by Bailey B
Feelings I’ve fought for years bubble in my chest. I can’t risk Danika running her mouth and anyone finding out what happened. No one besides me, her dad, and the two other men in that room know the truth.
I intend to keep it that way.
Twisting an unlit cigarette between my fingers, my gaze drifts to Danika as she enters the cafeteria. Watching her amble to the food station with Sarah Archer, I don’t know how I missed it. She looks exactly the same as she did in middle school, only older. Same olive skin. Same hazel eyes. Even the singular dimple on her left cheek when she laughs is still there.
I watch, with a sick sense of deja vu, as Danika bypasses lunch entirely, instead opting for just a Coke. Lunch was our thing back in middle school: sitting on the stage, sharing a peanut butter and banana sandwich, and a soda. I still remember the day she told me her mom was sick. She cried the whole lunch period, never once touching her half.
Being the nosy fuck that I am, I’ve noticed there’s only one car in the driveway next door. Now knowing that Danika is my neighbor, I’m guessing her mom died. Whatever they were doing in California that kept them gone for so long apparently didn’t work, and I doubt it was cheap.
Tad Parker sits on the tabletop beside me. “You look like you’re out for blood. Who was stupid enough to piss you off this early in the year?”
I don’t particularly like Tad but being on the same football team all throughout high school has forced us into a strange sort of friendship. He thinks we’re friends, and I don’t. I slip the cigarette I’ve been playing with between my lips and light it up. “No one.”
Trays settle on the table behind me. I don’t need to look to see who’s sat down. Tad only hangs out with a specific group of entitled pricks and no one would dare to enter his circle without being invited.
I scan the cafeteria again, searching for Danika’s unique hue of brown. It’s a rich shade, filled with natural highlights. She’s always had a color too pure to be from a bottle, something I didn’t appreciate when I was thirteen.
I take a drag of my cigarette and exhale a cloud of smoke above me. I’ve got to stop thinking about Danika like this. Like she’s still the girl I ate lunch with every day for three years. The one I told all of my secrets to. The girl who used to be my best friend.
Danika is my enemy because she may know what happened that night, and I have to remember as much. I take another drag and hold my breath, letting the smoke singe my lungs. Focusing on the burn in my chest makes tuning out the cafeteria chatter easier.
Until I hear her name.
“You guys remember Danika.” Sarah sets her tray beside Tad and looks at my tablemates. “Right?”
There's a collective murmur of uninterested hellos, meaning no one remembers who Danika is. Good. She’ll have to prove she belongs and judging by the fact she still wears Converse sneakers; Melody is going to eat her alive.
Melody Fox, self-crowned queen of St. Anastasia's High School has earned every bit of her title: bitch. I can’t stand the bitch, but for some reason she seems to think we are a thing. Exclusivity isn’t in her vocabulary, so I gave up fighting her on it last year. I still get to fuck who ever I please and she…I don’t know what she gets out of the arrangement. I don’t care either.
“You’re like, really pretty,” Melody taunts, setting a trap Danika is sure to fall into.
I almost feel bad, but Melody is making my job easier. Danika was always a quiet girl and cowered when met with confrontation. I highly doubt that’s changed. I give it a day, two tops, of being on Melody’s radar and then she’ll find another lunch table to sit at. Hell, maybe she’ll find a new school while she’s at it.
“Who does your hair?”
“Um.” Danika runs unmanicured fingers through her long strands. “I don’t dye it.”
“So that’s natural?” Melody snickers.
Her best friend Rachel Moore cackles beside her. They glance at each other, a silent conversation in the works. I’ve never understood how girls do that, communicate with each other with nothing more than a look. Guys don’t put in that much effort. If we have something to say, we say it.
“She’s probably too fucking poor to dye it,” I add on an exhale. The words feel heavy on my lips, but I can’t stop thinking about what Danika might remember. I need her on edge, and possibly even a little afraid of me. Maybe then I can intimidate her into staying quiet. “Have you seen where she lives?”
