by Vivian Wood
His lips twist with humor. “I think that not telling you is driving you crazy. Taking a little control from you, too. I’ll tell you more when we get off the bus.”
We keep driving along the coastline, until Juneau recedes completely. It’s beautiful out here. Deep blue rivers, rich black soil, vivid green of the rolling hills. All against the looming mountain, the backdrop of this adventure.
When the bus stops and we get off at the visitor’s center, Gabe hurries me off down a well-worn path to our right. Following the black dirt path up a ways is harder than it looks.
“Thank god I wore sturdy shoes,” I mutter.
Gabe looks back at me. “I promise, it will be worth it. We just have to hurry.”
I’m not even sure why he is so obsessed with time… after all, it’s still plenty light out.
Trudging over the last little hill knocks the breath out of me. I look up and feel faintly surprised; there are the beginnings of the glacier, unmistakably blue against the white snow. I narrow my eyes and frown.
Gabe grabs me by the hand and urges me on down the path. “Come. We’re close.”
The path snakes downward then suddenly disappears. I follow Gabe around the path and into an opening in the ice. The path slithers through the gap.
“A cave?” I ask, my brows raising. As we step through, I can see something glowing bright blue just up ahead. I can hear water running and dripping.
What exactly is this place that he’s brought me to?
Gabe flashes me a smile. “Come on.”
He tugs me along by the hand, up the narrow path and around a corner. I stop in my tracks, my eyes widening.
All around me is the most perfect blue, caused by the sun slanting through the ice. It’s an odd aqua color, a hue I’ve never quite seen before. Frozen water forms the walls of the cave, as if some magic process just pressed pause while the water was in motion.
I look at Gabe, agog. “This is incredible!”
His answering grin heats me up inside, even though we are in a cave of nothing but ice. “Yeah?”
I nod, glancing around again. “Yes. I mean… this is all just…”
I wave a hand to indicate our surroundings. “Can we walk further?”
There is just a hint of a smirk on his face. “Sure. Lead the way.”
I meander through the space while I look up. Above my head, the ceiling arches, delicate and high. “This is amazing. How did you know about this place?”
His smile fades a bit. He shrugs his shoulders a little. “I came to visit it a few years ago with Malkia. She said that it would be a good place to bring a date.”
“Well, she was right. I can see why you were in a hurry to get here, too. The sunlight through the ice is incredible. If it wasn’t so cold in here, I would stay here indefinitely.”
One corner of his mouth turns up. He reaches out and puts his big arm around me, trying to give me some of his warmth. “Here. Is this any better?”
My cheeks flush as I smile up at him. “It’s a start.”
We keep walking, his arms around me. He nods to the glacier above. “There is a picture of my parents here before I was born. My dad was holding my mom on his shoulders, my mom reaching up toward the ceiling. Just two people, grinning like idiots.”
My eyebrows rise. So far, he hasn’t really talked that much about his family.
“Where did your parents live back before you were alive?” I ask.
“Uhh… I guess they moved down to Seattle from Anchorage at some point.” He huffs out a laugh. “They were so poor when they first got married that they lived off ramen and rice and peanut butter.”
“Whoa. That’s really poor.”
He smiles, looking up at the ice all around us. “Yeah. I complain a lot about how poor we were growing up, but I think that it’s nothing like where my parents came from. My dad tells stories about growing up with six brothers and sisters, all of them sleeping in a two bedroom shack with my grandparents.” He looks down, a muscle working along his jaw. “The stories are all bleak, about having to subsist off of very, very little.”
I bite my lip. It’s important that I tread very lightly here. “I’m guessing that you’ve been trying to outrun that kind of poverty for most of your life.”
He ducks his head. “Yeah. It has really been hit or miss with the family business the last few years. Michelle turned me onto the regatta a few years back, which would be life changing for our little company. The prize money, the contract with the yacht club…” He blows out a breath and shakes his head. “It will finally put some much needed stability into the business.”
My cheeks heat. I’ve heard Gabe talk about what winning the regatta means for the family company, but I don’t think I fully appreciated it until just now.
He really, really needs to win. Much more than Dr. Montgomery needs to look at Gabe’s course map, that’s for sure.
“Did your parents ever take you on a trip anywhere when you were a kid?” Gabe asks, casting an eye over me.
I suck in a deep breath, thinking. “Does it count if our nannies took us?”
His gaze hardens. “No, not really.”
“Then no, I guess. Although we had a yacht when were young… there were a couple summers I remember spending on the water.” Catching his eye, I flush. “I mean, nothing like your family spent time together. I was so young that I can barely remember anyway.”
He’s silent for a long moment. “It just occurred to me. You were rich in money but poor in family. I was just the opposite. It’s funny to think about. We were sort of the reflection of each other, I guess.”
I shoot him a smile. “Yeah, that’s true. Just because we are from very different backgrounds doesn’t really mean anything though.”
Gabe’s brow hunches. “Well, where you come from shapes your views on a lot of things.”
I shrug. “So does living your own life. We all have a history. We all live through our own hardships. Nothing worthwhile is easy, you know?”
