by Neal Jones
Just as long as you understand that none of this is real, he reminded himself.
Much later, after the kids were all in bed, Marc and Laura made love beneath the blue and cream comforter, and then once more on top of it. They were so sweaty afterwards that Laura keyed a command on her nightstand's com panel that opened the east window a bit so the breeze could come through. She turned so her long spine was against his broad chest, and she tangled her fingers with his.
"You surprised me, Marc."
"Mmmm? How so?"
"We haven't had that kind of sex since before Logan was born."
"We can do it again if you want." He nibbled her ear lobe and she giggled.
"I think I'm good for tonight, but thanks for the offer." She turned her head so her gaze could meet his. "Really, Marc, what is it? It's not our anniversary or either of our birthdays. You just got a promotion last year, so unless you've had a raise since then I can't think of a reason we should be celebrating."
"How about just for the hell of it?"
She gave a half-smile, searching his gaze as if she still suspected some ulterior motive. Finally she turned back onto her side and snuggled deeper against him, drawing the sheet up around her chest.
"Goodnight, Marc."
"Goodnight, Laur."
He closed his eyes, and for the first night in almost five months he had no nightmares.
( 4 )
Ben found his wife asleep on the couch when he walked into their quarters. It was almost twenty-three hundred, and he'd meant to be home from the medlab two hours ago, but one of his technicians had had a breakthrough in her latest analysis of Ilkara's blood samples, and the CMO had once again lost track of time. He leaned down to give Jennifer a peck on the check but then paused. Her expression was relaxed, more peaceful than he'd seen in a long time, and he knelt on the floor next to the couch, remembering the early days of their marriage when he would sometimes wake up in the mornings before she did. He would lay beside her, watching her sleep, memorizing every line and curve of her face. He smiled to himself, thinking how silly he'd been back then, so young and so in love that he couldn't imagine anything sweeter in the world than laying bed next to his wife and watching her dream.
They'd only been married ten years, but to Ben it felt like a lifetime since he had last shared a moment like this with his wife. And with the distance that been growing between them lately, this was the first time in months that he had seen her this peaceful. This was the face of the woman he had fallen in love with, the twenty-three year old waitress with a girlish smile and a laugh that made him feel giddy all over whenever he heard it. He'd give anything to hear that laugh again.
Jennifer stirred, opening her eyes, and she smiled as soon as realized whose face was inches from her own. "Hi," she said softly.
Ben returned the smile. "I didn't want to wake you."
"What time is it?"
"Just after eleven."
Jennifer started to get up. "Are you hungry? I'll make you a sandwich."
"No, it's okay. I can get it. Want me to bring you something?"
"I'll come with you. I was going to make myself a snack after putting Emalie to bed, but I fell asleep. I wanted to talk, and we might as well do it in the kitchen."
"Oh. Okay."
"Relax. This isn't going to be an argument." She programmed two roast beef sandwiches and two sides of coleslaw from the dispenser's menu. "By the way, that came for you this afternoon." She pointed to the package on the table. "It's from your mother."
Ben glanced at the label. "Oh good!"
"What is it?"
"She told me a couple months ago that she was cleaning out the basement, and she asked if I wanted some of Chloe's things."
"Oh really?" Jennifer set two plates on the table, and Ben moved the package aside.
"It's just some of her books and toys –" He stopped suddenly as he pulled out a stuffed tiger. The fabric was faded, stained in a couple places, and there were more than a few seams where the stitches had obviously been replaced many times. It was also missing one eye. "Nibbles," Ben murmured.
Jennifer glanced up, saw her husband's expression, and then looked at the animal. "Nibbles?"
"That's what Chloe called him. She had a thing for tigers." He stared at it for another couple minutes, smiling wistfully, and then set the toy carefully back into the box. He moved it to the other side of the table and reached for his sandwich.
"How's your mother doing these days?" Jennifer asked.
Ben shrugged. "Same as always. I'm not sure why she suddenly decided it was time to clean out the basement. She says she's de-cluttering, but I think she's getting ready to move. I'm waiting for her to tell me, though. What is it you wanted to talk about?"
