by L. P. Maxa
I walked over and grabbed a bottle of pinot and poured us each a glass. I left hers on the counter beside her and took mine to a seat at the island. “When are you going to get a wedding dress?”
She picked up her glass and took a sip. “Tomorrow, I have an appointment at noon.”
“I can’t wait for you to see Wyllie in his tux.”
She nodded, without looking up. “Yeah, I bet he looks adorable.”
“He does.”
She kept her head down, just chopping away. “Speaking of appointments, we have one at five tomorrow with a mixologist.”
“For our signature cocktail? That is the one wedding errand that sounds fun.” Cassie didn’t say anything; she just gave me a small smile.
“Cassie, is something bothering you?”
“No, I’m fine.”
I sighed. “Didn’t we talk about this already? If something is bothering you, say it. Don’t hold it in and then blow up at me later.”
Cassie didn’t put down the knife; instead she used it to gesture again, this time toward me. “You want to know what’s wrong?”
“Yeah. And I’d also love for you to drop the knife.” She narrowed her eyes into little slits, but didn’t do it. What just happened? She was fine and now she was pissed? Mood swings out the ass. Had I knocked her up again?
“Here we are, cooking dinner and drinking wine while our son plays in the next room. We’re talking about our wedding like it’s normal and…and…real. But it’s not, is it? We aren’t a couple. We aren’t really engaged. You don’t really want to marry me. You do, however, want to touch me and kiss me and hold me. I told you before, Dec, I can’t handle it. I can’t do the physical stuff with you and keep it separate from the emotional stuff. I tried.” She dipped her chin. “You need time to work through your emotions, that’s fine. But if you get time, then I get space.” She pointed to the door with her handy-dandy knife. “Go check on our son. Brice’s attention span is shorter than Wyllie’s.”
I stood and left wordlessly. Because, hell, what could I say?
She hit the nail on the head.
And she was right. If I wanted time, then she sure as hell deserved space. I was a selfish bastard, not keeping my hands to myself. I smiled as I walked toward the sound of Eminem coming from the living room. She may have handed me my ass back there, but she’d done it with her shoulders squared and her head held high. She’d done it with honesty and strength, and that’s all I’d ever wanted from her.
“Really, man?” I stopped short when I saw Brice and Wyllie.
“I’m not cussing. Marshall Mathers is. And he raps so fast, Wyllie can’t even hear the bad words.”
“I’m not talking about the song. Why are you both naked?” Brice and Wyllie were both down to their skivvies.
Brice shrugged. “I don’t know. The song came on and Wild Man took off his shirt, so I did too.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cassie
I knew I was being moody, that my emotions were all over the place. But how I felt was how I felt. I was at war with myself. I wanted to be touched and desired. But at the same time I didn’t want to be jerked around. Dec wanted to eat his cake and have it too. That’s not how this was going to go. I couldn’t afford a broken heart.
I drank my wine and finished cooking dinner. I could hear Wyllie playing in the next room with his dad and his uncle. He really was such a lucky little boy. As irritating as those two men were, they were great role models. Both of them kind, chivalrous, successful, and driven. If Wyllie grew up to have some of their better qualities, I’d be happy. I could go without my son bedding his way across Europe though.
“Guys. Dinner’s ready.” I put out plates and silverware then made Wyllie’s plate. I made sure everything was cool and in bite-size pieces.
Brice came in rubbing his hands together. “Fresh baked cookies and a home-cooked meal? Cassie, you are the best.”
Dec came in behind him, carrying Wyllie on his shoulders. He took him down and flew him with flourish into his highchair. We made our plates and sat, Dec taking my normal seat next to Wyllie. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. I was so used to feeding Wyllie while trying to feed myself in the process. I had to stop myself from taking over a few times.
When Brice was finished shoveling food into his mouth, he sat back in his chair, wine in hand, and looked between Declan and me. He could feel the tension. Only question: what was he going to do about it? He could be such a shit stirrer sometimes.
“I ran into Jason earlier today, he said you two had lunch together.”