He gives me a skeptical squint. “What would you say has been your biggest challenge, then? Getting into medical school?”
“Hah!” I chuckle. “No. Don’t get me wrong, I worked my butt off to get where I am… but I struggle to stay there.”
He pulls me to a stop, staring down at me. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that my health hasn’t been so great over the last year. It’s getting better now, but for a long time I had trouble even attending classes some days.”
That seems to shock him. “You were depressed?”
I give my head a little shake. “No. It was a physical problem.” I wrap my arms around myself, blowing out a breath. “Can we start walking back?”
He looks up, drawing my attention to the ceiling. The quality of the light has changed, indicating the sun has started to set.
“Yeah, sure.”
I break out of his hold, not wanting to be touched for a minute. He follows me silently, but his hulking figure is not one I can forget.
We get back to the mouth of the cave in a few minutes’ time.
“Are you ready to go back?” I ask him.
He nods. “Yeah.”
I turn to go, but he tugs at my hand. Looking back at him, I swallow tightly.
“I’m not sure what sort of mine field I’m in, talking about your troubles in school and stuff. But I’m sorry if I accidentally stepped on something sensitive.”
His expression is earnest. I give him the tiniest smile.
“It’s not you,” I tell him. “You just reminded me of how much stuff is waiting for me at home, that’s all.”
Gabe steps closer. I look up into his face, putting my hand on his arm.
“You can forget for a while, if you want.” He smiles a little sadly, then brushes hair back from my face. “I can help you forget.”
Pressing up onto my tiptoes, I brush my lips across his.
“Let’s get back to Juneau,” I suggest softly. “Ever
ything else we can figure out from there.”
He pulls away from me and takes my hand, leading me out of the cave. I can’t help but wonder about his sad little smile as we walk up the path once again.
What is that look all about?
And what do I have to do to earn the right to know?
22
Gabe
In the middle of the night, I wake up to a muffled thud from above. I glance down to find Luna sleeping soundly still, her face beautiful and peaceful in the darkness. It makes my heart squeeze painfully for a second before I glance away.
Looking at the ceiling, I decide to wait for a minute.
Maybe I didn’t even hear anything at all. It could have been a noise that was a part of my dreams. I sink back, closing my eyes.
Thud thud thud.
Squinting up at the ceiling again I sigh. I get out of my bed and pull on my jeans and t-shirt, trying to be as quiet as possible. Ducking out into the hallway, I pad up the stairs. When I emerge onto the main deck it is silent and dark.
I don’t know who to expect. Maybe one of the crew is staying here rather than in the hotel onshore. Maybe someone from Juneau is trying to break into the boat.
I don’t know, but someone is awake up here and moving around. I can hear them as I carefully creep toward the back of the boat. Slipping around the side of the pilothouse, I wrinkle my nose.
Smoke. And not just any old smoke either, but pot smoke. As I come around the tip of the pilothouse, I see Malkia and Carlos hunched over. When she sees me, Malkia straightens up and drops the butt of whatever they were just smoking into the sea.
Oh, fuck no. There is absolutely no way in hell that I’m going to let my sister get away with smoking pot on my boat.
“Malkia,” I growl, my fists bunching. Carlos notices me and pales.
“Hey,” she says. Playing it cool, when it is anything but cool. I didn’t know Malkia ever smoked pot. She and Carlos are both visibly high, leaning on the yacht’s railings to keep themselves up right.
My brain instantly jumps the shark, trying to think of what else she could be hiding from me. This is the same behavior that Michelle exhibited in the weeks before she killed herself.
“Captain—" Carlos starts. I give him a look that is so fiery that he actually holds up his hands.
“Leave,” I snap. “Go downstairs and sleep it off. And don’t think for one second that you are off the hook. I’ll deal with you later.”
Malkia eyes me defiantly. She waits until Carlos is gone then eyes me. “Pot is legal here, Gabriel.”
Wrapping my arms across my chest, I arch a brow. I’m so furious with her, I don’t even know where to start.
“When did you start doing drugs, Mal?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “For the sake of all that is holy, big brother. He offered me a hit; I took it. It was a simple enough exchange. Please do not start the whole ‘pot is a gateway drug’ thing, okay? That is better left in the 80s.”
I spear her with my gaze. “I swear to god, Mal. You’re so casual about this!”
She runs her tongue over her teeth and sighs. “That is because it is not some big life ending thing, Gabe. I feel stupid just talking about it with you.” She pauses, then meets my eye. “Not everyone and everything is life and death. I am not Michelle.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I take a couple of steps back. Fury envelops me.
“You know what, Mal? Don’t you dare bring her name into this.”
“Gabe!” Malkia says, scowling. As I move backwards, she follows me. “Wait, Gabe… Gabe!”
Shaking my head, I hit the stairs once more, going belowdecks. When I get back to my bedroom, I ease back into bed with Luna. Rage fills me still, but there is nothing to be done at the moment.
It’s still an hour before I fall back to sleep though.
“Hey.”
I crack an eye open. Bright morning light streams down from the port hole. Luna takes the seat beside me, fully dressed and showered.
“Hey,” I croak, sitting up a little. I eye the angle of the sunlight. It’s likely after nine in the morning.
