by J. M. Walker
“You know he would if you asked him.”
“I know and that’s why I won’t ask him.”
“Makes sense.”
“Thank you,” Zach said, bringing our joined hands up to his mouth. “For tonight. For everything. For just being you. Thank you for showing me that there are women in this world who aren’t out for blood.”
My breath caught. “I…I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “Just thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I cupped his nape, my eyes fluttering closed. Breathing him in, I got the faint scent of sex and his spicy cologne. “But I really haven’t done anything,” I said after a minute or so had passed.
“You have.” Zach sat back and rested his arm across my lap. “Do you remember that girl I dated in high school? It lasted for less than a second.”
“I believe so.” Truth was, I remembered most of them because I was too shy to make a move, or he was too stuck in his head to do anything about it.
“She spread it around school that I wouldn’t take no for an answer. My parents had to step in before her older brother kicked my ass.”
“Wow.” My eyes widened. “Why would she accuse you of something like that?”
“Because she was drunk and wanted me to fuck her, but I said no. I may be a lot of things, but I don’t take advantage of women. I know how that feels and I didn’t like it. So why the hell would I do it to someone else?” He shrugged. “Anyway, that’s one of many stories but I don’t want to bore you with that shit.”
“You could never bore me.” I thought a moment. “Tell me something no one knows.” I turned toward him.
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“I want to get to know you more than I already do.” My cheeks burned. “That’s all.”
Zach pinched my chin, placing a soft peck on my mouth. “I like this girl who I wish I could have given my virginity to instead of it being taken from me without my....” He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”
“I…” Bile rose to my throat. “I didn’t know.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He cupped my cheek. “It’s in the past. As much as the shit I went through, sucked, I like to think I came out stronger in the end.”
My throat closed up, knowing he never had a choice who he gave his innocence to. Even though he had never said it, I could only imagine that was what happened to him. “Zach.” My voice wavered.
“Hey.” He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip. “I didn’t mean to make this…I didn’t…Fuck. I’m not used to this. I’ve known you for years. Since we were kids. You are my best friend, Moonbeam. I know your dad feels you could do better, but I promise, I will try my hardest to be the best for you and prove him wrong.”
“I don’t care what my dad thinks,” I blurted.
“Yeah, you do, Luna. And that’s fine. I get it. He’s your father. I understand.”
“So, just because he feels that you don’t deserve me…is this ending between us?” My stomach was doing flips, waiting for Zach to give me his answer.
“I don’t want this to end but he’s right.”
“No.” I pushed him. “Don’t say that shit to me. I don’t care what he thinks.” I raised a hand when he went to speak. “Listen to me, Zach. I like you. Alright? If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’ve liked you since we were kids, but I know you know that. Everyone knows that. But I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m new. Naïve. Whatever you want to call it, but I do know that I want more. From you. From this.”
“You do deserve better, Luna,” Zach told me.
“You just said that you would do your hardest to be the best for me.” I grabbed his shirt, pulling him against me. “You are the best for me. You are.” I covered his mouth with mine when he went to argue. “You are,” I whispered against his mouth.
His body stiffened. “Luna.”
“Shut up.” I leaned back. “I’m in love with you. I don’t expect you to say it back to me. I may be new at this but I’m also not stupid. I’m just telling you how I feel. The heart wants what it wants and all that shit, so no, Zach. I don’t care what my father says because I want you. So yeah, you can take that how—”
A hot mouth captured mine in a deep, bruising kiss.
I broke the kiss. “Zach.”
“Shut up.” He fisted my hair, holding my head in place. “Just shut up.” Crushing his mouth to mine, he devoured every inch of it. Slipping his tongue between my lips, he stole my breath.
“Zach,” I whispered against his lips. I didn’t expect him to say those words back to me. Hell, I hadn’t expected to say them myself, but I was sick of this shit with my father. He couldn’t control who I wanted to be with. That wasn’t his choice to make.
Zach broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine and took ragged breaths. “I…”
“Shhh…you don’t have to say anything back to me, Zach. I’m not that type of girl if you haven’t noticed. I just want you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”
His breath hitched. “Fuck, I like you. I like this. Being with you. Touching you. Holding you. Having a fucking conversation with you.” He cupped the side of my neck. “But I can’t say those words back. Not yet. I care about you. You have to know that.”
“I do.” I looked up at him then, placing my hand against his cheek. “Don’t.”
He leaned into my palm. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re feeling guilty.” I brushed my thumb along his full bottom lip. “Don’t feel guilty, Zach. I know you care about me.”
“I…I would go to hell for you. I’ve been in fucking hell, but I would go back there, just for you. Just to have you at my side. Just to have you with me.”
“No, Zach. You’re never going back there again. Ever. Do you understand me? I’m here. Even if nothing comes of this and we just remain friends, I want you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Fuck, Luna.”
I couldn’t help it. The tears started to fall. My heart hurt for him. For what he went through as a boy. And I didn’t even know the whole story, but I still ached for him.