“No! Where?” Melody gasps.
Another drag. Another exhale to numb my mind and the shiver of guilt rippling through me. “The fucking shack next to me.”
“You mean Mr. Andrew’s old guest house?” Melody titters.
The weight of Danika’s stare burns my skin. I turn my head and glare at her because she needs to realize that I’m not the same timid kid she left behind.
Sorry Dani.
“Whatever. Poor or not.” Gunner Wells cuts off Melody’s infectious hyena laugh. He looks at Danika, gaze settling on her massive rack then finding her face again. “You’re fucking hot.”
Danika isn’t hot, she’s beautiful. Always has been. Only now, she’s grown into her body. She developed early. I know that’s strange to say but come on. I’m a guy. I notice these things. Especially on a pretty girl who leaves her table to sit with the weird friendless kid who had a stutter in the sixth grade.
That kid was me.
Awkward as fuck, thick rimmed glasses, and quieter than a church mouse because damn near everyone picked on me when I talked.
I was in therapy for years to correct my speech. Although, looking back, I’m not sure if those sessions helped my situation or made it worse.
Tad crushes his soda and tosses it at the trash can. It circles the rim then falls onto the cafeteria floor. He grunts, probably remembering how shitty he was on the basketball team as a freshman. “Yeah, at least she’s not like Piper.”
“Don’t fucking talk about Piper,” I quip. Tad smirks, realizing he’s gotten under my skin and I’m reminded once again why I can’t stand him.
Piper Lovelace, my on-again-off-again foster sister, doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she is. Part of her reputation is my fault, I started the rumor that she was a slut as a joke last year, when I considered her to be nothing more than a nuisance. Before I knew what she was going through. Not that that’s any excuse.
I never expected the rumor to stick because most of the things people say about Piper are forgotten in a day or two. It didn’t help that soon after she started hanging around with a bunch of different guys adding fuel to the rumor fire. Even so, everything they say about her is wrong. Piper is a good person, she’s just been dealt a shitty hand in life.
“Let me guess, Piper’s fucking both you and Cooper now that she’s moved back home again?” Tad digs a joint out of his cigarette pack and lights it, not giving two fucks about the cafeteria monitors. They won’t do shit anyway, a perk of going to the most expensive school in the county. Certain kids could probably murder someone in cold blood on campus and damn near get away with it.
Tad sucks in a breath, holding the smoke in his lungs then passes the rolled paper to Gunner and says, “Tell me, is that bitch as good in bed as the rumors say she is?”
I toss what’s left of my cigarette to the floor and jump off the table, ready to kick Tad’s ass, but Cooper—my twin brother— beats me to it. He comes up from the left, catching Tad in his blindside and throws a jab at his face. Tad falls off the table and clutches his cheek like the little bitch that he is. Serves him right. Piper is family and you don’t fuck with family.
I sit on top of the table again and light another cigarette to calm my nerves. I’m anxious, full of unused adrenaline and need something to take my mind off stomping Tad’s face into the pavement.
“Fuck!” Tad yells, but anyone within earshot has gone back to talking with their table mates. Everyone on campus knows that if you fuck with Piper, talk to Piper, hell even look at Piper the wrong way, you�
�ll face the wrath of Cooper. He’s more protective of her than a starved watchdog with a steak.
Our principal, Mr. White, grabs Cooper by the arm and escorts him to the office with Tad in tow. Mom’s going to be pissed when he gets suspended for the rest of the day but she’ll understand. She always does. Cooper spends more time out of school than in and she barely bats an eye. But when I get in trouble, all hell breaks loose.
Melody groans and rolls her eyes. “Always with the drama.”
From my peripheral vision, I see Gunner make himself comfortable next to Danika. I don’t like the way he’s looking at her, the way he’s whispering into her ear. How she playfully shoves him and they both laugh. I have no right to be pissed, but just being around her sets me on edge.