Jennifer swallowed, set down her sandwich, and wiped her mouth. "Well, for starters, I don't want to leave Exxar-One. I want to stay, and I want to make this work." She hesitated. "I'm still not happy that you accepted this posting without discussing it with me first, but I think I know now why you did it." She walked back to the dispenser to retrieve a glass of ice water. "You never wanted a posting at the academy, did you? Be honest."
Ben swallowed, wiped his mouth, and sighed. "No. Not really."
"Why not?"
"Are you asking because you don't know, or because you already know the answer and you just want a confession from me?"
"I think I know why, but I want to hear you say it."
He played with the corner of his napkin, frowning a bit, and then glanced up at his wife. "I'm too damn young to retire, Jen. Accepting a post at the academy is for those who have served their forty years and are ready to retire so they can enjoy the country club membership every weekend."
Now it was Jennifer's turn to frown. "I thought it was a full time teaching position."
"It is. It's an eight to five, Monday through Friday job. Yes, it's full time, and yes, there are those who love to make a career of it, and they're very good at teaching their specialties. I'm not one of them. I don't want to stand in front of a godsdamn class all day."
"Then why did you pretend to accept it in the first place?"
Ben looked at his wife, flabbergasted. "Seriously?"
"I knew it." She shook her head. "You were just patronizing me, trying to do what you thought would make me happy."
"Yes!" Ben shot back, exasperated. "You've spent the last three years being miserable! What else was I supposed to do?"
Jennifer nodded, picking at one corner of her sandwich. "Fair enough. I deserve that. And yes, I have been unhappy for these last few years. I honestly wish I could tell you why."
"So do I," Ben said after taking a few seconds to calm down. "We talked about this before we got married, Jen. I told you what it was going to be like if you chose to live with me instead of back on Earth."
"I know," she replied irritably, and then sighed. "I don't know. I guess...I just though it wasn't going to be so..."
"So...what?"
"So fucking lonely!" Jennifer gave another frustrated sigh and reached for her glass. "I just feel so isolated, Ben, and I don't know why! I looked at those group of ladies in the restaurant the other day, and all I wanted to do was join them, and laugh, and talk, and...connect!" She smiled wanly, shaking her head. "I've never wanted that in my whole life. That's what my mom and sisters are like. Always wasting their time with lunches and parties and gossip and shopping, and I've always hated that! Now it's all I can think about. I know, I know, I sound hysterical. Look at this, I'm starting to cry again." She reached for a napkin.
Ben moved his chair beside his wife's and wrapped an arm around her. "You're not crazy. You're still as socially awkward as you were when I met you."
"What?"
"Oh come on. You said it yourself once. It's the reason it took me two months to finally convince you to go on a date with me."
"That was because you wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."
"And you kept saying 'no' because you thought you'
d make a fool of yourself."
"I did. I spilled my beer in your lap - twice!"
Ben laughed. "Yes, you did. And I'm pretty sure that's when I decided there was going to be a second date."
Jennifer wiped her eyes once more and her smile faded. "It's different now, Ben. I don't understand how, but it is. And you're right, I've been unhappy for a long time, and I can't really explain why. I suppose I suffer from some form of depression, but it feels weird saying that, and I don't like admitting it." She frowned, staring at her coleslaw as she stirred it with her fork. After a moment or two she looked up. "I'm guess I'm tired of moving to a new place every two or three years. I want a permanent home, Ben, and I want it to be planetside, not a starbase. And I knew that when I married you this is what it would be like, but I just didn't...I didn't think it would be so hard!" She gave another frustrated sigh and looked at Ben. "So after your assignment here is finished, I want us to move back to Earth. And if there's not an opening at the academy, and if you need to accept another posting on a ship or a starbase, then you're just going to have to live apart from the kids and me for however long it takes. I'm sorry to say it like this, and I know that you think I'm being selfish, and I'm sorry for that, but this is the way it has to be."