Shit stirrer it was. “Yeah I was out running some errands and we bumped into each other.”
Dec put his fork down and glared at me. “I asked you about your day not two hours ago and you never mentioned Jason. Were you planning on not telling me you had lunch with your ex-boyfriend?”
Brice made a face. “Ex-boyfriend? When did you date Jason?”
I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face. “I never dated Jason. I told you, we’re friends. And I didn’t mention it to you, Dec, because you seem to have such a sore spot when it comes to him.” I kept my voice calm and even; I didn’t want Wyllie to pick up on any anger.
“So you went to lunch with another man, a man who is obviously interested in you, even though you are engaged to me? How do you think that makes me look? Makes you look?”
I glanced over at Wyllie. He was eating his green beans and playing in some spilt milk. “I didn’t make plans to see him, Dec, it was a coincidence. We were both eating alone at the same place. It would have been awkward to not sit together. It’s not like I kissed him or flirted with him. We had lunch, that was all.” I plastered another sweet smile on my face. “I’m not loving your d-i-c-k head jealousy crap. You don’t want me, but no one else can have me? What are you, five?” I stood and picked up Wyllie. “He needs a bath, and I need to not be around you right now.” I shot daggers at Brice. “Do the dishes.”
I was so mad I wanted to scream and throw things and cry and scream some more. I took deep calming breaths on the way to the Wyllie’s bathroom. A lot of them. Declan was being an ass, and Brice? What was his end game here? Was he trying to end Dec and I before we even started?
First the custody questions, and now bringing up Jason.
I needed to have words with my brother.
***
After I bathed Wyllie and got him all comfy in his jammies, I carried him back downstairs. Declan and Brice were sitting at the island in the kitchen, a plate of cookies and a bottle of wine between them.
“Here you go, Daddy, all clean and ready for bed.” The goofy smile on Declan’s face was enough to melt some of my anger. The reaction this man had at being called Daddy was freaking adorable.
He rose, cradling a sleepy Wyllie to his chest. “Tell Mommy night-night.”
I leaned in and kissed my son. Brice did the same. “Good night, wild man. See you in the morning.”
When Dec and Wyllie were upstairs, I grabbed the cookie out of Brice’s hand and took the plate away for good measure. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you constantly trying to start fights between Dec and me?”
He rolled his eyes, annoyed. “What are you talking about? I’m not trying to make y’all fight.”
“Really? Could have fooled me. You brought up custody of Wyllie the other day, and tonight it was me having lunch with another man.” I downed the rest of Declan’s wine.
“I’m trying to get the two of you to see how stupid you are being. I brought up custody because I wanted Declan to realize that he doesn’t want to spend one moment away from you or Wyllie. And bringing up Jason? A little jealousy is a good thing. Declan needs to see how lucky he is.”
I shook my head, smiling. “I love you, Brice, so much. But you’ve got to leave it alone. Dec needs to figure out how he feels and what he wants on his own. I lied to him. I kept our son from him. He deserves some time to think.” What he doesn’t deser
ve is sex while he does it.
“He loves you, Cassie.”
I nodded. “I know he does.” But sometimes love wasn’t enough. Sometimes love wasn’t all you need to make a relationship work.
Brice took my hand. “I don’t want to see you get your heart broken, Cassie. You deserve the best Declan, not the half-in wishy-washy Declan.”
I let out a little laugh. “Don’t I know it?” I slid the cookie plate back to him.
“You’re a good big brother, Brice. You’re a good friend and a good uncle. But I’m a big girl now.
“I can handle Dec on my own.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Declan
Cassie barely said two words to me when we went to bed last night. She sure as hell stayed on her side of the bed. When I woke up this morning, she was already gone. So was Wyllie. I showered and got dressed for the day and found Brice on the back patio when I finally made it downstairs.
“Where is everyone?”
Brice let out a puff of smoke from his cigar. “Papa is at the hospital, a board meeting. Cassie is trying on wedding dresses, and Gigi is with her. She moved her appointment up to eleven.”