Besides, I saw her first.
Broken Love Book 3
I love you, I hate you
I Love you I hate you Part 2
Now Available
I fell in love with my next door neighbor when I was eighteen. It was fast and crazy and the best experience of my life, until I got pregnant. Logan, he pushed me away when I needed him most. Without his support, I made the hardest decision of my life and then I left. I ran away to start over with no plans of looking back. Only now I have to go back. My dad is about to marry his mom and it's just a matter of time until my secret comes out. When it does, everyone is going to hate me.
I Love You I hate you is the second book in the Duology. If you have not read Part 1, please do so first.
Unexpected
Asher Anderson is a dick.
We aren't friends, so when he seeks me out in the cafeteria on the worst day of my life, I'm suspicious. When he tells Liam Heiter that we'er dating, which couldn't be farther from the truth, I want to kill him.
Until I see Liam's reaction.
Liam—my best friend, the guy who crushed every hope of us officially being together—is jealous. He has never looked at me this way and I love it.
So, I play along.
Maybe watching me with someone else will make Liam suffer like I have the past four years. And maybe, just maybe, he'll come to his senses and realize we belong together.
It's not like I actually like Asher. At best, I tolerate him.
What's the worst that can happen?
Find It on Amazon
Chapter 1
Maggie Mills, my best friend since freshman year, hip bumps me then leans against the cold metal lockers that line B-hallway of Ridgewater High School. Her lips pull down into a frown, disapproving dark eyes narrowed into slits. “You’re staring again.”
I force a smile and close my locker door, forgetting the chemistry notes I opened it for. I leave the spiral bound paper inside, tucked between my English Lit book and my Pre-Calc folder. Grabbing them now will affirm Maggie’s suspicion that I was indeed staring at Liam Heiter and press play on her broken record of disapprobation. “Was not.”
Maggie turns her head to me, ruby red lips pressed into a thin line. She’s quiet, watching me scrutinize the expression that’s clear as day on her face. Whatever she’s about to say, I’m not gonna like it. “Did you hear? Liam asked Corah to prom. Seems like things are getting serious between them.”
I choke on air that lodges itself in my throat but twist the sound into a meager laugh. Liam Heiter—my other best friend, the one I’ve known since diaper days—doesn't do serious. After a month, two tops, he breaks things off because those girls can’t offer him what I can. Family. History. Love without strings.
I twist the cap off of my water and take a sip to settle my nerves. Corah Raymond is no different than any other girl who has tried to settle Liam down. She’s the flavor of the moment, whereas what Liam and I have goes beyond words. Our relationship has built every year we’ve been together, blossoming from a booming friendship into an all consuming fire.
“There’s only one way to find out if the rumors are true.” I toss my water bottle at Maggie and pull my phone out of my back pocket.
I talk a good game, pretending that watching Liam with every girl who bats her eyes in his direction doesn't bother me when, really, it does. Even knowing he and I are endgame, the few weeks his arms wrap around anyone else is nothing shy of hell. I live for the moments he’s single, when we can be together.
“Lee.” I beam at the nickname I’ve used since before I could form real words. The nickname no one else is allowed to utter. I hold my phone up, pretending to record our conversation for the school paper I don’t actually write for. I take pictures that never get used, but the extracurricular looked good on my college applications. “Comment for the paper?”
Liam lifts one corner of his lips into a lopsided grin. My heart flutters as his emerald eyes lock onto my boring browns. High school has been his playground because, not only does his personality demand attention, his good looks attract it.
While Liam grew into a walking god of a man the past few years, I, unfortunately, stayed the same lanky beanpole I’ve been since middle school.
My boobs came in and filled a smaller than average bra in the seventh grade but they forgot they were supposed to keep growing; my butt has just enough cushion not to hurt the chair; and my shoulder-length hair hasn’t figured out that when I spend forty-five minutes straightening, blow-drying, and sticking every product known to man in it, it’s supposed to stay pretty. I blame the Florida heat for that last one.