Ben stared at his wife for several moments, trying not to be angry at her ultimatum, but he could tell from her expression that he wasn't hiding it very well. "So we're having this same old argument again after all. Fine, Jen, if this is what it takes to make you happy, then so be it." He stood and reached for his half eaten sandwich. "I'm going to go take a shower." He dumped the plate into the reclamator and walked out of the kitchen.
Jennifer picked up her sandwich but then looked at it, scowling, and plopped it back on the plate. She stood, dumped the plate into the reclamator, and then finished clearing the table. She passed through the living room, picking up a few stray toys that Emalie had missed during her pre-bedtime cleanup, and slipped quietly into the girl's bedroom to put them away.
Jennifer paused beside Emalie's bed, straightening out the sheet that had been kicked to the foot of the bed, and then watched her daughter sleep. One arm was curled tightly around the stuffed rabbit, and the thumb from her other hand was planted firmly in her mouth. Jennifer frowned, wondering how much longer that particular habit was going to last. She smoothed back a stray hair, kissed Emalie's forehead, and returned to the living room. She thought about watching some HT, but it was after midnight, and she was too tired anyway.
Ben was just leaving the bathroom when Jennifer walked into the bedroom, and neither of them spoke as they turned down the bed. She changed into her pajamas, and he rolled over on his side, facing away from hers. She crawled underneath the covers, and she, too, meant to roll on her side away from him, but then she changed her mind. Jennifer was relieved when Ben didn't resist as she snuggled against his broad back and wrapped one arm around his chest. She breathed deep the scent of him and closed her eyes.
Chapter 25
____________________
( 1 )
"HOW DO YOU FEEL?"
Ilkara raised one hand to her face, tracing the smooth curve of her cheek and jaw line, as Doctor Rosenberg completed his bioscan. "I feel...different."
The CMO smiled. "Well, yes, I imagine you do. The question is, is that better or worse than before?"
Ilkara slid off the edge of the exam bed and pressed a command on the comm panel next to the bio-monitor to activate a holographic mirror. She studied her reflection for several moments before answering the doctor's question.
"I suppose it is better. I appear completely human. Well, except for this, of course." She touched the small, diamond shaped diode above the bridge of her nose.
Rosenberg nodded. "I like the hair. It's a good length for you."
Ilkara fingered the chestnut mane that now framed her angular face and tumbled naturally about her shoulders. She frowned. "I like the color but not the length. A couple inches shorter, and up, like this?" She used both hands to gather her hair in a pile at the back of her head and faced Rosenberg.
"That would look nice," he agreed.
"I think so too," Nurse Fraley chimed in. "I can help you style it if you want."
Ilkara looked down at her chest. "What about my breasts?" she asked matter-of-factly. "Is this size appropriate?"
Ben blushed and pretended to fiddle with settings on his medscanner. "I'll leave that one up to you, Nelda," he said to the nurse. "I'll be right back."
Fraley grinned and shook her head as Ben retreated to his office to review the results of the bioscan. "I had no idea it was that easy to embarrass him," she said to Ilkara. "Step back a minute, and pull on both sides of your shirt, like this." She demonstrated to the Erayan how to pull the medical tunic tight across her chest.
Ilkara obeyed and then waited for the nurse's opinion.
"Hhhmmm," Nelda murmured as she walked around Ilkara and then stepped back, cocking her head. "You have a nice figure, Ilkara. You're definitely going to be turning some heads the next time you walk down the promenade. What you need now is a good tailor. Do you have some clothes to change into?"
"Yes." Ilkara pointed to a satchel at the foot of the bed.
Nelda opened it and pulled out a blue and gray short-sleeved tunic and matching trousers. "Well...this isn't too bad. But I think with that nice new figure you could probably pull off a stunning one piece suit with a low-cut neckline."
"All right, all right," the Erayan said, smiling. "Enough flattery, thank you. Is there a room where I can change?"
"Through that door," Nurse Fraley pointed. "Ben should be back with the results of your bioscan by the time you're done."