I sat down next to him. “Uh, and my son?”
“I don’t know. I thought he was upstairs with you.”
“What? Oh my God. Brice, are you joking?” I stood and ran back toward the house. The sound of Brice’s laughter stopped me in my tracks.
“Dude, I was kidding. Your mom actually came and got him first thing this morning. Said she’d have him back by nap time.” Brice was holding his side from laughing so hard. “You should’ve seen your face.”
I walked back over to where he sat and punched him as hard as I could in the arm.
“Ow. Dammit, Dec. That fucking hurt.”
“That was not funny. And you owe ten dollars to the swear jar.” I sat back down. My heart was freaking racing. For three seconds I hadn’t known if my son was okay and it about killed me.
We sat in silence for a while. Brice rubbing his arm, and me trying to get my pulse to slow down.
“Do you think Cass has a thing for Jason?”
Brice puffed on his cigar twice then studied the lit end. “Well, they’ve been friends for a long time. Which is a great base for a relationship if you ask me. He’s successful, kind, family oriented and he likes her.”
I leaned my head back against my chair. “Yeah.”
“But you know, there is one thing Jason isn’t.”
“Yeah?”
“You.”
I turned and looked at my best friend.
He shrugged. “You were Cassie’s first crush, her first love. And you’re Wyllie’s father. You two should be together. I see the way you look at her. What’s the holdup?”
I took a deep breath. “I keep asking myself the same question.” If I had a damn answer to give him, I would have.
“Do you love her?”
I smiled. “You know I do.”
Brice winced. “I hate to ask, but do you, uh, still find her, um, attractive? I mean you obviously did at one point.”
I snorted. “Cassie’s gorgeous. And, to be honest, I want her every second of every damn day.”
“Dude. That’s my sister. And five dollars to the jar.” Brice wrinkled his nose.
“Well, you have nothing to worry about. She put my balls on ice. I’m getting no action.”
Brice nodded. “I get where she’s coming from.”
“Yeah, me too. Doesn’t make it any damn easier though.”
“Five dollars. Are you, uh, getting ‘action’ anywhere else?”
“What? Of course not.” Cassie was who I wanted. I hadn’t even looked at another girl since I’d seen her at the airport.
“Good. If you fuck her over, I’ll kick your ass.”
I chuckled. “I’d expect nothing less. And that’s another ten dollars to the jar.”
Brice shook his head. “By the end of this thing we’re going to be able to fund a new wing at Dad’s hospital.”
***
I was sitting on the couch in the family room, answering emails, when I heard the front door open. I jumped up, hoping it was either Cassie or my mom bringing Wyllie back. Honestly, I missed them both.
Baby giggles. It was my mom.
“Declan? Are you down here?”
I rounded the corner to the entryway. “I’m right here.” I reached out for Wyllie and as I pulled him in for a hug, I breathed in his scent. “Did you have fun with Grammy?” I tickled his tummy and he laughed. “What did y’all do today?”
My mom set his diaper bag on the marble tiled floor. “We went to the aquarium. We saw fish, and penguins, and sharks.”
“Arks.” Wyllie clapped his hands together.
“Did you like the sharks, bud?”
“He loved them. You and Cassie should take him there before you head back to Florida.”
I nodded. “Yeah, maybe we will. Do you want something to drink? Are you staying for a while?”
“Oh no, sweetheart. I need to get home. So much to do before your wedding. Two days and counting.” She cupped my cheek. “I am so happy for you, Declan.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.” I didn’t know what else to say. Uh, don’t be too happy, it’s a fake wedding? “I need to get Wild Man down for his nap. Did he eat lunch?”
“Yes. He ate like a little piggy. He was also nodding off in the car, getting him down shouldn’t be too hard.” She kissed both his cheeks and one of mine. “I’ll see you boys later.”
