND:
The “pffft pffft pffft” of the gun being fired with the silencer three times.
NARRATOR:
Keller’s bullets go through the beast. . .but then disappear, as if he had been shooting into a black hole. For the first time since Dave met Keller, he sees a look of fear pass across the gunman’s features as the monstrous hellion knocks the pistol out of his hand.
SOUND:
The Dark Enforcer growling and smacking Keller’s gun from his hand, followed by
SOUND (cont’d):
the gun clattering across the floor.
KELLER:
Hey, my gun!
ENFORCER:
Shall I eliminate your enemy?
DAVE:
Yes. . . (melodramatically) Eliminate him!
KELLER:
Hey now, wait a minute. . .let’s talk this over! Maybe we can work out some kind of payment plan!
DAVE:
That’s not what you said last night.
NARRATOR:
Like an enraged child taking his anger out on a rag doll, the beast grabs Keller by the legs and jerks his feet out from under him, leaving him dangling upside-down.
KELLER:
(panicked) Aaah! Put me down!
DAVE:
Come on, Keller. . .grow a pair! You’re blubbering like a little puss!
KELLER:
Listen, what I did last night. . .you know that was nothing personal, right?
DAVE:
So, beating me almost to death was a business decision?
KELLER:
Yes! It’s part of my job! My boss expects me to do it! I just did it for
KELLER (CONT’D):
show. . .I’m on your side, Chersky! I always was! I gave you the extra day to get the money, didn’t I?
DAVE:
Save it, Keller. You’ve always treated me like I was a spineless worm. You enjoyed beating the crap out of me and you know it.
KELLER:
Listen, if you get King Kong to put me down, I’ll make it up to you! There must be something I can do for you!
DAVE:
There’s only one thing I want you to do. (a beat) Make a wish.
NARRATOR:
At Dave’s command, The Dark Enforcer grabs one of Keller’s legs in each of its massive hands. . .and rips him straight down the middle.
SOUND:
The tearing of flesh and breaking of bones, and Keller’s horrendous scream.
NARRATOR:
As he gazes at what’s left of Keller, Dave feels a surge of exhilaration go through him. Intoxicated by the power he now wields, Dave turns to the unearthly creature that stands beside him.
DAVE:
You know something, my gigantic friend? Keller was right about one thing: I have always been harassed by guys like him, and I have always put up with the bullying. But now the bullying is going to stop.
ENFORCER:
Yes, master.
DAVE:
(impressed) Nice. Funny how that doesn’t sound so cliché when you’re the one being addressed. (a beat) Dispose of his body. . .both halves. I need to clean up the shop. Then you and I have some work to do.
MUSIC:
Transition.
NARRATOR:
That night, and for several nights thereafter, Dave and The Dark Enforcer visit some of Dave’s old high school classmates. This is not, however, a series of joyful reunions. Rather, it is a carefully planned agenda, designed to eradicate anyone who ever bullied Dave.
SOUND:
The wet, slobbery breathing, followed by the muffled ringing of a doorbell.
DOUG:
(muffled, from behind a door) Who is it?
DAVE:
Doug Rockebrand?
DOUG:
Yes?
DAVE:
(a little too cheerful) It’s me! Dave Chersky!
DOUG:
Chersky. . .Chersky. Why do I know that name?
DAVE:
We went to high school together!
SOUND:
The door opening.
DOUG:
(no longer muffled) Chersky! It is you. (snarky) I almost didn’t recognize you without all the acne. What brings you here? We didn’t exactly hang around in the same social circles.
DAVE:
No, we didn’t, did we? In fact, you and your buddies used to go to great lengths to make that clear to me. The wedgies, the swirlies. . .and how about that time you guys “pantsed” me at that pep rally? I think everyone in the school saw me naked from the waist down! Good times, eh?
DOUG:
(wary) Uh, yeah, well that was a long time ago, you know?
DAVE:
You think
so? Seems like yesterday to me. But then, I guess once you’ve been humiliated like that, it’s kind of hard to let go.
DOUG:
(a little nervous now) Listen, I gotta get ready for work. Great seeing you!
DAVE:
Hang on! I didn’t get to introduce you to my friend.
DOUG:
That’s okay. . .gotta run!
DAVE:
But he really wants to meet you. Wait. . .where is he? He can be a little shy. (calling to Dark Enforcer) Hey, buddy, come over here so Dougie can meet you.
SOUND:
The Dark Enforcer’s lumbering footsteps.
DOUG:
What the f. . .!!
The Dark Enforcer Page 2