“Shit.” He pulled me against him. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I just...I can’t...” I hiccupped. “I don’t know what you went through, but I know it was brutal. God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I laughed lightly. I hiccupped again.
“Breathe, Moonbeam,” he coaxed. “Shhh...” He petted a hand over my head. “Talk to me.”
“I want to know everything about you, but I imagine that it’s hard to talk about.” I shrugged. “So, I just…” I shrugged again, picking at a fuzz on my dress.
He cleared his throat a couple of times before kissing my temple. “There were times I wished it would have been me who died instead of my dad. I even tried searching for my real mom but after looking for what felt like fucking ever, I found out she had passed away from cancer.”
“I’m so sorry.” I cupped his knee.
“Don’t be.” He kissed my temple again. “I had Brogan and Coby at this point.”
“Do they know you tried looking for her?”
“They were the ones who told me to.” He paused. “I never thought I would get parents like them. Most people want to adopt babies. Not children and especially not ones like me.”
“I’m glad they did.” I looked up at him that time.
“I’m glad they did too. I not only got them as parents, I got a whole family too. But...” He looked out the window, his eyes dark. Hoping. For something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“It’s not enough,” I answered for him.
“No.” His jaw clenched. “It’s not.”
“What is it that you want?”
“I’m not sure anymore,” he murmured.
We sat in silence. It felt like an eternity had passed before either of us said anything.
“Let’s go.” He
opened the door. “I’ll drive you home.”
“Oh.” My stomach sunk. “Do we have to?”
He gave me a soft smile. “It’s almost three in the morning.”
“Already?” My eyes widened.
“Time flies when you’re having fun.” He winked.
My cheeks burned.
He took my hand, helping me out of the back seat.
I moved to walk around him when he stepped in front of me. “Zach?”
He stared down at me, the muscle in his jaw, ticking. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured. His voice was so soft, I almost didn’t hear him. Using the back of his hand, he brushed it down my cheek. “So damn beautiful.”
My breath caught in my throat.
He shook himself, clearing his throat. “Let’s get you home.”
***
(Zach)
I had to be careful with Luna. If I let myself go, if I let her see the true error of my ways, it would only scare her. Would she still want me then? She loved me. She said so herself. I knew she had feelings for me, and rumors had gone through our group of friends and family that those feelings were more than just a crush but to hear her say it, stirred something inside of me. Something that was dark. Something that had never been unleashed before until now. I grew up needing to protect her. I wasn’t sure why. But now that I knew exactly how she felt, this protection bordered on insanity.
Once we reached Luna’s house, I put the car into park and sat there. I just fucking sat there. I had a beautiful woman sitting beside me who had confessed her love for me, a woman that I’d fucked several times already, a woman who knew me inside and out and yet, I still fucking sat there.
“Zach?” Luna gently touched my arm. “Will you spend the night with me?”
My gaze snapped to hers. “Why?”
Her mouth fell open. “What do you mean why ? I spent last night with you. You took me for a drive tonight and we had sex in your car. I confessed my feelings for you.” She lifted her hand when I went to speak. “I’m not done.”
My dick twitched at the sass.
“I’m not proposing to you. I’m not being clingy. I don’t give a shit what happens anymore.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?” I wasn’t sure where this was going but I was curious just the same.
She pressed her lips into a firm line before blowing out a slow breath. “Fine. I do care. Alright? I can’t help it. Either way, that doesn’t matter. I’m just asking you to spend the night with me. That’s it. It’s not like I just told you that I’m pregnant or anything.”
“It would be scientifically impossible for you to find out this soon,” I blurted like the asshole that I was.
She scowled. “I know that, Zach. Thank you very much for letting me know how my own body works.”
“I mean.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Luna, this isn’t ending how I want it to. That all came out wrong.”
“It’s fine.” She sat up straighter and cleared her throat. “I know I’m not like the usual women you’ve slept with. And I understand that it’s been awhile. I get that. I’m new but have you ever stopped to think for just a second that maybe I’m willing to learn? Hell, I gave you a damn blow job. Outside. Where anyone could have walked by.” She shook her head. “But it’s fine.”
“Luna.”
“It’s okay.” She opened the passenger side door and slid out of the vehicle.
“Luna, I didn’t mean—”
“Zach, it’s fine.” She smiled but it never reached her eyes. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.” She shut the door and walked up the path to her house.
Shit . What the hell had I just done?
Luna
ONCE I REACHED MY room, I grabbed my pillow, shoved my face into it and screamed. God, how stupid was I? I couldn’t believe I had told Zach that I loved him. It was the dumbest thing I had ever done.
I sighed, slumping on my bed and dropping my bag on the floor. This could not be happening.
Rising to my feet, I picked my bag up off the floor and tossed it on the chair in the corner of my bedroom. Maybe I should wake the girls up. Grab some wine and talk. I glanced at the clock. It was pushing four in the morning. The house was quiet, so I was stuck wallowing in my own self-pity.
A lump lodged its way into my throat, but I refused to cry. My mom taught me better than that. But I was pissed. No. I was furious. How the hell could Zach fool around with me only to throw it all back in my face?