“Want to go get breakfast?” she suggests. “I figure we should enjoy being docked in a real port while we can…”
Rubbing my hands over my face, I yawn. “Yeah. Just let me get dressed.”
I’m still tired as we scoot into a booth at a packed diner. Casting an eye over the crowd, I realize that it’s a Sunday morning. There are a lot of people in their church clothes, laughing and talking and eating. It’s loud and warm in here.
It reminds me a little bit of eating at my mom’s on Sundays. Feeling a physical twinge in my chest, I rub at my ribs absentmindedly.
I notice that Luna watches everyone closely, a strange look on her face. There is a family sitting nearby with several kids running around. Luna seems strangely sad, her blue eyes extra expressive just now.
“It’s busy here,” I say.
She looks at me, smiling sadly. “Yeah. I am desperate for coffee.”
Minutes later the waitress plunks down two coffees and water, promising to be back for our order. I pick up a mug and take a sip, looking at the plastic-laminated breakfast menu.
“Mmm,” Luna says, tasting her coffee. She looks around the diner as she takes one of the menus. “Interesting vibe.”
The waitress comes over and hustles our order out of us. I take a stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon. Luna orders a western omelet and hash browns.
I catch her sneaking a peek at the people with kids again. I jerk my chin toward them.
“Are you planning your future as we speak?” I tease her.
She flushes and looks down at her coffee mug. “Not exactly.”
“What, being stuck in Juneau with a boatload of kids isn’t your style?” I can’t help but smile. “Color me shocked, sweetheart.”
She sticks out her tongue at me. “I’m just on a different track. It’s nothing to do with the town or anything.”
That makes me curious. I shift, sitting back and surveying her. “What do you see for yourself in the future?”
Luna pins me with that blue gaze of hers, the color almost electric. She thinks for a minute before answering. “On my current track, I’ll be done with my residency in six years.”
My eyebrows go up. “That’s it? What about all the rest of your life?”
Her mouth flattens. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been laser focused on this one aspect.” She sighs. “What about you? What’s your grand plan?”
I should’ve known that question was coming. And yet, it still hits me hard. I pull a face.
“You can imagine that my plans have changed radically in the last year.” I sip my coffee, to give myself time to think. “I don’t know. There is a lot that hinges on whether we win this fucking regatta in a month. Either my company will be popular or… it will continue to struggle financially. From there, I kind of have a decision to make.”
Concern shapes her brow. “What will happen if the company keeps struggling?”
I shrug. “I think I start looking around for other ways to support myself. I don’t know any other life than a boat captain… but I’ll have to figure something out. You could say that this regatta is sort of a last ditch effort to save a company that hasn’t ever truly been very profitable.”
She reaches across the table, placing her hand on top of mine. “That’s pretty heavy.”
Nodding, I can only agree. “Mm.”
The waitress arrives with our food. For a minute, the thread of the conversation is lost amongst the pancake syrup and crispy hash browns. It’s a little surprising when Luna comes back to it a couple of minutes later.
“What about the other stuff?” she asks.
“Hmm?”
“In your life. You have the work stuff more or less figured out. But what about the other stuff? I know that you had a life in mind before… you know. But what do you imagine when you see yourself in five or ten years?”
/> I take a bite of my bacon, considering that. “I don’t know. I like to think I’ll own my own place by then… right now I basically rent a glorified studio apartment that I am never at. Somewhere outside of Seattle. Maybe west of there, on the coast.” I chew for another moment. “Michelle always talked about how she wanted this big family. So that kind of became assumed, between us. But now, I think… I don’t know. I still want a wife, someday. I want a family eventually.”
I shrug, losing my train of thought. Luna smiles tightly at me.
“That sounds super reasonable to me. What about other goals, though? Do you want to travel? Do you have some kind of hobby that you want to delve into?”
“Mm… I know they say that travel makes a man’s viewpoint that much wider, but I can’t say that I’ve ever wanted to. I didn’t grow up traveling so starting now seems hard. And I actually don’t really have any hobbies other than hitting the gym and the regatta.”
Her lips twist. “I see.”
I look at her, pausing before another big bite. “What about you? Surely you have a bunch of rich people hobbies. What do rich ladies like?”
She barks out a laugh. “Rich ladies? They like champagne and dressing up for galas to benefit their charities. Ugh, and they love gossip…”
Her lips tip up. The smile is infectious because soon I’m grinning too.
“What are your charities of choice?” I ask, smirking just a little.
She rolls her eyes. “Planned Parenthood. St. Jude’s Cancer research Center. And I’m on the board of a group that is trying to bring a free clinic to the hospital I work at. My charities are all wellness based, obviously.”
Putting my fork down, I take a sip of my lukewarm coffee. “Planned Parenthood? That sounds political.”
Luna narrows her eyes at me, pointing at me with her fork. “Planned Parenthood helps a lot of women that are from challenging circumstances obtain healthcare. They do cancer screenings, multiple vaccines, birth control, STD testing, prenatal care… and they do it at rates that are steeply discounted for those who need it. If you have something to say about Planned Parenthood, you had better keep it to yourself.”