Most days I look like a pubescent boy who stuck his finger in a light socket. At least, that’s what the popular girls tell me. The same popular girls who are currently glaring, wordlessly reminding me that I am not worthy of breathing the same air as them.
“Only for you,” he declares. Always for me.
“Elaine,” Corah purrs with a chastising smile.
I hate her. I hate her perfect hair and toned body. I hate how Liam’s muscles flex beneath the sleeve of his shirt when he pulls her close. Most of all, I hate that she’s at his side while I’m three feet away trying to remind her, and me, that I am important.
“Football season is over. What could the paper possibly need to know about my Lee Lee?” Corah pinches Liam’s chin between her fingers and pulls his lips to hers. The kiss, while quick, is strategic. A show of power on her part. I may be reminding Corah that l was here first, but she’s not going to let me forget that, for the time being, he’s all hers.
My stomach twists inside itself. I usually avoid Liam when he’s got a girlfriend, keeping our interactions to lunch and the confines of my bedroom. Watching him with someone else is too painful. And yet, here I am. Keep it together, Lainey. “Rumor has it, you two are going to prom together. Tell me how that happened.”
Liam pulls back from Corah’s embrace and narrows his ember eyes on me. He knows this conversation won’t make it into the paper. This is for me. Sure, I could have texted to ask my burning questions, but I want to hear the truth straight from the horse's mouth. Most importantly, I want to hear that Maggie is wrong.
“I asked. She said yes.”
“Don’t be modest, Lee Lee.” Corah giggles. She leans into him and presses her perfectly manicured fingers against his chest. Corah may be dense, but she is not stupid. She intentionally digs her knife deeper into my wounds, pouring salt with each detail I’ve yet to hear. “If the people want to know, let’s tell them.”
Corah pauses, waiting for Liam to spill the beans. When he doesn’t, she is more than happy to do it for him. “It was last Saturday. Lee Lee picked me up for our night on the town like he always does, but I immediately knew something was off. He was too quiet in the car and he would barely hold my hand. When he pulled into Riverside, my gut twisted because everyone knows that is his breakup spot.”
I stare at Liam, my eyebrows nearly kissing my hairline. Riverside Park is our special place and has been ever since we were kids. Every relationship he’s been in has ended there because he was thinking about me.
Coming back to me.
I wait for some silent explanation as to why Li
am would bring her there, of all places, but he breaks eye contact with me to stare at the floor.
“And when Lee Lee took me to the playground, I thought for sure we were done,” Corah continues. “I followed him out of the car, practically tripping over my feet because my eyes were blurry with tears. And you know what he said to me?”
“What?” Please tell me, because I can’t fathom why he would taint what’s ours with this trash.
Corah looks up at Liam, doe-eyed, and smiles. “He said it was on the playground that he first fell in love.”
Her voice fades into the background. My pulse thunders through my body with loud, almost deafening thrums. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to run and jump into his arms but I can’t do that because no one knows about Liam and me. We chose to keep our unorthodox relationship a secret so high school doesn’t ruin it. Things between us aren’t ideal and, to keep appearances, Liam has to date. I could see other people too, but it’s easier if I don’t.
I chew on the inside of my cheek and silently plead to the universe for Liam to look at me. He needs to understand that I love him too. I don’t care if it took three years of secretly pining after him and another five years of him sneaking through my window late at night for us to get here, but his gaze is glued to the ground.
“That’s why Liam took me there, because that silly playground was where he found his first love, and he thinks I might be his last.” Corah clasps her hands over her heart, feigning happy tears.
Dark spots cloud my vision but, at the moment, they are better than tears because my internal compass is spinning in circles and I’m a ball of emotions. I want to scream. I want to yank Corah by the hair out of Liam’s arms and then, of course, I want to cry.
Somehow I manage to force it all down—the humiliation, the self-pity, the tears, and most of all, the anger— and make myself smile again.