A knock suddenly sounded on the door.
I frowned.
Rushing to it, I opened the door, finding Zach staring down at me. “Zach,” I breathed. “How did you get in?”
“I have my ways,” he muttered.
I glanced past him, finding Meadow walking back down the hall. She gave me a wink before slipping into her bedroom.
“What do you want?” I asked him, keeping a firm grip on the door.
His hands were shoved into his pockets, his dark hair was messy and unkempt. My body heated, remembering I had run my fingers through it not too long before.
Zach cleared his throat. “Luna.”
I swallowed hard at the husky tone of his voice and moved out of the doorway. Needing to put some distance between us, I headed to my dresser and pulled out some pajamas. “What are you doing here, Zach?”
“I came to apologize.”
“Why?” I turned on him. “Because you felt guilty? You felt sorry for the girl who was stupid enough to confess her feelings for you? Or better yet, you felt like it was the right thing to do because your parents raised you well.” I rolled my eyes, slamming the dresser drawer closed.
“Careful, Moonbeam.”
The delicious undertone of his threat washed over my skin. “Or else what, Zach?” I met his gaze in the reflection of the mirror. “I’m not perfect. I’m not tall. I have curves that will never go away no matter how many miles I run. I have freckles because I love the sun. Oh, and my hair will never be perfect either. Is that the issue?” I couldn’t stop the word vomit from leaving my mouth.
“Luna.” He shut the door and took a step toward me. “You are perfect. More than perfect. You’re damn near flawless.”
“Then why the hell did it take you so long to make a move?” I threw at him, spinning on my heel. “Why after all this time?”
“Because I was fucking scared,” he said, his voice raising. “And I’m scared for you too. I’m scared what my darkness will do to you. You’ve always been too damn important for me to risk it. I’ve been selfish because I’ve needed you so much but was scared to risk a relationship and losing you. Is that what you wanted to hear, Luna? You want to hear how a grown man is fucking terrified because of these feelings. Or how lately I can’t do anything because you fucking distract me. I don’t want to hurt you but fuck me, I want to rip open your soul. I want to fuck you so hard, you feel me for the rest of your damn life.” He took another step in my direction. “But right now, all I can think about is shoving my cock down your throat to shut your sassy mouth up. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
My heart jumped, my skin tingling under his intense scrutiny, but no words left my mouth.
“Nothing to say now?” He closed the distance between us but didn’t touch me. “Don’t want to accuse me of anymore shit?”
“I’m not one of your sluts,” I whispered.
He chuckled, the sound dark and inviting. It was as if the devil himself were standing in front of me and saying, ‘Come here, little girl. Let me give you a piece of candy .’
“No.” Zach leaned toward me, brushing his nose along the side of my cheek. “You are definitely not like the previous women I’ve been with. None of them were brunette.”
I frowned. “So you fucked women who didn’t have brown hair?”
“Exactly.” He grinned.
“Why not?” But I already knew the answer.
“Because then they couldn’t remind me of you.”
“But now you want me.” I stepp
ed around him.
Zach grabbed my arm, spinning me around. “Yes. And I’ve had you. Several times in fact but I want more. I want all of it. All of you. Every single inch. I want to fuck your soul, Luna, but I want to make love to you at the same time.”
“Prove it.” My heart raced. I placed my hands on his chest. “Prove to me that you want more. Prove everyone wrong. Prove my father fucking wrong, Zach. Show me .”
A wicked smirk spread on his face before he crushed his mouth to mine. Pushing me up against the dresser, his hands were in my hair as he ground his hips between my legs.
Items fell off my dresser and hit the floor.
Zach shoved my dress to my hips and broke the kiss long enough to get it up and over my head.
With his hands gripping my hips, he lifted me and carried me over to my bed. Dropping me gently on it, he crawled between my legs and kept his lips fused to mine.
Zach released my mouth, staring down at me with hooded eyes. He cupped my breast, his thumb brushing over the hardened peak. “You make me lose control.”
“Let me help you get it back,” I murmured, running my hands through his hair.
His dark eyes snapped to mine. “I’m sorry. For everything I said. For…”
“Shhh…” I kissed his chin and started unbuttoning his shirt. When I had the final button open, I pushed it off his strong shoulders.
Zach let the shirt fall to the bed before reaching between us and unbuckling his belt. He lowered the zipper and pulled out his thick length. “This is for you, Luna,” he rasped, wrapping a hand around his cock. “All of it.”
“Remind me.”
***
(Zach)
It had been three days since I had any amount of food. I wasn’t sure what I did. Or how I even deserved the wrath that was placed on my shoulders. But all I could do was wait. For more. For nothing. I didn’t care anymore. I was done. Finished. I was stuck in hell with no way of getting out anytime soon.
“Toy.”
I shivered at the pet name.
“What are you doing?”
I cowered in the corner of my makeshift cell. The damp walls dripped, almost as if they were crying. Maybe they felt sorry for me.