I closed the door behind her and went upstairs to Wyllie’s room. It was painted a robin’s egg blue, with an ornate ironwork crib right in the center. A gray glider took up one corner. I sat down cradling Wyllie to my chest and began to rock. Putting Wyllie to sleep, rocking my son, had become one of my favorite things to do. It was quiet, so peaceful. Just him and I. I held him long after he’d fallen asleep, not wanting to let go. It seemed like he got bigger every day, learned to do something new. I’d already missed so much. I wanted time to stand still.
Eventually I placed him in his crib and covered him with a thin blanket; the Huntingtons kept this place at a warm seventy-two degrees. I pulled the door closed as softly as I could and headed down the hall to Cassie’s and my room. Rocking Wyllie made me sleepy, I needed my afternoon nap too. I stopped short when I saw Cassie sitting on the bed. Her head was in her hands. “Cass?”
She wiped at her eyes and sniffled, turning her body away from me. “Oh hey, I didn’t know anyone was home.”
I crossed the room and knelt in front of her. “Cassie, what’s going on? Why are you crying?”
She looked down at me, eyes red. “I’m not crying. Everything’s fine. Did your mom bring Wyllie home yet?”
I took her hands in mine, grateful that she didn’t pull away from me. “Wyllie is in his room napping. And either you’ve been crying or you’re high as a kite. So spill.”
“I’m high as a kite.” I narrowed my eyes. She let out a short breath and shook her head. “It’s nothing, really. I got a little emotional trying on wedding dresses. Typical girl I guess.”
“Is this about the whole fake wedding thing again? You were sad because you were trying on dresses for a fake ceremony?” I wanted to make sure I had this meltdown correct before I dove in. Not to be a typical male or anything, but women were all over the place. Emotionally anyway. If this was Cassie with normal hormones, what the hell was she like when she was pregnant?
“Yes and no. My mom was there and she was so happy, so excited for us. I felt bad lying to her. She may have been sub-par as a mother, but she’s so amazing with Wyllie. And I guess maybe part of me was bummed out that I was buying yet another dress for a marriage that wouldn’t work out in the end.”
“Cassie, I—”
She held up her hand, “Dec, you asked for time. And I understand why. I’m fine, really, it’s no big deal.”
My heart was screaming at me to kiss her, to tell her I loved her.
/>
But in the end?
I nodded, and didn’t say a word.
I was a cautious fucking coward.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Cassie
When I came out of my bathroom, Declan was asleep on our bed. Our. Our room, our bed, our son. For the millionth time since I’d given birth, I wondered what things would have been like if I’d told Declan about Wyllie. From the beginning. Would it have been birthing classes and kisses over sonogram appointments? Both of us up all night with our crying infant? Dec and I cleaning cake off our baby’s hands on his first birthday? There was no way of knowing. I probably wouldn’t have my store though. Which meant I wouldn’t have complete independence, which was something I’d come to crave. I loved knowing that I could care for my son, give him a good life, all on my own. It was part of what kept me so strong, so confident. I wouldn’t be the same woman I was now, not if Declan had been there from the start. So I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. Right?
“Hey. I can hear you thinking.”
I smiled. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Declan sat up and stretched. “It’s okay, I should get dressed too.”
“We’re meeting this guy down at Hotel ZaZa.”
Declan raised an eyebrow. “How does your mom know a bartender at Hotel ZaZa?”
I laughed. “She doesn’t. Brice set this up, apparently he knows a guy.”
“That sounds more like it.”
***
Hotel ZaZa was an upscale, extremely pricey, boutique hotel in the heart of uptown Dallas. Their bar, Dragonfly, was a hot spot on the weekends. I’d never actually stayed here, but I’d been to the bar plenty of times. Declan placed his hand on my lower back, leading me through the glass double doors into the empty bar.
“Cassie?”
I turned when I heard my name. “Evan?” Evan was the guy that Brice knew? He and I had dated on and off the summer before I’d started class at SMU. We spent most of our time at the lake, or in bed, or the back of his truck, or the bathroom of a bar, or my parents’ pool house… The guy was hot, hawt, hot. Lots of bulging muscles, twinkling eyes, and a flirty smile. Judging by the tight black t-shirt he was wearing, time had been very kind to him.
