by Bailey B
“He lost the right to do anything with me when he cheated. Besides, Mom and Dad agreed that I didn’t have to marry Ashley so long as I was in school.”
Cole snorts and looks at me like I’m nothing more than his ignorant kid sister. “You won’t be in school forever. What did you think would happen when you came back?”
I shake my head, tears pooling in my eyes again. The knot in the pit of my stomach that I’ve lived with since I was thirteen returns. The one that tells me I’m trapped and there’s nothing I can do about my situation. Only, I’m not a kid anymore.. There’s no way in hell I’m giving my freedom up.
“I’m not coming back, Cole.” I want to yell, but wars aren’t won with emotions. This fight will be over, with me deemed impossible, the moment I lose control. “Things aren’t as easy for me as they are for you.”
“You think I have it easy? You’re fucking delusional.” Cole shakes his head and turns his back to me. “But fine. If you’d rather slum it up with these assholes, then be my guest.”
My heart tells me to chase after my brother, that leaving now will do more damage between us than good, but my gut warns me not to stay.
Ashley is drunk, with an agenda Colson agrees with. If I stay, there’s a good chance Ashley will come onto me again, and I doubt he’ll stop at kissing.
“So, you’re Layla.” Bret holds out his hand.
I force a smile. I’m happy to meet him, I just wish it was under better circumstances. I shake his hand then curl back into Josh’s side. “The one and only.”
Bret smirks and holds the door open. I go first, Josh close behind. He’s back at my hip the moment we’re outside again, a protective arm around me. We walk in silence away from the Piano Bar, the weight of what went down crushing me.
“You know, I’m going to be a doctor soon.” Bret winks. I’ve heard the stories about Bret being a lady-killer. Girls would practically line up to have their hearts broken, but I get the feeling Bret is trying to make me laugh, not hit on me.
Josh shoves him in the shoulder, either unaware or not caring that the line was made as a joke. Bret chuckles and shakes his head, ignoring Josh as he says, “Fuck off.”
I force another smile. My heart is heavy. I’m worried about Cole and why he’s drinking so much. I’m worried his friends won’t take care of him. Most of all, I’m worried I ruined the fragile relationship he and I forged.
“I’m sorry I ruined your night,” I say as we head towards the front entrance of City Walk. Colorful lights illuminate the sidewalk, creating a haze that hides the stars in the night sky. Even though the theme parks closed hours ago, people bustle from one bar to the next, making the sidewalks as crowded as they would be during the day.
“Hijacked, yeah,” Bret teases. “But not ruined. You're prettier to look at than this fucker.”
Josh flips Bret the middle finger. He hasn’t let me go for more than five minutes since we left the Piano Bar. I’m grateful. If left to my own devices, I’d probably be curled into a ball in some corner, crying.
Josh eyes me, noticing the subtle downturn of my lips and asks, “Are you sure you're alright?”
I force yet another smile and try to believe my own words. “Yeah, a little shaken up, but I’m good. Ashley wouldn’t have…”
Josh presses his lips to my temple and I lose all train of thought. I’m okay with that. I’d rather not think about Ashley and what could have happened had Josh not shown up when he did.
Bret glances at his watch and yawns. “It’s getting late. Do you want to call it a night?”
“Yes.” Josh gives his brother a look, probably having a silent conversation, then faces me. “How are you getting home?”
“I…” I don’t know. I rode in the limo with Cole but I don’t want to be near Ashley. I can’t afford a cab, but my car is at their hotel. I push my long bangs back and take a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
“Tell you what. Bret…” Josh fishes in his pocket and tosses him a set of keys. “Take the truck, or leave it if you don’t feel up to driving.”
Bret snickers and arches his eyebrows. “Seriously, bro? I taught you how to drive.”
“Hey man, you coulda gone soft under those city lights. I’m going to grab an Uber and see Layla home.”
“Sounds good.”
They hug and Bret gives Josh a knowing smirk. He shakes his head and grins. “Shut it.”