Ten minutes later, Ilkara emerged from the latrine, her hair pulled back into a loose braid. She handed Ben the medical tunic and trousers.
"You look nice," he said, smiling. "I like the braid."
"It feels...strange," Ilkara replied, gently patting the top of her head. "This is going to take awhile to get used to."
Ben turned to the central computer station in the middle of the infirmary where Ilkara's bioscan results were displayed on one of the screens. "Everything looks normal – well, as normal as can be considered for you. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when you first told me about this procedure, but from what these scans show it looks like you're now half Erayan, half human." He stood aside so Ilkara could get a closer look.
She nodded as she perused the readouts. "I, too, was somewhat worried as this procedure is strictly theoretical."
"What do you mean 'theoretical'?" Ben asked. "This isn't something that's been done before on your homeworld?"
Ilkara shook her head. "Remember, doctor, that my creation itself was an experiment, the culmination of centuries of scientific, medical, and technological knowledge and experimentation. Part of that process involved the development of advanced genetic therapy, and this experiment was a logical conclusion of that." She looked at the CMO and smiled. "Don't look so worried, Ben. I'll be fine. I wouldn't have attempted this if the calculated odds of success were less than ninety-five percent."
"Five percent is still a large margin of error in a case like this," Ben protested.
"Not that large. There may be some unintended side effects in the next few days or weeks, but they'll most likely be minimal and not life threatening."
"Yes," the doctor dryly replied, "let's hope."
"Could I have a copy of these? I'd like to study them in more detail."
Ben transferred the file to a disc and handed it to her. "Oh, by the way, Doctor Sysko wanted to speak with you as soon as you were out of stasis. She said it was urgent."
( 2 )
Laura was waiting in Hiver-3 when Ilkara entered. The doctor was standing the middle of the room, compad in one hand, and she turned at the sound of the door opening.
"Ilkara. Thank you for seeing me."
Ilkara nodded, wary. "You're welcome." Sysko seemed to be in an unusually good mood considering
that she and Ilkara hadn't spoken since their confrontation following the press conference two weeks earlier. Nor did Laura seem to notice the changes to the Erayan's new appearance.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to try to convince you to change your mind about the hypergate. I have something else I want to show you." Laura tapped a command on her compad, and a holographic image of an alien warship appeared in mid-air in front of them. "This is a Sheriak war vessel. It was also referred to by the DrayH'M as the hive mothership. You said that you've been studying Federation history, correct?"
"Yes. The Sheriak were first encountered by the DrayH'M Commonwealth on March 15th, 2195, Earth Standard Calendar. That first contact led to a war that lasted for almost three years, and forced an alliance between the DrayH'M and the Murdohn Republic, which in turn eventually led to the formation of the Interstellar Federation of Peace."
"That's right. And during that war, we learned very little about the Sheriak because there was almost no communication with them. They simply attacked and colonized the conquered worlds. There was no demands for surrender, no negotiations for territory, not even so much as a visual image of their species. It wasn't until two years after the war officially began that we were able to capture one of their crew."
Ilkara nodded, impatient. "I've read the official records in your historical archives, doctor. The Sheriak were finally defeated when the DrayH'M and the Murdohn discovered that they were vulnerable to attacks by telepaths. When the conflict was over the Sheriak disappeared. Your people were never able to ascertain the location of their home system, nor the exact nature of their advanced technology."
"Yes, that's the official record. But there's a few key facts that have been omitted from the historical archives for security purposes." Laura motioned to the image of the war vessel. "According to official archives we were never able to successfully capture a Sheriak vessel. That's a lie. Near the end of the war, in August of 2198, we did in fact capture this warship. It was in a decaying orbit of one of their outer colonies, more than twenty light years beyond what was then the boundaries of explored space. Its entire crew was dead, as were the inhabitants of the planet below. For the next two decades, scientists and researchers tried their damndest to solve the mystery of what killed those Sheriak, but they never succeeded. To this day we still don't know what happened to that ship, its crew, or the colony on the planet's surface."