“Hey, Josh?” I ask as we ride the elevator to my apartment. I’m on the third floor, wedged between a hard rock loving grandpa and a single mom of three rowdy kids under the age of five. The walls are paper thin, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Hearing their lives through the walls (even if it seems creepy) makes me feel like I’m not alone.
“Yeah?”
I stop in front of my door, number three oh nine and chew on my bottom lip. As much as I wanted to see him, it’s safe to say tonight didn’t go as planned. “Would you mind staying? The guys all know where I live and I don’t trust Ashley not to show up tonight.”
“Yeah, of course.” He smiles and I nod, all too aware of what my home looks like compared to his. Hattie’s cottage only feels tiny because it’s always packed with people. My efficiency feels small because it is small. I flip the light on as I open the door.
“This is nice.”
I drop my keys in the ceramic pumpkin on my kitchen counter and force myself to breathe. My hands shake. I tuck them behind me and lean against the dishwasher. “It’s small.”
Josh turns and takes my elbow. He pulls me into him and holds me close. “No one ever said tiny wasn’t nice.”
I shrug and step out of his arms, stepping deeper into my five-hundred square foot home. “So, that’s the bed. There’s a bathroom through there. I… um… I have some cereal and a few things if you're hungry.”
“I’m good.” Josh sits on my mattress and begins to unlace his boots. He kicks one off, and then the other, before shrugging out of his pants.
“Just so we're clear. I know I asked you to stay, but I’m not having sex with you.”
“You know,” he pulls the comforter on my twin bed back and scoots close to the wall, “if I wasn’t so sure of myself, I might be offended.”
I roll my eyes, feigning confidence, and unzip my dress. Josh has seen me naked. Once. On accident. But standing in front of him in nothing but my black lace bra and matching panties is nerve-racking.
Josh stares at me, a small smirk on his face, refusing to look away. I saunter over to the four-drawer dresser my TV is resting on, and grab a silk nightie out of the top drawer. I turn towards the wall and unclasp my bra. It falls to my feet. I suck in a breath, feeling Josh’s eyes on my back, then slip the nightie on.
Josh clears his throat. “Why… uh… why do you keep saying that?”
I turn towards him and twist my hair into a braid. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I wonder, How are we both going to fit here tonight? “Because I don’t trust myself. If I don’t put it out there, we might get carried away. If I say it, you’ll stop before things go too far.”
I lay on my side, our faces inches from each other. Josh pulls the cover over us and drapes his arm across my hip. “How do you know?”
“Because I trust you.” I press my lips to his and cup Josh’s cheek. His hand trails over my hip, a traitorous moan telling him everything he needs.
I spread my legs, silently giving him permission to take things to the next step. We’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, kissing and sleeping next to each other, and Josh has never asked for more. Never pressuring me into something I’m not ready for, but I can feel how much he wants me.
Josh’s fingers brush over the thin lace covering my center. I suck in a breath, our mouths breaking apart. He slides under the lace and slips inside me. All the air is pulled from my lungs. I can’t move, can’t think, because there’s a pain from Josh’s finger stretching skin that hasn’t been touched in almost six months.
“Is this okay?”
&
nbsp; I nod. Finding my breath again only to lose it when he starts moving. After a few strokes, he pushes another finger inside and my eyes roll back as the first orgasm of the night hits me. I press my mouth to his and reach beneath his boxers. Josh is thick, my fingers don’t touch my thumb, and he’s long. My mind strays wondering, How is that supposed to fit?
Josh grunts and pulls his hand away. I follow his lead, doing the same, and he presses his forehead against mine. “We should stop. If you keep rubbing me like that, I’m going to come in my pants.”
“There are other places it could go.” I’ve given all of three blowjobs in my life, all of them more effort than they were worth, but I’d do it for Josh. Who knows, it could be fun.
“Not tonight.” He presses his lips against mine for a quick kiss. “Not after what you went through.”
I nod and close my eyes, feeling the weight of sleep coming over me until Josh speaks again. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
“I’m supposed to fly back home. No one’s asked me to, but it’s been implied, especially since Aunt Tricia is going.”
Josh runs his fingers down my back, trailing lazy circles.“You don’t want to?”
“Ashley’s family is bound to be there. You saw what he’s like.”
“So, you’re just going to what? Stay here by yourself?”
“It beats going home and dealing with that mess.” I roll onto my back. I stare at my ceiling, making constellations out of tiny popcorn pieces. The first night I moved in, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up for hours, counting each speck until eventually nodding off. I have no interest in counting specks tonight. “I’m not marrying him. I flat out told my parents that, but they seem to think I’ll change my mind and go crawling back. The longer I stay away, the better off I am.”
Josh cups my cheek and forces me to look at him. “You should have Thanksgiving at my house.”
My stomach somersaults. Holidays and meeting the parents are big steps in a relationship. “That’s still a few weeks out.”
“What can I say?” He smirks. “I’m locking you in.”
“I don’t know, Josh. We’re not even dating.” I want him to ask me. I want things between us to jump to the next step, but I don’t want to ruin the good thing we’ve got going by adding the pressure of a label.
“That’s only because I haven’t gotten around to asking you. It didn’t seem like something that should be done through a text. So, what do you say, Layla? Be my girl?”
I want this, but the reality of our situation is that it won’t be easy. “We live two hours apart. How do you expect this to work?”
“Same as it has been. We’ll see each other every weekend, either you coming down there or I’ll drive up. We’ll text during the day and FaceTime at night.”
I shake my head, still unsure on the idea of a long distance relationship. Ashley was unfaithful, and he lived five minutes away. Two hours… anything could happen.
“You could have any girl, Josh. Why me? My family is a level of crazy you can’t begin to understand. I’m in school and still working, so my time is going to be monopolized. You should…”
He silences me with a searing kiss. One that makes me forget all of my doubts for a minute. I want this. I shouldn’t fight it, but I’m scared.
“Nothing in life worth having is easy. What’s the worst that’ll happen?”
I fall too hard and you break my heart?
“Say yes. Please?”
“Alright, Josh. Yes.”
“Girl.” Hattie plops onto the couch beside me. Her living room is tiny, but because of the open concept, having five people crammed into it doesn’t feel so bad. It helps that the guys are on the floor, playing some video game where they shoot each other. “What are you wearing for the Halloween party tonight?”
“I thought Halloween was on Monday.”
“You would know that.” Hattie rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her lemonade. “Well, we can’t party on a weeknight. Now can we?”
I shrug and pick at the fries left in my Chick-Fil-A bag. There’s not much left, but thinking about the holidays makes me nervous. Even though Halloween isn’t one I’m expected to call home about, it means Thanksgiving is around the corner, and then Christmas. My parents will have my head if I don’t show up to at least one of those. Not to mention, with holidays comes gifts and I can’t exactly afford to be handing money out like that. I grab another fry, then frown when I realize there’s no more.
“Are you hungry?” Hattie arches a brow at me. I shake my head, dropping the empty cardboard container into my bag. She looks at me a moment longer then says, “So, I was thinking we should have a theme.”
“Isn’t dressing up a little… I don’t know, high schoolish?” That’s a stretch in my opinion. The last time I put on a costume, let alone did anything for Halloween, I was twelve.
“First of all, I’ll pretend like you started that sentence with no offense. Secondly...” Hattie grabs the throw pillow beside her and wacks Josh in the head.
“Dude?” Josh looks away from the screen, long enough for Hattie to smirk, and someone in the game kills his avatar. “Damnit, Hattie. That was my last life.”
“Well, maybe if you spent more time here and not on that stupid farm you wouldn’t suck so bad.” She crosses her arms and smirks, like her statement is supposed to hurt Josh’s feelings. Only, I know that despite its hardships, Josh loves what he does.
“Yeah, because getting high and playing games all day will pay my bills.” He climbs off the floor and wiggles himself between Hattie and me on the couch. “I’m good.”
“Have you thought about your costume for the party?”
Josh puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. I rest my head on his chest, feeling that heat build inside me again. It’s been a week since we started dating. Since he gave me the orgasm I’ve failed to recreate.
No matter how hard I try, my fingers can’t do what he did. I was hoping Josh could help me out tonight, but I guess we’re going to a party. Damn.
“Layla and I are doing the Blue Lagoon thing. You know her in a fringe skirt, hair covering her tits, and me with my wang out.”
“Wait, what?” I stare at Josh, waiting for him to tell me he’s joking, but he’s straight faced, looking at the screen.
All of the sudden he laughs and shakes his head. “No, I haven’t thought about my costume. There are more important things on my mind than that.”
“We should go shopping together!” Hattie squeals and jumps off the couch. She walks over to the TV and pushes the power button, earning a few choice words from Landon and Sam that she chooses to ignore. “Up. We are heading into town.”
Josh
Of all the holidays, today is my least favorite. My uncle had a heart attack while working at the haunted house St. Anastasia’s hosts every year. Everyone assumed Uncle was a prop, or someone who would grab your ankle, but he wasn’t. He lay there for eight hours before Mom called the police and reported him missing.
I fucking hate Halloween.
“Raaar!” Hattie yells, jumping out from behind a costume display with a T-Rex mask over her head.
I force a smile and shove her shoulder. She wasn’t around when my uncle died, and even though my friends were, they forget how hard today is. I grab a top hat I have no intention of buying and set it on my head.
“Anything catch your eye?” I ask Layla.
She’s staring at a wall of costumes, nibbling on that bottom lip of hers. She shakes her head, then frowns. “Everything is out of my price range, and their clearance section sucks.”
“Well, since you won’t let me pay for your gas…” I offer every weekend Layla drives down. I know she’s on a strict budget, which is why we don’t go out. Or if we do, I pay. Although she gripes about that too. “The least you can let me do is buy your costume so we can match.”
“I don’t want your money, Josh.”
“I know.” I take Layla by the wrist and p
ull her into me. I’ve held more girls than I’d care to admit, kissed them, tasted their most intimate parts, but they never made me feel the way Layla does. “I’d be a shitty boyfriend if I didn’t spoil my girl.”
“That’s right. I forgot you were my boyfriend.” She smirks and I know she’s playing. I don’t bother to fight my smile, falling into the trap she’s set.
“Did ya? I guess I should remind you then.” I dip my head and press my lips to hers. Kissing Layla is like breathing: easy, yet necessary to survive.
It kills me to watch her pull out of my driveway on Sunday. I usually stand there, waving with a smile on my face, while the Tasmanian Devil berates my insides with a sledgehammer. Every minute we’re apart feels like a lifetime in itself. So I throw myself into the farm, waking at four and working until I’m ’bout ready to pass out. The last thing I want is a rumor about me being at a party to drive a wedge between us.
Small towns bring big drama.
My phone dings in my pocket. I pull away from Layla’s lips with a grunt, and rest my forehead against hers. I don’t want to look at the message. The only person I care to talk to is in my arms.
“Are you gonna get that?” Layla whispers.
I open my eyes and she’s looking up at me. Her lips lift in the corners. She teases me with one more kiss before pulling back again, barely able to take a breath before Hattie pulls her by the hand to another part of the store.
I sigh, dreading tonight’s party, and look at my phone. I wish I hadn’t.
Amanda: There’s something wrong with the baby.
Amanda: One of the tests came back wonky. They think he might have something wrong with his spine.
Amanda: I’m so scared, Josh.
Me: I’m sorry. That sucks.
Amanda: Really? That’s all you have to say.
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry your kid isn’t growing right, but he’s not mine.
Amanda: Seriously! Bryson is your son. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else!
